Archives for posts with tag: ups and downs

Another Monday in The Time of Pandemic. Sipping coffee. Waking up. I’m groggy this morning, a combination of spring allergies I regularly say I don’t have (and which generally don’t annoy me at all), and the antihistamine I took for those symptoms, yesterday, after returning home from a drive in the countryside in the spring. The cottonwood trees have released their fluff into the air, and it drifts along the edges of sidewalks. Definitely spring.

A work day ahead. A busy Monday. A long “to do list” waiting for my attention. A universe of distractions from all those things. The weekend was characterized by a handful of profoundly positive moments that fill me with encouragement and hope, and a single noteworthy disappointing setback, from which I’ve already “recovered”, and moved on. Balance in all things? lol The week begins fairly well, I suppose. My coffee is hot, made well, and satisfying. The can of fizzy water also on my desk is cold, refreshing, and tasty. The sound of my Traveling Partner in the living room, also awake quite early, fills me with comfort and contentment. Things “feel okay”. 🙂

A fit of sneezing. A sip of water. A sip of coffee. A routine morning, more or less, and time to begin again. 🙂

Yesterday was a weird hodge-podge of ups and downs, and challenges and small victories. My physician recommended some changes in my health medication; changes in medication are always complicated and a bit agonizing for me. It’s that the changes themselves are difficult to adjust to. I sure never really contemplated the psychological/emotional effects of everyday health medications – even the OTC stuff often has effects that just aren’t detailed in the literature in any efficient way. So… some emotional ups and downs, and a fairly chronic feeling that ‘something’s off’, on top of headaches, panic attacks, blue moments of nearly suicidal intensity, negative ideations with such power I find it hard to be at all certain my life has meaning or value, or that I have any real worth as a being. It’s pretty horrible.

I will be okay, though – I’m a few days into now, and it’s getting better. I’ve learned more about accepting that some of my experience may not be tied to the part of reality I expect it to be – like the blue moods being part of the medication change, rather than part of anything truly emotional going on.

I haven’t named names – what is this mystery chemical, so readily available, so problematic? Well, see, here’s the thing – you are a different human being. Your issues are not mine, and vice versa. Could be one or another OTC drug does sit well with you – maybe you prefer Tylenol to Ibuprofen, for instance, but ‘don’t really know why’ – could be a preference, marketing, bias, or it could be that you feel differently on one over the other. Most people feel safe enough that the OTC drugs available to them are ‘safe enough’. 🙂  Why rock that boat? I’m not a doctor. I’m just saying, my own experience personally, is that some of the OTC drugs commonly available don’t treat me well – and worse to go off of, than to take.

Anyway… today does feel better. I feel better. 🙂 It isn’t always sunny days on this journey; it is, however, Friday. Maybe I’ll sleep in tomorrow?