Archives for category: autumn

Childlike Wonder

October 4, 2013 //

Yesterday I took some time for me, and spent it in the world, eyes-wide with childlike wonder – thus the title, right? 😀

The day began with dense fog, and a feeling of uncomplicated freedom.

Dawn looking very much as if it got a bit behind on creating a new day.

An excellent coffee to warm up at my downtown transfer point became a bite of breakfast – most important meal of the day, and my personal favorite. 🙂

At The Original in downtown Portland.

Then on to the ‘main event’ – everything worth doing is worth waiting for.

How do waiting rooms always look like waiting?

As I made my way home, after my appointment, I practiced being ‘in the moment’ and really looking and seeing the world around me. I saw all sorts of things worth sharing, but didn’t take many pictures. I had a conversation with a lovely young woman of incredible enthusiasm on a street corner. She was shilling for a children’s charity. I am an extrovert. Those things equal ‘conversation’ in my experience. lol. It was fun, cost me nothing, and although she didn’t ‘make the sale’, she also didn’t get treated with discourtesy or disregard, and lively banter was clearly in her skill set.

I had an interesting life lesson on perspective, beauty, and the fanciful delights the world offers up for appreciation when I open my eyes to it. Two very different pictures of very different sorts of beauty.

I still don’t know what these are, but wow are they fancy!

These are wow – and fancy – as well, and so very different from the complex natural beauty of a flowering vine.

I’m not sure what to say about either, or both. I know that I was equally delighted with the alien swirls of the strange vine as I was with the mad sparkle of crazy high-heels with glittery rhinestones. I don’t plant invasive vines in my garden, and I don’t wear killer high-heels on my feet. Appreciating their beauty is not relevant to that. 😀

…And here it is Friday. The day has barely begun with a lovely morning of sleeping in, followed by a quiet sunrise and a tasty latte, some love, some literature, some meditation. This is a brand new day that has barely begun to unfold. So much potential. 😀 I hope to make wise choices, to speak with compassion, and to act with love.

Tags a moment of your time, all that glitters, clinging vine, down on the corner, mindfulness, ptsd, TBI, the cruel shoes, the promise of a beautiful day, wrapped around your finger

Categories Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress

One Quiet Moment

October 3, 2013 //

It’s a gray morning. A lot of them are in this part of the world in autumn. I don’t mind, but it makes for unexciting photography in the pre-dawn gloom. lol. Yesterday as I left for work, though, I saw this lovely sunrise:

It needs no explanation.

It was a nice beginning to an exceptionally good day. it was still autumn on the walk home, but less about pinks and lavenders, and more about russets, golds, greens and reds.

What remains of summer.

In the evening, I hung out with my loves and a dear friend of many years. We watched Heavy Metal; still a favorite bit of incredible art and animation, and of course the sound track is great classic rock. It was a very nice day in general, although I had some challenges with my emotional balance over a very strange phone call from a business I did not expect to treat me badly. I got past it with the use of new tools, and the help of my partners. Perspective makes a huge difference.

A peaceful morning. A good day. A quiet evening. A restful night. There isn’t a lot more to want from life. 😀

Tags a good night's sleep, all you need is love, autumn colors, Heavy Metal, mindfulness, ptsd, softly as in a morning sunrise, TBI

Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Healthy Living, Love, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, Words

Twilight Observations

October 1, 2013 //

This morning started well, although I’m having serious challenges with my arthritis this fall. The work day was productive, harmonious, and we ‘performed well to goal’, which probably matters to someone. I enjoyed the work, and that matters to me. There were emotional challenges on the periphery that threatened to blow my smooth day, and somehow new tools were at the ready, and it was rather like reaching for a hammer to hang a painting, and finding it precisely where I expect it to be, and in good working order. The right tools for the job proved to be effective, and today taking a few minutes for me, a couple deep breaths, a moment or two mindfully in the courtyard, actually felt quite natural. For me, a good day.

Random photo from the WW WP 5k; mushrooms.

When conditions are right – growth.

It would be lovely, wouldn’t it, if every human being would pause, and just enjoy their ‘right now’ experience? Seriously pause for serenity, for wholeness, for harmony – for what matters; to allow calm and wise to take the lead over righteous fervor and entitlement. I’m actually not trying to be fanciful – I felt almost able to envision that state of things, in a moment of real chill, and it actually startled me out of meditation because for an instant it was a very visceral thing. I make no effort to interpret the experience, justify it, or explain. It was a lovely, if startling, moment.

Raindrops – sometimes beauty is a matter of taking a look from another perspective.

Today I undertook a handful of tasks that needed to be done. Simple enough. That is the thing though – it was enough to do them, to appreciate the need, to experience and value the effort, and the skill, and the result. No scorecard, no validation – this is new for me. I like recognition. I like hearing that I did something well. Today, it just wasn’t about that, and I had no need for any further satisfaction than in completing my task well.

I’m tired now. It is evening. I’d like to say something profound, but many of life’s details at the moment are uncertainties and sorrows. Funny… I realize, as I write those words, I am aware that some of the challenges I’ll be facing in the near future hold the potential for a lot of heart ache, and I’m not freaking out, I’m not tragically blue, I’m not devastated… This is my life. There have been, and there are going to be, some rough moments. Resenting life, taking struggle personally, or lashing out at existence don’t enhance the experience or improve it. (Holy crap – am I ‘growing up’? lol. )

I’m okay. I’m tired. I hurt… it’s the end of one day. Tomorrow is another and with the sunrise I begin a whole new experience. So do you. I hope our tomorrow, and every tomorrow that follows, is a worthy experience. I hope each of our sorrows is followed by joy, tenfold. I hope we choose our actions wisely, and treat each other well, and with kindness and compassion. I hope our dreams are fanciful, and that we don’t lose our sense of humor in the struggle to find balance.

Tags a few deep breaths, every choice matters, Gaucho, I am, mindfulness matters, ptsd, seeking the holy grail, TBI, you might die trying

Categories Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Metaphors, Mindfulness, pain, Parables, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, Words

A Rainy Day 5k

September 29, 2013 //

Here it is, Sunday, September 29th. I’ve been looking forward to it eagerly since I decided to participate in the World Wide WP 5k . I’m actually excited about this – and I woke this morning eager to drop my camera into my pocket and be on my way… only…

Autumn in Oregon

It’s raining! It’s raining rather a lot and pretty hard most of the day, off and on.. I watched the rain spatter the windows this morning, while I sipped my coffee. I splashed puddles on my way to work, momentarily forgetting dignity or consequences, reveling in the sheer joy of weather, and wonder, and fun. I am undeterred by a handful of rain drops. 😀 I’m nearing the starting line, too. Once my work day ends (around 5 pm), I’ll double-check my camera (fully charged this morning), and be on my way.

I am getting a late start, but I haven’t changed my mind. So, here’s the route I’m taking, a well-lit, well-paved, orderly 3.2 suburban miles along the edge of light industry; a ‘walking meditation’ contemplating the connections between where I work, and where I live, and exploring change (it’s not a common route for me to take, and there’s a lot going on):

3.2 miles

See you on the other side…

…I so wasn’t kidding about that. 😀 It’s later now, and I’m warm and dry and waiting for a pizza delivery, listening to ‘house music’ and relaxing while Autumn’s furor continues to rage outside. It didn’t just rain… it rained with a drenching ferocity that dares me to use some trite worn metaphor. lol.

It began simply enough, with a first step.

More damp than daunting. lol

I took some more steps after that, and I got in some pictures when I could, concerned with getting my little camera wet, initially…

Debris strewn sidewalks challenge my balance.

I stopped worrying so much about the rain on my camera, when it became clear that I needed to attend to the fallen branches promising a serious misstep to the inattentive – there’s a metaphor in there, I’m sure of it.

Soon, wet feet were a much bigger deal than wet weather!

I learned the value of dry socks in the Army. I even keep an extra pair in my desk at work. My feet were soaked within a few minutes of starting out, when I carelessly misjudged my effort to step over a puddle crossing a street, and I spent much of the rest of the walk thinking about getting home to a hot shower and clean dry socks.

So many puddles!

There’s a lot to be said for being out in nasty weather, cold, wet to the skin, and uncomfortable, for really putting hot running water, clean dry clothes, and a pizza-on-the-way high on my list of things to be happy about.

A suburban wilderness along the way.

So many quiet hidden places to see, flashes of something other than industry and residence, between expanses of hedge, or wall, or fence. The rain came down so hard for much of the walk that it was impractical to take some of the pictures I’d have enjoyed sharing with you.

Closer to home, I head around a rainy bend.

As I neared the end of the walk, my pace quickened, and the rain came down harder, and the wind blew my hood down.

Autumn leaves, and wind-tossed trees nearing the finish.

I didn’t care at all. Hood down, head up; I walked on – and possibly with a huge grin, because my face hurts like I have been smiling all day. This. Was. Fun. So much fun. The rain didn’t matter. Whether or not I took pictures didn’t really make a difference in the grander scheme of things. I did this, because I can now – it was a very good experience. That matters. 😀

Tags a race to the finish, autumn leaves, humbled by the rain, mindful living, point A to point B, ptsd, TBI, the map is not the world, walking meditation, wwwp5k

Categories autumn, Free Will, Healthy Living, Metaphors, Mindfulness, pain, Perspective

Tension Tamer

September 26, 2013 //

I’m sitting here with a nasty headache (not unusual) and a feeling of anxiety that just isn’t entirely going away, but also isn’t attached to anything specific in my right-now experience. I pause now and again, practice mindfulness, meditate for a few minutes, do some yoga. I ‘feel okay’ in the sense that life isn’t bad, even my mood is mostly quite nice, but I have a clear sense that there is commitment to practice and effort involved. I’m not troubled by that, today, it seems rather obvious that a desired change would take actual effort; a verb.

Here are two photos taken within a few seconds of each other. Take a moment to consider this:

What we see often depends a great deal on…

…what we are looking at (and what we want to see).

So, there’s that. So much is really a matter of (wait for it…) perspective. (Why does that delight me so? Why does it seem to offer so much hope?) Yeah, I’m still meditating on perspective. It remains a worthy concept for contemplation, always fresh, always adding some twist on something, and not once have I had an experience where having more perspective was a disadvantage. Not even once.

Somehow, my musings on perspective brought me around to considering that archetypal question of childhood – “What do you want to be when you grow up?” (How many times is any one of us asked that question? Who ever has an answer at that age? Hell, I’m still fucking working on that one!) I found myself imagining that I had taken on first one career/calling, then another… and when I got to ‘lion tamer’ my creative thinking brain threw ‘tension tamer’ into the conversation! Suddenly, I was imagining making taming my stress some kind of vocation, a calling, a role – dressed for the circus big top, with a whip or a riding crop, making my anxiety do my bidding. LOL! I delight myself with the image and imagine further a whole circus or carnival cast – with my anxiety somehow ‘The Main Attraction”. Metaphors dancing with allegories in my busy imagination playground. My in-the-moment stress and anxiety faded away, for the moment. (Nice one, Brain, that was fun.) 😀

(I wonder if I can call upon my Tension Tamer any time I want to? Is this a new tool, or was it an experience?)

Mindfulness is making so much difference for me. Being a student of life and love is providing me with an education of such immense value that it could never be measured in grades, or student loan debt. More questions than answers seems to be a way of approaching my experience that pays off in a lot more good days than bad, fewer sleepless nights, and less bitter rumination and emotional pain. Finding security and contentment in ambiguity and uncertainty is an unexpected outcome, but here I am. More content. Healing. Finding more peace in my heart and more comfort with my experience. This is a good place to be, and in spite of the headache, and the arthritis pain, this is a good day [for me].

There’s this one thing that bums me out though… I can only share words about this experience. I don’t know how to convey how utterly necessary it seems now, how helpful, how lovely. Well, at least I do have words, and I can share those. (I’ll count on you to read them, and take from them what is meaningful for you.) 🙂

Mindfulness sees the unexpected heron in a field along a busy road.

There is still so much to learn.

Tags meditation, metaphors, mindfulness matters, see the obvious, sharing, student of life, the love you make, wake up

Categories Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, Healthy Living, Metaphors, Mindfulness, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress

Childlike Wonder

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One Quiet Moment

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Twilight Observations

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A Rainy Day 5k

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Tension Tamer

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