Archives for posts with tag: all you need is love

Well, the drive down was coffee all the way, and started in the wee hours before dawn. Easy drive. Fun. Effortless. After-the-fact it seems featureless and unremarkable, such that I don’t specifically remember any specific detail besides stopping for coffee. lol I left “on time” and arrived safely. I was greeted warmly with love, and friendship.

The drive back, this morning, definitely coffee-themed. I pro-actively picked up a can of cold brew so I’d have that effortless coffee moment first thing, and waited until I was in the car to pop the top on it, to avoid waking my Traveling Partner. I stopped twice for more coffee, and to stand in the dawn of a new day, feeling the chill breeze that hinted at autumn.

I got on the road this morning with a heart filled to overflowing with pure love and delight, feeling wrapped in My partner’s high regard, and nurtured by his enduring affection. He’s a good partner; loving, kind, considerate, helpful, experienced, competent, forward-thinking, and exciting to be with. I chose well… this time. lol This is my only actually good long-term relationship, honestly (although, to be fair, I only have 4, maybe 5, to reflect on). I don’t kick myself about it; choosing partners, lovers, and friends is a complicated matter, and most of us don’t develop real skills in that area until later in life. If we’re fortunate, we nonetheless happen upon friends, lovers, and partners in the context of our circumstances, and things work out. We are social creatures. I’m sure we could do better, and I wonder why we don’t teach emotional intimacy, relationship-building, and healthy communication practices, in elementary school, as I sip my coffee.

I know some things that don’t work. One of those is money. It just doesn’t work to attempt to buy someone’s affection, even if they accept payment. 🙂 That’s not how love works. It’s not how loyalty works. It’s not how any sort of affection or friendship works. I don’t actually understand how anyone might think it would. I’ve seen it attempted any number of times by people with more money than qualities on which to build love or friendship. Painful. Awkward. Unsatisfying. I can’t help wonder why it doesn’t seem, just on a practical basis, more cost-effective to be a better human being… you know… just likable, considerate, kind, funny, nurturing… some assortment of the sorts of things that draw people in, right? lol It’s not effortless, does take work and practice… and so many of us seem utterly disposed to avoiding any sort of self-work whatsoever. Yeah… there are verbs involved. Results will vary. It’s necessary to practice, to fail, to reflect on our missteps, to begin again… oh… ever so many times. Some people make other choices, and experience other outcomes. It is what it is.

My affection is not for sale. Neither is my respect. My consideration and basic kindness is free, and generously given – as much as I can spread it around, I try to, and there is no minimum qualification for it. The world needs more basic kindness, and a lot more consideration, and no amount of money eases the lack of it.

Tending the flowers in the garden of my heart.

I sip my coffee, and think about love. Being loved feels amazing! Being able to love well feels pretty fantastic, too. These things literally can not be purchased. If you know for certain that these are things you want to feel, and you also know that it will require a lot of work and self-awareness, self-reflection, and willingness to grow, change, and do some verbs – put in the work – would you do it? 

Are you ready to begin?

…What could possibly matter more than love and loving? 🙂

I woke up tired. I hear the sound of an unattended alarm clock going off, it’s been doing it’s thing now for about 10 minutes. I wonder if its owner is sleeping through it, or walked away having forgotten it was only snoozed, or… I’m sure there are other options in the gigantic database of possibilities and assumptions that makes up some portion of my brain. This  morning I only flip through them casually, and readily acknowledge they are all fictions until and unless one of them turns out to be ‘true’. There’s no assurance that any of them are true, ever, they’re just stories, generally. That’s what a lot of our experience is made up of – stories we tell ourselves.

I slept restlessly, and not very deeply. My arthritis kept me alert and uncomfortable much of the night, and I often found myself flexing my back repeatedly in my sleep – the way I did the night I broke it. The sensation wakes me again and again, feeling vaguely disturbed with the visceral reminder of that painful event. I’m okay, though, just a bit groggy and not very well-rested. No agita or weirdness to it, which is nice. I could do without the headache. I am still unsettled by daylight savings time, and it may take weeks before that isn’t a thing…until next fall. Spring doesn’t seem quite as bad, at least not in the abstract.

I had an interesting conversation with a young non-voter yesterday. She had suggested that voting seemed pretty pointless to her, and expressed her discontent with the way the nation is run. I pointed out that if the only people elected are old rich white guys, then choices, programs, and changes we get are limited to those favored by – and which favor – old rich white guys. We talked through the potential impact if ‘all the young people’ voted, or ‘all the women’, or ‘all the any-particular-uniquely-identified-demographic’ actually. It may have been a light bulb moment for her to realize that there is power in numbers – and the numbers always begin with one. It was an affirming conversation for me, too, but I find that conversations that end in favor of the opinion I have myself generally are. lol

Meditation didn’t quite shake off the irritability this morning; pain makes for a pretty irritating start to the day. My traveling partner sticks his head in the door and gives me a merry good morning greeting. He hears something in the tone of my reply and inquires what’s up. I admit to the pain frankly and simply and get a sympathetic smile and a good-natured “I’ll leave you alone…” It truly sucks on a level I lack language to express that a being so dear to me finds the only positive option on a morning like this is to keep his distance. I can’t fault his reasoning; it is the wiser course. It still sucks. I am grateful to know a love that respects my needs, even when doing so means distance. Love rarely walks hand-in-hand with reason, and I am privileged to love someone who makes that look easy, most days.

I hear the espresso machine grinding beans for shots that aren’t mine. It is a warm and comforting sound of hearth and home. The day begins.

I have no idea what these are... I find them festive and unexpected.

I have no idea what these are… I find them festive and unexpected.

Today is a good day for meditation, and taking time to nurture contentment. Today is a good day to manage pain with great care, and be mindful that I’m not alone in hurting. Today is a good day for sympathy, compassion, and kindness – sharing those doesn’t diminish the quantity on hand. Today is a good day to make good choices, and for harnessing my will to my values through my actions. Today is a good day to meditate more than I planned. Today is a good day to be kind to myself, because kindness kicks ass and I could use some as much as anyone. Today is a good day for perspective, and awareness, and consideration – but every day is, isn’t it? Today is a good day to change the world.

Valentine’s Day, again? I was in a very different place with myself last year around this time. My thoughts, in general, about Valentine’s Day haven’t changed much. I still love seeing a holiday on the calendar that is all about sex, love, romance; this is no children’s holiday, it just isn’t. 🙂 I love, and I enjoy love…but with regard to Valentine’s Day I don’t celebrate Love any differently today than on some other day. It has never seemed necessary. Cards? Flowers? Chocolates? Dinner and a show? Sure, I like those things, and when a love of mine shares those experiences with me, I enjoy it, and I appreciate the effort, the planning, the will and the intention – any day, not just today.

Love isn’t just a big deal, it is the Big Deal. (Perhaps I only think so because I found Love so late in life, and know only too well what some of the other options are?) I’m definitely a fan of expressing love, being grateful and appreciative for the love I share with those dear to me, and demonstrating that Love is not just a pleasant experience, but also hugely meaningful and valued. If today is the only day you’ve got time for that, definitely go for it. 🙂

Some thoughts about Love and loving…

Wearing a mask is one sure way to kill Love.

Wearing a mask is one sure way to kill Love.

It's not generally helpful to be deceitful, evasive, or secretive either.

It’s not generally helpful to be deceitful, evasive, or secretive either.

Love isn't really blind. We may choose to overlook something, large or small, we may be mistaken in our assumptions, and we may be afraid of what we see and reluctant to address it, but Love itself is only ever blind when we choose to be blinded.

Love isn’t really blind. We may choose to overlook something, large or small, we may be mistaken in our assumptions, and we may be afraid of what we see and reluctant to address it, but Love itself is only ever blind when we choose to be blinded.

Don't sleep through it! Love is wonderful, eyes open, heart filled with laughter, fully aware and in the 'now'.

Don’t sleep through it! Love is wonderful, eyes open, heart filled with laughter, fully aware and in the ‘now’.

The title? Well, it’s just this; Love is enough. Sure, we can dive headlong into demanding more, being dissatisfied with the grim imperfections of our lovers, maddened and annoyed by how very human we all are…or…we can Love. It actually is enough, already.

 

 

 

It’s a gray morning. A lot of them are in this part of the world in autumn. I don’t mind, but it makes for unexciting photography in the pre-dawn gloom. lol.  Yesterday as I left for work, though, I saw this lovely sunrise:

It needs no explanation.

It needs no explanation.

It was a nice beginning to an exceptionally good day.  it was still autumn on the walk home, but less about pinks and lavenders, and more about russets, golds, greens and reds.

What remains of summer.

What remains of summer.

In the evening, I hung out with my loves and a dear friend of many years. We watched Heavy Metal; still a favorite bit of incredible art and animation, and of course the sound track is great classic rock.  It was a very nice day in general, although I had some challenges with my emotional balance over a very strange phone call from a business I did not expect to treat me badly.   I got past it with the use of new tools, and the help of my partners. Perspective makes a huge difference.

A peaceful morning. A good day. A quiet evening. A restful night.  There isn’t a lot more to want from life.   😀

It’s been a lovely evening after an interesting day.  It’s been a day of ordinary pleasures and extraordinary love.  Good lattes, great conversations with people I love, moments of delight and respect, moments of wonder, moments of excitement, even a moment or two of complicated emotions I don’t really have words for at all.  Now, night has fallen. The household is quiet. Ahead of me, a few moments taking care of me; meditation, yoga, a shower, and some unmeasured time gazing at my aquarium before I sleep.  There is really no need to look back to see what is behind me, not right now. Now is simply…this quiet place, this quiet time.  I am not always this aware of how little assurance there really is of having one such beautiful moment of peace and contentment. I am aware, for now, how unwise it is to count on having this moment – or any one moment – of such specific pleasure.

Still… and it is ‘still’ right now… Still, this moment is this peaceful, and I am content. Quite content. It’s very nice. I’d be happy to feel this way a lot more than I generally do.  I’m here right now, though, and I am enjoying it for what it is, without reservation.

There are so many small delights in this brief moment… the laptop… the MC Frontalot t-shirt… the knowledge  that so many people who matter so much to me are only as far away as this keyboard, and their own. In that sense, we’re almost touching… I hear the rain coming down again, and the cat creeping across the roof… and quiet.

Shhh… Here comes the future…