Archives for category: breathe
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Potholes

August 22, 2022 //
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However smooth life’s path may seem, there are going to be some painful moments, challenges, unexpected detours… you know, “potholes in the road”. Just saying, even when life is purely delightful, don’t expect universally sunny days and smooth sailing (do expect mixed metaphors – at least here! lol).

The dinner planned for yesterday came together nicely. My Traveling Partner and I worked on it together; we had to.

I am learning how much I rely on my left hand. LOL

I was at the end stages of preparing dinner. Sauce cooking down, house filled with the delicious aroma. Cheese was grated and set aside, ready and waiting. Pasta weighed out for two servings, ready to cook once the sauce was nearer to being done. Garlic butter was all whipped up and ready to be spread on the bread that would become garlic toast. Good time to slice that batard and spread both halves with the garlic butter, I thought…may as well have it ready. I explicitly cautioned myself to use care; sharp knife.

With great care, I cut myself rather badly across my forefinger and middle finger. Shit. Totally my foolishness, too. I made an explicit point of taking note of the fucking risk then stupidly still cradled the batard of bread in my fucking hand to cut it. For real? Fucking hell, just take away my license to adult, right now. lol

Two cuts. One fairly minor, the other quite deep and too damned close to the finger joint to brush it off as “nothing really”. My Traveling Partner was concerned it may need stitching (or worse). Both were bleeding quite a lot. Urgent care is very nearby, so we agreed I would keep pressure on them, keep my hand elevated, and drive the short (less than a mile) distance to the clinic, while he kept an eye on dinner – that sauce wasn’t going to stir itself!

Left hand more or less useless made turn signals hilariously awkward, but the drive was uneventful. “We’re so sorry! We don’t have a provider on site today, we’re just doing tele-medicine appointments today!”, the startled woman at the reception desk said as she eyed the blood oozing between my fingers where the wad of paper towels in my grip didn’t absorb it. “You can go to the other urgent care… or the ER…” she suggested. I carefully loosened my grip on the paper towels to check the bleeding. The smaller cut on my index finger had stopped bleeding, the other not so much. I got directions and made my way to the other urgent care… which was closed. Fuck. I call my partner, share the details, and look at the injury again. It had finally stopped bleeding… so… I went home. Didn’t seem like much of an emergency at that point… More of an anecdote.

I got home safely. Dinner was ready, and it was delicious. Before serving it up, my partner bandaged up my fingers and splinted them so I would not reopen those cuts by absentmindedly trying to use that hand. Dinner was delicious. Hilariously, I know I’ll look back on this fondly as a wonderful evening with a moment of misadventure… I mean, the dinner was that good, and a cut? Just a minor mishap. My partner is still teasing me good-naturedly about it; he had just done the same thing last month!

It was only this morning that I was confronted with numerous wee inconveniences resulting from impaired use of my left hand. lol Typing being one of those. There are lessons here. I hope I learn them. In the meantime, I’ll be asking for help with a few two-handed tasks… and beginning again.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, gratitude, health, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Parables, Perspective, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being

Big Plans

August 21, 2022 //
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I’ve got huge plans for today… sort of. It’s a lovely summer day, not too hot, and nothing much going on. Spent some time out on the trail with my camera in the morning. Enjoyed coffee with my Traveling Partner (already up) before I left – then again after I got back. It was a strange misty morning, lovely for walking.

The mist lent itself well to thinking thoughts.

Out in the marsh, the ducks and geese were also enjoying the morning, a bit out of reach of my lens. I’m okay with that; I just kept walking.

The ducks and geese took no notice of me as I walked along the trail.

I had the park mostly to myself this morning. A rare treat. I stopped awhile at a favorite spot for watching smaller birds was visited by quite a few swallows, and other birds I was less familiar with. Good times.

Few of my shots turned out this morning, but that hardly matters; I enjoyed the time.

The walk back up the path was well-timed; I passed a lot of other folks with cameras on their way down the path, talking about seeing pelicans? I didn’t see any pelicans. lol I marveled at the dewy spider webs that festooned the meadow flowers as I walked back to the car in the summer sunshine.

Like delicate lace.

…But the morning isn’t the day. The moment is not the whole experience. The time that has passed is not about future plans. lol So…what’s the big deal today? It’s not all that, really, I am just planning a (hopefully) delicious homemade meal for dinner… garlic bread, spaghetti with a favorite meat sauce, cooked slowly, with care. I enjoyed selecting the ingredients. Been thinking about the cooking all day. LOL So… yeah. I’m excited about an absolutely ordinary moment-to-come. 🙂 It’s enough to put a smile on my face. I don’t need more than that today.

It’s a lovely place to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being

Letting It Be What It Is

August 19, 2022 //
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The morning is very overcast. The meadow is dull and dry looking this morning. I sit with my coffee in the grass, on the compact three-legged camp stool I keep in the car. My camera is set up, but the birds are shy this morning. I sit watching the colorless sunrise, and listening to the noise of my tinnitus and… helicopters? Yep. It’s the air show weekend. No wonder the birds are laying low this morning.

Another sip of coffee. I manage not to fall on my ass as I set the cup down abruptly hoping to quickly get some shots of a small mouse or vole or other small mammal in the grass. I failed to make the adjustments needed quickly enough to get the picture, and subsequently also missed a small yellow bird who decided to stop precisely where my camera had been pointed. Yep. It’s one of those days. lol

I reach for my coffee and knock it over. lol

The air quality seems poor today. It’s warm again this morning, and very muggy. I don’t envy folks attending the airshow; it’s going to be uncomfortably hot before noon. I definitely don’t feel like I am missing anything by not attending. The constant sound of aircraft overhead makes me tense and cross. The heat and humidity leave me feeling irritable and sticky.

There’s nothing on my calendar for today. I had planned to go camping again next week, but the heat discouraged me, and as it turns out I have a final interview with a job I interviewed for this week… so I canceled my camping trip. Very adult of me. lol I plan to enjoy today as part of my weekend.

Lanscape crews turn up… I expect they’ll mow this lovely meadow, and I am feeling annoyed by that.

Is it me, or is it this moment? I notice that I am already struggling to manage my pain, on top of “everything else”. Sounds like it’s me. I give the landscapers a wave and start gathering up my gear. There’s a pleasant park on my route home, a lovely spot for meditation. I will relocate, and begin again.

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Categories Allegories, anhedonia, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, Frustration, Healthy Living, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being

Excitement or Anxiety?

August 18, 2022 //
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I’ve got a second interview today that I’m really excited about. I know I’m excited. I may also be anxious. Hard to say; they share quite a few characteristics in my physical experience. I’ve probably also had too much coffee, already. (I laugh at myself and push this iced coffee a bit further out of reach, and put my water bottle in the more convenient place that the coffee had occupied.)

I know I’m excited (and/or anxious) because I woke too early – shortly after 4:00 a.m., sky still completely dark. I knew I would not be able to return to sleep; my mind was already buzzing with anticipated interview questions, and pointless insecurity about how to answer them. I quietly showered, dressed, and slipped out of the house with my camera.

I get to a favorite bird-watching spot just at the twilight before daybreak.

I could have let my mind spin on the interview waiting for the sunrise… instead, I chose meditation.

Soon enough, the sun will rise.

As the sky began to lighten, I listened for bird song. Took some shots hoping for a bold sunrise. The morning is a warm one. It was still 69 degrees after yesterday’s heat. I see the substantial cloud cover to the south that threatens thunderstorms, although the forecast insists there is no chance of rain today. The air is still and muggy. As the dawn begins to unfold to daylight, I take my camera and stretch my legs, walking the path along the meadow.

I breathe, relax, and begin again.

I find a good spot to pause for pictures of little birds in the meadow grasses, and set up my camera. Patience is a good practice here; soon enough the little birds will forget I’m not part of the landscape, if I am sufficiently still and quiet. I breathe, exhale, relax, and fill my lungs with air scented with summer flowers. I let this “morning feeling” of ease and contentment fill me up. It makes sense that I’m excited about this interview: good company, good role, good people to work with, good timing, lots of potential for growth. That’s a lot of “good”, and I feel sure of all that. Feels good. It’s the unknowns that mingle anxiety with the excitement. I sip my coffee, remind myself I am well-qualified – all I really need to do is show up, be authentically myself, and have a conversation. That’s something I’m pretty good at. 🙂

…The anxiety dissipates, the excitement lingers. I see the sunrise hinted at from behind the clouds, and distant rain showers in the distance that don’t seem to reach the ground. It’s already time to begin again. It’s a good moment for it.

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Categories Allegories, Anxiety, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, Summer, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Other Work, Other Practices

August 17, 2022 //
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I’m sipping my coffee and “getting caught up” – very much in the way I typically would on a routine work day. I check my email. Take a look at my task list. Take a look at my calendar and note the time of upcoming calls and meetings. Very ordinary work-type stuff. Today it’s a mix of working on a project for my Traveling Partner’s business, handling job search details (an interview, an appointment), and a couple calls to contractors for estimates on work needed at the house. Living life is filled with verbs. 🙂

Sometimes life has balloons, too.

I started the day the way I start most days (for awhile now…since June?) – out in a meadow or on a forest trail, camera in hand, taking pictures of birds, flowers, sunrises, small mammals… walking and breathing and enjoying the morning. I’m not sure how this routine developed, but it is a convenient solution to the need to stay motivated to get enough exercise for good health, and also the desire to let my partner actually sleep in some, at least now and then. I’m often the earlier riser of the two of us, and I’m rather stupid and clumsy when I first wake up, which can be noisy. Easier to slip away as quietly as I am able, as soon after waking and dressing as I can, and just enjoy that time with the camera and the rising sun, without waking my partner. I also just fucking love starting my day this way. 🙂

One morning, the location where I parked had quite a few bunnies enjoying the morning with me.

The sun had been up before 5:00 a.m. when I began slipping away first thing with my camera. Now the sunrise is starting much later, some minutes after 6:00 a.m. That trend will continue for some time, but lacking any early morning constraints on my time associated with employment, I can easily just “go with it” as the sunrise shifts toward autumn days. Super relaxing. No pressure. Sometimes I grab a coffee on my way, most often I don’t. It’s not an important detail. I’ve a couple nearby favorite locations – one is a forested trail I enjoy walking any time. The other is a vast meadow split down the middle by a park with some trees. On one side, that lovely meadow is filled with little birds as the sun rises. On the other side, the sun rise itself, trees and some distant mountains on the horizon. Convenient parking in all cases.

My Traveling Partner made a great ground pod for my camera. I take it with me most mornings.

One chillier than usual morning, I set up the ground pod for my camera, and sat in the car with a coffee and my remote shutter, taking pictures, occasionally repositioning the camera, until it was a bit warmer. Most mornings, I throw my camera bag over my shoulder, and walk. I pause here and there to get some shots, and then walk on. It’s lovely time, and I return home feeling recharged, calm, and centered. Is it the 100% reliable “cure” for stress? Nope. Nothing is. It is, however, time well-spent, and pleasant, fulfilling, and satisfying. Close enough.

Sometimes enough has to be enough. 😉

What will you do to take care of yourself today? It’s not too late to put yourself at the top of your “to do” list. 😀 It’s time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Anxiety, art and the artist, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being
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