Well, it’s not COVID but I’m sick. I guess I’m glad it isn’t COVID. I’ve got the weekend ahead of me to get over whatever it is. My coffee is hot. I slept in…sort of. I didn’t sleep well, and I was restless and woke several times drenched in sweat, and feeling woozy (either from the cold remedies or from being ill – doesn’t much matter which, really). I sit for a moment, fussing quietly with the other monitor, looking for background content… I settle for the sound of rain.

The day ahead is about taking care of this peculiar flesh container a human being occupies during a mortal lifetime… I’ll probably spend much of the day in bed, or bundled up on the couch, dozing off, reading, watching undemanding video content, and making a point to drink plenty of fluids. I’ve no particular appetite, but managing healthy calories seems wise, too. My Traveling Partner made some excellent iced tea… that sounds pretty good… maybe after coffee…?

It’s the end of winter. Spring is just ahead. I’ve got wee garden primroses and grape hyacinth’s blooming, and the neighbor’s daffodils and hyacinths are blooming in her front garden. The roses have all begin putting out new leaves, and swelling with new branches and new shoots ready to burst forth. I’d share pictures – but I’ve no energy for going out and taking them. (I’m probably too old for whining like a kid about being sick and miserable, but here I am. Thanks for putting up with it.)

I feel the ache in my spine – I confirm it’s a rainy day by looking outside. I barely give it another thought, just pull my posture upright in response to the sight of the rainy day beyond the window; slumping over my keyboard would only make the arthritis pain worse, and also make it harder to breath. Self-care has so damned many details… sometimes I really struggle with it. I sit for a moment and contemplate this. I’m pretty sure a great many people struggle with maintaining good self-care. I sip my coffee and wonder why that is. I don’t really get anywhere with it, it’s just thoughts over coffee.

…Another sip of coffee… I think about a bite to eat, and reject the idea. I just don’t have the energy. I stare into my half-full cup of coffee; I’m not doing a great job of drinking it, actually. No loss of my sense of taste, so far, I just… don’t care. The ennui of illness. “No spoons“. That’s explained really well in this video by the woman who created the spoon analogy, herself.

…I sit here (sat here) listening to the rain fall in the video. (“Silly woman,” I think to myself, “you could just open the fucking curtains and see it raining outside for real.”) I sigh. Coffee’s gone cold. Still half a cup sitting here. I glance at the clock… 40 minutes gone, and only this handful of words, mindless rambling, and complaining about a head cold. I shrug it off; it may not be great content, but it’s real, and it’s my experience, and I fucking showed up for it… more or less. lol

No idea what I’m going to manage out of the day, but I suppose, like it or not, it’s time to begin again. Maybe with a fresh cup of coffee… maybe with a shower… maybe I’ll just go back to bed. 🙂