This is a nice one, too. A great latte, almost gone now. A great article on feminism attentively read over the rim of the warm porcelain coffee mug.  The trickle of the aquarium in the background, and the stillness of the sleeping household is interrupted only by soft footsteps on the roof  as the cat creeps across. I look up to see her peering through the skylight inquisitively, but I am not fast enough with my camera, and she slips away as quickly as she came, on her way to other cat endeavors.

It is a nice morning for mindfulness, for observations, and for experiencing the moment.  It’s easiest with the nice moments, isn’t it? 🙂

I woke in the night, around 1:30 am, although I don’t know what woke me. Maybe nothing.  I woke again, earlier than I cared to on a weekend day, around 6:30 am or so, to what I thought was the sound of laughter, but once awake, the house was quiet.  I lay awake watching fish swim for a little while, then meditating.  It is a very pleasant way to get the day started.

As I contemplate what else I might share, the household begins to awaken, and the real living of my life beckons me enticingly.  It’ll be hard for the day to measure up to the morning, and I know this is one to enjoy, arms wide to embrace the world, eyes open to see the wonders of it, and enough words at the ready to share the experience, later.

Enjoy all the day offers you – or try again tomorrow! I hope you have a wonderful day. 🙂

What delights could the day hold?

What delights could the day hold?

I woke this morning in a good place. I would say, if asked, that I ‘feel pretty good’. Everything this morning has gone smoothly, right down to the basically perfect latte I am sipping now.  Why do I also feel a growing edgy discontent?

Big jobs need big tools.

Big jobs need big tools.

I remember that I have new tools, new skills, new ways of viewing old things… and I take a moment to do a quick self-inventory. (“Hey there, Self, just checking in – how are things?”) A couple deep relaxing breaths, and some calm consideration of self, and i find that although I do feel good, and it has been a nice morning so far, I also have a headache – and I so often have headaches that I fail myself on self-care because I don’t acknowledge the pain, discomfort, and reduction in emotional resilience that go with a headache. Generally I ‘don’t notice’ – and what that really means is that I reduce my level of mindfulness until I am no longer aware of the headache – and open myself to a long list of risks and consequences of moving through my day mindlessly. So, this morning, I am allowing myself the freedom to both be in a good place, and be there with this damned headache. 🙂

I have a few things on my mind that I do want to talk about, write about, think about… I am finding it hard to find ‘cognitive space’ for that, and the intervals in my day still available to write, or think, seem to be dwindling away.  (I write those words and suddenly feel so tired…)  There is new stress in my experience – at work – and my routine is being upset.  Doesn’t sound like a big deal, I’m sure, although ‘routine’ is something I use to get around some of the lingering cognitive consequences of my TBI.  I keep expecting that to matter to someone besides me. lol.

Last night was an exceptional evening; hanging out with an old friend, dinner as a family, a leisurely evening hanging out and talking.  I feel like I’m forgetting something… maybe we watched a movie? If we did, right now I don’t remember what it was.  It was the delightful time together that was important.

Today is my new therapy day.  My schedule is changing and I feel uprooted and confused.  It sucks.  I’ll be changing to a new time, too.  I really like stability, and this is not that.  I already feel the effects of these small changes – for one thing, my therapy day is now also a work day. Instead of being entirely focused on my needs, my recovery, my wellness, and therapy-related thinking and self-work, I will be spending it thinking about someone else’s needs, someone else’s work – then racing across town during peak traffic to drop exhausted into my therapist’s office and try to switch gears efficiently and ‘take care of me’ for an hour, then hurry home and try to get enough head space to decompress from what are usually pretty emotionally complicated visits with my therapist, so that I can sleep.  I am aggravated and feel like I am being undermined at a time when I am finally making real progress.  There have been very few experiences in my life that have made me angrier – a bitter seething anger that lacks expression, poisoning me slowly; it feels very connected to ancient anger about powerlessness.  More of life’s challenging curriculum.

Changing seasons and roadside wildflowers as a metaphor.

Changing seasons and roadside wildflowers as a metaphor.

It seems noteworthy that this few moments and words reflecting on my feeling of ‘growing discontent’ and edginess (and realizing that it was my stress about my schedule changing and the knowns and unknowns about that change driving the shift in my mood as I got closer to heading to the office for the morning), positioned me well to observe the feelings, identify the concerns, accept the potential that my experience in therapy may be affected by my change in schedule.  I feel less like I’m driving past a ‘caution’ sign and more like I saw one and slowed down. 😀  I get a real jolt of delight when my new tools work well in a way that actually improves my experience.  My headache even seems to be slowly easing – although that could be the quad latte, and the lovely sunrise unfolding before me.  lol

...sometimes taking a moment for simple beauty is enough.

…sometimes taking a moment for simple beauty is enough.

In spite of challenges, I am making real progress with taking steps beyond just ‘managing’ my PTSD, to real healing, as well as slowly doing what I can to rehabilitate a decades-old TBI.  I’m even satisfied with my progress, and able to appreciate the work I am doing.  This is change for the better – used to be I just couldn’t detect any progress at all, and any hint of improvement in my experience seemed quite fleeting, or even illusory.  This new ability to observe, recognize, accept, and be pleased with growth and improvement is wonderful. 😀

Sometimes it helps to talk things over with a friend... thank you for 'being there'.

Sometimes it helps to talk things over with a friend… thank you for ‘being there’.

It’s morning, but not yet dawn. No hint of light on the horizon, yet. My latte is hot, and as close to my idea of perfect as I have ever made. The house is quiet. I’ve managed thus far without a hint of doubt, insecurity, or anxiety, which is lovely.  There seems less to say on such a morning. I am certainly less inclined to ‘figure it out’. 🙂

A dear friend recently married. He’s the monogamous sort, and smart, caring, and good-hearted. I hope it turns out well for them.  I’ve certainly had an assortment of experiences with marriage, and my thinking on it as evolved over a lifetime. No soap boxes this morning; there is room for every person’s experiences here. 🙂

I’ve had quite a wonderful few days with one of my partners, while the other visited a far away friend.  The company we keep defines a large piece of our experience, doesn’t it? Well… it does seem to for me.  Great friends, positive people, people who ‘get me’, lovers who adore me, partners who support and value me, these are the people who generally fill my days – certainly they are who I seek for that purpose. lol.  Now and again I find myself in the company of people who are bitter, wounded, angry, negative, contrary, sarcastic, or hurtful.  Those are very different experiences.  Sometimes they are the same people. lol. Human primates are fascinating and complicated in all their variety. 🙂

I am thinking of the airport, the good morning kiss of my love lingers on my lips; he decided on going back to bed before he ever really woke, and already I miss him.  I’d have probably started chattering away about airports and people watching if he’d stayed up.  I wonder if he knew? lol  I am entertained sufficiently by my thoughts, musing about people traveling, and how they behave in airport terminals.  I find myself wondering why people don’t dress up to travel much anymore? It isn’t something that ‘matters’, it’s just a stray thought passing through. My mind rarely really rests.  I’ve found so much calm in meditation.  I’m learning to ‘give my brain a rest’. It probably needs it.

Discontent at work seems far away in this moment.  Small things that annoy me seem minuscule and irrelevant.  It’s a lovely quiet morning and for now the successes far outweigh the failures, and the wonders beat the challenges, no question.  It’s a nice perspective.

What defines something as ‘right’? What makes something ‘enough’? Before we go too far down a philosopher’s rabbit hole, let me clarify – my questions are less about the semantics or meanings of those words relative to other words or ideas, and more about how does an individual determine that some one event, action, outcome, or experience fits the description? I keep bumping my nose on what seems to be an answer – and I admit that I’m not much of a fan of ‘answers’ lately; the questions convey more, for me, most of the time. Still, an answer to one question sometimes forms the basis of other questions just as worthy of consideration… and in this case, the ‘answer’ is kind of a big deal. Perspective. Yep, I am still meditating on perspective. The painting is unfinished, and the contemplation of the work as metaphor, as studious reflection and examination of experience, and as its own creative experience, keep me coming back again and again to life lessons about perspective.  There are those that required perspective to complete, and those that resulted in greater perspective once completed – and depending on my perspective in contemplation, a whole lot of life experiences open themselves up to being viewed as instructive on perspective.  Perspective is a big deal.  It is becoming an iceberg in my studies; so many things turn out to be relevant to matters of perspective.

I started the weekend focused on some pretty specific needs and desires.  I went into it with limited known resources, and an understanding that circumstances and the free will of others would predictably bring a few unknowns to confound any planning.  I try not to notice how little of the weekend remains… It’s been a lovely one.  Perspective has been a big deal for enjoying it.  If I had remained fixed on expectations, or investing heavily in my needs at the expense of a more connected experience, I could have been sitting here unhappily wallowing in discontent. I know, because I’ve done it in the past.

I’ve allowed myself a different experience today by identifying the successes as they happen, and appreciating those, and enjoying them, instead of zeroing in on some specific one thing or experience that I wanted and didn’t get.  I’m still learning a lot about relationships and happiness and intimacy and sharing life and love.  Learning to ‘take care of me’ sometimes feels like a mandate to make demands or insist that my needs must be met.  My own experience with meeting the needs of my loved ones is that I’m not always up to it, or able to with available resources, or may be unwilling to for some reason that seems appropriate or necessary to me in-the-moment; I can safely infer that is also their experience with meeting my needs. lol.  Knowing we are each having our own experience, and each have our own needs to be met, it actually seems pretty inevitable that sometimes some needs are unmet.  That’s how it was this weekend – some needs were met, others were not. Funny thing, it really seems now that the needs that got met were more urgent or more important… or more… worthy… than what I thought I needed to start with. lol.  A lesson in perspective, and also a lesson in ‘going with it’ instead of fussing and trying to force the flow of events.

It’s been a lovely weekend, and incredibly intimate. It wasn’t the intimacy I expected. It was, however, very much the intimacy I needed. 😀

Well…or something of that sort. I sometimes find it difficult to be certain I really am making progress, or that new skills actually function as hoped for, or that I’m experiencing real healing and holistic long-term improvements in quality of life, as well as in-the-moment improvements in how I experience my life.  An analog of this experience might be learning math in grade school; it is very difficult at that time in one’s life to understand what use it will have later on. Today, I found myself actually using new skills in a natural way, applying mindfulness to stress in-the-moment, using improved communication skills to clarify misunderstood details and context, taking care of me by expressing limitations and setting boundaries without being confrontational or accusatory and generally taking a brief moment of emotion and distress in my day, and allowing to be simply that – a moment.  Hell, I’m even having an excellent day – without mental gymnastics, denying myself my heartfelt emotions, or trampling on my own needs and boundaries.  Yeah, I actually do feel a bit like I ‘passed a test’.  If nothing else, I am encouraged that I am learning a few things that are helping me enjoy more of my experience, and really treat myself and my loved ones well.

In the spirit of celebrating a great report card, I’m going to get back to having a great latte, a lovely quiet morning of jazz and conversation, a little housekeeping as the day wears on – in short, enjoying my Saturday.  I hope you enjoy yours, too.

A picture of another lovely day.

A picture of another lovely day.