Archives for posts with tag: be the change

DST BFD EIEIO

March 12, 2017 //

Another Daylight Savings Time change to get through. I don’t feel like going on and on about it, though… so… here’s 2013, 2014, and 2015.

In 2016, living here in this gentle space, I was living my experience on a different axis, in a sense, and DST change came and went unobserved; I was focused on rapidly increasing feelings of burn-out and career fatigue, and the need to take better care of myself in a larger way (a month later I would exit the workforce completely for 6 months or so, to paint full-time).

Here’s today, though, gray and quiet. The sun occasionally tries to break through the gray spring sky. I’ve been up awhile, although it felt like sleeping in to see the clock advise me that the morning began at 7:14 a.m., the indisputable “truth” that it was actually 6:14 am has nagged at me. I could have slept later, except I wasn’t sleeping well as it was, and there was no point continuing. lol I got up and made coffee, and it’s been a rather slow morning to get started with.

I make a second coffee, smiling and thinking about the afternoon spent with my Traveling Partner, yesterday. Romantic, connected, intimate hours spent with this singular human being I love so much (and hopefully also so well); it was time well-spent… I know this, because I am still smiling, even now. 🙂

A spring morning, suitable for beginning again.

I sip my coffee watching little bird flit about between the two young pines near my window. I think about the day behind me (house-hunting) and the day ahead (housekeeping), and wonder how best to also take care of me before another busy work week begins. A simple day of sufficiency and self-care seems the thing…laundry and dishes and vacuuming, sure, but also meditation, reading, yoga, and a lovely walk through the park under cloudy spring skies. Today, that’s enough. 🙂

Tags be the change, begin again, being and becoming, breathe, Daylight Savings Time, emotional self sufficiency, experience, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, inspiration wanted, meditation, mindfulness matters, my home my rules my way, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, sufficiency, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, what matters most?

Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Spring, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Sometimes There’s Bitter

March 11, 2017 //

Sometimes life seems to have a bitter aftertaste, a hint of hurt, an edge to it – too much work, not enough rest, too much future, not enough in the way of resources; the challenges pile up faster than the solutions. Still… however fast the challenges pile up, life has its sweetness, too. It’s those sweet moments, those small pleasures, those brief interludes of delight that hold the power to wrap me in smiles even while I wade through knee-deep difficulties in one moment or another.

Sometimes even though the world appears to be on fire, it’s really just the sunrise.

We’re each having our own experience. We’re each walking our own mile, each focused on some short bit of the path ahead of us. We’re each telling our own tale, living inside our own narrative and barely able to fully consider what anyone else is going through. Our logarithmically curated personal internet bubbles suggest to each of us that the world is more of whatever we assume we think it is than it was the day before. Unless we try really really hard to find out what is going on elsewhere, we may never know another world, or any other “truth”. Awkward or angry conversations become more common as we are further separated from each other by the tools that purport to connect us. We end up divided and feeling powerless. It’s a very human experience.

A young neighbor, hearing me beyond the words when I described ~~my irritation with~~ anger about my bird feeder pole being wrecked, offered to try to fix it. He succeeded. It’s oriented quite differently now, and just behind my happy smile, I find myself wondering if the birds noticed that, too, and if that would matter to them…? A stranger on the train, on crutches, had difficulty getting a seat in the morning; I asked the person seated next to me to give up their seat for her. That same evening, I got on the crowded train heading home and she returned the favor, asking the young person sitting next to her to give up their seat for me; I felt relieved that I wouldn’t be awkwardly off-balance and standing precariously gripping my cane for the trip home. I’m just saying; sometimes the world is scary, sometimes the world is human beings taking a moment to be kind to each other.

When the world feels unkind, I practice kindness, myself.

I’ve been making a point to savor life’s sweetness, too, not just lingering over the bitterness of the occasional unpleasant bite. I find it a bit odd, when I think about it, how much more practice it takes to remain aware of what works, what feels good, what supports me well… and how effortless it seems to become mired in sorrow, disappointment, resentment, or anger. Negativity bias is a deep lingering bit of woe that requires pretty continuous practice to mitigate. I meditate. I practice “taking in the good“. I practice being aware and present in the moment, I practice being kind, I practice feeling gratitude – it all matters, it all helps… and I’m still human. 🙂

It’s a journey. The destination is along the way, the way out is through, and the map is not the world. We each walk our own mile.

Today I head out into the world looking for “home”. Later, I’ll enjoy some time with my Traveling Partner, and hear a traveler’s tales. Today, I’ll wrap myself in smiles, and taste life’s sweetness. 🙂

Each sunrise is a moment to begin again, and a moment to pause for now.

Tags be here now, be the change, be who you are, begin again, being and becoming, emotional self sufficiency, gratitude, I am my own cartographer, kindness, mindful living, mindfulness, mindfulness for beginners, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, present in the moment, ptsd, sufficiency, taking in the good, taste life's sweetness, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, what matters most?, wrapped in smiles

Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, The Art of Being, Words

Blowing Bubbles

March 10, 2017 //

It can be a scary world these days – sometimes that’s very real. Other times it’s more a byproduct of our search and surf choices online creating a tidy reflective bubble of talking heads and advertising that continuously reinforces our existing thinking, without exposing us to new information. Step away from the bubble once in a while – it’s healthy to be uncomfortable now and then, to try new things, even to think new thoughts. 🙂

Be aware of the bubble. Consider the bubble. Break the bubble. (You’ll thank yourself later.)

Today is a good day to see the world through new eyes. Today is a good day to taste a different flavor of ice cream, to try an unusual sandwich, to take a detour on the way to somewhere. Today is a good day to start a conversation with a stranger, and to listen deeply to what they have to say. Today is a good day to live well, to live wisely, to live actively, and to be part of the world.

Tags be here now, be the change, be who you are, begin again, being and becoming, blowing bubbles, break the bubble, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, free will requires effort, I am my own cartographer, internet bubble, life is a banquet, listening deeply, meditation, more than a consumer, outside the bubble, perspective, reject the programming, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved

Categories anger, Anxiety, Free Will, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, The Art of Being, War and News of War, Words

What Do You Want?

March 6, 2017 //

I got stuck on a question yesterday evening. I recalled with some interest how my perspective on the question “what do you want?” had changed after I saw it presented as a philosophical point of difference in Babylon 5, years ago.

“What do you want?” he asks, seeking to gain power over individuals.

I struggled with understanding this question in the context of gaining power over an individual through their desires. I, being quite human, also desire things. I, too, have experienced moments in life when I could be controlled by my desires. (Probably will again.) I still think about the question. I mean, after all… what do I want? Is that even the question to ask?

I eventually found my way to the idea of sufficiency, as a route to mastering my own desires, and my own acquisitive nature, but… there’s that damned question, and sometimes I itch to answer it by way of things I lust after, things I crave, things I yearn for… and find myself wandering down that path of seeking to fulfill material desires at the expense of something more important (to me). Last night I had a moment, quiet and serene and understanding myself a little better (I think) (perhaps) (well, hopefully)… the question needed a bit of a tweak, as it turns out, and is now a better fit for who I am and where I am headed as a human being. Less about “what do I want?” in a material way and more – so much more – about “what do I want of myself?”, which seems to be a question I can answer every day, and find real satisfaction, without chasing material things. This is a question I can make real use of, every day. This is a question that can help me become the woman I most want to be.

Have I been here before? Have I considered these ideas before? Is this a cognitive re-run? That happens for me, rather routinely, but I soothe my insecurity with the reminder that practices being what they are, a little repetition is likely more helpful than not. 🙂

Then there’s this, on the nature of thinking. A worthy start to another busy work week, and an opportunity to learn. I could say more, but it’s a lot of content for a Monday morning, and I’m still thinking it over. 🙂

Today is a good day to begin again, and a good day to understand more, differently. 🙂

Tags be the change, consider the question, how to ask, how to be, how to know, how to love, how to think, meditation, mindfulness matters, practicing the practices, ptsd, taking care of me, TBI, think for yourself, walking my own mile, what do you want of yourself?, what matters most?, who are you?, you do you

Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5

There is So Much More to Learn

March 3, 2017 //

The week finishes with the work day ahead, and then it’s the weekend. The clock seems to tick at a much faster rate working this particular job… Wasn’t it just Monday morning a couple days ago? There is so much in my subjective human experience of life that is so very relative.

Monday already seems so long ago…

I had a delightful lunch conversation with a departing colleague yesterday. I’ll miss her greatly though we’ve really only just begun to get to know each other; she has a “quality of mind” I find engaging and nurturing even to be around. She has a studious gentle wit I greatly enjoy. Lunch was excellent.

The delights of lunching with a friend were followed by spending the evening with my Traveling Partner. He was waiting for me when I got home, and coming home to his warm smile and his embrace felt so… oh damn. Words fail me. I love coming home to his smile. I don’t know what made last night specifically so special… somehow it was. I’m still smiling. I have a weekend ahead of house-hunting, he has a trip away coming up early next week. Chances are, we won’t see each other again for some days… I’ll probably still be smiling, thinking about last night. lol

Life can be very simple, seemingly effortless, coasting on what is enough, enjoying what feels best, avoiding what is uncomfortable… I like those moments. I cherish them. There is, however, so much more to learn from the hurts, from what is uncomfortable: awkward moments, real talk, hard choices, tough times, books… and each other. I’m enjoying the morning and the week, and it truly seems filled with delights – I’m also aware that life has more to teach me, and that there is more to know. Have I finally grown enough to move beyond crashing on sharp rocky shores of disappointing moments? Will I no longer feel devastated and bereft to face losses? If I catch myself expecting that to be easy, I know I am not paying attention at all. Change is. Tough times occur. There will be losses to face. Disappointments to bear. Moments of struggle. Feelings. There will be all the feelings. All of them.

I smile for a moment, thinking about my 20-something self of long ago, and her unyielding rage and cynicism, wrapping herself in emptiness saying “I feel nothing.” I laugh gently to myself from a perspective of greater understanding, years of experience, and think kindly “Oh, baby girl, you only feel too much. You’re drowning in the feelings. Stop fighting them. Just let go.” Her tears well up in my eyes and spill down my face many years too late for her to heal. I feel the feelings now – and that’s okay, too. It’s even more than okay; it’s enough. What a powerful thing, to feel. Healing takes time. I didn’t understand then how very much time that might be… a lifetime. A life of time. All the minutes I spent on healing – and all the minutes I spent fighting the work involved in that process – and all of the other minutes, too.

I’m still not done growing and learning. There always seems some bit more, just out ahead… How did I end up here, this morning? Thinking about Women’s History Month, actually. For Black History Month I read about black lives, in the words of black authors, about black life experiences I cannot fathom from my vantage point mired in white privilege.

To educate ourselves we have to step out of our comfort zone.

I do my best to learn and to grow and to be kind and to be understanding – which means learning some things, and exposing myself to discomfort. I read James Baldwin. I read Martin Luther King Jr. I read Malcolm X, which I first read at the tender age of 9; I understand it all quite differently at 53. Now here it is Women’s History Month and I caught myself giving it the brush off “I’m a woman myself… I already read books about women, by women… Nothing to see here…”. It isn’t the truth of my experience though, in a very important respect; I am only one women, living only one woman’s experience. (And by percentages, I don’t actually read that many books by women.) What about black women? What about Muslim women? What about immigrant women? What about women in science? What about incarcerated women? What about trans women? What about women living in dire poverty? What about women from countries and cultures I know nothing about at all? What about the meta and the metaphor of other women’s lives, experiences, and voices? How dare I look into the eyes of the woman in the mirror and assert a claim that I know enough – even about her?

However many books, however much experience; there is more to learn.

There is more to learn. Always more to learn. At no point as it ever been demonstrated that there is an end point to learning. 🙂

This weekend I’ll make a short reading list for March reading. Women’s words. Women’s lives. Women’s greatness. I’m eager to get farther along in our stories – will we change the world?

Tags and yet she persisted, are you going my way?, be the change, being and becoming, experience, here I stand naked and unafraid, I am my own cartographer, I am only one woman, I am woman, listening deeply, Mama Said, menopause, mindful living, mindful loving, mindfulness, mindfulness for beginners, mindfulness matters, Moving Beyond Words, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, Resist, Steinem, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, The Second Sex, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, what matters most?, Women's History Month, women's lives matter, words words words, yes I am a feminist, you don't tell me!

Categories Free Will, Logic & Reason, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, The Big 5, women, Words

DST BFD EIEIO

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Sometimes There’s Bitter

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Blowing Bubbles

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What Do You Want?

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There is So Much More to Learn

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