Archives for posts with tag: be the change

Another New Beginning

September 30, 2019 //

Isn’t life like that? Endless beginnings… which also means, endless endings. Focus on the endings and life can feel pretty bleak, frustrating, more than a bit of a let down, perhaps. Focus on the beginnings… ? Maybe focus on the journey, itself, present for each moment. 🙂

Here it is a Monday. The days are already shorter than 12 hours. The sun rise will occur some moments past 7 a.m., this morning. The sky is dark; I get up quite a bit ahead of the dawn, now. I’m okay with that, it’s just that it feels, subjectively as if I have more time than I do – now there’s a life metaphor, and a half. lol It pretty much always feels like I have more time than I do. We are mortal creatures, and our time is short.

I shrug it off, sip my coffee, and let my thoughts move on. My recollection of the weekend is a thoroughly pleasant one, although certainly life and love have both deliciously sweet and unpalatably unpleasant moments. It was a good weekend, in a good life. 🙂 Autumn has obviously come, with chill weather a bit “ahead of schedule” and serious thunderstorms that definitely sell the climate change warning; we never used to have such thunderstorms (any, really) in the area I live in. I wonder what becomes of the world, if we continue to abuse our planet? I sigh heavily in the quiet room, sip my coffee, and let that go, too.

I check the time; it’s already time to get my things together for the commute ahead of me. It is already time to begin again. 🙂

Tags be here now, be love, be the change, begin again, being and becoming, breathe, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, experience, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, listening deeply, love and lovers, MBSR, meditation, mindful loving, mindfulness for beginners, mindfulness matters, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, sufficiency, taking care of me, TBI, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Just Like That

September 29, 2019 //

Sipping my coffee on a Sunday. Feeling content, and cherishing that feeling even more for having recently been blown off that comfortable perch by stormy emotional weather. I take time to be pleased with the morning, and the moment, and the fact that hurt feelings don’t have to linger for days. Even yesterday was quite lovely, so much so that I never did sit down to write about it; I was busy enjoying it.

But what happened?!

Fair enough. I went to my afternoon appointment, Friday, and returned home. He was up from napping, by the time I got back. We enjoyed a lovely evening – and not “as if nothing happened” in some peculiar surreal or bitter way, faking the moment. It was like that at all. We each had a chance to care for our own needs, and took it. He took time to manage his pain, and got more rest (which he evidently needed). I took the time it took to manage my own pain, and my PTSD, which had flared up over some nothing and derailed our lovely morning. We were both fine, and when we reconnected in the evening, we made a point to check in with each other, sooth hurts, restore broken intimacy, and simply moved on with a lovely evening, without lingering resentment (as far as I know; it’s still true we are each having our own experience).

Then we enjoyed yesterday. Autumn means more indoor cooking. Desired health, long-term wellness, fitness, and longevity goals mean more new recipes, whole ingredients, and fun exploring different sorts of meals at home. Just humans being human.

Today, I woke with a bit of a headache, but well-rested, feeling fairly merry, and enjoying the sound of the rain falling fairly ceaselessly (this entire weekend) beyond the windows. I sip my coffee, explicitly aware of, and exceedingly grateful for, the roof over my head, the central heat and a/c, the indoor plumbing and potable water, refrigeration, the gas fireplace, the comfortable furnishings, and the lovely view beyond the patio. I’ll never be wealthy, but I am so very fortunate. It’s a lovely morning to enjoy that, to embrace contentment, and maybe, later, do a little laundry. lol 😀

…Then I can begin again. 🙂

Tags be the change, begin again, choose wisely, contentment, contentment is sustainable, emotional self sufficiency, experience, fortunate, good fortune, good self-care matters, having it all, listening deeply, love and laundry, love and lovers, love each other, MBSR, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, there are verbs involved, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories autumn, Brain Injury, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Breathe

September 25, 2019 //

A noise woke me…or was it a light…? Either way, I woke a bit early. I crept quietly through my routine, “so as not to wake anyone else”. Then I ground coffee. There’s no silencing the burr grinder, and I’m not surprised when I hear a voice in the darkness softly say “there was already coffee ground”. “Shit,” I reply to the unseen voice of my Traveling Partner. I get on with things, he, I hope, goes back to sleep. I’m definitely starting the morning with a failure; the literal point of being so quiet and careful in the morning is to avoiding waking my sleeping partner. lol

I sip my coffee and consider the nature of “failure”. What an emotionally loaded word that can be. I’ve already “moved on” from waking my partner, but it’s the sort of thing that could weigh me down all day with a lot of rethinking and rumination, and self-inflicted emotional bullshit and baggage of one sort or another. I’m content to shrug all that off, reminding myself how human I am, and how okay that is.

I’m groggy. This coffee doesn’t seem to be helping much. Hopefully the day doesn’t find me, later, dragging myself through the routine mundanities… I think I got enough rest. I sit quietly, sipping coffee, waiting for the earliest hint of daybreak that is often my reminder that it’s time… time to go, time to start work, time to begin again…

…There’s enough time for it, I know, enough time to begin again. 🙂 I take another sip of my coffee, and another breath. Failure? Common enough in life. Let it go. Breathe. Begin again. 😀

Tags another try, be the change, begin again, breathe, do over, emotional self sufficiency, experience, failure, good self-care, let that shit go, MBSR, mindfulness for beginners, ptsd, stop scrolling, success, sufficiency, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Seasons Change

September 22, 2019 //

I’m sipping my coffee feeling the hint of autumn that seems already evident, a certain chill I notice, and the slow turning of leaves to colors other than green; the feel of it is “autumn approaching”. The equinox is tomorrow. Fitting. I sip my coffee thinking about change.

This a good cup of coffee, this morning, and I’m feeling pretty well-rested from a better than average night of sleep. I ache – arthritis cranks things up on the pain scale along with the increased chill in the air, that bit of extra moisture, too… not helping. I shrug it off; pain is likely a notable portion of the remainder of my life – and, let’s be real here, it could be so much worse. (A VA doctor, a resident, recently asked me “Have you tried Tylenol?”, my astonishment prevented my reply, which, ideally, would have been “Have you tried getting your fucking foot out of your mouth??” I mean, seriously? If Tylenol were going to be adequate, what do I need her for?? And who hasn’t already tried OTC remedies by the time they want to take time off work and spend the money to talk to a doctor?)

This morning, though, isn’t about that. It’s not about pain, or pain management, it’s not even about this excellent cup of coffee, or a good night’s sleep. It’s a few words on a page that anchor me in this moment, in this experience, and really… that’s all. I’m here. This is now. Life is, actually, pretty good. Good enough to have comfortable easy conversations about where our money goes – and where it could be better spent. Good enough to sustain romance, and day-to-day comfortable, affectionate intimacy. Good enough to feel generally safe, and generally well. I take time to notice, because savoring the good times, however small the detail, fills me up for those times of sorrow that we each will definitely experience; challenges and heartache are also part of the human experience.

I reflect for some moments on my mother’s relatively recent death… June already seems so long ago. Summer is behind me now. Seasons do indeed change.

I sip my coffee, take a breath, and begin again.

Tags a time for healing, a time for peace, a time for reflection, a time to love, autumn chill, be here now, be love, be the change, begin again, breathe, emotional self sufficiency, good self-care, grooving, listening deeply, love, love and lovers, MBSR, meditation, mindfulness for beginners, mindfulness matters, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, seasons change, sufficiency, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, there are verbs involved, there is a season, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what matters most?, Zombies

Categories Allegories, autumn, Brain Injury, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Summer, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Action!

September 16, 2019 //

The weekend was relaxed and joyful. A nice kind of weekend to have, and I enjoyed it. This morning – a Monday – it’s time to “begin again”, in the specific sense of returning to work routines with long-standing value, practicing those work practices that begin and complete the week, fulfilling the promise of my role. In other words – time to get back to work. 🙂

The trip down to the “home office” was worthwhile. I learned a lot, helped out some, and got things done. Still, it also through off most of my careful planning and everyday routines. A “positive disruption”, in a manner of speaking.

…I definitely needed a weekend with which to relax, recharge, and think things over. Now that I’ve had that, it’s time to make use of the the knowledge gained during the time spent away.

Definitely.

I double-check my backpack while I make my coffee. A few things get taken out. A couple things get put back in. I find my badge to get in and out of the office. Practical details. I consider the morning commute… drive? Light rail? I sip my coffee. I remind myself to take out the trash on my way out this morning. Generally speaking, a very ordinary morning… it’s enough. I don’t need anything fancy to begin a great day. 🙂

…For some reason, prosciutto with melon crosses my mind, along with thickly cut, crispy, locally produced bacon, and a mimosa made with fresh squeezed juice of delicious sumo tangerines, crosses my mind. My idea of “fancy in the morning”, perhaps? I giggle quietly to myself, sip my coffee, and take a moment to appreciate what a delightful and wily “brain attack” that bit of imagination is. It could render me entirely discontent, envying what I don’t have in front of me in the moment, and send me seeking things, and stuff… it didn’t, but it could have. lol I sip my utterly average cup of morning coffee. I’m okay with it, just as it is; it’s enough. Sufficiency. Pretty powerful if I allow it to be.

I sit for some minutes, contemplating sufficiency, perspective, and the meaning of “having enough”, and sipping coffee. My next glance at the clock reminds me it’s time to begin again. 🙂

Tags back to the routine, be the change, begin again, choose wisely, dekopon, emotional self sufficiency, every day carry, getting it done, I am my own cartographer, listening deeply, MBSR, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, sufficiency, sumo tangerines, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, Time and timing, we become what we practice, what do I really need?

Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being

Another New Beginning

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Just Like That

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Breathe

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Seasons Change

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Action!

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