Archives for posts with tag: mindfulness for beginners

As I sit here, feet up, hot cup of tea on the table next to me, basking in the commonplace comforts of home and hearth: indoor plumbing, clean drinking water, a home warm against autumn chill, a nutritious breakfast, electricity, efficiency improving appliances, clean dry clothes, internet access… I realize how very special every bit of that actually is. How luxurious. How extraordinary! I have the added luxury of good employment – I am neither exploited nor abused to earn my living, and I have leisure time I can count on.  I can comfortably spend this morning on yoga, meditation, study, and enjoy the quiet contentment of nourishing my heart and soul, of healing, of growing, of learning, in a safe and secure space, quiet and uninterrupted.  It seems very worthwhile to extend a few moments of real appreciation for all of it, to stop for a minute and make time for gratitude.

Gratitude is a pretty big deal. Thanksgiving is coming, and it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle of planning and shopping, so easy to get swept up in a moment of emotional turmoil over some small stressor, or challenge, or inconvenience, and forget about the thanks implied by the holiday we celebrate. So easy, actually, that experiencing everyday gratitude for everyday wonders often falls by the wayside in the flow of everyday life.  Delights and comforts are enjoyed but unnoticed, sampled but not shared, and entirely taken for granted, day after day.

This morning I am taking a different approach and enjoying my morning, even the everyday bits, with eyes wide, and immersed in the wonders of modern comforts and luxuries as though they are new. Taking notice, experiencing appreciation and gratitude, and slowing down the clock. I am contrasting my relatively luxurious experience now, with other times, other experiences; my life hasn’t always been one of everyday comfort, or everyday luxury.

I started the morning with a cup of tea, rather than a latte. I measured out the tea itself, loose, enjoying the fragrance of the dried leaves, and bits of lemongrass and dried citrus. Smiling at the recollection of the day I bought the tea, and the conversation with the gentleman minding the shop, I boiled water, first warming my cup, then preparing the tea. I watched the clock for four minutes, contemplating the clock itself, and the incredible step forward measuring time meant for humanity, and the simple convenience of having a timepiece in the kitchen.  The morning conversation as one partner headed for sleep after a night out, and another prepared for the work day, was cordial and practical.

Soon enough the house was quiet. A light breakfast presented a nice opportunity to consider the conveniences of store-bought bread, cured meat, and artisan cheese. The advances of humankind from its dawn to its present day are considerable, and many of my favorites are every day experiences: stores, bread, preserved foods like cured meats, jams, pickles, dried fruit. These aren’t even new things, but each individually represents some human being at some prior moment taking a step forward and making life better for every one of us in some fashion, if we have access to that product or service or experience.

I made another cup of tea, treasuring my experience of choice.  I have options – even with a simple cup of tea. Green or black? Sweetened? With cream? Iced or hot? Dainty porcelain cup with a history, or a robust mug chosen at a discount store because the words delighted me? My everyday life is even filled with choices of this sort. Options.

I spent time meditating, unmeasured time. The luxury of being able to capture, and measure time is pretty amazing, and we build a lot of our world on it, with the result sometimes being that it feels like time is in very short supply.  I am finding that when I also indulge the luxury of not measuring time, of not limiting it, time seems to slow down, to become more plentiful. The clock advised me after-the-fact that I had spent 37 minutes meditating. It felt like ‘just the right amount of time’, however it was measured.

I enjoyed my yoga practice on a different level. This too, I slowed down. Each pose its own moment, its own experience, and bringing as much mindful attention to the feel of it, to my breathing, to my balance, as I comfortably could. Stopping to review details on a new posture now and then, and enjoying the luxury of comfort and quiet. Calm. Content. Strong. Centered. These are not words I have had many opportunities to apply to my own experience, over the course of a turbulent life. I enjoy each moment awake and aware.

Now I chill and, feet up and my cup of tea near at hand, I write a few words. I observe. I feel. I consider. I find myself taking a moment of gratitude and appreciation for the friends and family that nurture me, and enrich my experience.

Gratitude feels lovely every precious day – and every day is precious.  Today I am practicing gratitude. Thanksgiving is coming; it’s always good to practice what we want to be good at. 😀

Practicing gratitude is like photographing mushrooms at dawn. I took scores of pictures of them, and although only one picture celebrates the experience, every picture I took was an experience worth having.

Practicing gratitude is like photographing mushrooms at dawn. I took scores of pictures of them, and although only one picture celebrates the experience, every picture I took was an experience worth having.

Another relaxed lovely morning, quiet and serene, unfolding gently within and around me.  I woke easily, and even ‘slept in’ a bit, which feels very nourishing and luxurious. The house is quiet. My latte is warm and tasty, falling nicely into the ‘just right’ category.  Yoga first thing, and meditation.

As an extension of my meditation this morning I found myself considering each person dear to me for a moment or two, and feeling grateful to know them, and giving some time to contemplate the joy they bring me, to remember shared experiences that have helped me grow, to honor their existence and reflect on the meaning of their life if they are gone.  I didn’t plan this, it began as a simple heartfelt ‘thank you’ that my partners are part of my life, each as they are, with their struggles and imperfections, and the great value they bring to my experience, and it cascaded from there through all the relationships I have now, or have had, and their importance to me.  I feel moved, and supported, thinking about all the amazing people I know.

You are one of them. (Even if we’ve never met in the flesh, here you are now, reading my words and connecting with me through them. That matters to me; I thank you.)

Today feels good. There isn’t much more to say about that, beyond observing the feelings: contentment, balance, serenity, comfort, quiet joy, hopeful, friendly, open, relaxed, and something softer than happy, less boisterous than joy – but very much on that end of the emotional spectrum. It used to be incredibly rare to feel anything even a little like this. Somehow, then, I thought that fighting to get here, screaming in hurt and rage when it felt ‘taken away’, struggling endlessly to force this experience to exist would ‘make it happen’.  I didn’t understand. I still lack ‘certainty’ about ‘how it all works’. I am learning, and in learning is progress.  That’s enough. I am learning to be comfortable with uncertainty, and unafraid of unanswered questions; it is the questions themselves that have the greater value to me, at least for now.

Now. Now is something I am becoming pretty comfortable with. Mutable and timeless Now – it suits me more than I understood it could. Yielding to Now. Surrendering to Now. Embracing Now. Learning the amazing difference between ‘giving up’ (or ‘giving in’) through futility, apathy, or pain, and the wide open vista of experience and emotion in yielding and surrendering through openness, through acceptance, and through perspective in this precious Now.  It’s powerful, and so far… incredibly difficult to share. It’s a puzzle. All I have are words, and it isn’t about words.

I am not a missionary.

I find myself filled with conviction, hope, and experiencing my life very differently these days, and no amount of word-sharing actually has any real potential to communicate that every bit of what I have gained is freely available to anyone who chooses to embrace it for themselves. It is incredibly hard to watch people I love choose to suffer. It is a whole other lesson in life’s curriculum that the choices of others belong to them entirely as much as my own belong to me.  Another facet of ‘we are each having our own experience’, certainly, and it simply isn’t productive to shout ‘Be the change!’  🙂

So here it is, a lovely morning.  Today I am kind. I am content. I am compassionate. I am eager to embrace the new day, mindfully, and savoring each precious moment.

A lighthouse is a good metaphor today.

A lighthouse is a good metaphor today.

I start the day with a quiet morning. It’s lovely.

Yesterday turned out well.  Aside from some pretty understandable challenges with the morning, subjective, limited, and largely pretty inconsequential in the grander scheme of things, the day was a good one. I found myself more easily able to reach for the appropriate tools in the moment, able to make use of them in a pretty natural way, and more and more I find myself relying on the simplest basics of mindfulness to ease me through momentary stress. It’s so far beyond being a goodness that I don’t really have words to express the sense of relief I feel when I find myself looking back on a challenge from the perspective of having handled it well, and already putting it behind me ‘so easily’.

Therapy is… ‘blessed torment’. I’m not a practitioner of a major religion, so it feels odd to reach for those words to describe my weekly visit with my care provider, but… yeah.  It’s not the gentlest hour of my week, and the ripples through my Thursday, my weekend, and the days following are more than opportunities to reflect, to heal, to practice new skills.  It is a time to tear down what doesn’t ‘work’, isn’t functional, hasn’t served me well.  It is a time to challenge assumptions, ask powerful questions, to share painful ‘truths’ to be examined critically in a very bright light. It is a time to fight seemingly invincible demons, with an unstoppable army of… two.  It is a time to rebuild with a plan, and will, and intent, and compassion, and a time to reinforce the best of what I have, who I am, and the values I choose to honor.  I’m very fortunate to have met this particular being on my journey; for the first time, therapy is making a real difference, long-term, not just acting as crisis intervention.  Not one dime I’ve ever spent on myself has been more worthwhile.

Autumn is really getting into things now; fall foliage in radiant colors, chilly mornings, sunny afternoons, the smells of fall cooking on the air, the last barbecues of the year, the first fires in the hearth, and different flowers show their colors along the sidewalks and roadsides. I have no idea why fall is my favorite season.  I think of long walks around the lake near Ft Devens, Massachusetts, and beautiful cities showing fall colors: Augsburg, Annapolis, Portland. I love walking outside in the autumn, bundled in a warm sweater, cheeks rosy and a big smile.

Autumn days, autumn skies.

Autumn days, autumn skies.

I love the walks, the sights, the calm enthusiasm for life that I feel in the autumn.

Some of the most dramatic flowers show off in the autumn.

Some of the most dramatic flowers show off in the autumn.

I find myself feeling more focused and purposeful, without feeling driven or obligated.

I find myself enjoying this up close and with intent.

I find myself enjoying each moment up close and with intent.

Simple pleasures seem more than enough in the autumn.

I am content to look at beauty from more than one perspective, to linger, to savor it.

I am content to look at beauty from more than one perspective, to linger, to savor it.

Autumn feels more leisurely than spring, less urgent than winter, less defiant than summer. Autumn is also a time of year to openly and wantonly plan and daydream of coming Yule festivities. The winter holiday season, for me, begins with Thanksgiving, and lingers until New Year’s Day.  I love the winter holidays in all their lavish glory and festive excess.

The most awesome holiday wreath ever?! I think maybe...

The most awesome holiday wreath ever?! I think maybe…

So, here it is, autumn, a quiet morning of study, meditation, and yoga – and an excellent latte.  Later I will garden. It is time to prune the roses for winter, tidy the greenhouse for autumn crops, and cut back summer stalks that now obstruct rather than adorn.  Today, mine is a very pleasant experience.