This morning I slept a bit later than usual, and the sun was making her way into the sky and spilling like gold into the living room, through the open patio door. I’d been up much earlier, very briefly, and only long enough to remember to open the patio door to cool pre-dawn breezes, before returning to sleep. I’m glad I did, and not so much because it’s going to be a hot day, but more because it was a moment of great delight to see the very air around me transformed into gold, when I woke later. Beautiful!

The golden dawn enticed me out onto the lawn to meditate. It was still quite early, and there was neither foot traffic, nor sounds of neighbors starting their own days; it was entirely quiet but for the sounds of distant traffic and birdsong. Dew tickled my toes. A chorus of small birds landed in the tops of the tall meadow grass separating the community from the park and trees beyond.  A cat stalked slowly along the edge of the grass. A large blue jay landed nearby and walked toward me, curiously, cocking his head from side to side and checking me out thoroughly before taking off. I wasn’t facing the playground and didn’t see it begin to fill with children and early morning parenting, although I heard the laughter. Meditation ended when I was tumbled from my cushion by something fairly large, hairy, and playful; someone’s “puppy” got away from them and took off across the meadow. A rather large puppy. A Bernese Mountain Dog puppy, according the to panting Mom who’d sprinted behind him (I assume; she arrived almost on top of him, breathless) yelling “he’s friendly! he’s friendly!”. She was apologetic for breaking the peace of my morning, I was all laughter, as I’d somehow ended up with a lapful of large puppy, as well as a toddler and another somewhat older child, who arrived shortly after pup and mother, all childlike eagerness to share tales of their puppies adventures, and to assure me he’s friendly. lol No regrets here; how else does one pack so much laughter and pure unreserved joy into less than 10 minutes? 🙂 (I’m grateful I’ve entered this later stage of life appearing approachably friendly, instead of landing on ‘mean lady down the block’ – it was a legitimate risk, frankly. 🙂 )

There was still time to water the patio garden before the sun begins to beat down on it. Time to water the vegetable garden. I took out the trash. The recycling went to the bin, too. I cleaned the bathroom, humming a happy tune. I had just finished thoroughly (contentedly, happily) vacuuming the apartment, contemplating “Who Cooked Adam Smith’s Dinner?“, which I am reading, when I realized it’s not even 7 am… and I haven’t had my coffee. lol Are puppies and children all it takes to completely wreck what there is to my morning routine? I laugh at myself, and feel a moment of greater understanding (and sympathy) for what unruly lives full-time parents must have, and double-check that I remembered to take morning medication. I still haven’t had my coffee…

Mmmm… Life is good.

I hadn’t expected to spend yesterday evening with my traveling partner, until the moment he said he’d be over later. It was a lovely evening, well-spent in every way. The time spent in the company of shared friends felt warm and nurturing. The time spent alone was close, connected, intimate and easy. It was so nearly the perfect evening, the ideal moment spent wrapped in love, that I can’t even complain about how beastly hot it was; I don’t remember it that way. Love matters more.

So, I start the day routine already in tatters, unconcerned about any of that so long as I am able to take care of the woman in the mirror with some skill, and enjoy my experience without creating chaos or misery in the world. I’m okay with that – over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten more skilled at spontaneity. 🙂  It’s not so scary.

A new day like an anticipated gift; I may know it’s coming, but I don’t know what’s in it until it arrives.

I’ve no idea what today holds, beyond the morning so far… and I don’t feel any urgency driving a need to know more sooner; I’m cool with gently coasting from moment to moment, living life, experiencing experiences, and converting life time into memories. I haven’t taken much time of this extraordinary quality over a lifetime. I sit contentedly sipping my coffee, grateful to have taken the opportunity, and appreciating having the partnership that allows me to comfortably do so. Until I took the time for myself, I didn’t understand how badly I needed it, or what value it would have to have given this gift to myself; a healing journey takes some time, and it’s slow going when progress is saved for long weekends, the rare quiet evening solo, and ‘vacations’. This has been a worthwhile choice.

I became more aware (yesterday? a day or two ago?) recently that I feel actually ready to return to work. It’s an interesting feeling. I also find that I have new respect (and appreciation) for businesses that specifically give employees a hiatus from work on occasion. It makes sense, and strikes me now as a really beautiful way to prevent/heal burn out, or ensure valued employees actually do have some life to experience outside the workplace, for real. This morning, I sit down to job search tasks with contentment and enthusiasm. It feels good – and different. It makes sense to get back to work at the end of the summer… Funny how that rhythm of life left behind in childhood still lingers in my sense of what makes sense to me as an adult. 🙂

Today is a good day for being… and becoming.