Archives for posts with tag: new year’s resolutions

It’s here. New Year’s Eve. In most respects it’s no different than turning the page on the calendar at the end of any month. The clock keeps ticking. Time passes. We live our lives. We’ve chosen to celebrate this one, the end of the calendar year, as something more significant, but truly we can each begin again at pretty much any moment we choose to. Here we all are, though, and we’ve made a production out of ending the year and beginning again, so… May as well, eh?

What are you going to do about it?

I woke in the usual way, but very early. Not a big deal, and I get up, dress, and head out. It is a work day for me, though a short one. The moon hung fat and low over the western horizon, setting slowly. It was beautiful. I kept watching for a spot to snap a picture conveniently, but didn’t find a suitable combination of view and stopping place. I enjoyed the sight of it, each time I caught a glimpse of it as I drove. The drive was pleasant and uneventful; no traffic so early.

Each year, as a New Year’s tradition, people set resolutions, proclaim their intentions of changing this or that characteristic, or ending some bad habit, or changing something about their health, fitness, or circumstances. Commonly enough, and in spite of the fanfare with which resolutions are sometimes announced, most will be quietly abandoned weeks (or days) later. Choosing change is easy in the abstract. Doing the work of practicing some new behavior is a bit more difficult, requiring action, repetition, and consistency. It’s only as hard as we make it, individually, but it’s also not ideally easy. Human primates can be incredibly averse to making an effort, and prone to making grand plans that are not so easily implemented. 😆

Are you hoping to choose change this year? Pro-tip; keep it simple. Build your changes out of simple building blocks, and allow incremental change over time to pile up. Resolving to “lose X pounds by Y date” seems like a “simple goal”, but there’s a lot of small changes that end up being required to make that happen. Perhaps starting with those small changes makes more sense? Instead of resolving to lose 50 pounds by summer, perhaps start with drinking water instead of sweetened beverages? (That’s a change that may have a big result, with just the one small detail being changed.) Making that sort of small practical change habitual over time can result in lasting changes that feel pretty natural and have more tendency to “stick”. Some small seeming changes can be quite difficult in practice, sometimes because we simply don’t understand how the thing we’re trying to change actually works. An example? Interrupting people. I’d very much like to not do that, ever, at all. I find it a difficult “habit” to change, and this is largely due to approaching it as if it were merely a decision in some moment that could be made differently – but that’s often not how the complex behavior that is an interruption actually works beneath the surface. For me, the neuroscience and a better understanding of how cognition and communication work is relevant information, and remembering that I’ve also got to account for brain damage is helpful. It still takes practice, and real effort, and a lot of repetition, and I’ve improved over time… But I still struggle with this particular challenge (and maybe I always will to one degree or another). Doesn’t mean I plan to give up on it as a goal, just means there’s a lot of work involved, and plenty of opportunities to fail, to disappoint myself, and to have to begin again.

I don’t generally do “resolutions” at New Year’s. It isn’t that I don’t have goals or plans or intentions, as the new year dawns each year, I definitely do. I don’t put them on a pedestal and make them fancy, generally. It’s another new beginning. Another chance to step onto a new path. A good opportunity to adopt a new practice, or refine or renew an old one. Some people improve their success with changes they seek by sharing their intentions with someone to improve their feeling of “accountability”. Some people find that very effective – some people don’t. Do what works for you personally; it’s your life, your choice, your change.

Note: if the only reason you are seeking to change a particular thing is because someone else demands that of you, the chances of your success are greatly reduced. Just saying; we are each having (and living) our own experience. Choosing change is most effective when it is truly our own choice, for reasons that have real value to us individually.

What about me, this year? Well, I’ll take time to reflect on the year that has passed, and look ahead to the new one. I’ll consider the many ways I fell short of my intention of being the person I most want to be, and make choices about what character qualities have failed me, and where I can improve and grow as a human being. I’ll do practical things, like uninstall any apps that I didn’t use all year, or give to charity any clothing items I just didn’t wear at all (why would I keep them?). I’ll consider what I learned from the past year’s reading. I’ll make a reading list for the new year. I’ll write emails and letters to far away friends who haven’t heard from me in awhile. Maybe I’ll plan a road trip down to California to see old friends? I’ll explicitly do my best to avoid “setting myself up for failure” with the kind of grand goals and resolutions that so easily fail before Spring comes. I like an easy win. lol

You know what you won’t change? (Nor will I!) The nature of change itself. It will come for all of us in its own way, on unexpected timing that is often inconvenient. There’s no avoiding that. Change is. Choosing change is a bold choice. I wish you well! It can be so exciting to take control of your circumstances in that way, by choosing to make a change. There are verbs involved; you’ll have to do the work of changing, yourself. No one can (or will) do it for you.

Here we are… Are you ready to begin again? 2025 has been a weird and often painfully discouraging year in some ways. Are you ready to do your part to make 2026 better – for everyone? What will you do? What will you change? It’s time to begin. Again.

…Unless you are ready to choose change…unless you use verbs…unless you begin again. And again. And yet again…until the thing about which you propose to be resolved becomes a quality about who you actually are. Just saying. It’s said better here, perhaps. Or here. Or here.  All of them are fairly easily summarized – you can choose change, it does require verbs. There are no shortcuts, and there are no excuses.

Sometimes it feels like an uphill climb.

Sometimes it feels like an uphill climb. There are unexpected obstacles. 

The most frustrating thing about ‘New Year’s resolutions’ is that they so rarely result in real change (for many people – your results may vary). The ‘why’ of that is so simple; there are verbs involved, and a requirement that our intention, our will, and our actions align to result in change. No verbs? No change. I can want to lose weight, intend to lose weight, and make a good plan to reach a reasonable goal; if I do not practice the practices that get the desired result, I will not lose weight – and the frustration and disappointment of personal failure can so easily (and thoughtlessly) be transmuted to emotion-driven over-consumption of unneeded calories. Bummer. A lot of things work that way; feelings of futility and frustration easily result in a level of ‘giving up’ that results in not only not making the desired change, but even over-indulging the undesirable behavior. Huge bummer.

It’s not easy to stick with a commitment to change, whether the change involved is quitting smoking, losing weight, or giving up being a colossal psychotic raging bitch 24/7 to people you say you love; the nature of the change itself is almost irrelevant to the success or failure of the endeavor. How much you want it doesn’t have much to do with whether you will succeed or fail, either; the most earnest heartfelt desire for change is still simply an emotional experience (although one that can be leveraged for motivation, still just a feeling). Add to that the discouragement of loved ones in our support system being less than ideally encouraging – or frankly skeptical of success – and it can seem an insurmountable roadblock to change, just having emotions at all! Harsh – we’re so human! How do we get past all that? I don’t actually have an easy answer there; I begin again when I ‘fail’, and use the opportunity to learn and grow. There may be an easier answer, but I haven’t found it – and at this point, I’m not looking for easy answers. I’m content with questions… and verbs.

Go ahead. Choose change. Make a resolution. Be the person you most want to be in 2016! It may not be ‘easy’. You may fail – you may fail a lot. Incremental change over time is a real thing, though, and we do become what we practice – no kidding, that’s real, too (and true of behaviors both nurturing and damaging). Begin again. Start over. And again after that. Use a verb – use a lot of verbs – exert effort fearlessly; all you have in this lifetime is this lifetime, itself. Spending an entire lifetime not even making the attempt to be all you most want to be (as a human being) seems pretty… empty. Pointless? Wasted. So…later in January? February? Whenever you find you’ve quit, given up, or stalled – begin again. That’s actually ‘all it takes’ – begin again. Did you fail again? Okay – begin again. Again. And again. It’s the nature of practice to require repetition. 😉

One last bit on this, from a different perspective… Some of you out there could stand to treat your fellow human beings better than you do. (You know who you are, and your neighbors do indeed hear you; the world sees you in action pretty much every day and very few people are actually deceived.) Are you relying on rationalizations and excuses to get a pass for the mistreatment you heap upon your fellow human being? (Hormones, fatigue, alcohol, pain, illness…) Maybe you just feel righteous and justified or entitled. You can choose change, too. You can also refuse to choose change, but you don’t get to choose to avoid responsibility or accountability for your damaging behavior from that moment that your loved ones wake up to the awareness that you are in fact choosing who you are, and choosing to behave in a damaging ways to your loved ones (whether you call it abuse or not). If you have been told that your behavior or language is hurtful and you continue it, you are choosing and your behavior is no longer easily defined as ‘unintended’; it is not an accident, and you did indeed ‘mean to’.  2016 could so easily be the year you choose differently, learn to love, and learn to treat other human beings well. 2016 could also be the year that you don’t choose to behave any differently (sadly this is more likely)… but 2016 could also be the year your loved ones finally wake up to their value as human beings and that they don’t deserve to be mistreated, and don’t have to take it anymore – and walk on, to a life in which they are valued, loved, and treated well. (They are free to choose change, themselves, instead of enduring your abusive vile shifty behavior or mistreatment. 🙂 Just saying; it’s a system that works nicely with adequate use of verbs.)

Practice the practices that take you closer to being the human being you most want to be.

Practice the practices that take you closer to being the human being you most want to be.

So…here it is… the cusp of a new year. As arbitrary as that really is, it is a moment – and you can choose change. Will this be the year you become the person you most want to be? Will you change the world? Will humankind’s global experience improve in your hands? Will you love well? Will you speak kindly? If practice makes perfect, what kind of world are we perfecting in 2016?