Archives for posts with tag: TBI

All Sorts of Weird

October 2, 2019 //

I’m barely awake. I didn’t sleep particularly well, and woke in the middle of the dream when the alarm went off. The work day is ahead of me. My coffee tastes… flat. The morning feels… “too early”. S’ok. It’s another new day, entirely, and I’m pretty glad yesterday is over – no fault of the day. Yesterday was fine. Lovely, actually, right up until my guts betrayed me entirely, later in the day, and I had to go home, because I just didn’t have a change of clothes, and unexpectedly needed one. 0_o Being human has some gross moments.

…Still…aside from that? Yesterday was a great day. Pleasant, productive, and generally comfortable.

The evening was spent in quiet intimacy. I wasn’t up to anything more strenuous than television, and we relaxed in each other’s good company, being entertained by streaming content. Doesn’t matter at all what we were watching, really, the point of the shared good time had nothing much to do with that. 🙂

It’s a whole new day stretching ahead of me. I find myself wondering if I should keep a spare set of clothes in the office for “inconveniences”. It would not be out of character to at least have clean dry socks tucked into a desk drawer. lol Wet feet suck, and the solution (clean dry socks) is way too easy and compact to be unprepared – I walk a lot… although, writing those words reminds me I walk less lately than I would enjoy. Even there, the solution is obvious – and easy. It’s just a choice. 🙂

Hmm… choices. I sit sipping coffee, contemplating choices… and the nature of decision-making. We’re such complicated creatures in some ways. I yawn, interrupting my own thought, and check the time… damn it. Already time to begin again. 😉

Tags be here now, be the change, begin again, breathe, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, MBSR, mindfulness matters, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, sufficiency, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, The Art of Being

Another New Beginning

September 30, 2019 //

Isn’t life like that? Endless beginnings… which also means, endless endings. Focus on the endings and life can feel pretty bleak, frustrating, more than a bit of a let down, perhaps. Focus on the beginnings… ? Maybe focus on the journey, itself, present for each moment. 🙂

Here it is a Monday. The days are already shorter than 12 hours. The sun rise will occur some moments past 7 a.m., this morning. The sky is dark; I get up quite a bit ahead of the dawn, now. I’m okay with that, it’s just that it feels, subjectively as if I have more time than I do – now there’s a life metaphor, and a half. lol It pretty much always feels like I have more time than I do. We are mortal creatures, and our time is short.

I shrug it off, sip my coffee, and let my thoughts move on. My recollection of the weekend is a thoroughly pleasant one, although certainly life and love have both deliciously sweet and unpalatably unpleasant moments. It was a good weekend, in a good life. 🙂 Autumn has obviously come, with chill weather a bit “ahead of schedule” and serious thunderstorms that definitely sell the climate change warning; we never used to have such thunderstorms (any, really) in the area I live in. I wonder what becomes of the world, if we continue to abuse our planet? I sigh heavily in the quiet room, sip my coffee, and let that go, too.

I check the time; it’s already time to get my things together for the commute ahead of me. It is already time to begin again. 🙂

Tags be here now, be love, be the change, begin again, being and becoming, breathe, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, experience, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, listening deeply, love and lovers, MBSR, meditation, mindful loving, mindfulness for beginners, mindfulness matters, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, sufficiency, taking care of me, TBI, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Just Like That

September 29, 2019 //

Sipping my coffee on a Sunday. Feeling content, and cherishing that feeling even more for having recently been blown off that comfortable perch by stormy emotional weather. I take time to be pleased with the morning, and the moment, and the fact that hurt feelings don’t have to linger for days. Even yesterday was quite lovely, so much so that I never did sit down to write about it; I was busy enjoying it.

But what happened?!

Fair enough. I went to my afternoon appointment, Friday, and returned home. He was up from napping, by the time I got back. We enjoyed a lovely evening – and not “as if nothing happened” in some peculiar surreal or bitter way, faking the moment. It was like that at all. We each had a chance to care for our own needs, and took it. He took time to manage his pain, and got more rest (which he evidently needed). I took the time it took to manage my own pain, and my PTSD, which had flared up over some nothing and derailed our lovely morning. We were both fine, and when we reconnected in the evening, we made a point to check in with each other, sooth hurts, restore broken intimacy, and simply moved on with a lovely evening, without lingering resentment (as far as I know; it’s still true we are each having our own experience).

Then we enjoyed yesterday. Autumn means more indoor cooking. Desired health, long-term wellness, fitness, and longevity goals mean more new recipes, whole ingredients, and fun exploring different sorts of meals at home. Just humans being human.

Today, I woke with a bit of a headache, but well-rested, feeling fairly merry, and enjoying the sound of the rain falling fairly ceaselessly (this entire weekend) beyond the windows. I sip my coffee, explicitly aware of, and exceedingly grateful for, the roof over my head, the central heat and a/c, the indoor plumbing and potable water, refrigeration, the gas fireplace, the comfortable furnishings, and the lovely view beyond the patio. I’ll never be wealthy, but I am so very fortunate. It’s a lovely morning to enjoy that, to embrace contentment, and maybe, later, do a little laundry. lol 😀

…Then I can begin again. 🙂

Tags be the change, begin again, choose wisely, contentment, contentment is sustainable, emotional self sufficiency, experience, fortunate, good fortune, good self-care matters, having it all, listening deeply, love and laundry, love and lovers, love each other, MBSR, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, there are verbs involved, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories autumn, Brain Injury, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Breathe

September 25, 2019 //

A noise woke me…or was it a light…? Either way, I woke a bit early. I crept quietly through my routine, “so as not to wake anyone else”. Then I ground coffee. There’s no silencing the burr grinder, and I’m not surprised when I hear a voice in the darkness softly say “there was already coffee ground”. “Shit,” I reply to the unseen voice of my Traveling Partner. I get on with things, he, I hope, goes back to sleep. I’m definitely starting the morning with a failure; the literal point of being so quiet and careful in the morning is to avoiding waking my sleeping partner. lol

I sip my coffee and consider the nature of “failure”. What an emotionally loaded word that can be. I’ve already “moved on” from waking my partner, but it’s the sort of thing that could weigh me down all day with a lot of rethinking and rumination, and self-inflicted emotional bullshit and baggage of one sort or another. I’m content to shrug all that off, reminding myself how human I am, and how okay that is.

I’m groggy. This coffee doesn’t seem to be helping much. Hopefully the day doesn’t find me, later, dragging myself through the routine mundanities… I think I got enough rest. I sit quietly, sipping coffee, waiting for the earliest hint of daybreak that is often my reminder that it’s time… time to go, time to start work, time to begin again…

…There’s enough time for it, I know, enough time to begin again. 🙂 I take another sip of my coffee, and another breath. Failure? Common enough in life. Let it go. Breathe. Begin again. 😀

Tags another try, be the change, begin again, breathe, do over, emotional self sufficiency, experience, failure, good self-care, let that shit go, MBSR, mindfulness for beginners, ptsd, stop scrolling, success, sufficiency, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5

A Wee Slice of Life With My Coffee

September 23, 2019 //

This morning, I am sipping my coffee and contemplating the new “view” in my studio. My Traveling Partner installed some lovely acrylic shelves for me, and my space is more organized, which has altered the view – and in some sense, also my perspective. I am enjoying the expectation-defying moment greatly; I had forgotten about the change during the night, and it struck me as surprising and delightful when I saw it this morning. 🙂

I head into the office after four very pleasant days away, spent taking care of myself, and enjoying the company of my partner. It’s been deliciously restful, and wonderfully satisfying. There’s not much else to say about it, it wasn’t fancy or particularly noteworthy, nor was the time spent in a remarkable or novel way; it was time spent wrapped in love, at home, and it was lovely. I allow myself a moment to notice that I just commented that time spent wrapped in love is not novel (for me, now), and I smile. It was a long journey to this place, paved with verbs and uncomfortable moments. A worthy journey. 🙂

I don’t know what the day ahead holds. I’m okay with that amount of uncertainty. 🙂 (Took some time to get here, too. lol) It is what it is. I’ll try not to let the verbs pile up unnecessarily. 🙂

…It’s already time to begin again. I guess I’m okay with that, too. 😀

Tags autumnal equinox, be here now, begin again, choose differently, cure for pain, down time, I'm okay with it, living well by choice, Love First, order from chaos, ptsd, saying yes and, taking care of me, TBI, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what will you do with the opportunity ahead?

All Sorts of Weird

Share this:

Another New Beginning

Share this:

Just Like That

Share this:

Breathe

Share this:

A Wee Slice of Life With My Coffee

Share this:

Archives