Archives for posts with tag: words and music

Okay, so… there will not literally be party hats, cake, or ice cream. I am, however, celebrating – and you’re invited! Let’s do this thing! First, we need to set the mood. Jessie J? I think so.

Note: the links are all music that I like, that feels powerful and celebratory in some way – your results may vary. Just saying; it’s a matter of taste. 😉

One piece of growth and progress I often miss is celebrating the win – when I ‘get it right’ on a new level, or in an unexpected way, or after trying and trying for so long, I forget to just pause and really appreciate that moment, to let is soak into my consciousness, and to really enjoy the win without reservations, and without needing validation from an external source. I’m done with that. It’s not a very nice way to treat myself – to work so hard, and then just shrug off success in pursuit of the next thing to fix, or because perfection is unattainable. This morning I am celebrating yesterday; there’s a party in my heart, and I’m the guest of honor. (It feels really good, I highly recommend appreciating your small successes.)

I had some challenges yesterday – but I managed them myself, which feels pretty self-sufficient and powerful.  It wasn’t that the day was perfect and easy – it had some really difficult moments, and that didn’t stop me from having a great day. No meltdown. Good choices. I bounced back! More than once. I got through the entire evening (after being profoundly tested during the commute) on my own strength, even taking time to attempt to gently express a small moment of hurt, without using emotional weapons of mass distraction; finding success there was a surprise. This morning I woke up feeling calm, strong, and in a pleasant mood. This, too, is worthy of celebration.

Yesterday I brushed off the small stuff with good self-care practices, awareness, self-compassion, and the will to take myself in hand and help myself out of the muck…even Facebook joined the fun; a good friend redirected my focus gently in the moment with a soft question redirecting me to a mindful moment. Friends matter. Connection matters. Being open to success, too, matters. (A lot, actually; it is a choice to remain in a bad place.) Love matters – particularly that love I have for myself; it’s been hard to get here. Is it strange that feeling strong and capable also feels beautiful? If I had that sort of art at my command, I would find the words for powerful statements of beauty, autonomy, strength of will – that’s all very sexy stuff.

This isn’t about bragging about a good day; I want to celebrate the successes more than I grieve the misses. The positives in life really rate more attention than I’ve given them, more delight, more focus, more opportunity to linger on what feels good. Some beats and some dancing! So here we are – party hats on! Today is a good day to be open to success – and to appreciate it when it comes, whether through skill and practice, or good fortune and good friends. Feel the win! (What will you celebrate today?)

Taking a moment just for me to enjoy my own moment - totally okay, too. :-)

Taking a moment just for me to enjoy my own moment – totally okay, too. 🙂

It is well past dawn. I went to bed angry, probably more than a reasonable amount. I slept restlessly, frustratedly fighting my demons in my sleep.  I woke with residual anger left unexpressed from the night before. I am human. I struggle with anger.  I’m taking on my own anger, and my relationship with the emotion of anger, in a serious way as a ‘next step’.

It is worth observing that I do not face the challenge of anger in my experience as an indication that I have any perception that I’m ‘done’ with ‘everything else’, or that I am comfortable that I mastered other challenges in my life. It’s just time to take it on. I think I can make improvements and learn and grow, at long last,  where anger is concerned. I am ready to stop running from anger, whether it is my own anger, or someone else’s anger. (Wow – saying that just made my heart pound in earnest.  Anger – still scary. lol)

I’m not sure how much I’ll share about this particular challenge of mine, at least initially…and hasn’t that been part of the issue, for me, all along? I reject anger, refuse anger, deny anger, avoid anger, run from anger, cower in fear from anger, wish it away, rationalize it, fight it with words and actions, ignore it, take any conceivable step to dissipate it…even to the point of injuring my own heart, disrespecting and dishonoring my own experience, and damaging myself, and my relationships…all in the name of protecting myself…from…what exactly?  An emotion.  Of course, it doesn’t work out well in the long run. You know where it leads, right?  I’m sure anyone who has ever been in a relationship with me knows… it explodes out of nowhere, unexpectedly, uncontrollably, and often disproportionate to the event of the moment, due to the impetus of long-time resentments that have built up from…wait for it… unresolved anger from earlier events.  😦  Not ok.   And since I do understand that it isn’t acceptable to fuel conflict with ‘old business’ that isn’t relevant to the conflict of the moment, the frustration, helplessness, and ancient lingering rage of residual anger rarely gets addressed in a fair and honest way… I end up stuck with it.

I may be one of the angriest people I know…I don’t actually know for sure, though, because I have refused for so long to give myself the courtesy of really hearing myself and tending to my own heart and needs on issues of anger.   (I wrote a lot of very different words  here, initially…and deleted them. They were raw and visceral, and such an intimate look into my relationship with anger and explicit about my trauma history I couldn’t really consider clicking the ‘publish’ button. I am not that strong.  Is it enough to say I am damaged and anger is a challenge I want to face next?)

I did something new with anger this morning. I told someone I was angry.  Simple, clear, honest – no games or bullshit – I said “I feel angry about…”.  Interestingly, doing that, and having the experience of being heard without any objection or rejection, or argument, seemed to allow the actual in-the-moment emotional experience of anger to dissipate. I would still say that the thing that I felt angry over would still be something I consider hurtful, and as an experience unsatisfying and unpleasant, but I don’t still ‘feel angry’.  I feel a little lost though, at the moment;  like so many things lately, I wonder what else about anger will prove to be very different than my fears.

Human endeavor; a complicated metaphor.

Human endeavor; a complicated metaphor.

Where does anger fit in with my ‘Big 5’ for my relationships?  (Respect, Reciprocity, Consideration, Compassion, and Openness) Lately three other words that don’t typically come up for me have been regular points of contemplation with regard to my own growth; holistic, coherent, and integrated.  They seem important concepts relevant to my journey, but I feel rather like I did the first time I heard the term ‘mindfulness’…they are words. Something about each one seems urgently important to understand and to understand in the context of my own growth and healing…but for now they are simply words.

Building on what is...

Building on what is…

50 isn’t far off now, just 39 days, barely more than a month. I’m eager to get there, eager to prove to the cynical 14-year-old me lurking in my memories that I lived to see 50, in spite of my grim certainty that seeing 35 wasn’t likely.  I spend a lot of time building a better foundation for the next 50 years than I had for the first 50. I’m more fortunate than I can measure that I have so much support in that endeavor, and no noticeable resistance to it.

Hoping for something splendid and wonderful, however humble, however simple.

Hoping for something splendid and wonderful, however humble, however simple.