Archives for posts with tag: yoga in the morning

I woke with a headache. It’s the sort of indescribably awful headache that I generally stop just short of mentioning at all, leaving others around me under the impression I am either in a bad mood, or possibly a bad human being. I’m neither, as far as I can tell. I just have this headache. Today’s headache is a strange combination that feels a bit like a caffeine headache, and a bit like a headache from being dehydrated, without actually feeling like either – or both – and it exists in a different location in my head than either of those, too. (Have enough headaches, and I suspect anyone begins to categorize, label, or describe them by known characteristics.) This headache seems also to coexist with a ludicrously high number of spelling errors, to include trying to spell words with semi-colons, and feeling momentarily puzzled by it; that just didn’t look right at all. lol I am struggling to write, backing ¬†up again and again to correct spelling; the habit of someone who learned to type before spell check.

Yesterday ended well. It was quite lovely and chill and a very sweet evening at home with my partners. I enjoyed it.

Yesterday, ending well.

Yesterday, ending well.

Yeah. This headache… there won’t be many words today. This morning I will redirect my efforts to self-care, and work on easing this headache, and doing so without panic, stress, frustration, or any sense of pressure that might source from an internal sense that I must succeed. I’ll do what I know works, first, and continue to practice good practices; I will finish my coffee, drink more water, do more yoga, and take time to contemplate recent lovely happenings and moments and letting them fill my consciousness with small moments of great joy. Even if my headache doesn’t dissipate, I will enjoy those things because I enjoy them, anyway. They may help the headache. I’ll also give thought to the headache remedies on hand (we have several, including over-the-counter non-steroidal anti-inflammatories in both generic and brand name options, feverfew in my garden, and an assortment of useful herbal tinctures), and this particular headache, make a choice and hope for the best. I know I would be well-served to be utterly faithful in the witch doctor nostrums provided by the pharmaceutical industry; everything works more efficiently when we believe. ¬†Placebo effect. LOL I am just a shade too cynical for that, generally, to my own detriment.

One thing or another will work. Already, the moments of meditation between paragraphs, the thoughtful contemplation of small joys in life, have shifted the focus of my awareness; this ‘headache’ isn’t truly a headache, after all. It’s more obvious as I become more fully awake, more aware of my body in space, more attuned to each sensation through that awareness; this is my arthritic back crying out for relief. Sometime during the night I took some position that gave my back relief, and it became a headache later. The yoga is helping, too. I pause between paragraphs this morning for a moment of meditation, an asana, a few cleansing breaths. It’s helping the headache; and I’m more aware of my arthritis pain. That’s actually a good thing. I’m listening to my body, and taking care of me.

Today is a good day for honest, compassionate, attentive self-care. Today is a good day to accept and nurture this fragile vessel in which I reside. Today is a good day to celebrate small things, and enjoy small moments. Today is a good day to be vulnerable, frank, and supportive of myself and others. Today is a good day to change the world.

Some days I just have to pause for the good stuff.

One lovely moment in summer.

One lovely moment in summer.

 

I woke with a nasty headache this morning, a sort of combination headache, part dehydration, perhaps, and part sinus headache. It seems largely irrelevant now, that was more than an hour ago. I’m already well beyond the challenge of that moment, and quietly enjoying the moments after meditating; still considering the theme of the insistent thoughts that intruded. I am feeling appreciative that life isn’t worse, that’s all.¬†

I’ve been doing ‘the gratitude thing’ on Facebook. I enjoy it and have long since lost count of any number of days; it is enough to be grateful, to appreciate what is good, what is going well, what satisfies my needs. This morning is a little unusual. I am most sensitive to the gratitude of ‘not being worse than it is’ – without any negative emotional experience, and actually also better than neutral. Small things matter. It matters, for example, that although I’m in considerable pain from osteo-arthritis in my spine, pretty much all the time these days, I’m also still walking around on my legs with good ease of movement, in general, and managing 5 miles a day or more. That’s the sort of thing, this morning; gratitude doesn’t have to be dishonest, doesn’t need me to overlook what is real, or that I have moments of suffering. It’s a comfortable and nurturing realization, and I feel whole while considering it.¬†

One beautiful summer day.

One beautiful summer day.

Yesterday was hot and sunny. My lunch walk was a test of endurance by the time I returned to the office. I didn’t regret taking the time, or making the effort, the value in the moment is considerable in spite of the heat; exercise, sunshine, the beauty of life and the world around me…totally worth it.¬†

Color and perspective

Summer up close; I have to be out in it to see it.

Isn’t that how a lot of things ‘really’ are? The yearned for, paired with the tolerated. The needed, sought understanding there may also be a burden. The anticipated, alongside the dreaded. The pain and the reward. What is enough? Perspective, balance, acceptance, gratitude…all working together in a framework of mindful will. This is a very interesting journey.¬†

Small stuff matters.

Small stuff matters.

Today has all the ingredients of a very good day. What will I choose? What will I learn from moments of suffering? How will I face my challenges, meet my needs over time, and graciously handle the worst of what life throws at me, without being flattened by it? Today feels full of opportunities. 

I’m groggy this morning, and fighting fatigue and arthritis pain. Well, not ‘fighting’ them, so much as acknowledging and accepting them, doing what I can to improve the situation, and moving on. Yesterday was one of those busy sorts of days that pushes the limits of endurance, and skill, and ends with a feeling of profound satisfaction in job well done, which was awesome. This morning, however, I am groggy. I was so tired after work yesterday I crashed much earlier than usual. After a couple of hours of deep sleep, I spent the night waking more or less hourly in response to my brain tossing work-related questions at me all night, which I dutifully woke myself to answer, before returning to sleep. It was not the most restful night of sleep I’ve ever had, and waking to the infernal beeping of the alarm, which rarely happens, isn’t a pleasant experience for me.

I feel ‘behind’ on everything this morning. My consciousness feels fuzzy and somehow always arriving late for the moment I’m in. There’s not a lot to say about this state of being. It is what it is. It will pass. It is relevant but unimportant. It’s ‘weather’, not ‘climate’.

Yoga, meditation, a shower, espresso, correspondence, Facebook… and now, a few moments, a few words, the rhythmic sound of fingers on keys; a new day begins.

I have no keen observations on my very human experience this morning…only observations of the most mundane sort: my room is untidy, in spite of my love of order, and this is telling. I tend to descend into disorder under stress. My hands are not as neatly manicured as usual, and I’ve bitten my pinky nails down to the quick; this also tends to be limited to times of stress. In the past 10 days, I’ve had two headaches that felt like transient ischemic attacks, which I had fairly regularly for many years, but which I’d not been having for a long while (about 4 years, I think). I associate that experience with stress, too, although it could perhaps be something else altogether. ¬†Interestingly, I don’t feel – emotionally – as if I am under a lot of stress.

A moment of stillness can change so much.

A moment of stillness can change so much.

I take time to meditate a few more minutes, and return to writing feeling calm and content and soothed. Keeping an eye on stress matters. It’s not generally necessary to exist under that amount of stress; I have choices I can make to alleviate a lot of it. It helps to know where it is coming from. In this case? Work. Yep. Simply that. ¬†I experience some internal conflict over it, because on the one hand – it’s amazing work, I’m good at it, and I’m valued… but feel some performance pressure, nonetheless, to really ‘wow’ the company I work for. ¬†Pretty common, I’m sure. On the other hand? Well, frankly… I don’t place a high value on being an employee, on ‘gainful employment’, or on ‘having a job’, because these are not experiences that define me as a human being. There is so much more to me than work! I’d happily retire this very moment, if I were financially prepared to sustain a simple life of sufficiency for the 30-60 more years I might be around. I’m not, so I can’t… the stress I’m experiencing comes from being aware of how little I actually ‘care about’ work, in the face of how much pressure there is to do it very well right at the moment. Quite a balancing act. ¬†I find myself surprised every time I meet someone who claims to really want to be employed. I’ve been working on figuring out how to be retired since I was about… 18. I have stuff I’d like to do, and so little time for me…

My at home partner becomes a traveling partner tomorrow. ¬†I’m sure I’ll miss her. ¬†There’s a small amount of stress there, too… both partners away for days means a weekend of painting, and I’m so excited about that time for myself, that I have the sense of it being ‘inappropriate’ or somehow unkind. Silliness, and I recognize it as such, but there it is. I am so very human.

I take another moment or two more for meditation, self-compassion, loving kindness, and awareness of how good it feels to have this time to meet such an important need for myself. Content solitude is a precious gift of love, and I’m eager to honor it, savor it, and take advantage of it creatively.

Awareness and presence need no excuse, but do require practice.

Awareness and presence need no excuse, but do require practice.

Today is a good day to be who I am. Today is a good day to be considerate of myself, and others. Today is a good day to celebrate small successes, small victories, and everyday joy. Today is a good day to appreciate that we’re all experiencing our own pain, and to be mindful that a moment of compassion can make a big difference in the world. Today is a good day to be gracious, and to be generous. Today is a good day to change the world.