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Very Few Words

October 2, 2013 //
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This quiet morning I am a woman of few words.  My busy mind is momentarily quieted with meditation, and I’ve got a good latte in front of me, and imminent dawn to contemplate as day breaks.

A new book, Buddhist Boot Camp, arrived in the mail yesterday.  So far, I’m delighted with it.  It is already on my fairly short list of books that have made a difference to me. Books I love are numerous, but the books that have mattered, that have helped me on my path, that have been tools more than entertainment are quite few in number.  I’ve mentioned several of them, and they amount to my ‘recommended reading list’ for getting from “I hate where I am” to “I am going somewhere new and I enjoy who I am becoming along the way”.  Are you a little curious?

Here they are, as of today, in the order I read them:

  • Your Greatest Power by Jack Martin Kohe*
  • The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
  • Success by Heidi Grant Halvorson
  • The Five Elements of Effective Thinking by Edward B Burger, and Michael Starbird
  • The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
  • Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn
  • Get Some Headspace by Andy Puddicombe**
  • Buddhist Boot Camp by Timber Hawkeye

Are there other books I would recommend? Sure, if someone asked; it would depend on what they said they are looking for, or where they are headed, or perhaps what sort of day it was at the time. I love books. I have read many. I enjoy the feel of a bound book in my hands, and the gift of knowledge, wisdom, or story telling from some other mind, in some other place and time, so carefully preserved for me. 😀 These are just books that from where I stand now, appear to have been key to getting to this point, and since I like this point, they become meaningful, and important [to me].

*A note about Your Greatest Power: The first time I read this book I was fortunate enough to read it in a worn and dusty 1st edition (1953?).  It was 1981, I was young and it struck me that could be the most important thing I’d ever read. (I also recognized that I ‘wasn’t there yet’.)  Happenstance put that 1st edition, a different copy, in my hands in a dark moment that became a decision-making point many years later. Like many of the books in my list, there is an implied verb in using the contents of a book as a tool or catalyst for change. Every book in my list could entirely change someone’s life – anyone’s life – but it isn’t the book that makes the change. It is the choices. 😉

**To be fair, Andy Puddicombe, as a source of inspiration, actually belongs just after The Five Elements of Effective Thinking; it was his TED Talk that moved me in the direction of exploring mindfulness with intent and will, and that was just this very year. 🙂

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Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Parables, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Words

Rocks In My…

May 28, 2013 //
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…I bet I already know how you finished that phrase, if you speak American English as a native. lol. Actually, I have rocks in my thoughts, so perhaps you aren’t far off? 🙂  I’m 15 days from my birthday…my new aquarium is standing in its place, ready to be leak tested, and waiting a final equipment check.  Yesterday I delighted my senses with a visit to a nearby landscaping business for some choice rocks for the decor. (Yes, I am the sort of being who finds searching great piles of river rock for just the right ones quite entertaining and satisfying.)   My experience is one of ‘creating a world’. lol. Grand of me, I know, but it is the sort of imagination I have, and really the metaphors while I also ‘work on me’ are endless and wonderful.

...a box of rocks.

…a box of rocks.

The box of rocks is exciting on its own, but it also got me thinking about aphorisms, homilies, figures of speech, slogans, and idioms; shortcuts we take to communicate.  Thinking on that ‘box of rocks’ and how we take communication shortcuts that rely on our listener’s own experience, history, and culture to understand us (by implication) as much as explicitly through our own unique verbiage, (if not more so) quickly put my attention on the clear contradiction between embracing a genuine life and genuine sense of self (sense of genuine self?) and taking verbal shortcuts.  Only 15 days left, and the first half ends…so, I will commit to avoiding the use of figures of speech, slogans, idioms, homilies, and aphorisms for the next 15 days.  Why? I mean, we all use them (some of us more than others). Aren’t they pretty harmless? Well… maybe, but it struck me that colorful or not, expressive or not, they are both lazy and imprecise – and in no case is a choice to use someone else’s phrasing truly ‘my own voice’. Worse still, so many times lately, at the heart of some bit of logical fallacy, error in reasoning, failure to take care of myself emotionally, or moment of treating someone else less well than I could have, I find some verbal shortcut that has become, over time, ‘programming’ instead.  It starts with nursery rhymes and rote memorization in childhood, and slowly becomes who we are.

Maybe you think I’m taking this too seriously? ‘ Making a mountain out of a…’  I don’t need to finish that, do I? Ok,  maybe it seems a small thing, and unlikely to change the way any of us view the world we live in. Perhaps. I mean… Science is safe from sloppy language becoming programming, right? Hmmm… maybe. Again, maybe. What if I ask you what the moon is made of? If the little voice inside your consciousness quickly quips ‘green cheese’ in the background – even though you know it is not factual– just maybe this is a bigger deal than seems obvious.  I’m at least going to give myself 15 days to be who I am, using my own words as much and as often as possible – even correcting myself if I catch myself taking a short-cut through the programming. lol. Why? Because ‘I love you, too.’ means more when it isn’t a knee jerk reaction to someone else saying ‘I love you’, and ‘because I want to be heard’…my own thoughts…my own words…the things that matter to me, about me, to be understood by others.

While I walked to work, I gave the matter of words a bit of thought, well, a lot of thought. I came up with uncountable numbers of simple phrases heard over my lifetime that have become something beyond a sentence or a simple thought – they are cultural programming.  I won’t list them, you no doubt have your own, I simply suggest that for me, it is time to retire as many phrases, and sentences, that I quickly reach for every day, in favor of more genuine heartfelt communication.  If it auto-completes in my head, I’ll be looking for other words. lol.

…In other words, 50 seems a nice point in life to be who I am.

Being one, among many.

Being one, among many.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, Free Will, Logic & Reason, Love, Menopause, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, Turning 50, Words

Seeking Calm, Seeking Chill, Finding Strength

April 11, 2013 //
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Today, it is my walk home last night that resonates with me in a lingering way.  This morning’s walk was lovely, too; still basking in the glow of Love, and attentively observing the sights of spring as I passed by: a hedge of delicate magnolia blossoms turning now to a stale brown as they fade, tiny azaleas unfolding magenta and lemon yellow, big bold rhododendrons of florid scarlet, clusters of sweet smelling shrubs of an unknown (to me) variety, and a seemingly endless number and kind of tiny birds, each with their own song to sing.

First peek at the garden on a spring morning

First peek at the garden on a spring morning

I have my own song to sing, too, and on my walk last night it was a surprise to find myself humming and sometimes even singing aloud.  Each day brings me some moments of finding this new place in myself…a center of calm and strength and wholeness I didn’t know I had within me.  This strong core inside myself seems untouched by momentary ups and downs, by the whims of circumstance, by the petty dramas, tides, and storms of my human experience.  My emotions come and go, sometimes hurting, sometimes surging with passion or delight, and still this core of strength inside myself seems calm and chill, not unmoved, but not involved.  Finding this place inside myself is giving me back some very precious things that I had lost somewhere/when along the way…the freedom to dance, to sing aloud, a feeling of height and power…and safety.  As if… I am my will.  <sigh> That probably doesn’t say what I am trying to say.  Too many, and not enough, words. 🙂

…exit, theme song playing in the background… 😀

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Categories Free Will, gardening, Healthy Living, Menopause, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, Roses, Spring, Turning 50, women, Words

Excuse Me, Where Am I Going?

April 10, 2013 //
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Sometimes the path is clear.

Sometimes the path is clear.

I had an interesting dream last night.  I found myself before a big ornate door, dark and imposing, and I felt a sense of uncertainty about where I was, and where I was heading.  I knocked on the door and as it opened felt I was standing before ‘the heart of the universe’.  A woman answered the door; a woman of uncommon beauty and serenity, with laugh lines rather than wrinkles, and of an indeterminate age that only seemed ‘not young’. She radiated calm, compassion, and wisdom.  She smiled and sunshine broke through clouds I hadn’t even seen.  She wore my face, but seemed somehow unknown to me in the course of my own experience of life.  I felt her inquire in a questioning way, but wordlessly, and what I thought I heard was more an assurance than a question “I can help you with this.”  I replied simply “Where am I going?” and felt we were truly somehow saying the same thing – as though questions and answers are entirely interchangeable.

I was suddenly in a sunny meadow walking alone, only remembering her, and her words and a big map, with a convenient ‘You Are Here’ arrow. “If your focus is on just one element of the journey, how will you find your way?  Consider the method, the map, and the destination, or be lost aging, not growing.”  She pointed to the map, “You Are Here is where you are, not where you are going.  We don’t choose where we start, we start where we are – and choose our destination.”  I had wanted to ask her again, ‘Where am I going?’, but her compassionate smile stopped me.  She held the door for me then, gesturing to the world on the horizon, “I can’t be you, now, you are not here, yet.  Soon enough, if you follow your path…”   I shaded my eyes from the sun as I stepped into the bright light of day… and woke suddenly, in my dark room to the eager beeping of my alarm clock, and a new day.

It lingers with me even now… “We don’t choose where we start…”

Spring flowers along the way

Spring flowers along the way

I wonder what the journey will be like…who I will become over time… how life will change me… how I will change life around me… now where is that damned map… 😉

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Categories Allegories, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Menopause, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Perspective, Relationships, Roses, Spring, women, Words
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