Archives for posts with tag: you lack discipline

Each day as I begin the work day, I make a short list of my highest priorities. It’s generally a combination of items from the team’s project board, and items I have tagged for later from emailed requests and things communicated over messaging apps. Easy. My list is intended to help me focus. I follow a similar practice on weekend days, and on vacations. I make a list. I get things done. I check them off the list. This is a practice intended to limit distractions, and keep me focused on the things I want most to accomplish on a given day. Seems simple enough, and over a lifetime of practice (with making lists), it has generally served me well…only… there are some exceptions.

… When the list is too long, I sometimes find myself stalled, feeling overwhelmed. I don’t end up getting much done, at all.

… When the items on the list are poorly chosen in some way, I sometimes feel as if I’ve “gotten nothing done” that needed doing, in spite of possibly having worked down the list quite efficiently. I may have gotten things done, but the things I got done weren’t what most needed my attention that day.

… When I become distracted in the moment by some conversation or task that seems more interesting, I sometimes find that I’ve entirely failed to get the things I had identified as important completed at all. Maybe I still get things done, but likely not the things I intended to focus on.

I guess my point is that making a list isn’t enough. There’s a measure of discipline involved in staying focused on priorities identified in advance. There’s a matter of will (even just to keep going at all some days). Then, too, there’s the matter of boundary setting and preserving capacity to do the things that most want doing, and limiting distractions by maintaining strict focus on the task(s) at hand. There’s just more to it than a list.

Yesterday, my day quickly skittered sideways. This morning, my plan as I begin the day is quite precisely what it also was yesterday, because yesterday the items on my list sat untouched and unnoticed all g’damned day. I’m more than a little irritated with myself. I breathe, exhale, and relax. Wasting time being annoyed by a moment in the past that can not be changed in the present is pretty silly and pointless. I made choices. Like it or not, that was in my hands, entirely. This morning, I have a new day ahead of me, and a new opportunity to work down yesterday’s list – all of which is now ever so slightly higher priority even than it was yesterday. lol I sigh to myself and look over my plan for the day. I’ve got this – if I stay focused, and work with purpose.

…Discipline is a practice…

Funny thing, the discipline I bring to simply working down a list of projects and tasks on a work day is the same discipline I may need to fall back on in some moment of chaos. Practicing that discipline is multipurpose: it gets work done today, in the moment, and also builds both resilience and further discipline for those moments ahead when I may earnestly need (and value, and benefit from) that long-practiced discipline. Handy. Here’s the thing, though, we become what we practice. If I fail to continue to practice that small amount of discipline it takes to stay focused on a selected priority on a given day, over time my ability to be disciplined, at all, ever, will diminish, until I find that I lack the discipline to follow a list, to stick with a commitment, to complete a project that needs to be finished but isn’t very interesting, to run errands purposefully without detours, or even to answer a simple question with a simple answer. Fuck. Being human is complicated sometimes.

…Have you noticed that you have less discipline, yourself, since you began using a smart phone, or relying on Alexa, or using an LLM like ChatGPT, or spending hours on one feed or another that pumps mindless repetitive slop into your staring eyes? I’m asking because it definitely seems like a common complaint these days, and I feel it myself. I personally don’t have the attention span to waste. I have so much to do, and so much life to live. I’m thinking about it this morning, because I’d like to avoid repeating yesterday’s reduced productivity, today, and that list of shit to do? It’s only going to get longer if I fall behind. Another common complaint is that it’s a busy world, but a considerable portion of what we think we’re busy with is entirely a waste of precious mortal moments. (That is something worth thinking about – are you spending your time the way you want to?)

That’s an entirely different question. I put it aside for another morning.

I’m not even sure, right now, what it is I do want to be doing. Probably not working. I’d like to take off for a few days on the coast to watch the king tides from the balcony of a beachside hotel, or pick a highway and drive for days until the view is so substantially altered it feels truly new. I’m not so deeply fatigued as I have been (it helped to take it easy for a couple days over the weekend), but I yearn for… something. Something new? Something different? Something… effortless? Something distracting. I laugh to myself; human primates reliably make a lot of their own problems, and then seem to complicate those problems quite deliberately. So weird.

I sip my iced coffee and think my thoughts. Making my plan for today was pretty easy; I copied it from yesterday, and then set myself an alarm. When that alarm goes off, I will get to work. One task, one project, one experience at a time, until the list is completed, and the day is at an end. It’s not fancy. There’s nothing mind-blowing about this approach. No novel buzzwords to market it with, it is what it is; discipline, and it requires practice. I sigh again in this quiet space. No distractions or interruptions to be found here. I think that makes it a good time to begin again. 😀

Yesterday was delightful. All the way to the trailhead this morning, I thought about the gardening yesterday. As I walked, I continued to reflect on my garden, noticing the various wildflowers and grasses growing along the marsh trail and among the oaks on the meadow. I think about the bit of space yet to plant with… something. I keep walking.

Nice morning for it

Yesterday evening I got very excited to consider adding a potted rose to my still developing west side garden. This morning I admitted to myself that my eagerness was carrying me enthusiastically beyond my good sense; roses won’t do well in that location. Not enough hours of sunshine. I chuckle to myself when I fall back to my thought of perhaps putting a citronella geranium in that pot? Good grief, those get huge; it’s a small space. What am I thinking? So human.

For a time, I distract myself from those yearnings by contemplating the front flower bed, where I decided to fill in more area with the primroses that are doing so well. I’m eager to divide them and spread them out. I laugh at myself; it’s not yet time for that. They’re still blooming. I am so eager to proceed. Waiting on timing is hard.

It can be so difficult to approach plans and eagerness with discipline. It’s not impossible. It takes practice. Commitment. Something else productive to do is helpful, too. I smile as I walk, shaking my head at my foolishness. There’s plenty of weeding to do. Fact. There’s no shortage of work to be done. It’s just not the exciting stuff: the planning, the shopping, the planting. Not just now. The work that needs doing is weeding. The garden version of housework. Removing the wild geraniums that appear in the lawn. Digging out the occasional dandelion, too. Pulling out stray lawn grass where it tries to encroach on a flower bed. It even turns up in my raised beds. So much weeding. Manual labor of a rather unsatisfying, less than ideally fun sort. lol Still needs doing. Like the housework. There’s no actual end to it, and there’s nearly always something that needs to be done to live well and comfortably. Clutter to reduce. Tasks to be completed. Order to create out of chaos. It’s all worthy and worthwhile.

The garden as a metaphor; the work that needs doing isn’t exciting or glamorous. Still needs to be done.

… Sometimes it’s hard to want to do the actual work

When I stop at my halfway point to write and meditate, I notice how much my legs ache. My back, too. My head is kind of stuffy; allergies. As if on cue, I sneeze several times. Oh, but the flowers do smell so good! I add Claritin and pocket tissues to my shopping list for later.

My Traveling Partner has already pinged me a loving greeting this morning. I smile, feeling his love. Yesterday he showed me how the new Hue Forge software works. Exciting! It makes me think about color differently. He did a small project from a photo I had taken, with me “along for the ride”. It was a lovely shared moment. I sit quietly reflecting on love and life together. 14 years married, on May 1st – it doesn’t seem so long, but at the same time feels as if we’ve “always been together”. It’s a nice feeling.

Sky through the trees, rendered in Hue Forge and 3D printed.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. This “being human” thing takes so much practice to do skillfully without doing a lot of unintentional damage. Like learning new software, or developing a new skill, there’s more to it than there seems to be, given an opportunity to explore the nuances more deeply. lol I reflect awhile longer, on my garden, on love, on becoming the person I most want to be. There are so many verbs involved. So many opportunities to choose, do, fail, and to begin again. I’ll keep practicing – and walking my own path. I sigh contentedly, and get to my feet. It’s already time to walk on. Time to begin again.