Archives for posts with tag: do the verbs

This morning the work day seemed to start too early. To be fair, that’s partially a result of waking later than usual, and having an early morning soak before coffee. It’s just not my usual “order of operations” – but my back is pretty happy with me, and my pain feels well-managed. My coffee is just as satisfying as it would have been, had I chosen to have it first. :-)’

Coffee goes so well with an autumn morning!

Really first-rate self-care relies on me to select wisely from the available tools at hand – as is the case with most projects and work. lol πŸ™‚

I sat down at my desk this morning and eyed my calendar suspiciously. Differences catching my attention without being obvious, and it takes me a moment to fully realize that a couple meetings I expected to slog through have simply disappeared from my day. Nice. I look over the other work planned for this week, and the weeks ahead as the year finishes. Good day for it. I consider my tools, and decide I’ll benefit from something that improves my focus. I put my headphones on, and begin again.

Not quite a love letter. More like “a moment”. Thoughts about love over coffee.

Back in 2010, this human being (who became, over time, my Traveling Partner) and I began hanging out. Colleagues. Friends. Commute buddies. We became lovers. We became partners. Family. He moved in. We moved on – together. We married in 2011, for mostly fairly practical reasons. Other lovers came and went. Other relationships developed, and failed. We continued (and continue even now) to travel life’s journey together.

Today is our anniversary. I’ve got a lingering headache that has been with me a day or two, and although I took the day off I am awake quite early. He was up later into the evening than I was. He sleeps in. It’s a quiet, lovely spring day, during the time of pandemic. It’s also our anniversary, and I am smiling. πŸ™‚

…I may not write more this weekend. I am more inclined to spend some time just existing, and pausing the routines for harmonious love, and a persistent feeling of joy – and gratitude. This is a pretty special love. If love ever faded, I doubt I’d walk on; this human being is also my best and closest friend. It’s hard to imagine a life that does not include the both of us, generally together.

We have sometimes lived apart, by choice, sometimes by circumstance, and we live together, now. Our choices for habitation have not marred our affection for each other. Actually, they’ve had nothing to do with love, or loving each other.Β  Love thrives when we thrive. It’s not about who lives where. We’re very human, each struggling with our own baggage. Each having our own experience. Each with our own taste, our own hobbies, our own hard moments, our own private joys. We have individual competencies and individual short-comings. We share the journey by choice. It isn’t always “easy”. I haven’t noticed either of us complaining about the effort that is sometimes involved in lasting love and a healthy partnership; it’s very worth it. (For me, for sure. Hopefully for him, as well.)

I pause and reflect on Love. “Love doesn’t pay the bills.” This is true. I’ve lived without love. Often. Hell, I’ve been in relationships in which “I love you’s” were frequent, but fairly meaningless, or filled with subtext and conditions – looking back, I recognize that those were not honest authentic love, as I understand it now. I’m okay with it; those experiences helped me become someone who is willing to work for what love offers. I learned a lot. I’m a better lover, a better partner, a better friend, having grown considerably through problematic relationships. Long honest looks in the mirror taught me much about the role I play in a partnership, as a human being, and the nature of reciprocity, openness, authenticity, and consideration, and how very necessary they each are to sustaining lasting love.

I’m a better woman – and human being – than I was when my Traveling Partner and I met. I feel less “broken”, and more capable. I am far more willing to “do my share” – and I recognize that an equal partnership does require that everyone involved do the work to create, maintain, and deepen that partnership. I sip my coffee contentedly. Are we perfect? lol Of course not. Is love perfect? Is life perfect? Ever? Hell, is perfect “perfect”? (Hint: there is no “perfection” to reach in life or love. There are processes, practices, experiences, and perspectives – we can choose contentment, and enjoy the journey, or… not. There is no “perfect” out there to achieve. The journey together is the destination, and the goal.)

Yeah. I’m smiling. I’m okay with “us”. I’m okay with this moment, together. I sit quietly awhile longer, before the day really begins. It’s enough. πŸ™‚

Me, too. Well, actually, I found one – a bunch of them, and a great perspective shot down a busy, picturesque street, on a sunny afternoon, between spring rain showers. I snapped a quick shot from my position on the corner, waiting to cross the street. I grinned, satisfied, and hurried on across while the light was still on “walk”.

Later, when I sat down for a moment with my thoughts, and this metaphor about signs just waiting to become words on a page with an apropos perspective shot supporting it… no picture. It didn’t save. The moment… has passed. Unrecorded. Soon to be forgotten.

Well… shit. Moving on, then?

…Or… are you still “looking for a sign”? What’s holding you back from that next step, right now? Fear? Money? Discouragement? Frustration? Disappointment? Ennui? (Have you ever noticed that what holds people back from pursuing something of interest is rarely joy, contentment, or satisfaction in life?) Okay, so, it’s not easy to “live the dream” – if what we want requires more than we have. Doesn’t matter if that’s money, or training, or experience, or skill… there’s an effort implied to any of it, and the suggestion that if we truly want to achieve that achievement, we’ll do the work. Luck only takes us so far. (I say this as someone who has been astonishingly lucky in life, all things considered.)

Wanna be a rock star? Are you making time, and putting in the hours, learning to play an instrument, read music, write songs…?

Wanna be a renowned author? Are you practicing your writing skills, you know, by writing? Are you honing your craft, and seeking feedback that will result in becoming the writer you most want to be, telling a story only you can tell?

Wanna kick butt at roller derby? So… yeah… are you on skates, looking for a team to practice with?

Wanna build custom furniture with amazing space-saving secret compartments and interesting built-in features that are entirely unique to your brand? Okay… are you already learning cabinetry and wood-working?

My point is this; it’s not luck alone that walks us down our path in life. We have to take actual steps. πŸ™‚

…Don’t just stand there! Start walking. πŸ˜‰

Getting ahead is easy! In just three easy steps, you too can get ahead!

  1. First, and this is key, be sure you are moving forward.
  2. Okay, once you are moving forward, keep doing that; keep moving forward. Maintain your momentum!
  3. Lastly, and this is critical; don’t fall behind.

Followed quite precisely, and this is true; you’ll get ahead. πŸ˜€

…It’d be nice if life were either that obvious, and that effortless, or even both. I mean, sure, at the most basic level, perhaps, this is what getting ahead could look like, only… it doesn’t. Not generally. Not spiritually. Not economically. Not with regard to wellness. It’s just a way of describing what our forward path could look like, absent all likely obstacles and challenges. lol Not helpful.

Are you down? You can choose to get back up. Doesn’t make it effortless, it’s just a starting point. Still, starting points are a positive. You can move forward from a starting point. That’s something.

Are you stalled in life, somehow, unsure of the path forward that will be best for you? Choose something. Do the thing. Note the outcome. Be present for the experience. Learn from it – whatever the lesson may be. Repeat. Regularly. At some point, you’ll either be in a very different place as a person, and no longer feeling stalled in life, or you’ll have done, and learned, some interesting things, and still be working all that out, over time. It’s not everything. It’s not a quick fix. Still. It’s something. It’s a place to continue from.

Do you feel as if you are literally falling behind in life? Failing? Experiencing setback after setback? (I’m there, now and then, lately – it’s not pleasant.) I’ll just say it; this is more commonly limited to our perception than being an actual part of our experience, and as experiences go, it can be so terrifying to deal with, that we find the mere perception that it might be our experience quite… terrifying? Humbling? Anxiety-provoking? All of that. Resolving this uncomfortable place to be is tricky, sometimes; if we’re really falling behind, our choices and actions would need to be different than if we only feel as if we are. So… sorting that out necessarily comes ahead of doing something about it, only… generally the things one might choose to do about the experience of falling behind are pretty powerfully positive choices and actions, regardless, and we may favor them all along life’s journey. πŸ™‚ Things like… self-reflection, and understanding what matters most (to us), and practicing the qualities, behaviors, and skills, that support our vision of great quality of life. Things like… making good choices about our work, and recreation, that tend to be supported by our logistical and economic limitations, without undermining future goals. Things like… doing the humbling work of mindful service to our own needs, goals, and plans. Verbs. All verbs. Not effortless, but generally helpful in resolving that feeling of falling behind. That’s something.

More often than not, any of these experiences in life (being down, feeling stalled, or feeling as if I’m “falling behind”) have been supported by a combination of circumstances (which I’m always quite ready to blame, if I’m honest about it) and a lack of verbs (on my own part, actually, which I’d prefer to overlook, as doing the verbs is… work). I can’t always immediately change my circumstances for the better, but I can, almost always, change my choices – and the verbs. I can act. I can evoke change through living change, choosing change, and accepting change.

Sometimes changing things is as “easy” as the choices I make, and the verbs I put into action. “Easy” being understood, in this context, as… um… relative. Sorry. I wish “easy” were easier. πŸ™‚ While some things may be, in fact, “easy”, this doesn’t imply “without effort”. There’s real work (and practice) involved in picking ourselves back up, in moving on from feeling stalled, and in stepping forward from feeling as if we are falling behind. Sometimes it’s only the work of realigning our very subjective perception of our experience with what reality offers us, but I don’t necessarily find that “easier” work than the work of learning a new skill, or the work of finishing that project I’ve been lazy about, or the work of saving money, or the work of day-to-day tedious task completion to maintain good quality of life. It’s all work.

Our effort matters to our success.

It’s time to begin again. πŸ™‚

Sipping my coffee this morning, after an interrupted but generally decent night’s sleep, noticing my anxiety coming and going. Thinking about the practices that have been most effective, specifically, for my anxiety: meditation, long walks (another form of meditation, in a practical sense), consistent self-care, good nutrition, adequate rest… All effective, and taken together the result is often very nearly no anxiety at all. Except… well… this means my wellness, particularly my emotional wellness, relies on a handful of verbs.

Verbs.

Verbs, people. Verbs.

I’m sitting here sipping my coffee, feeling my anxiety surge and recede, again and again, amorphous and not specifically associated with anything obvious. But… what about my practices? My self-care? All the things?? Why am I still anxious??

β€œAnxiety” 10β€³ x 14β€³ acrylic on canvas w/ceramic 2011

It could be that I’m anxious because verbs have little power on the printed page, and only evoke their real power once put into action. Seriously. I have not yet put my ass down on my meditation cushion, this morning. Nor have I taken a walk. I haven’t actually taken even one step toward putting a verb properly into motion, quite yet. I’m sitting around in a t-shirt and yoga pants drinking coffee and scrolling through feeds. So. Anxiety? Sure. It’s a thing. I still deal with it. Verbs are only useful when they are actually in use. “Action words” sort of presume that there will be some action. lol

I have some thoughts about what to do with the day. I’m anxious about those notions. I have a “to do list” waiting for my attention. I’m anxious about that, too. Money? Anxiety. Health and fitness concerns? Anxiety. Work? Anxiety. Leisure? Anxiety. Fucking hell. I definitely needs some relevant verbs this morning, and just writing sentences that use them is not going to be particularly helpful. πŸ˜‰

Looks like I need to begin again, with some verbs. Action words – and actual actions. πŸ™‚ I know what works, but knowledge alone is not going to get the job done (and this is, generally, true in life). Is knowledge truly power? I suppose it depends on what I do with it.

Beautiful momentum.

Time for some verbs. Time to begin again.