Archives for category: Free Will

Slowing the Pace

November 4, 2018 //

An important work project completed, and as is so likely for me, the intensity of the past several weeks finally truly catches up with me (as I slow down and let it). I crash hard, shifting from “forgot to write” due to cognitive overload to “didn’t write because I was unexpectedly sleeping”. Most of yesterday is… gone. Relegated to memories of dreams, and an amused chuckle is all that is left behind. I woke this morning laughing out loud in the stillness and quiet of this pre-dawn moment. Between 1 pm yesterday and when I woke this morning, shortly before 6 am, I slept. I napped. I rested. I dozed. I slumbered. I woke to pee, to drink water, to wander aimlessly and groggily through the house without a purpose, thinking I was perhaps “awake” (I was not) before returning to bed. I took time at some points to exchange words with my Traveling Partner… had he said he was thinking about coming up to hang out? Well, damn. I’m glad we both recognized that I’d be… sleeping. LOL

I woke this morning feeling basically rested, and I’m already thinking about going back for more. I expect the weekend to be blown, spent on sleep and rest (that I do genuinely need; I have pushed myself far too hard for far too long, lately). Yield to the impulse, I wake rested Monday morning ready for more. Fight it, and I will struggle with Monday. It is what it is. Caring for this fragile vessel, and learning to do it skillfully, seems to be rather a large portion of what there is to do in life, generally. lol

…We’re really not very good at self-care, as a species, or as a society. We could do better. I know I certainly have to practice with great commitment and awareness, and I’m regularly failing myself, nonetheless. lol It’s a good thing I have learned to begin again.

Are you taking the very best care of yourself with the resources you have? Are you putting the need to care for yourself high on your list of priorities? Maybe it’s worth trying? Maybe it’s worth practicing?

It’s definitely worth beginning again. 😉

Tags begin again, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, experience, getting some downtime, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, meditation, mindfulness, mindfulness matters, my home my rules my way, napping, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, radical self-care, resting, setting boundaries, sleeping, sufficiency, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, there are verbs involved, turn off the alarm, walking my own path, what matters most?

Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Listening to the Rain

November 2, 2018 //

I woke to the sound of rain before the alarm went off. I think, honestly, I just woke up, and it just happened to be raining. It wasn’t the rain that woke me.

…It’s still raining. I’m okay with that. I like rain.

Another busy day ahead. This one like that instant that something teeters over from advancing, to crashing down, or taking off, or in some other way, beginning to head to a necessary, desired, conclusion. A fancy way of saying I’m wrapping up (ish) an important project at work. Inasmuch as the new system will be a feature of every future day, it’s hard to call the project “wrapped up” at any point. lol It just won’t be this frenetic go-go-go-go pace that I’m dealing with right now.

…I’m so tired. Not a huge fan of exhaustion.

Here’s the thing, though; I’ve got choices. I’ve made choices. I’m living the verbs that bring some of those choices to life. So… I can choose differently, or follow through. In this case, I’m following through. lol (And very much looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday.)

I know what’s next, as life sorts itself out heading into the winter holiday season; more broken habits, more restless nights, more human moments, more opportunities to begin again. lol In other words? Living life. I guess I’ll go do that now, and working on doing it more skillfully yesterday. 😉

It’s time to begin again. 😀

Tags be the change, begin again, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, experience, I am my own cartographer, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, what matters most?

Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being

What Matters Most?

November 1, 2018 //

How long has it been since you asked that question of yourself, answered it quite honestly and authentically, reflected on your thinking, and once you’ve accepted this version of yourself, and your values – also then taken action based on that thinking? Specific, clear, value-driven, action that sends you down a path that is directly connected to those values?

What matters most?

Seriously, where does your heart lie? What are you in it for? What do you think gives your life purpose and meaning?

If you don’t have easy answers for those questions, how do you not drop everything to seek them? It seems important to ask, and to answer, these questions.

Halloween is behind us, now. Take off your mask.

Be the very best version of that person in the mirror. Choose wisely, and as if each choice matters.

Give some thought to what matters most. To you. To the world. To the planet. To the future of humanity. To the future of every-fucking-thing that is touched by human experience.

What’s your vision? Are you ready to work for that, or are you hoping it will “just happen” while you sit around scrolling through a social media feed?

I’m just saying. There are things that matter. I can’t decide for you, and at least right now, telling you what I think matters most just gets you out of the work of having to reflect on this question, yourself, and trust me; you need the answer. Your answer. Without answering the question “what matters most?” your decision-making may be influenced by someone who has answered that question for themselves, and is taking action to bring their vision to life, and who is entirely willing to leverage your will, and your labor, to get it done, without regard to your values. You may not like their vision of your future. 😉

What matters most? What is the future you would most like to see? What are you doing to bring that about?

You have a clear opportunity to begin again. Choose it. Ask the hard questions. Answer them. Begin again.

Tags are you going my way?, asked and answered, be the change, begin again, being and becoming, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, experience, I am my own cartographer, meditation, mindfulness, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, TBI, The Art of Being, The great questions, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, what matters most?, what's your vision?, where does this path lead?, where does your heart lie?

Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, inspiration, Logic & Reason, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, Words

Lovely Compliments

October 31, 2018 //

I’m thinking about a lovely compliment I received last night. A few years ago, I’d have walked in the glow of those words, maybe for days, without a hint of humility, or wisdom, or a moment to reflect and gain perspective. I like compliments. lol This time, I smiled, expressed appreciation for the lovely words, and reminded myself that words are plentiful, easily shared, and not something to become attached to, generally speaking.

I’m very human. No compliment can overwrite my humanity and make me something – or someone – other than this human being who I am. Here’s the thing about lovely compliments (and vile insults); they are words. Perspective shared by someone else. Their perspective. However much those words themselves may carry a valued message, they are not my words, not my perspective, and there is no easy way to narrow things down to be entirely certain they are wholly true, when it comes to a compliment. I’m not even sure that matters; the truth of a compliment doesn’t reduce its power to send me straying from my path. So. A smile. A moment. A lovely compliment.

Then I begin again, and move on with my day or evening or moment, on my own path.

Don’t let compliments (or insults) distract you from your forward momentum in life, if you can avoid it. I’m not saying don’t enjoy the moment, but I find that remaining connected with my sense of self can tend to insulate me from wandering off my path tempted by lovely words. 😉

You are getting that all of this also applies to negative words, criticism, insults, hurtful mis-statements, lies? It’s no more personal than a lovely compliment, inasmuch as even when entirely intentional on the part of the person delivering the words, those words are still more about that person than they are about you – a statement of their beliefs, perceptions, or understanding, at best, and no more a reflection of who you truly are than an astrology reading; not a reflection of you at all, unless you choose to adopt it.

Walking my own path, one step at a time.

I think a moment more about lovely compliments, and hurtful insults, then notice I forgot to make coffee. LOL I guess it’s time to begin again. 😉

Tags be the change, being and becoming, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, it's not personal, listening deeply, meditation, mindfulness, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, taking care of me, TBI, thank you for the lovely compliment, The Art of Being, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, what did you call me?, what matters most?, words words words

Categories Allegories, autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Words

Watch Those Words!

October 30, 2018 //

Language is funny stuff. I sit here amusing myself with rephrasing passive-aggressive posts in my feed, and vague-booking posts, and always/never posts… basically just reading posts and rewriting them in my head to be clearer (to me) and more frank and… more honest.

Seriously, though, what’s with the bullshit that fills up our thoughts and clutters our minds? “I always…”, “you never…”, “you always…”, “I never…” We could just start and end right there with that one. Those are not just wild exaggerations (and for my own amusement, I’ll say “they always are”, which is likely only mostly true) – they are the sort of subtle lies that set us up for failure.

“Can’t” versus “Haven’t”.

“Always” and “never”.

“Have to” and “Can’t”

“No one ever talks about…” (seriously with that foolishness?)

We put our experiences in context, but rather unfortunately I suspect, we own not only our experience, not only our “content”, but also our context – which we get to craft ourselves from whatever notions and moments we think make sense together. lol We’re not super skilled at it, and fill our heads with narratives about good guys and bad guys, and us versus them, and walls and borders and restrictions… still sucking at real boundary-setting, still sucking at being our authentic selves, still sucking at honest self-reflection…

…Still sucking at accepting and encouraging the varying experiences of others, which differ from our own…

…And we wonder why our lives are filled with drama? LOL Omfg – because we create our experience specifically that way!

We (and by we, I specifically mean you and I) can do better. We can for sure do differently. We have choices.

Choose your words with care. You aren’t only communicating to others, you are setting a tone for yourself, crafting the narrative of your life that you may share with others intending to communicate something about yourself, and literally creating your own understanding of the world. I’m saying your words matter, specifically for that reason.

Treat your own sanity well, specifically by practicing using skillfully frank, and yes also kind, language with and to yourself. Stop trying to “sell it” and just be clear.

I know, I know, this is me saying this, and you know I love some words… Just, …choose them as you would anything else that really really matters. 🙂 Because they do.

Ready? It’s time to begin again. 😀

Tags be the change, Can't versus haven't, choose wisely, experience, good self-care, I always, I am my own cartographer, listening deeply, mindfulness, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, say what you mean, speak gently, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, the map is not the world, the world is listening, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, What did you just say?, what matters most?, words words words, You never

Categories autumn, Brain Injury, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, Healthy Living, inspiration, Logic & Reason, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5, Words

Slowing the Pace

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Listening to the Rain

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What Matters Most?

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Lovely Compliments

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Watch Those Words!

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