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Independence Day

July 4, 2023 //
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Here it is, the fourth of July. A holiday, of sorts, in the United States of America. Our national independence, we say, begins here. It doesn’t, actually, but that’s the story we tell nonetheless. Today, folks will party, BBQ with friends and family, and perhaps go blow some shit up or fire off some rounds, maybe lose a finger, a hand, an eye, a family member, or set off a massive blazing wildfire. Peculiar sort of celebration.

…”Can’t you just let people have fun, damn?!”… Yeah, okay. Moving on.

I’m in a shit mood this morning. Wakened from my sleep by an equally cross partner who could not sleep due to my snoring. It was a less than ideal start to my day, and it’s been unremarkable (if a bit aggravating) since then. I’m in pain – for some reason my arthritis has flared up and I have a vicious headache. Seems like the day will be quite a hot one, so I got my walk in early – and now my feet hurt. So. Yeah. I’m mostly in the mood to bitch about this or that, and less inclined to celebrate my “independence” – although, I do have more to celebrate around this time of year than a lot of folks.

Independence Day also happens to be the 28th anniversary of leaving my violent first husband at long last and for good. I survived! That is something worth celebrating. So much so that for many years, I made a point of saying things on 4th of July like “thank you for joining me in the celebration of the end of my first marriage” to anyone who happened along. lol I eventually gave up the practice – time and distance had offered some opportunity to heal.

Independence Day is also – or at least the weekend of, was – when my Traveling Partner and I moved into our little house here, finally homeowners, with a place our of own and a sense of a fixed address and a reason to “put down roots”. Also very much worth celebrating. I’ll shortly be getting back to that. 😀

Our personal celebrations have so much real meaning and heart. Don’t give up on your independence. Break your chains! Take the bold step in favor of yourself. Move forward and move on. Be free! It’s Independence Day.

It’s time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, Summer, The Art of Being

Once Upon a Moment

June 28, 2023 //
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I am sleepy. Night has settled in. I am up later than most nights. This is quiet time of another sort. Soon I will (most likely) sleep. Will I wake restless, later? I don’t know. Will I struggle to find sleep in the first place? It doesn’t seem likely to be the case, but it’s possible. It wouldn’t even be uncommon. I have challenges with getting sufficient healthy restful sleep. (I type those words and a yawn splits my face and fills my eyes with tear drops that wet my lashes but don’t fall.) I contemplate a shower before bed to rinse off the sweat and sunscreen – it would feel lovely.

I notice a bug bite on the back of my hand and wonder “when did that happen?”, then also notice that the sun has warmed my skin with a bit of a glow, but has also made some irregularities in pigmentation a bit more obvious. Signs of aging. I smile and shrug it off as unimportant – or at least uninteresting. It’s been a hell of an interesting week, so far, and fussing over texture or pigmentation of my hands seems rather pointless, honestly. I find myself fighting sleep as I listen to music my Traveling Partner shared with me. The music is Dvořák. The featured cellist is Jacqueline du Pré. The year the video was recorded is listed as 1968. The music sounds familiar. Why wouldn’t it? It’s Dvořák. lol

The last notes die away and leave me with this quiet. It’s a lovely quite moment before I end the day with sleep. I am sleepy.

Tomorrow I can begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being

The Quiet Times

June 28, 2023 //
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I’m sipping some fizzy water in a cool, dimly lit, hotel room in the desert. The whole experience feels exotic and a tad surreal. At the moment, there is nothing at all “going on” – no planned activities, no agenda items, no dangling work… just… quiet. The stillness is filled only with the sound of the AC blowing softly, and my fingers dancing across the keyboard. For a moment it sounds almost like someone tap-dancing, just behind me. I breathe, exhale, relax, and consider for a moment whether I need pain medication, or would benefit from a cool shower, a nap, or perhaps wish to venture out into the sunshine.

…I smile understandingly at myself; it’s easy to run from the quiet times when I have them. It’s not a good practice, but it is easy. lol Another breathe. I pause to spend a few minutes on meditation.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I stretch, reaching for the ceiling, and then for the floor, as I get up from my cushion, after some minutes of meditation. I sit back down at this keyboard to reflect and to share, before the afternoon grows later.

The weather here is hot, dry, and breezy. The sun blasts the mountains and ground between them. It was already 75F by breakfast, and now it is 91F (and getting hotter) – it’s just past noon. The hotel staff smile when someone mentions the heat. We are enjoying – apparently – an unseasonal break from it (at these temperatures).

Palo Verde in bloom.

The signal strength and reliability of the hotel wi-fi connection isn’t great. My signal drops occasionally. This is not a great place to spend the day watching videos or movies, or doing anything at all that requires connectivity. What is a great place for are these quiet times. Sure, I could step out into the heat and dazzling sunshine reflected from the hotel pool. I don’t. I sit here quietly for some little while, soaking in the quiet. It’s such a rare thing (for me, most of the time) to find myself alone and embraced by stillness all around. I crave it. Seek it. Enjoy it. So… running from it, however easy, would just not be acceptable. We’ve got a work session planned for the afternoon, and soon enough it’ll be time to make my way to the co-work space we’ve reserved for the purpose. Soon enough. For now, there’s all this lovely quiet time to enjoy…

…Later will be soon enough to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being

The Here and The Now

June 27, 2023 //
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I’m sipping a surprisingly good cup of hotel room coffee, alternating with drinks of water – this is the desert. Drinking water becomes self-care priority one. The coffee is warm, not hot – I made it before I took my not-quite-cold shower. I pause for a moment to consider how my preferences changed, moving from one climate to another.

…Good coffee…

The changes in my medications seem to be serving me well here in the desert. I rather expected to puff up like a marshmallow in a vacuum chamber, the way I often do in very hot places. Not this time (so far). I wonder which medication is responsible, but since I honestly don’t actually know if it is one or a combination, or even simply having “things in better balance” just generally, my thoughts go nowhere. I let them go, and continue to sip my coffee.

It seems the sort of place where the sun itself might choose to vacation.

The sun has come up. I slept well and deeply. Occasional noise from traffic did not disturb my rest, nor were sounds of other guests intrusive (or even noticeable). The staff here is friendly and accommodating, the amenities are good. My colleagues are a merry band of amazing individuals. So far it’s a good time.

…It’s expected to get above 100F today (about 38C). It’s already 78F (about 26C). It’s not at all unpleasant, and there is a cool morning breeze. My bare feet feel quite wonderful on the tile floor. My now lukewarm coffee is still quite satisfying (funny how the quality of the coffee matters so much). The water in my glass is cold and refreshing.

Soon, breakfast with my colleagues. Then… on to other things. I breathe, exhale, relax, feeling centered and content with the moment as it is. It’s lovely.

…It’s also time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Summer, The Art of Being

Oops, I Did It Again…

June 26, 2023 //
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…I am sitting in the airport, in Oakland, waiting on the second leg of a flight to a destination away from the peace and safety of home. I miss my Traveling Partner already, after a wonderfully playful romantic weekend of love and deep connection. Seems weird to leave at all…

…It’s a “work thing”. I could potentially resent the rather poor timing, but feeling so thoroughly infused with love through and through, I suppose there’s no “good time” to be away. lol

My point is, though, simply that I am away. My writing is likely to be fairly irregular… I do expect to write. Prolonged interactions with people are exceedingly stressful for me, and I won’t easily be able to control and limit these. A learning opportunity. Plenty to practice.

This trip has me focused on listening more than I talk… wish me luck! I expect my results may vary… 😉

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Categories Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Spring, Summer, The Art of Being
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