It’s a very purposeful and to-the-point title, is it not? 🙂

I spent last evening out, on a rainy night, and there was rather a lot of walking involved. I went out with my camera, and thoughts of taking some very interesting pictures at a time of day I am rarely downtown. It rained, and it rained pretty continuously. It rained too much to have my phone out all the time; my phone is my primary camera, these days. (Unpaid endorsement: camera on the HTC One M8 phone is amazing!) The time wasn’t wasted; I walked, considered things, observed things, and remained present and engaged in my experience as a practical exercise in ‘free-range mindfulness’.

Very busy primates, building things and chasing away the starry night sky.

I reached a point, during the evening, when I suddenly felt disenfranchised, alone, disappointed in life, discontent, and cross with myself in a vague way that had me looking for causes. My brain immediately started pointing out all the small things in life that aren’t ideal, and highlighting any moment of doubt, or insecurity. This seemed, at the time, headed for a familiar outcome. I could feel a future fight or argument sort of percolating within my consciousness, although moments before I had been enthusiastic about my evening, content, eager to walk on and see the night… why the change?

Differences in the way my evening began really had me off to a good start, so I took a step back and did some ‘taking in the good’ exercises, and almost out of  habit I made a point of giving myself my full attention; how did my body feel right now, rather than just noticing the content of my thoughts and the flow of my emotions? I was warm and dry, because I had remembered to wear weather-appropriate clothing, and had even zipped my raincoat before I left the building. I had worn comfortable, waterproof hiking boots, because I knew I’d be walking a lot. I had taken care to manage my calories well over the course of the day…and realized I was hungry, and that it was dinner time – was my blood sugar low? That would explain some measure of irritability, easily. My ankle was aching from all the walking, even with my cane, but I had also been attentive to pain management all day long…oh. It was past time for my medication – that’s not good for my level of pain, which can drive a lot of unhappiness, discontent, and discomfort, but it also affects my mood when I don’t take it on time (one of the consequences of yielding to the need for an Rx pain reliever). So…hungry…hurting…and late with both calories and medication. Yep. That definitely stirs up some random emotional bullshit and discontent.

I took time for dinner, and enjoyed it without rushing. I made a point of carefully choosing for nutritional content, and appropriate calories (which in this case, meant eating somewhat less than half the portion served, the remainder I very neatly boxed up and gave to a homeless guy at the transit center rather than have it go to waste, he made interesting conversation and appreciated the hearty meal). Getting off my feet for a few minutes helped reduce my pain. I took my pain medication, and reminded myself with a glance at the time that it would be about 70 minutes before it was fully effective. Warm and dry, well-fed and nourished, rested and medicated, I walked on about an hour later. The wait staff at the restaurant was very kind; it was just past dinner rush, and I made a point of letting the hostess know I would want to linger for about an hour because of the pain I was in. She seated me such that I could, without inconveniencing business, in a small booth for two somewhat out-of-the-way. My waiter must have been tipped off, the service was both exceptional and very supportive. Communication for the win!

I made my way here and there, and eventually headed for home, earlier than I’d planned. The rainy weather wasn’t a good fit for the notion I’d had for the evening. Once home, I had a warming hot shower, and made a mug of chamomile tea, and connected with my partner, who was surprised to see me home, and welcomed me eagerly, and with love. It was all quite lovely, and sweet, and warm.

How we care for ourselves is actually a really big deal. I still have to make a point of acknowledging it very specifically when it comes up, because I am very prone to taking the emotions that come up due to poor self-care and making them ‘about’ other things entirely. This morning, too. I slept poorly last night, not falling asleep until sometime past one, and not managing uninterrupted sleep at all, waking every 90 minutes or so. I made myself get up, at one point, when I woke near to the time I usually get up for work, and took my morning medication, had a big drink of water, and went back to sleep for another little while. Self-care: the timing on some medications matters a lot. Taking this step ensures that I am at less risk of mid-morning nastiness from taking my meds off schedule. That’s an easy one.

Making my way home on a rainy evening, smiling, and content with the night.

I woke up, at last, fairly grumpy, and very nearly stumbled over the self-care issue in spite of the evening considering it; I was somewhat terse with my partner – who was making me a latte (surprise!). I’m pleased that I quickly recognized that this was another self-care related incident; sleep matters that much for our emotional balance, resilience, and good cognition. We exchanged loving words, and I went on to write this post and sip on this tasty tasty latte. (My traveling partner is not a barista, however he makes a very good espresso beverage, and most particularly his lattes and mochas are quite smooth and wonderful.)

The practical details matter. Are you having a shitty day? Have you checked in with yourself?

• Did you get adequate good quality rest?
• Are you in pain? Have you taken appropriate steps to manage that?
• Do you take emotion/cognition altering medication? Did you take them on time?
• Are you in good health? If you may be ill, are you taking symptom relieving medication?
• Is your symptom relieving medication potentially emotion/cognition altering? (many are)
• Have your nutritional needs been met, including quantity of calories appropriate to your needs, and food choices appropriate to your health?
• Are your clothes uncomfortable? (no kidding, it matters)

So often when I am on course for a bad mood, or a bad day, if I attend to the practical basics of self-care I can turn it all around*. It’s the details that matter, and not attending to my own needs quickly results in all sorts of crappy negative emotions that aren’t really about anything, but can quickly become so. I’m learning to refuse my own attempts to make events out of fleeting emotions. It’s a nice change.

Today is a good day to take care of this fragile vessel. Today is a good day to heed the only warning system it has to alert me of needs – feelings. Today is a good day to support myself, and make choices that meet my needs over time. Today is a good day to change how I take care of me. Today is a good day to be mindful that each of us faces these same needs. Today is a good day to change my perspective on the world.

*There’s still a ton of verbs involved, and no matter how good the ideas, practical self-care requires actual practice, and actual action. There was some irony in that the morning following writing this post took a turn for the worse, although not in a permanent way, and did so because I allowed myself to be distracted from my awareness of time, and timing, and wound up not taking care of morning calories, and afternoon medication in a timely fashion. I don’t write because I have answers; I write because sharing the questions has value for me, all on its own. 🙂