Archives for posts with tag: be the change

Always with the taking, eh? 😉

I’ve got a couple days off ahead of me, and a long weekend to enjoy with my Traveling Partner. I hope we do. We’ve had a couple heartfelt, heavy conversations about intimacy (in general, and specifically) recently, and it’s on my mind. I don’t question that we love each other, or even that we’re “right” for each other. Love simply requires some work and attention and there are verbs involved, even in matters of love and loving. It’s not a romantic crisis, so much as a reminder to put in the time, the attention, and the work that love requires to thrive. Coasting on the magic is unfair to a partnership, and it’s a poor way to treat love. The pandemic has been hard on the two of us. We are each having our own experience, walking our own path, and sharing a complex journey. It takes some balancing, some yielding, some compromises, encouragement, connection, and willingness to repeat what works, and also to face what doesn’t. 🙂

I may not write much this weekend. I don’t know. I guess I’ll see where the days take me. I have this interesting intimacy-building exercise tumbling about in my thoughts… maybe “cocktails and questions” would be a fun pandemic date night? There is a whole universe of classic and modern cocktails I’ve never tried (I don’t drink much)… could be fun.

My vertigo seems to have cleared up. I just have this headache, now, and it is familiar. My arthritis pain is also as comfortable as an old friend in comparison to the frightful chaos of the vertigo. I’m almost happy to “just be in pain”.

Anyway. The days ahead are likely to be introspective, intimate, and deeply personal. Maybe romantic. I’d rather enjoy those wholly that attempt to juggling reflecting on them with the real-life experience of enjoying them, so I may be quiet for a few days. That’s a good thing. 🙂 Another way to begin again.

Early morning. Still dark. Nothing surprising about that; autumn is approaching. There are hints of all among the leaves and along forested paths. The mornings are chilly now. The nights have cooled off. The rains are returning. November isn’t far off, and the end of daylight savings time will switch things up a bit, but for now, that’s not relevant. What is relevant is that early morning is dark now. I sip my coffee looking past the window into the pre-dawn darkness.

“Hints of Autumn” 10″ x14″ acrylic on canvas w/glow, 2021

My own heart, in this moment, is filled with light. 🙂 Nice place to start the day.

Impermanence is a real thing. Darkness comes and goes. For some folks, there often seems more “darkness” than light. I think on that as I watch the first faint hints of dawn revealing the gray cloudy morning sky. The light does return. I think about that homily “it’s always darkest before the dawn”, and while I wonder whether it is literally true, I sip my coffee and observe the sky as it continues to lighten, on the way to daybreak.

The wheel continues to turn. The pendulum swings, the clock ticks. Change is. We may be mired in darkness in one moment; the sun will rise on another.

The pale gray sky beyond the window hints at rain. The clock reminds me that the work day is ahead. My coffee is mostly gone. I think about garden chores. I think about a walk later. I think about my Traveling Partner in the other room, and fill my thoughts will love and well-wishes for his day.

Another moment slips by. It’s already time to begin again. 🙂

Today’s emotional weather forecast seemed sunny, clear, and breezy. Forecasts are not always accurate. Reality is not always according to plan. Moments are what they are. This moment? Me, now? Partly cloudy with hints of storm clouds on the horizon, which is to say, I’m in kind of a shitty mood. What is most aggravating about that, at present, is that there is no real reason for that to be the case, that is at all obvious to me. I’m feeling rather cross, and I’m not up for bullshit, today. :-\

I had a lovely walk. It was hard, though, to focus on the surroundings; the trail was rather crowded, and with a lot of families and children. So, while the healthy exercise was… healthy… it was also unfortunately very “people-y”, as well, and thus not at all what I was going there for. My ankle ached the entire distance. My headache joined me about midway, and has been loyal to a fault ever since.

Yeah, buddy, I get it, I really do.

I arrived home after some errands, and my walk, and enjoyed a bite of lunch with my Traveling Partner. He didn’t hang out with me very long, and although I “feel fine” in every practical respect (aside from this aching ankle, and my persistent headache), I guess something about my vibe just feels off, from the vantage point of trying to hang out with me. I didn’t fight it. He headed to his shop. I ran another errand, came home, and had a pleasant shower. Still have this headache. Ankle still aches. Back has started to ache, too. All quite “within specifications” for my day-to-day experience of wellness and relative comfort, and there’s nothing much to do about any of that. I take a handful of ibuprofen and assure myself it’s got to do something. My partner had pointed out that I sounded “stuffy”, so I take some allergy medication, too. Whatever. Maybe something will help somehow.

…I honestly just want to relax…

Tears well up in my eyes. I don’t know why. I’m suddenly hit hard by a surprisingly visceral awareness of loss… the people who are gone… why now?? I am, for a moment, too aware that I’ll never send my mother a birthday card again. Never pick up the phone and talk to my father, or grandfather. Never grab a beer on a weekend with old buddies, now long gone. Never “get closure”… oh, so many fucked up things fit in that bucket. What a weird, hard, sharp, fierce, painful emotional moment this one happens to be. What the fuck?? Tears begin streaming down my face. This would feel like “hormones” if I were not 8 years past menopause. What kind of problematic nonsense is this shit??

I get it. I’m grieving. It’s been in my dreams, too. I don’t really know what to do with it, honestly. The timing is most peculiar, and detached from any relevant experience now. Maybe the pandemic and it’s weird vast isolation and distancing is working on my mind – maybe I just feel “lonely” in spite of being so fortunate as to spend the pandemic with my partner, loved and loving? It could be that. Wouldn’t that be enough?

…I don’t even like spending time around people all that much, so…um… whatever this shit is? Not okay.

I sigh out loud in this quiet room. I really just want to sit down and write my Mom or my Granny a long letter about oh so many things, and maybe even tucking in some photographs (remember when those were a physical thing, to hold in one’s hand?), or some small sketch or trinket or pressed flower. There’s no one to receive that letter…

And it’s time to begin again.

…Unexpectedly, just at the point of typing that period, my Traveling Partner calls to me through the closed door, “You should come out to the shop!” I reply “Okay”, and as I open the door, we meet in the hallway. His warm brown eyes scan my face attentively. I don’t recall if he explicitly asked how I was doing, but I do remember saying “I’m in pain, and I have a sad” and a handful more words, and a few tears, tumbled out. I remember saying something about “my bullshit” and “please just ignore it” (I’m too familiar with how it can spiral out of control with any measure of authentic kindness being shown, and I’m really not going for that.). I remember his hug. His reassuring presence. He shows me his finished work, and how well the CNC is working. It’s pretty cool, and a definite mood-lifter. After all… what are new beginnings for, if not to connect, to share, and to find real joy? So… yeah. I’m trying to put my bullshit aside, and enjoy these moments. There really isn’t any reason not to, and so many reasons to embrace every bit of joy life provides. I’ll guess I’ll go do that. 😉

Friday. Already? Time to think about the weekend… that’s nice. It’s been a good week. Productive. Chill. I can’t bring a moment of real stress or conflict to mind (in my own right-here-right-now experience of living life). It’s a nice pace to be, poised on the edge of a weekend, without a complaint or grievance. 🙂

…What to do with the weekend, though…?

I’d like to get a couple miles on my hiking boots tomorrow – maybe run up the road to the wildlife refuge and walk the loop there? Work my way back errand by errand? Sounds like fun. Housekeeping Sunday.

Last Sunday my Traveling Partner encouraged me to just “take the day” on Sunday instead of my usual housekeeping and whatnot. It was soooo good to relax that way. We did a couple things together (projects in the shop) and I relaxed. Properly. It was very restful. At some point during the week, my sleep went to shit and by last night, I was kind of stupid with fatigue and sleepiness, and as wobbly getting around as if I’d had several quick shots of rum. My Traveling Partner encouraged me to go ahead and crash – it wasn’t even 5:30 pm at that point. I didn’t think I’d sleep… he woke me hours and hours later to hang out for a little while before he considered calling it a night, himself. I probably could have slept all night, but it wasn’t what I’d wanted to do when I did lay down hours earlier. I’m still astonished that I crashed so hard, and slept so deeply. I had no difficulty returning to sleep a bit later, and woke quite on time this morning, feeling wholly rested.

I yawn, thinking about sleep, later, and smile, thinking about how nice it is to feel so loved, now. It’s a good place to be.

Tomorrow? Another mile on these boots. For now? Love is enough. 🙂

Hot coffee. Sunny summer morning and one day remaining in a long weekend. I don’t have much to say about the 4th of July holiday, really… I used to make jokes that the entire nation came together as one to celebrate the end of my first marriage with me. lol It was on the 4th of July that I finally walked away. It was an important moment, but… at this point? Just one of many in a long life rich in ups, downs, good fortune, poor choices, and a lot of opportunities to pause, rethink, and begin again.

My Traveling Partner and I enjoyed the day, and each other’s company. I went out into the world, into an actual retail space, and actually did a bit of shopping. I don’t mean that I went into a store masked and distanced, quickly identified what I came for, and quickly made my exit, not that at all; I shopped. I even – are you ready for this one? I tried on clothes! Wow. The freedom. 🙂 (The lingering “end” of the pandemic found me with a lot more “comfy clothes” and a bit short on suitable work casuals, and suddenly I’ve got a business trip on my calendar, and colleagues eager to meet me in person for the first time… so… seemed wise to do a bit of shopping rather than showing up in yoga pants or jammies. LOL)

Today? Just a day. Most of them are, aren’t they? Today it’ll be housekeeping; it is functionally “the sunday” of this particular long weekend, and that’s how I do; housekeeping on Sundays, get the place ready for the new week. It’s a practice that is all about beginning again, and meditation, and mindful service. Sometimes it’s also tedious and annoying. Sometimes it feels like a huge effort, and even a burden. I will straight up admit that I loathe most housekeeping chores, completely. I like to take things easy…but… I also enjoy, prefer, and thrive in conditions of “orderliness”. So, Sunday is my day to fight off the chaos with restored order, and a bit of tidying up. Has to be done, if I’m committed to the life I most want to be living. 🙂

I put on music that makes me want to dance. There are clean clothes to put on after my shower, and sunshine streaming through the blinds, filtered and soft, tempting me to step outside. Pleasant day. That’ll do nicely for all manner of new beginnings, I think. 🙂

I sip this coffee, smiling, and listening to tunes. Mostly rap, this morning, mostly women: Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion, Saweetie, Snow Tha Product, Nicki Minaj… there are quite a few really good ones, and my play list is filled with their power, their juice, and their joy. 🙂

…This coffee is almost gone, though… and that means it’s time to begin again. 🙂