Archives for posts with tag: breathe

About that… it’s unavoidable. I’m human. You’re human (well, probably). Life is an extraordinary experience, but one which, for most of us, has quite a few ups and downs, and is a tad more rollercoaster-y than paved level walking path with convenient markers and a map. It’s just not always that easy. Sometimes shit goes very very wrong.

Do you panic? I’ve sure been known to. Life can be scary. I’m fortunate to have a better idea how to handle it than I once did, but… I’ll be honest; I still, now and then, stumble into a circumstance that leaves me feeling more than a little panicked and unprepared.

There are things to do. Steps. Practices. Start with one you know you can rely upon, and go from there. Breathe. First, generally, and most often of greatest value for me, personally; breathe, let it go for a moment, find that stable “observer” that exists within the emotional maelstrom. That’s you. Really you. The rest is window dressing and let’s pretend. Lead with your calm.

That sounds so easy. It’s not always easy. Yesterday I was reminded how not fucking easy that actually is. Having a supportive partner, I was fortunate to have someone to reach out to, to talk things over, to get my bearings. Things turn out fine, generally, and the panic is not helpful or necessary. Still. There was a bit of panic, and indeed, not helpful. lol Hours later, and even after a restful night’s sleep, I still feel the warmth of my partner’s love. I’m grateful to experience a love like this.

I spent the rest of the evening sorting myself out and ensuring my planning account for new circumstances and information. It ends up being a lovely quiet evening, and somehow a new start to a new year, already. Looks like it’ll be a year a new beginnings. I’m okay with that. I’m pretty familiar with beginning again. 😉

I finish my rather crappy cup of coffee with a sheepish smile; it’s enough, and I’m okay with that. It’s time to move on to changes, and practices, and beginnings. 🙂

Where does this path lead?

I am awake early. Too early. It was 2:35 am when I woke. Like… totally awake, woke. As in, not going back to sleep levels of awake. Well… shit. I’m up. lol

…On the other hand? Today’s a travel day, and I can either take my leisure with the morning, or hit the highway earlier. Either works for me. No wrong answer. So… I guess that means it’s time to make coffee. 😀

My coffee is tasty – nice job there, Me – but somehow I managed to make only about 2/3 of a cup of coffee. Weird. (To be fair, my “usual” cup of coffee is a 16 oz mug – that’s about 500 ml – thus 2/3 is still a plenty decent sized cup of coffee, so, it’s not like I made any effort to do anything about it.) It got me thinking about coffee for the drive. I can’t find my travel-mug-of-choice anywhere… and if I hit the road at or before 4 am, nothing much will be open. lol It all seems dreadfully complicated… so…

…I let that shit go. It’s a non issue. Doesn’t matter enough to fuss over. 😉

I enjoy a few moments of conversation with a not-all-that-distant friend (just far enough away that we don’t see each other, although with minimal effort we easily could). He’s eager to hang out, calls me “beautiful”. I note both the delight I feel at the compliment, and the immediate suspicion that follows it. I take a breath, and let that go, too. I give my demons a wink. “Not today, fuckers, not today”, I say to myself, and return to my coffee. I smile, content to feel warmed by the nice compliment. Then I let that go to.

Today is not a day to cling to illusions. The New Year approaches, and it’s a fantastic moment for letting things go. 🙂

I sip my coffee, continue the conversation, glance at the time… damn, I was up early. It’s not yet 4:00 am. Car is loaded. I’m showered and dressed. This is all going very well, so far. 😀

The weekend ahead looks to be a busy one. Out of town. Filled with moments, friends, parties, and comings & goings. Writing will take commitment. I remind myself to bring my laptop. I remind myself it’s already in the car. lol Am I really awake enough to get such an early start?

I think about that one. Then I let that shit go. Bullshit insecurity. Bullshit doubt. My anxiety lying to me. Letting it go is a breath away.

I breathe. Sip my coffee. Finish up a flirtatious conversation. Consider the day ahead. I’m eager to see my Traveling Partner. He is eager to see me. We share a peculiarly intense love that sometimes still finds me wondering if this can actually be real. This doubt, too, I let go of. It’s not necessary to instill each moment with doubt. That’s just baggage, and at 55, I have to admit that if I indulge or cling to it, the choice is mine.

I choose to let that shit go.

Well, look at that – it’s already time to begin again. 🙂

 

It’s a Wednesday morning after a Tuesday holiday, and a long weekend. Little more to say about this new beginning, than that. 😉

It’s been a lovely holiday with my Traveling Partner. Blissful? Yep. Contented? Entirely. Delighted? Oh, definitely. Hell, I’m already “missing him” and I haven’t left for work yet, and he’s still sleeping in the other room. lol What a wonderful holiday. How fortunate I am to be so well-loved, so valued, so highly regarded, so cherished! 🙂

Nonetheless, and all that loveliness aside, it remains time to begin again. A few days of work ahead of me, then another holiday… then a new year. 🙂 That’s a lot of beginnings just ahead. I’m ready. Are you ready? Shall we, then?

It’s a good time for a new beginning.

It’s Giftmas Eve, and somewhere, someone is stressing over something. Too little time. Too little money. Too many bills. Too much drama. Too much heartache. Too little certainty. Too much pain. Too little opportunity. Something isn’t right, somewhere. I take a moment for silent well-wishes, and a moment of compassion and understanding; life can be hard, and good fortune can be fleeting.

If things are difficult right now, my best advice (you didn’t ask, but I’ve got it handy…) is beyond simple (in words): breathe, let go, begin again.

I know, I know. Your results will vary. There are verbs involved. It may take practice, and incremental change over time is painfully slow, and you’d like to feel better right now. Got it. It’s still going to be you making the choices, taking the actions, doing the work, enduring the slow improvements that come with changing behavior or thinking… And if you don’t make the choices, take the actions, do the work, and endure the slow improvements that come with changing your behavior or thinking, it’s pretty much certain that nothing actually changes, that you were hoping to see change. Waiting around for coincidental changes that just happen to meet your long-term needs is…um… less than effective. Not a best practice. You want change? Do the changing.

Taking time to relax in the holiday glow.

…Giftmas Eve… However you choose to celebrate your winter holidays, and whatever the quality of your experience, I wish you well this holiday season, and I wish you all the joy that could come of wise decision-making, authenticity in your relationships, and the willingness to be the person you most want to be. May the gifts under the tree amount to nothing at all in comparison to the love you experience in life, and the love you share.

I sit quietly, listening to my Traveling Partner breathing softly in the other room. Home for the holidays. 🙂 His presence has been my most enjoyed “present” so far.

I’m grateful, in this moment, to be content, and aware that I’m okay. Life is pretty good, generally, and the drama fairly sparse, and, while uncomfortable or less than ideal, also has pretty clear solutions. So… there’s that, and it’s enough.

However stress-filled, however chaotic, however angst-ridden, and horrible-seeming life may be right now, it’s possible to get the occasional breather from all that, even if it is just a walk, or an hour immersed in a good book, or a favorite video game… or a few minutes of meditation…

…Take a break, now and then. 🙂

There’s even the very real chance that taking healthy breaks from stress could… reduce your stress. 😀 (That sounds like a fine idea!)

I woke this morning without the anxiety that has been plaguing me for weeks, now. It was a nice departure from what had threatened to become routine. Feels good. I sip my coffee and enjoy it, and think about the handful of days off ahead of me. That feels good, too. I smile, and feel my relaxed posture, and contentment in my own skin.

I spend a moment or two musing about life’s changes; small ones, over time, that sometimes become, quite a lot later, very significant… and other’s that seem to loom large in the moment, and amount to nothing, looking back on them. Weird how that works.

It’s the people and relationships that matter most. Life seems so much less about other facets of our circumstances, as I sit quietly on a weekday morning before a holiday weekend, sipping my coffee.

I notice the time, and realize there is time yet to tidy up, and for meditation. A good time to begin again. 🙂