Archives for posts with tag: choose wisely

I woke ahead of the alarm this morning. I was already smiling. What a lovely weekend this was. I smile through my yoga. I smile through my shower. I smile while I am making coffee, and while I am sipping it in the darkness, pre-dawn, on the deck, in the cool morning air. There is the smallest hint of autumn in the air. I smile at that, too.

…A quiet content thought is voiced silently in the background even as I stand smiling in the darkness. “This too shall pass.” It’s true, too; there is no state of being that is “forever”. Moments pass. Experiences fade from recollection. Intensity of emotion diminishes over time. Flowers wither and their color fades. Friends move on. Relationships end. Jobs, situations, circumstances… things change with the passage of time. Like a great DJ set, sometimes we fail to notice change in the moment, realizing after-the-fact that change has come over us.

I’m still smiling.

This moment right here? Choice. It’s a good one, no doubt. I could, of course, reach out into the world for something to unsettle or distress me. There’s plenty out there. There’s also more than ample opportunity later for the world to knock the smile off my face. This smile, too, shall pass – at some point. I don’t need to rush that process. I sip my coffee, still smiling, listening to music from a party I did not attend in person, and appreciating the technology that lets me enjoy it now. It’s a good start to a Monday, a smile and great music… an excellent start, in fact, to an entire week. Still smiling, I glance at the clock.

…It’s already time to begin again. 🙂

Some days it is enough to wake up smiling. 🙂

I am sipping my coffee, and listening to my Traveling Partner’s quiet breathing as he sleeps in the other room. This, too, is enough. 🙂

It’s even Friday – how much better will this one moment get? 🙂

This? This is what “happy” feels like. There’s no point chasing it; it doesn’t come to us by way of chasing it down. I sip my coffee, enjoy the moment. I am content that this, too, yes, will pass. Change is. New beginnings are. Fighting change is as pointless a waste of time as chasing happiness. It’s just not the most effective approach.

I sip my coffee, while I embrace change – all the many small twists and turns on life’s journey, the opportunities, the challenges, they add up over time. Skillfully managed, incremental change over time is simply part of being, and part of becoming. It helps to have a result in mind – and to refrain from clinging to that outcome as though it were a given (it isn’t). It helps to make choices – not just endure the changes inflicted upon you by circumstance.

Small things are slightly different this morning. The door to the studio is closed to minimize the noise of the keyboard that might reach the bedroom. The car is in the garage to make room for another car in the driveway. There is a warm, breathing, much-loved human being sleeping in my bed. The wheel keeps turning. I may wake up alone tomorrow. I’m even okay with that.

This moment? It’s enough, just as it is.

It’s already time to begin again, nonetheless.

I started to type a phrase into the text box, and got only as far as the word “next”, and sad numbly for a moment, struck by the observation that it definitely appeared to be spelled quite incorrectly… although… it isn’t. Huh. I sip my coffee, and stare at it awhile, no longer certain where I was going with the thought, at all.

Why am I writing today? I mean… routine, sure. It’s a practice, but… this morning I struggle to connect it with my thoughts or experience, and that, too, strikes me as strange.

I hear the trickle of the aquarium in the background. I’ve been ready to “decommission” it for several weeks now. The livestock are gone (some due to age, some through misadventure – a power outage while I was away – and some re-homed, prepared to drain the tank). I am away to often to care for my aquarium easily, and I am living a life that no longer requires serious masking sounds to ease my anxiety; there is no yelling in the background here, no day-to-day tension between others, or infiltrating my own experience. Those conditions, taken together, result in the aquarium becoming a higher maintenance element of my surroundings than I want to make time for. I chose change instead… then sort of got stalled half way through, because I am also quite human. I haven’t been particularly self-conscious about it – I’ll get to it, perhaps this weekend?

I look around this room, and through the open doorway, into the next. There always seems to be a “next” – a next task, a next project, a next moment, a next weekend… but we are mortal creatures. One day, “next” is also… “last”. I sigh out loud and sip my coffee, committing silently to tidying up and finishing things and putting stuff right and following up on loose ends… all the things. I regularly do. I often still end the day with some “next” thing that I really need to wrap up… the next day.

I smile at myself. This morning, a great many of my “nexts” are about the upcoming weekend, and about my Traveling Partner. We shared a great phone call yesterday, and I came away from it delightedly expecting that he could realistically show up more or less any time at all… maybe even… the next day. Wow. That lifted me up in the most remarkable way!  It also filled my head with shit I now rather urgently want to get done, because I like to be a good hostess, and with the busy weekend ahead, and a possibly imminent visit from my Traveling Partner, things like that one waste basket I overlooked emptying are really standing out to me now. lol I find myself thinking about detailing the bathrooms, and changing the linens, and wondering if the patio door glass is clean, and how long has it been since I dusted? Already I am impatient about the work day ahead. Already I am eager to return home and get to work on the housekeeping. lol

I sip my coffee, think about life and love and wonder “what’s next?” I guess I’ll have to begin again to find out. 🙂

“I’m no expert, but…”

I woke with those words in my head. Weird. I sip my coffee and consider them. It’s true. I’m not an expert. It’s not necessary to ask “at what”, because the answer will ideally be the same most every time; at whatever you’re asking about. I have more to learn. More to learn at my job. More to learn about great self-care. More to learn about love. More to learn about perspective. More to learn about being the very best human being I can practically be. More to learn about where my values will take me in life. More to learn about the consequences of my actions. More to learn about how my words affect others. More to learn about the world and other cultures. More to learn about letting go of attachment. More to learn about success. More to learn about balance. More to learn about “basic human decency”. More to learn about consideration. More languages, more math, more science, more philosophy, more… books to read.

There’s a lot to know, that I do not know.

I have more to learn. I am a student of life. Yep, still. I have practices to practice. Homework to do. A journey to take. A path to follow. It is seriously not in my best interests (nor is it my intention) to be aggressively certain, or to pursue “being right”; I’ll learn less if I take that approach, and omg there is so much to learn!

I have more questions than answers. I’m okay with this.

I remember a time in my life when I was rather more than a little bit arrogant about my intellect and my beauty. It did not serve me well, and let’s face it; beauty, most particularly, is a fleeting quality (not to mention, exceedingly subjective). As it turned out, there are tons of people both smarter and more educated than I am – and there definitely always will be, because there is so much to know. There are also uncountable others who are lovelier, more beautiful, cuter, prettier, sexier, fitter, and/or more stunningly gorgeously photogenic than I will ever be – or ever was. This is just real. It’s not about being “down on myself”, I’m simply sharing something about perspective that I did eventually sort out, over time; there are vast numbers of people, and I will never meet them all, and still, there is someone, somewhere, regardless, who is better/faster/stronger/smarter/something-er than I was, am, or will become. This has to be entirely okay, or I will spend myself chasing skills, qualities and accolades, and lose precious perspective on just enjoying my life. 🙂

I sip my morning coffee with a smile. I figured something out awhile ago; be humble. I’ve certainly seemed to be less insufferable, as a result. lol 😉

It’s okay to choose change – to willfully make changes that nudge me in the direction of becoming the woman I most want to be. Better than okay; it feels pretty empowering to choose to live my life, my way. Being humble about life, about my mistakes, about my progress – about who I am, in the context of my experience – gives me the opportunity to learn more, to go farther, and to share the journey with more fellow travelers.

It’s time to begin again. Choose your path. 🙂

 

I recently read a meme or a post or an observation somewhere to the effect that we “don’t owe” “basic human decency” to [insert preferred list of “bad people” here]. I found myself astonished that “basic human decency” is so often seen as something we provide on a limited basis, and only to specific qualifying individuals. Then I laughed. Then I felt incredibly saddened. Seriously? “Basic human decency” is something to aspire to because we are human – and decent. It’s a literal baseline for decency; the minimum we offer, because “decent” is a human quality we cultivate. We provide that experience because it is characteristic of who we are. Portioning it out to just those who are adequately deserving suggests to me a fundamental lack of actual decency, altogether. Just saying.

I’m not pointing any fingers. Been there. I’ve been in that place where I was so angry (generally) and so wounded (emotionally), that behaving with any sort of decency seemed… unfair, or unreasonable, or… well… I wasn’t gonna do that. :-\ I did not understand at all that it was not about whether that person was “deserving” of decency – it was always about whether I was sufficiently developed as an adult human being to be capable of decency in those circumstances. It said more about me as a human being than anyone else. It’s very much the sort of puzzle that kept pulling my focus back onto me, when I started down this path – what I am capable of? What I can learn? What I can do to change myself? I have so little ability to change the world, or any one individual, and so much opportunity to become the woman, the person, the human being I most want to be. At this point, I could describe it as my life’s work. (I find it hard to accurately describe how far I have actually come as a person, and how far I recognize that I still have to go.)

My housekeeping? Not perfect. I’m prone to untidiness, but thrive within the context of a lifestyle that is very orderly, well-kept, and managed on a calendar. I have to work at order. I do. There are tons of verbs involved and my results vary.

My self-care? Hit or miss under stress, but generally pretty good these days, otherwise. I work at that, too. It’s a very human experience. More verbs. More practices. I begin again every single day.

My sanity? Mostly fairly well-managed these days. I do what it takes. I see my therapist when that is the needful thing. In years that I’ve been medicated, I’ve stayed the course on my medication(s) and taken prescriptions as directed as much as my memory (and coping skills) allow. I’ve made a point of getting off of medications that were doing me harm. I practice good practices, and I no longer punish myself for my very humanity. I’d say I’m generally sane, mostly fairly rational, and entirely willing recognize my mistakes, whenever that comes up (often). 🙂

My ability to be a basically decent human being? Pretty good, generally, with some misses here or there when I’m not entirely myself, or during some moment of severe stress, illness, or in the throes of misadventure. It’s a work in progress, frankly, I’d like to be more reliably wholly a basically decent human being, as a reliable default setting. I continue to work at that, because from my perspective on life, now, it seems the literal least I can do for the world… which make it sort of obligatory to at least give it a shot, and to really practice it until I am quite skilled. 🙂

My experience is my own. Same for yours. When we make wise choices that are appropriate to our circumstances, we tend to enjoy our experience a bit more. When we practice, and demonstrate, human decency, we are decent humans – something to aspire to, right there. The world would most definitely benefit from having a higher percentage of basically decent human beings. Life gives us opportunities to change, to grown, to learn, to practice – and we become what we practice.

Today is a good day to practice some “basic human decency” – certainly it is worth being good at that. It’s not about whether you deserve my basic human decency, though, is it? It’s about whether I do. (I definitely do.) 😉