Today is very chill and lovely so far. Calm. Quiet.

In fact, there’s a lot of that, lately, in my individual experience. It’s a nice change from a lifetime of internal turmoil. Much of it is the result of applying intellect and will to studies that actually have the potential to get that result in the first place;  turning my attention away from analysis and introspection, and turning it toward mindfulness, observation, and meditation.  A lot of it is the result of new skills, new understanding of self, of others, of key concepts – like ‘taking care of me’, consent, and compassion. Some of it is simply allowing wounds to heal at all, rather than continuously picking at the scars and constantly inflicting new trauma on myself by way of OPD (Other People’s Drama) and the media-focus on shock and alarm.

I am learning to set real boundaries that make sense for me, and to manage them and communicate them clearly.  I am learning which of my challenges are a byproduct of my brain injury, and which are a result of emotional trauma; child abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence have all had their moment, and it can be a lot to sort out.  I am learning skills and tools that address my emotional and physical needs, and encourage and support real long term healing.

That all sounds amazing – feels amazing, too, when I take a moment to feel the progress, value it, and appreciate it. Mindful gratitude, and self-compassion get major points on the scorecard when I look at how much has changed over the past few months. So… time to ‘level up’!

Sometimes a high score is about more than a number.

Gamification is no joke, and it has certainly played an important role for me by applying it to both rehabilitation (to whatever extent that can be accomplished on a TBI that is decades old), and to clearing some odd emotional hurdles resulting from ancient pain, personal demons, and poor programming.  Healing and growing and becoming… it is a puzzles with many pieces.

Here it is Friday. The household begins to wake. Soon the quiet will be replaced with love, and conversation, and the activities of the day.  Today, I will select my tools with care, and share my heart fearlessly with my loves.  Today I will change my world.