Archives for posts with tag: just one more thing

Well. Here we are. 2019 is winding down, just hours from its commonplace celebratory finish. 2020 hasn’t yet raised itself up to become “real”. We exist in the space between, that place we call “now”. So temporary.

I sip my coffee and think my thoughts. I don’t assume I know anything at all about what 2020 may hold – why would I? Life is varied, the menu of possible human experiences is vast and complicated (and possibly in a different language…). This moment, and this coffee, right here, is enough for now. πŸ™‚

I woke ahead of the alarm this morning. I woke from dreams of something or another that had caused me some distress. It’s already gone now, the last remnants of recollection have already dissipated. All that was actually required for that result was to get up, and do some very routine things, in a very routine way, focused entirely on those routine actions in the moment. Once completed, those actions and my presence with them in those moments, cleared my consciousness of any notable distress from my dreams, including the memory of the content of those dreams, leaving behind only the most vague awareness that I’d had, perhaps, “some bad dreams”. I count this as an achievement. There was a time when waking from bad dreams would often wreck my emotional balance for hours, sometimes days.

Celebrating small successes is a pleasant start to New Year’s Eve day. πŸ™‚ I definitely recommend it. πŸ˜€

This holiday is the end to (my notion of) the winter holiday season. Tomorrow, I’ll celebrate the new year with rituals and routines of cleaning things up and putting things away. The tree will come down, and the ornaments will be cherished one last time before being boxed up safely and put away for another year. I’ll do some laundry, probably. Things like that. Bringing order to chaos is a pleasant start to a new year. Certainly, it’s enough.

The other thing I do in celebration of a new year, is to take an hour of time for myself, to meditate, to reflect on the year past, to reset goals, plans, and re-calibrate expectations that linger. It’s a time to take a look at the woman in the mirror, and ask some hard questions about where she’s headed. I value this time, and have taken it for myself for many years. It is a practice I encourage. Far too many people get to the end of a year and find they “just don’t have any time for” themselves. How ridiculous is that? Don’t forget to make time for your needs, and your plans, your dreams, all of that; you only get to walk your own path. Be sure the path you are choosing to walk is truly yours. πŸ™‚

…The last blog post of 2019. I’ve been far less “reliable” about writing this year, than in the years past (since I started this blog, I mean). Only 252 posts this year, clearly I’ve taken some time for myself this year. πŸ™‚

…So…yeah. 2020? Almost time to begin again. πŸ˜€

Just one thing…”If I could change one thing…” “If I could just get this one thing done…” “I just have one issue…” “One comment…” “One book on a desert island…” “…only listen to one band…”

The power of one, the pedestal upon which we stand our fragile individuality, is a big deal. Β Things that are singular, unique, or rare seem sometimes to thereby also be more desirable, more valuable, or more precious. It can also be a wedge that drives people apart, the fulcrum of an unbalanced argument, or representative to us in our own thinking of why we do not, or can not succeed at some one thing we have chosen to matter to us above all else.

Just one thing can also be a stepping stone to change, a way to ‘make it all seem more manageable’ somehow; I don’t have to wake up perfect if I can use will and action to change over time. πŸ™‚ Β I find a lot of reassurance in that thought, but I’ll admit straight up that the associated challenge for me has been that I also have to choose what those one things, those small changes, will be. No handy ‘user’s guide’ for being human.

At the risk of seeing my blog become a book review blog over time… I may have found something on the order of ‘a handy user’s guide’ for the brain. Seriously? Yep. Just One Thing.

Is it that simple?

Is it that simple?

I’m still reading “Emotional Intimacy”, too, which is very science-y. They are a good pairing for me. I wake up each morning eager to read more of one, then the other, then to act on what I have read. Like going to the gym for my brain. πŸ™‚

See? Spring.

See? Spring.

Spring is coming, and although I feel intellectually stimulated by good reading, life feels very busy to a point of nearly overwhelming me, and I feel rushed, crowded, and overloaded with details. Time for another day on the beach, walking, meditating, slowing things down…just planning it and acting on those plans results in feelings of being loved, supported, cared for, and nurtured – and I smile when I think “I did that, for me!” Β It’s not really a credit/blame/fault thing at all, I’m simply pleased to have come far enough on my journey to do something positive to take care of me, before I hit critical mass and my head explodes, leaving me screaming at someone I love over nothing that matters. πŸ™‚ Β I am delighted that when I mentioned to my partners that I need some downtime, I had their full support.

I’ll be headed to the coast to sketch, write, meditate, and slow way down in general – and celebrating the Vernal Equinox with a weekend of calm, and stillness. I’m so excited that like a kid waiting for Santa Claus, the days seem to stretch into an infinite far away future, although it’s really only two weeks away. lol

In my not-so-distant-future...

In my not-so-distant-future…

I was walking home last night, finishing my commute, looking at the evening sky and contemplating ‘how it is’ and what I see ahead on my path, and what I am looking for. Considering the ‘evening light’. I am changed. I am still ‘me’. Growth. Identity. (I thought I might be going somewhere with that, but no.) The sky was on fire with color as the sun dipped below the horizon. I snapped a couple of pictures, but capturing that certain special quality of light is a rare thing. I still love evening light…illumination. Gnosis. Awareness. My smile these days contains a certain quality I can feel, but not name. It feels, to me, like ‘evening light’.

Evening Light.

Evening Light.