Archives for posts with tag: love songs in my head

It’s evening. A bit after 6 p.m., not late. I had a third coffee… and had it in the afternoon. Needed a bit of a pick-me-up when I started running out of steam. Will it keep me up? No idea, but I’m rather inclined to think not; I still feel a bit… done. lol Not in a bad way, just fatigued. Sore muscles (physical therapy seems to be helping with my overall fitness quite a lot, and in any regard in which my relative lack of fitness was contributing to my pain, that has improved). I don’t mind sore muscles; steps toward a goal. Damn, though – tired and sore muscles? I left work a bit early. I’ve got tomorrow off and plans to see a friend. Feels good to make occasional plans that involve actual other humans. lol Yeah, I said it. ๐Ÿ™‚

I got home to find my Traveling Partner at work on a variety of Spring-cleaning-themed tasks: cleaning and refilling the hot tub, & general tidying. After I got home, even going that extra step to finish up what he had started out on the deck, doing things like cleaning the grill, and the fire pit, and re-hanging the shade “sails”. I enjoyed hanging out on the deck with him. Occasionally lending a hand when asked, but mostly “staying out of the way” and relaxing with my afternoon coffee. It was fun. I’m still smiling.

Spring is already trying to become summer. lol

I stopped by a local nursery and picked up some kitchen herbs to add to the front garden. Nice splashes of green foliage with real usefulness. I looked over the blueberries there, but they weren’t great looking, and I did not splurge on them just because they were there. That doesn’t really work for me – and they would not have been varieties I really want for the location I have in mind. It can wait.

Dave Matthews is still singing love songs in the background. It’s music I definitely associate with this love of ours. We’ll be 11 years married, this year, and 12 years as lovers. I enjoy our enduring love. I smile fondly when I think of him in his shop, preparing for tomorrow’s work day. I sat down here thinking I’d play Minecraft… ending up writing, reflecting contentedly on a day well-spent, and looking ahead toward the days to come. Long weekend. I’d like to spend some notable portion in the garden. I’ve also got an errand to run. Routine weekend in most regards, simply pleasantly long, and suited to sleeping in and loving. Maybe a hike? Some time in the studio? Honestly, it’s enough to rest, and be.

I’ll definitely be glad when my muscles aren’t so sore; I’ll get right back to making them sore, again. That’s kinda the way it works to get from not-all-that-fit back to “fit”. I’m not even complaining. I’m not injured, it’s just sore muscle pain. It tells me where my muscles lack symmetry. It tells me where I’m a bit weaker and could use more work, done with care. It reminds me to keep at it; we become what we practice. If I want to regain my fitness, strength, and endurance, there are definitely going to be a lot of verbs and practicing to get there, and quite a few days with sore muscles.

It sounds like the dryer is finished… there’s a bed to remake before fatigue becomes exhaustion, and before evening turns to night. There’s a new beginning ahead. There are endings behind me. The love that has infused this day matters so much more than this little bit of muscle pain. ๐Ÿ™‚

Have you ever noticed how time sort of “stands still” in those fully engaged intimate moments of connecting with another? I know, I know – those moments are so fleeting, so cherished, so hard to pin down, or duplicate later. I still find them “timeless”, at least in the moment.

That’s how it was last night. My Traveling Partner came over and hung out awhile, before he heads off for work elsewhere, far away. We talked rather seriously through the evening. The future is vast, and broad, and the choices on life’s menu seem to… breathe… expanding and contracting day-to-day, sometimes moment-to-moment, and I am having trouble choosing my adventure with any comfort or efficiency.

Sometimes life is uncomfortable – and inefficient.

We talked. We enjoyed a pleasant evening hanging out. No TV. No music. Just us two, talking about things to come, where we’re headed in life, what we each want – or need. As evenings go, it was intimate, nurturing, adult, romantic, supportive, practical, and connected. It met needs upon needs upon needs, no tears or tantrums required. No demands. No frustrations. Two people who love each other, loving each other. Sharing.

Sometimes it’s not about words.

We talked – and we also just chilled with each other, hanging out in my somewhat too warm apartment. He shopped and talked about things he needs in life. I went over recent changes in thinking, and discussed the profundity of change. We shared pictures. We shared anecdotes. We shared concerns. We shared hugs and kisses. The evening was quiet and relaxed. We’d thought about going out for a movie, we could have done it, we didn’t need to “do” so much as we needed to “be” – together. So we did that.

This morning I’m smiling. I slept more deeply, and woke feeling more rested, than I generally do. I grin at myself to notice the quality of my smile. I “hear” a Nicki Minaj track in my head, in the background, it’ll probably be there all day (or at least until a love song replaces it). ๐Ÿ˜€ I find myself wondering about the connection between feeling so well-loved, and sleeping so well… Is that a thing?

Lovely moment. Lovely morning. Lovely day. Loving love… so… loving life, too. Funny how hard it was to find my way to this place. No idea how long it may last (it’s not really a helpful question). I let the cool morning air fill the apartment, sip my coffee, and smile. There’s nothing to add to this, really. Life is no less complicated, busy, or challenging, just because there is Love, but the love does seem to make all the rest less… troublesome. It’s enough.

Love is enough. Loving starts with me. Starts with the woman in the mirror and how I treat myself. What a strange puzzle. There are definitely verbs involved.

We become what we practice. โค

It’s May Day. Maybe you are celebrating, too? Are you celebrating a festival of Spring? Perhaps you are marching for workers’ rights on International Workers Day? Personally, I am celebrating 6 years of marriage with my Traveling Partner. ๐Ÿ˜€ No idea if we’ll see each other today… likely not; it is also a work Monday for both of us, but our shared flexibility and comfort with living apart day-to-day prevents a lot of needless drama from erupting over those sorts of things, generally. I am okay if we get together over dinner or hang out awhile. I’m okay if we don’t; either way I am celebrating this delightful partnership of equals, today. ๐Ÿ˜€

Love.

Today I am listening to love songs, and smiling at memories of shared moments, flipping through photos of the past few years – those that we’ve shared as human beings, together on this bit of life’s journey. It’s enough to celebrate and ย honor the experience we share as lovers in my own heart this morning – there’s nothing about that which really requires us to throw money at each other, or deviate from our routines. What matters most is that we each feel it, and recognize this is worthy of celebration. Love is messy, tricky, and wonderful… and I am delighted to share it with this human being. Certainly, this is a partnership worth celebrating; I’m glad I have a day for it…ย  I tend to feel pretty celebratory about this love every day, the calendar observation is sort of extra. ๐Ÿ™‚

p.s. I love you.

Today, love is enough. ๐Ÿ™‚

This is not a blog post about science, water, or the seashore.

This morning I am sipping my coffee and contemplating this empty text box, and letting my thoughts wander where they will. I am pre-occupied with the evening of love ahead of me, and content with morning quite precisely just as it is. This morning, the titular aquatic metaphor is a reflection on differences in thoughts, and thinking. Some of my thoughts are an undercurrent to the busier consciousness of the immediate moment, with wakefulnessย interrupting my dreams and beginning a new day being rather like a tide of consciousness rolling in. My momentary considerations of some one title or another on which to build this morning’s writing are as waves, hitting my awareness, being considered, then receding.

I continue to sip my coffee and think about love. What a very sweet beginning to the day to choose. And love? Love, itself…? More than enough. Today is a good day for love.

Be love.

Be love.

Let’s celebrate something wonderful today! Truly, it’s been a difficult [week, fortnight, month, couple of months, year…] for so many people. You, too? Ups and downs? Things that haven’t worked? People who have let you down? Things that didn’t go quite as planned? Trials and suffering? Missteps and misunderstandings? Poor choices and their consequences? The blues? We are creatures of both emotion and reason, of body and mind; we feel, and sometimes it hurts.

Because love matters more. "Emotion and Reason" 24โ€ณ x 36โ€ณ acrylic on canvas w/ceramic details and glow 2012

Because love matters more.
“Emotion and Reason” 24โ€ณ x 36โ€ณ acrylic on canvas w/ceramic details and glow 2012

Today I am putting pain aside to smile with wide open delight, self-acceptance, and joy. A reason to do so would not be required, considering that if only to balance the scales I surely need to celebrate more than I do – but today goes beyond that, for me. Today I celebrate a relationship that matters a great deal – as well as celebrating how much more valuable and delightful it is, now that I matter to me as much, and value myself so highly. Letting go of attachment seems to make embracing love and connecting deeply an easier and more comfortable thing, for me. I have no insights to explain this subjective experience. ย I could celebrate something different – it seems a good day to celebrate – but today, I choose love.

"Lovers" 10" x 14" watercolor on paper 1992

“Lovers” 10″ x 14″ watercolor on paper 1992

"Happiness" 16" x 24" acrylic on canvas w/mirror details 2010

“Happiness” 16″ x 24″ acrylic on canvas w/mirror details 2010

Thank you, Love "Contemplation" 12" x 16" acrylic and iron oxide. August 2011

Thank you, Love
“Contemplation” 12″ x 16″ acrylic and iron oxide. August 2011

Four years ago, my traveling partner and I made a commitment to travel life’s journey in each other’s good company. We are not human beings so tied to the traditions to others that we felt constrained to stick with traditional promises, or vows. We made our own, heartfelt and genuine, and rather practical. It was a moment that mattered more than I realized then that it would. I’ve no regrets about it. We’d been lovers, and friends, for more than a year before that, and living together… Suffice it to say I do not live comfortably with other people for long periods of time, and however often I have attempted it, I have endured miseryย more than joy…except with my traveling partner. ย It’s a partnership that just makes sense, to me; it works. Very human, of course. Ups and downs, sure. Challenges, difficulties, blah blah blah, absolutely. This, though, is love at work; there are verbs involved. I could choose no better partner at this time in my life to walk with me.

"Communion" 24" x 36" acrylic on canvas w/ceramic details and glow. 2010

“Communion” 24″ x 36″ acrylic on canvas w/ceramic details and glow. 2010

Celebrating feels awesome! I’m delighted to have something so grand to celebrate today. There are other choices…what will you celebrate? Surely, there is something worth of moment of joy, worth smiling about, worth sharing? Please take time for you, today, and celebrate! Today is a very good day to share the journey with a smile.

"Cherry Blossoms" 14" x 20" acrylic on canvas. 2011

“Cherry Blossoms” 14″ x 20″ acrylic on canvas. 2011

"Inspiration" 24" x 36"  acrylic on canvas w/ceramic & glow. 2010 - you are still my muse, my love, and my inspiration, Dearheart. Thank you for sharing the journey.

“Inspiration” 24″ x 36″ acrylic on canvas w/ceramic & glow. 2010
– you are still my muse, my love, and my inspiration, Dearheart. Thank you for sharing the journey.