Archives for posts with tag: rest

A Song in My Heart

December 11, 2025 //
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The soft beeping almost didn’t wake me this morning. I had forgotten to set an alarm, but that is rarely of any consequence, since I also rarely sleep past 04:30 or so. This morning the quiet beeping alarm that goes off at 06:00, my morning medication reminder, was what woke me. I slept in! I even “overslept”, if I want to call it that.

I smiled through my shower and while I dressed, half humming some merry tune. I feel good. Rested. It’s a nice feeling. I let myself feel it without resistance or argument, savoring the moment. I make myself a cup of pod coffee in the hotel room, and double check that I’ll be ready to join my colleagues at breakfast.

There’s a pretty long day ahead, although much of the afternoon and some of the evening will be the office holiday party. I wonder how well rested my colleagues will be? They continued the evening after dinner, heading to some local favorite for cocktails. I rarely drink, and wasn’t inclined to join them. It was around 19:00 when I got back to the room, as it was, and I was already too tired for much more.

City lights, a view from a taxi.

… But I’m not seeing much of SF! 😆 Sightseeing isn’t the point, though.

It’s a strange journey, this thing called “life”. Meeting some of my colleagues in person has been an experience of it’s own. There are some very smart, creative, kind people here, sharing this professional journey, and making their own ways in the world. I feel fortunate to meet them and be received and accepted as their equal. I’ve had some great conversations and many chances to practice listening. I even tried shawarma for the first time!

I tidy up the hotel room. Meditate. Take time to write a few words, and wonder how my Traveling Partner is doing this morning, and hoping he slept well and deeply.

Somehow it’s already time to begin again…

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, joy, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5, winter, Words

Downtime

February 2, 2024 //
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I woke to a vibrating notification on my device, which was on a table on the other side of the room. The room I woke in was “a strange place”, and filled with light when I woke; I had left the curtain partially open expecting daybreak to wake me. It didn’t. It was almost 08:00 a.m., and I’d slept nearly 11 hours. My Traveling Partner woke ahead of me, and had messaged me the good morning greeting that ultimately woke me.

The view I woke to.

It’s a lovely morning. It’s hours later and I’m still groggy. I’m in a ferocious amount of physical pain this morning, and struggling to feel properly awake. It’s a feeling not unlike the feeling one might have after consuming too many “medibles” the day before, and then trying to wake up too early (which is hilarious, since I didn’t use any cannabis at all yesterday). I feel sludgy and slow and dreamy, as if trapped in some partially awakened state. I feel fairly certain I could just go back to bed, and continue to sleep still more. I laugh when I realize I may have subtly set myself up for this moment simply by being so eager to “get some downtime” – I made it okay with myself, and my brain took it from there. I can relax and take it easy, nap if I want to, laze around if I want to, chill with a book or whatever I please. Apparently… I’m tired enough that my body went all-in on getting some actual rest. LOL

I listen to the sounds of the waves crashing on the beach where the channel meets the sea. The tide is going out, and will be at it’s lowest today at about 12:30 p.m. That’ll be a great time to walk the beach, with the warmth of the afternoon sun on my back. There’s no need to rush. I teeter on the edge of going back to bed to nap or read (or read and nap)… or… making my way out into the world long enough to get a good cup of coffee. lol It’s a tough choice, this morning, and it seems likely that napping will win… on the other hand… this first coffee, this morning, is relatively poor quality hotel coffee, and I would very much like a good cup of coffee. lol I just don’t know, and I have all day to make up my mind (if that’s how I want to spend the day).

I spent a lot of yesterday morning and afternoon walking, and my legs ache, reminding me of it. Funny that I’m stalled in this here and now, betwixt decision-making, taking action, or just napping. lol I almost trick myself into thinking I “should” do something… but escaping the “shoulds” and the “have to’s” and the sensation of falling behind on too much that wants my attention is the entire point of this short getaway; letting all that pressure fall away, and taking my ease for just a day or two, and letting my mind rest are my highest priorities today. So.

I’ve no idea where this day will take me – maybe nowhere. I’ll find out when I begin again.

A visitor stops by while I wonder what the day may hold.
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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Moments, Perspective, The Art of Being, winter

Damn, It’s Drafty…

September 23, 2021 //
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Well, no, not actually. There’s a breeze. It’s a sunny Autumn afternoon. The only “drafts” I’m actually noticing are those piled up in my blog, left behind, forgotten – until a stray mouse click puts them in front of me.

The titles don’t reveal much.

I suspect some of these are just a smattering of notes, taken in a hurry and left for later, and it is likely that any ideas that really “got me” have already made their way into a post somewhere. The others? Like once-favorite toys, now broken, they have outlived their usefulness, but somehow I fail to do the housekeeping necessary to tidy that shit up. I think about that and sip my soft-drink; an afternoon treat (little more than bottled liquid candy, so definitely a treat). I promise myself to look over these drafts, later… another day, perhaps, and clean them up. As with my physical spaces, I do well when my cognitive “spaces” are kept quite tidy. 🙂 It’s an important detail to know about myself.

Weird day. My arthritis is giving me grief. My consciousness feels… “fractured and wild” somehow, as if distractions are piling on distractions, competing with other distractions, with the whole mess blocking my view of what I thought I had on my mind… or my to do list. Frustrating. I rarely have this much difficulty with “focus”, or, if I do – I’m rarely so acutely aware of the issue in the moment. I feel, emotionally, as if I’d like to just chill and read a book, but I also have real, practical, doubts that I could sustain my focus sufficiently to get through a paragraph without having to start over several times. I would say “how unlike me!” but I am also having a subjective experience of being… I dunno… “a bit of a stranger to myself” just at the moment. It’s a subtle aggravation.

…I could just sit quietly for awhile… that might be quite pleasant…

A visceral awareness of just how much small stuff – decision making, task processing, go-getting, grinding persistent care of self and of household and of family and of just… life fits into a single day hits me hard, like an abrupt smack. I become aware of my headache. My fatigue. A hint of ennui. A desire to “get off my feet” (I’m not standing on them) and “just take it easy” (I’m working a desk job) starts to swamp me – how am I this tired, right now? It makes no sense and I try to “shake it off”, rather comically, rather literally, not at all successfully. S’ok. It’s very human. I breathe, and exhale, and relax, and try to make room for my fundamental humanity to coexist with my rather silly expectations of what I can (or should) do.

Time to recalibrate, give myself a break, and begin again. 🙂

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Categories Allegories, anhedonia, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being