It is morning. A new day is beginning. I’m sipping my coffee. I flipped through the disappointing headlines and quickly move on; there’s nothing to see there, not really, and I don’t care to waste my time being pointlessly agitated by bullshit. I can treat myself better than that, so I do. I sit for a moment, quietly. The only sounds I hear are the persistent zing of my tinnitus and the soft wush of the ventilation system; all background, no features. Beyond the window, dawn takes shape, soft white clouds against the deep blue gray of the sky before sunrise. It’s one moment, of many.
Breathe, exhale, relax – and tend the garden of your heart with care.
I sit with my thoughts awhile, mostly thinking about the garden, where my Traveling Partner and I, along with the Anxious Adventurer, spent a good portion of the evening yesterday. My thoughts move on to an appointment, later, and later still an errand I’ll run for my beloved. I sigh quietly as a new day unfolds. The sky has become a beautiful azure blue. It’s already time to begin again.
It’s already afternoon. The busy start to a work day of catching up became a busy morning of meetings and follow-ups, which has become afternoon, and nearing the end of the work day. I pull my head out of my… email… and sit up. Breathe. Exhale. Relax. Drink some icy cold water, some sparkling hipster brand that is more scented than flavored, but it’s cold, and it’s potable, and I was thirsty. It’s good enough.
The sun streams through the office window as if mocking my plans to paint for a few days and ending up “rained out” over and over again. The plan is not the reality. The map is not the world. The intention is not the outcome. Perspective. I enjoyed the time on my own terms, and saw some beautiful places and got the real break “from the the world” that I needed so badly. I even got out into my garden, planted some lavender with hopes of seeing more roses bloom (I’ve heard the deer definitely do not care for the strong scent of the lavender and it is rumored to keep them away). Even if that doesn’t work out, I’ll have the lavender, which I greatly enjoy for it’s own qualities.
I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I breathe, exhale, relax, and take this short break, looking out the window into the sunshine. I’m smiling. No hard feelings; reality does not care about my plans, my intentions, or my maps. It simply is. I’m okay with it. I take my break with intention, enjoying this moment before I get back to work. I’m not a fucking machine, and there is no reason to behave as though I am, or treat myself as though I should be. I’m a human being, being human. I smile to myself, and think of my Traveling Partner. It’ll be nice to be home again, at the end of the day, to see him and feel his love, to share my thoughts about the garden, to hear his thoughts about what he’s doing in the shop. I rummage in my handbag for a snack bar left behind after my days wandering new trails. I forgot to bring anything for lunch. I began the day completely unprepared for work, but also no longer prepared to be out on the trail somewhere. lol It’s fine. I’m enjoying the day, and that’s enough.
It’s easy to be swept away.
I sigh to myself and drink my water. I take my afternoon pain medication; I’m sore all over from a week of trail walking, but I saw so many beautful places! Worth it. I think about a waterfall and a flowing river, an interesting metaphor for life, lived. It’s time to begin again, isn’t it? The river isn’t going to stop flowing…
I’m waiting for the sun before I head down the road on today’s adventure. I don’t have a serious aversion to driving in the dark, I just like seeing the sights when I go somewhere new. I’m also having some gastrointestinal distress this morning, and prefer not to rush away from a relatively nearby restroom quite yet. Just in case. lol Being a human primate is occasionally rather inconvenient, and very biological. So, I wait for the sun, and I wait for my guts to settle down.
Today is my last vacation day. I definitely needed this downtime. I’ve definitely enjoyed it. The choice to see new places and hike new trails was a good one. I filled my senses with new experiences, new sights, and filled my soul with new inspiration. It’s been lovely. It rained (a lot) but that’s part of life (and Spring) in the Pacific Northwest. I’m okay with it.
Today I’ll visit a place I’ve been, but from a very different perspective on life, and also visit a state park I’ve wanted to go to for a long time (I hear the trails are great) but simply haven’t made the time. Along the way, I’ll also check out a business resource for my Traveling Partner’s business (still manages to feel like an adventure). It’s planned to be a good day. I wonder what I will think looking back on it, later? Will I remember this moment of somewhat uncomfortable waiting?
Whatever the day holds, it’s mine and I’ll live it with presence and enthusiasm. Why not? The time, the timing, and the itinerary are my own. I chose my path, and I will walk it. I’m certain to be having my own experience. There’s quite a lot of freedom in that. Feels good. Joyful.
Begin where you are.
I watch the sky as daybreak begins to show through the clouds. Soon it will be time to begin. It’s another new day, full of promise and potential.
Yesterday afternoon the sun came out. I got out into the garden to check on seedlings and pull some weeds. I’d purchased a couple of French tarragon plants to replace those that died during the winter (they don’t care for the cold). I planned to get those planted.
On my morning walk I had continued to consider solutions to “the deer problem”. I enjoy seeing them in the yard, and don’t at all mind them passing through, but I’d definitely like to prevent them from eating my roses! After much thought I’ve decided to plant lavender here and there, hoping it discourages the deer. I planted seeds in starters and my waiting began, but… Lavender is slow to sprout and some of the apparently more temptingly tasty roses (to the deer) need their fragrant companions sooner.
A nice day for it
The afternoon sunshine tempted me to make the trip to the local nursery, and I was delighted to find several pleasing varieties of lavender, well-rooted, in 4″ pots. With a careful eye on my budget, I picked out a nice assortment and headed back to the garden.
I planted the tarragon, and the lavender. I positioned it so that deer approaching a tasty rose would necessarily happen upon the lavender first, and hopefully find that not to their liking. I guess I’ll find out soon. lol I spent time enjoying the new plantings and meandering around the garden for awhile, pulling weeds. It’s not enough to have a garden. There’s work to be done to produce a harvest, and to make it a beautiful welcoming space. Even the most informal cottage garden benefits greatly from a bit of planning and care. I thought about flowers, and herbs. I considered extending the primroses down all along the walkway between the driveway and front door; they do very well here. I thought about dahlias and chives, and wondered whether I can fit another rose in somewhere. I smiled as I worked, feeling satisfied and uplifted.
I keep a map of my garden and make notes about the plan, and the results.
This morning, my thoughts are still in the garden as I wait for the sun. Later in the Spring as it heads towards summer, there will be lupines here on the sunny hillside above the marsh trail. I have a few in my garden, grown from seeds. They take awhile to get going, but so beautiful once they do!
I sit with my thoughts and my coffee. My garden is a haven from the cares of the world, and it is a metaphor for what it takes to live well, and reminder of the value in making the effort. So many verbs involved! So much effort and planning and thoughtful attention required! Totally worth it.
Daybreak arrives. Dawn follows. It’s a gray misty morning, and today the park is almost crowded (or so it seems; I’m not alone). I lace up my boots and prepare to walk my own path. It’s time to begin again. Later? I’ll be in the garden.
This morning I woke to an ordinary Saturday, with ordinary plans: an ordinary walk on a familiar trail, a typical Saturday routine of grocery shopping and some housekeeping tasks. Of course, it’s only entirely predictable (and somewhat amusing) that today there’s no rain. I smile to myself at the utter predicability of such circumstances. Plans are only plans, and the weather doesn’t take my plans into account, it just happens.
Rainy trails, rainy paths, rainy day.
Yesterday rained. It rained hard. It rained persistently. It rained sideways. The wind blew the rain under the cover of the gazebo where I had hoped to paint with a ferocity that ensured I couldn’t. I can only laugh about it. I got some great hiking in (in the rain), and pleasant time spent with my thoughts (listening to the rain fall). It was a good day. I went home early, and painted some there. It was less of what I had in mind, but it was plenty of what I needed.
I saw some beautiful places.
Sometimes “enough” has to be… enough.
I walked some challenging miles.
The cumulative effect of days hiking new trails, eager and energetic, unconcerned about the terrain, finds me aching all over this morning. My ankles ache. My back aches. My head aches. I’m stiff and my muscles are sore. I’m not really complaining, just noticing how I feel, physically. It’ll pass, mostly, and the exertion and varied movement is healthy. (Besides, I’ve been having a great time, and this pain is a small price to pay.) I managed to actually sleep in this morning, waking almost two hours later than I ordinarily might. I woke feeling rested, calm, and content.
I sit sipping my coffee and watching daybreak become the dawn of a new day. I’ll walk this familiar trail, then return home, hitting up the grocery store on my way. Housekeeping today, definitely, but maybe I’ll also paint? The future isn’t written, and this is a very good time to begin again.
Every journey begins where you are. It’s a good place to start.
Evening Light 