Archives for category: pain

I woke early, and in pain. I crashed early last night, after dozing off sitting up, shortly after getting home from work…but didn’t fall asleep until past 10 pm, although I drifted in and out of real wakefulness without any particular schedule. I’d have probably slept, I try to tell myself, if it weren’t for the blast of icy cold water in the middle of my hot shower…but as a long time insomniac with a variety of sleep disturbances, realistically, I know that isn’t necessarily true. Last night, as tired as I was, just wasn’t a night I was going to sleep well. Pain is an everyday challenge, and autumn – my favorite season – is the worst for pain every day.

Mushrooms after rain.

Mushrooms after rain.

Today isn’t a bad day. I just hurt. I don’t hurt more than what is endurable (see? I’m here, enduring it.), but it isn’t pleasant. Perspective is in the recollection of worse pain on other days, and the understanding that there are other people who hurt more, out there in the world, right now. There is value in not obsessing over it, and in not making it worse with the power of my thoughts; I smile as I observe the phrasing and note that my traveling partner would almost certainly point out that I framed it up ‘in the negative’. He would, perhaps, wonder if there were more positive emotional value in it, if I used positive language. 🙂 (We learn from love. Love helps us become who we most want to be – when we allow it.)

One of my challenges, a small one in the scheme of things, is learning to use more positive language.  I tend to reply to a question like “how are you?” with something like “not bad”.  It is phrasing that lingers from a much more discontent, wounded, fearful time in my life; admitting how good something seemed was a direct path to having it taken from me. Harsh. That’s not my life now, and there’s no danger in saying I’m in a good place today, or that I enjoy something.  Positive language doesn’t come naturally to me. I keep at it; growth and change come with practice, over time. Change is what changes us.

When conditions are right, growth happens.

When conditions are right, growth happens.

No coffee this morning. There’s only enough left for one beverage this morning; I forgot to pick up coffee last night. I’m not surprised at the miss. I was so tired walking home from the train station that I don’t actually remind remember the walk at all. I leave the remaining coffee for my partner, who will wake unaware of the shortage. This morning I am enjoying a cup of tea, brewed very strong. It’s not at all the same experience, but it is an acceptable morning beverage enjoyed by millions every day, and I am content with tea this morning. I’ll pick up coffee today.

When I take time to look, I see. When I take time to listen, I hear.

When I take time to look, I see. When I take time to listen, I hear.

It’s a quiet morning, on a therapy day. My work schedule has caused me to cancel a couple of appointments recently to attend important training. I find myself wondering, just for a moment, ‘important for who?’  It is a worthy question, and answering it is one more small challenge. I was going to add yet another rather mundane challenge du jour, faced with needing to track down some military paperwork…then while I was framing the thought and wrapping it in words, I found the paperwork precisely where it most rationally would be based on the way I organize such things. lol Clearly, that one was only a challenge in my thoughts, in anticipation of the action. The finding of the paperwork was actually a bit of a let down. I find myself smiling at the incongruity; pleased to find the paperwork, and ever-so-slightly irked that it really wasn’t a challenge – it was the anxiety around not finding it that was the challenge, and that turned out to be entirely in my head.

Our storms are not without value; it is after the rain falls that mushrooms grow.

Our storms are not without value; experience teaches perspective.

When I feel overwhelmed, however large or small the individual challenges, issues, needs, or upcoming events may be, every one of them seems huge, insurmountably difficult, and together they seem too numerous to easily manage. Often I find myself later admitting what a small thing most of them were, taken singly. I think for a moment of some common call center advice that seems applicable, “take the calls one at a time”. Yep. The challenges are easier one at a time. Problems that need solving are often much less puzzling taken individually. Decisions that I face are often less complicated separated from all the other decisions to be made. “Each time for the first time. Each moment the only moment.” (a favorite Jon Kabat Zinn quote) Sort of brings me back around to the mindfulness practices that are tending to see me smiling every day, even in the face of challenges. I can’t stop life from adding challenges to my experience, and change is. I can breathe calming breaths, and take the challenges one by one; it is enough.

Today is a good day love, and let love in. Today is a good day to take the challenges one by one, and be mindfully aware we’ve all got some. Today is a good day to be kind. Today is a good day to change the world.

I woke early. Very early. “Too” early. I woke in pain, although it’s “just” my arthritis; however much pain I am in, I’m reluctant to make a big deal about it (or generally, even to mention it aloud), because it is such a constant presence in my autumn-winter experience. Life isn’t easily enjoyed as a test of endurance…at least…I don’t find it so, myself. I woke, and went from waking to moving gently through a yoga sequence that improves my flexibility and reduces my pain somewhat. My consciousness settled early on a moment of ire from the day before; it takes an effort of will to disengage to and move on thoughts of things that have positive value for me. Note that I didn’t say the troubling moment was unimportant or insignificant. Deceit, inconsiderate treatment, risky behavior, and disregarding explicit boundaries set and agreed to in shared conversation are all things that I find ‘significant’ – in a negative way – and ‘important’ inasmuch as disregarding those sorts of things generally has later consequences; I’m not interested in investing my emotional bandwidth or precious mortal time on a quiet morning in deep contemplation of circumstances or experiences that were hurtful, or negatively affected me. It’s not necessary. I know my values. I know my feelings on the circumstances that irk me (see? said it right there – I’m ‘irked’. lol). I don’t need to know more at present. I may consider the matter more at some other time, but for now… I won’t.

I also won’t dwell on the pain I’m in, although I’ve learned that attempting to truly ‘ignore it’ tends to push it to the forefront of my consciousness, where compassionate awareness, and taking care of me in a considerate and kind way tends to allow it to reduce more or less into the tolerable background of everyday life. That’s a vast improvement over fretting and obsessing on it, until I am near tears from being unable to escape it. We create a lot of our experience through choices and small acts of will we are not mindful of. I’ve been studying, and I have yet to find any support to the idea that the entirety of our experience is external and visited upon us. It just isn’t so; a great deal of what I used to understand as being ‘on the outside’ turns out to be, in a clearly demonstrable and simple way, quite entirely on the inside. We create who we are through our thoughts and action – our choices determine so much of who we are, sure, but beyond that – our choices also create the very world we live in. Sometimes it is as simple and obvious as legislation…sometimes it is insidious, a byproduct of disordered thinking, poor decision-making, and projecting our own internal narrative on our understanding of the world, in lieu of awareness and observation. I make a point of double-checking – reality checking, really – my view of the world around me in moments escalating toward stress, panic, rage, or sorrow. I’m stunned how often my view of things is really just my view of things, and nothing more.  I’ve learned that changing my view is often simply a matter of looking at something else – and not just metaphorically speaking, often quite literally a matter of pointing my eye holes at some other object, another horizon, a different perspective, and observing that changed view, mindfully, aware, and open to observing, only. It’s quite a lovely bit of soulful ‘magic’ that has turned around my mood more than once. (All those sky photographs? Not a coincidence; that’s me, taking ‘things are looking up’ quite literally.)

Exploring the words with actions; things are looking up.

Exploring the words with actions; things are looking up.

So. Awake early. In pain. Hot coffee. The usual, right? Less so than some mornings, actually, but I am exerting my will – and my won’t (lol) to move in a positive direction as much as possible. I can’t emphasize enough how important my physical experience can be for managing my mood; when I hurt, and don’t find a way to alleviate that pain, I am quickly at risk of being in a pretty sour mood, and prone to anger and irritability. That even makes sense; pain hurts. I have less difficulty with all the other bits of my experience if I take steps to manage my pain effectively. I am learning not to take on emotional matters, or potentially confrontational conversations, when I am in pain. It’s not fair to me, to the other people involved, or to the achievement of a desired outcome to filter everything through an experience of pain; it colors my experience in a pretty profoundly negative way.

Perspective matters.

Perspective matters.

Back to the positive pieces of morning, then? Sure. 🙂 It’s Friday, and the morning holds the promise of every new day; the potential is as yet unlimited, and the opportunities are many. There are choices to be made for later, the weekend to consider (according to my calendar I lost my mind and didn’t plan anything at all – so unlike me), the evenings, the mornings, the days… there’s an exhibit at the art museum I’d like to see, and I haven’t been to the big farmer’s market downtown in a while. There’s laundry to do; weekends are all about the laundry. lol I find myself smiling, and the pain isn’t so bad this morning…the familiar nausea of morning medications, and the sweating and trembling of an unexpected hot flash don’t seem worth more than a moment of awareness and then moving on. Other levels of cognition slowly come online as I become more awake, and in the background I find I am quietly listing things I intend to get done today or in the upcoming imminent future, checking off things I’ve already done with some satisfaction; I nearly always add things to lists that are relevant but also already completed, because I enjoy the momentary sense of accomplishment, and the reminder of how much I do get done. 🙂 It’s a very positively reinforcing practice. That’s one of the coolest things about adulthood, too; I get to make my own rules about most things in my experience. I choose my behavior. I choose what I like and what I enjoy. I choose what I will not stand for. I choose what matters to me. I choose what I will… and what I won’t. It’s a bit deceptive, as human beings, to go around on the assumption that legislation actually regulates behavior – it doesn’t; our choices do. We even choose whether to comply with laws, traditions, cultural norms. All choices. We choose consideration or callousness. We choose kindness or cruelty. We choose openness, or we choose otherwise. We choose what to focus on first thing in the morning. 🙂

Mindful awareness, and observing without judgement, reveals so much.

Mindful awareness, and observing without judgement, reveals so much.

When was the last time you paused for a moment to consider how amazing it is that you even exist at all? Today is a good day for that. Perhaps it’s been awhile since you have been treated with real kindness? There are a lot of people feeling that way, I bet. Today is a good day to be kind, too. Today is also a good day to respect people’s boundaries, to be considerate of the needs of others, and to set clear expectations explicitly; even if they are not honored by others, I find I do myself a significant service to respect my own boundaries enough to state them clearly. It’s a lovely morning to pause and observe the sunrise; we are mortal, and will see a finite number of sunrises in our human lifetime. Today is a good day to be mindfully aware of each small pleasant detail, and to linger over pleasant sensations and ideas. Today is a good day to breath deeply the fresh autumn air [geographical location probably matters a great deal on that one!]. Today is a good day to remember that however irksome the behavior of others, they too are human, and having their own experience; we each have a choice in whether we participate in a shared experience, or walk on. Today is a good day to switch things up a bit, to be daring and adventurous, to be willing to trust myself, and recognize that I know me, better than anyone else can. Today is a good day to change the world.

 

Yesterday was…difficult. Every boundary I have in the work place was stomped on. Every inconvenient moment was as inconvenient as seemed possible. Things broke. Things went wrong. Timing was poor. Sometime shortly after 2pm, the day took a hard right turn toward being a totally shitty experience, and it was downhill from there. Looking back I can see how much pain had to say about how the day went; I was off my meds. :-\  Not on purpose, let me be clear about that, it was mischance that led to me missing my afternoon painkiller, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. As I got further and further from the last helpful moment provided by my morning medication my mood got worse. I didn’t really make the connection between my shitty mood, my challenging experience, and the lack of pain relief until I was almost home in the evening. I might have behaved differently if I had.

Thankfully, new practices aplenty did actually work – although in the moment I wasn’t necessarily certain of that, or appreciative; I felt taxed, overburdened, and aggravated and couldn’t see much past those feelings. I alerted my partners before I got home that I was in a state. They were careful with me when I got home. I took my medication, managed needed calories, shared hugs and some quiet conversation, and took care of me. The evening ended well – no tantrum, no tirade of bitter invective, no total loss of inhibition resulting in vile things being said that just didn’t need speaking… it was a fairly ordinary quiet night, each of us involved in our own experience, gentle on each other. I call it a success, after the fact, regardless how it felt in the moment. 🙂

We view "reality" through the veil of our own experience, our thoughts, our very individual understanding of what we see.

We view “reality” through the veil of our own experience, our thoughts, our very individual understanding of what we see.

I slept well, woke to the alarm, and feel okay this morning. I am sometimes both irritated and astonished at how much my physical experience weighs in on my emotional life: well-managed blood sugar, medication, pain management, enough sleep, good hygiene, regular exercise, a satisfying sex life… these things may very well have more to do with my general emotional climate than any moment of my life, however delightful or traumatic, actually has long-term. That seems odd to me, and worth being mindful of.

In the background I’m fussing with something that bothers me; it’s a small thing. I shared something emotionally relevant with a partner…and wasn’t heard. Or didn’t feel heard. I said words, and the reply clearly indicated a lack of understanding of the significance of what I shared, to me. Trying to explain started things down a difficult path, so I let it drop; few things are less pleasant than romantic tension over something that feels incredibly powerfully positive. lol. Not worth it. Still, my brain returns to the moment again and again, wondering how it is that the significance – or at least some appreciation of the observation, if not actual understanding – was so easily missed. It left me feeling somewhat disconnected from my partner in the moment. I am often surprised at the subtle differences in what I value and understand as valuable, and what others around me find similarly worthy. Still…it was only a moment.

It’s another day. A new one. Today is a day that holds all the potential of any day. Today is a day open to possibilities and filled with opportunity. Today is a day when a smile really matters, and a vote counts. Today is a day to speak simple truths, and recognize that whether someone is listening isn’t relevant to what is spoken, itself. Today is a day to listen carefully. Today… is a good day.

[Warning: potentially emotive writing about anxiety, and kind of a lot of bitching.]

Some lovely autumn flowers in the landscaping; each positive moment and experience matters so much.

Some lovely autumn flowers in the landscaping; each positive moment and experience matters so much.

I woke already feeling stressed this morning. Work-anxiety. That annoys me more than a lot of things, because I already have challenges feeling ‘invested’ in the job at hand. I like my job, actually. I’m good at it, and it is work that generally appeals to me in a low stress environment. It’s so not worth taking on stress, though. Why? Because it’s someone else’s agenda. Someone else’s profits. Employment supports my logistical needs in life, that’s really it from my perspective. I’ve been emotionally ‘ready to retire’ for a long while. I have my own life that I’d like to enjoy. I have enough things I enjoy and want to do to fill my 24 hour mortal days, already. Every hour I give up to employment is actively resented on some level, and recognized as robbing me of precious time to live my life; fortunately I don’t dwell in that experience. Very few people truly get paid well enough to be a fair exchange for their precious mortal lifetime, fewer still seem aware of that.

This morning I woke with a headache – not quite migraine, but heading that direction – and woke from troubled dreams of treadmills. I’d get off one, get onto another, and always with some implicit promise that eventually I could just stand still for a moment… and that moment just wasn’t on the horizon. There were more treadmills. It wasn’t a nightmare, but I woke feeling fatigued, and with this headache, and “filled with tears” that promptly spilled over as soon as I sat up, as if gravity had something to do with crying.

I must have created a disturbance in the force this morning; I woke my traveling partner without making a sound. I like hugs in the morning, and reassurance and support always feel good. I have mad respect for a human being who will cozy up to the mess I am this morning and get that close. That’s love right there. When I admitted it seems to be “just” work stress, he looked into my eyes with love and said firmly “You know that means you need to slow down, right?” I love that he checked to make sure I do understand that. I love being able to feel good about that moment and not feel slighted that he asked, and able to recognize his love and concern that I take care of myself well – even at work. I could walk away from any job, any time, and he’d be there supporting my decision to do so without reservations – or, without any that would become obvious to me. Sitting in the dark stillness of pre-dawn morning, it is a nice departure from the anxiety of the moment to take time to consider what a good partnership I’ve got with him, and how well he supports me, every step of this very complicated journey. It’s nice to count on that, it’s amazing that I can; it’s a rare being that will offer anything they can do to help – at 4:30 am, having been wakened from a sound sleep by the sense of someone else’s stress – no strings.

Love, as wonderful as it is, and as plentiful, just doesn’t fix some things. I’ve got to address the work stress – and preferably in a positive way that takes care of my needs over time. This morning was a poorly matched battle between my lack of desire to be ‘gainfully employed’ at all, and my  desire to do the job in front of me well. I’d rather sleep in. I could sit in front a keyboard for my own purposes for as many hours of the day as I currently hand over to someone else in return for money. Those same hours could be spent having sex, painting, walking in the forest, out with my camera, reading a great book – or writing one. I mean, seriously? What has my effort at work actually contributed to my experience of life, generally, besides stress and some cash? I wonder, just now, if the experience would be different for someone really into money… It’s “a good job”. I’m skilled at it. There is a climate controlled office to work in, with windows that have decent views. There’s a well-stocked break area. There are, truly, many positives – as employment goes. I’d really just like it understood that I’m not a fan of having to be employed in the first place. I’m willing to admit that. Like so many people, adulthood comes with some handful of financial and logistical obligations that are only eased by money. Dollars and cents. Cold hard cash. A signature on a check. A swipe of a card. Dollar by dollar, my life force, and my time, are exchanged for money. This morning the exchange rate doesn’t seem adequate; time is precious.

...An unexpected shift in perspective...

…An unexpected shift in perspective…

Wow. 800 words of bitching about having to work. Suddenly that seems callous, knowing how many people are without, and would happily exchange many hours of their lives for the cash to pay the bills, and feed their families. My perspective shifts and my brain takes advantage to level me with a new attack; how could I be so ungrateful? How could I be so insensitive? How is it that I don’t have more appreciation for my good fortune when so many others are struggling? Tears. Nausea. This fucking headache. Stress sucks.

I actually woke much earlier than 4:30 am. It was around 1:30 am, then again around 3:00 am. Each time I meditated, and let my breathing calm and soothe me, and found my way back to restless sleep. Stress is a killer, and persistent about continued and prolonged attacks on my contentment and balance. By 4:00 am I couldn’t argue with it any more and got up. The meditation helps; I’m not having a screaming tantrum, blaming the world or my lovers for the state I’m in, or torturing myself emotionally over feeling stressed, or struggling not to cry. The tears come and go. I continue to focus on my breathing and practicing what I have learned about Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, mindfulness in general, emotional intimacy, treating myself well, and most recently the new practices around ‘taking in the good’ to hard-wire happiness by improving the positive tendencies in my implicit memory. Yep. There’s science, real science, in growth and change. As I consider each practice I’ve learned over the past (almost) two years, my blood pressure drops, and I start feeling calm and content. Still have the headache, but the tears have stopped, and my typing doesn’t sound so… agitated. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it sure has the potential to change my experience.

What will today offer? What will I choose? Where will the journey take me?

What will today offer? What will I choose? Where will the journey take me?

There’s so much ‘human’ to this experience this morning… yours, too, maybe. We’re each having our own experience. Today, let’s make it a good one, and choose to take care of ourselves with great kindness and compassion. Today is a good day to change the world.

I have moments of insecurity and doubt. They creep up on me unexpectedly, sometimes, and take me by surprise with the intensity of the anxiety riding shot-gun with those feelings. It seems a very human thing to doubt, now and then, to be a bit fearful in the moment, caught momentarily between what I think is, and what I think was or may soon be, and what I expect; I don’t even have to touch reality in my ‘now’ for even a moment…in fact, if I want to feel insecure, filled with self-doubt and anxious, being aware and present in the moment is not the way to go.  I would be surprised to hear that anyone wants to feel filled with self-doubt and insecurity. It’s really not very pleasant, and it seeps into ones experience insidiously.

I had a strange dream, and herein lies the fiction mentioned in the title, because my dream didn’t happen, isn’t likely to happen, and isn’t happening now. In the dream, I woke late, very late, and on the day of An Important Meeting. I grabbed my presentation notes – which was a sheaf of delicate and colorful papers, disorganized in my hurry. I rushed to the office, and abruptly entered the main conference room thinking I was on time – it was filled with people I didn’t recognize, who were obviously interrupted by my entry. I quick sat in the only open chair. Listening to the discussion, I suddenly broke into a cold sweat; this didn’t sound at all familiar, and I didn’t recognize anyone, and the agenda wasn’t what I had prepared for. Worse, it was all being done on technology I’d never seen before – and there I was with paper! I felt obsolete and incredibly insecure. Embarrassed. Out of place. I stood to excuse myself – I was obviously in the wrong meeting. As I politely made my excuses to back out quietly, the meeting moderator said, with a strange look at me, then around the room, “Is someone else presenting your material, then? You’re up.”

Thankfully I woke with nothing more than a pounding heart and a definite feeling of relief that it was only a dream.

Most of my own moments of insecurity and self-doubt are caused by my own thinking. I don’t know what else to say about that. I can choose other thoughts – and I can choose other actions. If I take an action that causes me insecurity solely because it is novel, the underlying need is different, I think, than if the cause of my insecurity is something less tangible…something someone said, or my own feelings about something I said – or may have said – or thought I said. We can and do choose our thoughts. (I’m certainly skilled at saying things that could have benefited from being left alone, but that sort of social faux pas is not terminal, and rarely injurious beyond being discomfiting.)

This morning, waking feeling insecure, anxious, and filled with self-doubt, I chose to think differently. I took time to meditate. I took time to acknowledge that I’m generally doing my best and do practice good practices with an intention of non-harm. I am loved, and capable of loving. This moment right here is a lovely one, and there is no reason to fear it. Within minutes, my heart stopped pounding, and I feel calm and content. I never could ‘pretend away’ anxiety when I suffered with it most. I couldn’t wish it away; it was right there in my consciousness, unavoidable, and looming over every moment. I kept trying to ‘make it go away’ by focusing on it. Doesn’t work – or didn’t for me. It’s a subtle thing, to be open to my own feelings these days, even of anxiety, self-doubt, or insecurity, and make room for them in my very human experience, with compassion for me – from me. Not ‘boo hoo I’m so anxious’, more like… “I feel anxious and it’s unpleasant right now” with a couple deep cleansing breaths, and a few moments of stillness to let it pass, and welcome something else. Meditation has resulted in my anxiety being more like weather than climate. I’m grateful.

I feel moved to write more, but I genuinely don’t have more to say about this, right now. Hot coffee beckons, the morning begins to unfold, and I face the day. I’m eager to get to the office, and that’s more about the people than the work…which gets my attention because I’m very aware I am not taking enough time to cultivate those relationships right now – hell, I’m not even taking enough time for me. I consider that with a certain grim resolve; my traveling partner had already called that out as ‘you’re working too hard’. I awaken to the understanding that he didn’t mean that I am processing to many tasks in too little time during a work shift. He had recognized that I am not taking time for me, not treating myself well, and potentially risking progress and health. Got it. I see it now.

Another sunrise, another new day, another opportunity to savor the moment in front of me.

Another sunrise, another new day, another opportunity to savor the moment in front of me.

Today is a good day to slow down and take things a bit at a time. Today is a good day to savor the moment. Today is a good day for eye contact, jokes, and smiles between strangers. Today is a good day to cherish people who matter, and enjoy work that I love on my own terms. Today is a good day to be professional, without lacking humanity. Today is an excellent day to be human. Today is a good day to change the world.