Merry Giftmas, and I wish you each and all a lovely holiday, however you choose to spend it.

Holidays can be merry and delightful, warm and connected, and they can also be fraught with conversational pitfalls, stress, and intense emotions. We’re each having our own experience, and a lot of those dear to us will join the festivities with all their baggage along as well. Let it go. Seriously – when you can, let small things stay small. Don’t start shit. Apologize freely, graciously, and without regard to whether something is “your fault”. Be gracious and welcoming, kind and helpful. Stay present and also aware that you are in the company of people dear to you (and if that’s not true, maybe go wherever it is true, instead, without drama or tears).

People are putting a lot into the season, it can wear folks down. Lift each other up. Laugh together. Refrain from criticizing decor, gift choices, careers, appearances… we’re all human beings, being human. It’s already a complicated journey without people being dicks about small details. Give yourself a break from negativity and pessimism and unachievable standards.

… Have a merry holiday by being merry. No kidding, it may be that easy. Practice.

Let it go, let it go, let it go. Tis the season. Choose your words with care. Act with love. Just about the best gift we can give our loved ones is a pleasant holiday. Seriously.

I sit with my thoughts at the edge of this trail. It’s daybreak on Giftmas Eve. I am alone here, on this quiet somewhat drizzly mild morning. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I think about Giftmases past, and this one here, now. This one is a small family holiday, just three of us (me, my Traveling Partner, and the Anxious Adventurer, his son). Most of my adult Giftmas holidays have been small, often just my partner and myself. In each relationship, a small number of holidays were bigger, including more family or an assortment of family and friends. I sometimes wonder at that. Childhood Giftmas holidays were larger, almost always including visiting relatives from afar, grandparents dropping by with second and third rounds of gift unwrapping, and generally a series of fatiguing holiday parties. I don’t mind the small ones, myself. I enjoy the bigger ones too, though I don’t seek them out. I’ve even enjoyed a few Giftmas holidays alone.

Are you alone this Giftmas? If you are and you are feeling content and merry, I wish you the season’s greetings and much joy! If you are struggling with the solitude, I have this suggestion; venture out. Reach out to people with well wishes and holiday greetings. Have joyful conversations with strangers. Create the moment you seek!

Maybe you’re alone this year, and not looking for company but not ideally clear on the joy a solitary holiday can offer? I have this suggestion; treat yourself well. Have the tasty treats you most enjoy, yourself, without compromise or excuses. Listen to music you love. Watch movies you want to watch. Do things you personally enjoy. Definitely get yourself something for Giftmas – and yeah, make a beautiful moment of it, gift wrap and all. Why not? You deserve to be treated as well by the person in the mirror as you would treat your fondest friend and dearest family member! My solitary holidays have been uniquely beautiful and soul-nurturing moments in my life and I have enjoyed them greatly. I hope you enjoy yours.

… And if stressful shit blows up like a storm on the horizon? Let it blow over. Don’t take shit personally. Don’t become so invested in “being right” that you fall to be the person you most want to be. Let small shit stay small (and understand that it’s almost all small shit). When a loved one is managing to step on your last nerve, remind yourself all the many things about them that make them dear to you. Put your affection ahead of your aggravation. I know, it’s not always “easy” to do some of these things – but it’s usually possible. There are verbs involved, and choices. Choose wisely. What truly matters most?

Holiday merriment pro tip: do not kill anyone (or commit any acts of violence) this holiday season! Nothing that is likely to come up in the average holiday conversation is going to justify violence. It rarely even justifies raised voices.

Merry Giftmas from this trail, and this moment. I wish you seasons greetings, and I hope you enjoy (and create) a pleasant holiday. If things start to slide sideways in some moment, I hope you maintain your perspective and regain the peace in your home. I hope you begin again, and let go of bullshit and resolve conflicts easily.

… And I hope Santa swings by and that you get a little something to remember this holiday fondly.

I woke too early to some noise. I did my best to leave the house quietly, but didn’t avoid waking my Traveling Partner who was understandably irritated by that. He’s frank about his irritation, and I leave the house with it on my mind.

My beloved messages me several times. I catch myself trying to read his messages or respond while I’m driving. That’s a terribly unsafe practice. People die doing that kind of stupid shit. I pull over, stop the car, and answer, then resume driving. I’m not going far, this morning, and I definitely don’t want to get in a collision getting to the trailhead. I silence my ringer and finish the drive.

I dislike beginning my day with this. I do my best to avoid having to interact with people before I am awake, and finished with self-care. Mornings like this don’t afford that luxury, and my beloved is dear to me, so I give him my attention in spite of how much I dislike dealing with people in the morning at all, at the best of times (yes, even my beloved Traveling Partner). I make a point to read each new message with care. I try to respond in a way that shows I’m hearing him.

… What a shitty start to a Monday…

It’s raining, too. Well, shit. Monday. My head aches, my tinnitus is loud, and it doesn’t look like the rain is going to let up, either. I sit, feeling anxious and annoyed, and waiting for the next ping from my Traveling Partner, or some piece of bad news, for awhile. I eventually recognize that I’m setting myself up for a terrible day if I allow myself to become consumed by my Traveling Partner’s experience, or making it somehow about me. I sigh to myself. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I still feel like crying. Sometimes we’ve got to wait for the storm to pass before we can venture onward.

Eventually, my partner thanks me for hearing him. Now I get to work on self-soothing, self-care, and beginning again. This rain isn’t letting up, so I pull my rain poncho on over my cardigan, and tuck my phone into my pocket where it will stay dry, and step out of the car.

…

1.5 miles of wet trail and darkness later, I get back to the car, too early yet to get started with work. I get coffee, find a parking space, and finish my writing (and my thoughts).

Perspective helps. I sit reflecting on my own experience with poor sleep, over a lifetime. I generally just don’t bitch about it if someone wakes me in the night, (or even mention it in passing) it happens often and I’ve never found it useful to raise hell about it, unless it seemed likely the person disrupting my sleep was ignorant of how loud noises may be in the environment we share, or if there is some potential it might be willful and intentional. If they’re already doing their best, the added stress of being vexed by the noise only further undermines my sleep. (That doesn’t amount to an endorsement of not mentioning shit that vexes or disturbs me as a good practice, only that I often just don’t bother.) I don’t see the point of making it a big deal, when I know I have difficulties with sleep, whether someone wakes me or not. That’s a me thing.

I reflect, too, on my Traveling Partner’s words, and what he shared of his experience (of sleep, of not sleeping, and his experience of never getting the sleep he needs). I think about the small changes to my morning routine he asked me to try. I examine the feeling of resentment that surfaces in the background (feeling that “I’m always the one having to change”). It isn’t an honest statement of a practical truth, it is an emotional reaction. I look it over with an eye for hyperbole and exaggeration. It’s right there, “always”, and “have to”. I take a deep breath of the chilly morning air, and exhale completely. I let go of hyperbole and emotional baggage. I don’t personally think the change to my routine being asked of me is going to be particularly helpful, but I’m not the one asking. I’m the one faced with change. It’s a small thing. Would I happily make this change if I knew for a fact it would be effective? Hell yes! So… What’s the problem?

… I laugh at my very human foolishness…

I sigh to myself. Change is. I don’t happen to like it anymore than anyone else when it isn’t my idea! I laugh at myself and my very human foolishness, and then begin reframing the requested change in a more positive way, and visualizing my routine with that change in place. I keep an eye on the clock…

Monday, Monday… Fuck. I have little interest in doing Monday things today, at all. I sigh quietly, waiting. It’s almost time to begin again. I’ll do my best.