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Check Out Those High Beams!

November 27, 2018 //
1

Nearly every morning, I curse the assholes driving urban streets with their high beams on. Seriously? Especially these modern high intensity headlights – those high beams are literally, not figuratively, blinding. If the oncoming traffic is blinded by headlights, has the additional visibility they offer drivers actually made the road more safe? I suggest they have not. lol Fucking hell.

Turn off your high beams when there is oncoming traffic.

Read that again. It’s an example of basic consideration. Good adult behavior. Considerate. Respectful. Cooperative. Illustrative of a shared journey on a small and fairly crowded planet.

Yes, even on the freeway, when the oncoming traffic is… “over there somewhere”; if you can see them, they can be blinded by your headlights. It’s really that simple.

Does this actually matter?

Doesn’t everything?

Is your response that you can’t see as much without your high beams? (Seriously?) How helpful will that be on a country road, as you both come around an unfamiliar curve in opposite directions, if all you see in that improved view is the other driver crossing into your lane, head on, blinded by your headlights – or careening off the road, unable to see quite where the road actually is? Great view, huh?

Turn off your high beams when there is oncoming traffic.

Seriously. If you’re driving in traffic with your high beams on, you are putting other drivers at risk of a collision, and just being a fucking nuisance. It’s both unpleasant and unnecessary.

Now. Having been explicitly told that your high beams are blinding other drivers, if you go forth in the darkness with your high beams on, without regard for, or consideration of, oncoming traffic? You’ll be choosing to do so willfully, aware that it is both unpleasant and unnecessary, explicitly choosing your convenience over the safety of others. I think, personally, that if you are going to be a jackass in that fashion, it’s best that you do so without any opportunity to pretend you are the fucking good guy here. 😉

Do better.

Turn off your high beams when there is oncoming traffic. It’s not just good manners; it could save a life.

I know, I know; it’s not much of a change. It’s a small thing as new beginnings go. Still, although it may not change the world… it could change someone’s experience of driving. 🙂

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, Free Will, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Parables, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, The Big 5, Uncategorized

Wait…What?

November 24, 2018 //
1

How have I not written in 4 days?? Distracted by love and holidays. I’m having a laugh over it, sipping a rare treat; afternoon coffee, and relaxing after a busy-feeling morning of errands and housekeeping. Tomorrow I’ll put up the Giftmas tree, and enjoy the lights and colors of the holiday season. Today is enough as it is. Tomorrow is plenty soon for a new beginning. 🙂

…”Nontraditional” doesn’t really do this year’s joyous feast adequate description…

Today, I’m content to feel grateful for the lovely Thanksgiving feast day, and the long weekend. As nontraditional as this year’s Thanksgiving holiday was, it was a profound joy to share it in the company of dear friends, chosen family, and my Traveling Partner (whose last three attempts to join me for Thanksgiving were undermined by drama in another relationship). The holiday was in no way what I might have expected (and it was a wise choice to go into it without the baggage of expectations), and there’s not much about it I would have wished to be different, at all, aside from the excessive drunkenness of a guest (these things happen, now and then, even in the most genteel families, and we are not them) which disrupted a pleasant moment briefly, and required some clean up, and there was a wee bit of unexpected drama later on (that may very well have sourced with nothing more mysterious than a bit of low blood sugar household-wide, due to the lateness of dinner). I shrugged it off at the time, it was handled then, and it’s not really worth more attention now. Far more worthwhile to savor recollections of the lovely meal, the fun of it all, the shared experience, the connection with friends and dear ones, the jokes, the joy, the moments… the love.

We are generally most able to do our best when we know what is expected of us, and we receive positive reinforcement when we deliver on that expectation.

I am pretty generally pleased with my adulting this weekend. I didn’t lose my temper over the drunken shenanigans of one particular guest, even though it was very triggering; the sort of situation where someone who is generally well-regarded nearly ruins his reputation with an entire community of friends over booze, bullshit, and bad behavior. I admit it; I’m not a fan of the outcomes of drunkenness. That’s my own baggage, though. I grew up as the child of an alcoholic. I had a fairly ugly drinking problem as a young adult. I gave up drinking on that order of magnitude many many years ago, and I frankly find no value in it, now. Just enjoy having a drink right? No need to descend  into bad behavior or careless destruction. Or, hey, here’s a thought; smoke a bowl and chill, damn. lol At a minimum – know your limit, and handle yourself as an adult.

I smile and sip my coffee.

I thought I had something more to go on about this afternoon, but there’s a bit of autumn sunshine in the last remaining leaves on the big leaf maples which has caught my eye, and I am lost in thoughts of holiday ornaments, Giftmases past, and the promises of the future, as I sip my coffee. It probably fits with the lack of writing generally, these past view days; I’ve been a tad busy living. lol

It’s unlikely that this moment (or this delicious cup of coffee) will change the world, but it’s quite lovely enough as it is, and… isn’t enough, enough? 🙂

Categories Uncategorized

Here’s a Thing, Though

October 11, 2018 //
1

Notice how I did not say “here’s the thing, though”…? Yeah, I can’t be sure, generally, if some noteworthy notable notion, or thought, or moment is the totality of such things, which would warrant the use of a firm and defining “the”… but… still… here I sit, with words, moments, notions, things, and thoughts… some of which may be worth sharing.  😀

I feel pretty good about finding that comfortable. It took a while to get here. I used to crave certainty, firmness, and a clear dichotomy to feel comfortable with my place in the world. It was not only limiting, it was bullshit. lol I’m glad I’m generally free of it.

There were verbs involved. This is a journey. I have made – and continue to make – choices. Some choices are less obvious than others. Some are less effort than others. Some are less profound than others, as changes go. Some are more of all of that, and then some.

Choose.

Don’t sit there being miserable, filled with frustrated rage, stalled, wounded, or oppressed. Choose something different… and yeah, maybe even if that means walking away from everything you have chosen before, to choose differently, with greater wisdom, with more self-reflection, with greater awareness, and more commitment to the person you most want to be.

I did not say any of this is easy… but…

…Maybe you need to hear this…? You did not “ruin everything”. You are not “a complete fuck up”. You are not “the reason all of this went wrong”. You are neither master of the universe nor the single cause of all the world’s ills. You just aren’t. You aren’t that significant, actually. Neither are you unimportant. You matter. You just aren’t to blame for every fucking thing. Ever. Let that shit go? If nothing else changes, today, in this moment, you can choose to let  that shit go…

…and begin again. ❤

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Categories Anxiety, Brain Injury, Despair, Free Will, Frustration, grief, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, Uncategorized

Ain’t This Some Shit?

October 2, 2018 //
1

I am feeling weirdly restless today, and strangely discontented. I suspect it sources with the general feeling of not being respected that has come up (subjectively) more in these past couple of weeks. It’s not even personal, and it is highly doubtful that the handful of real people delivering that experience are even aware that I perceive it that way. In the case of the government, it is a willful sort of blindness, because we are surely all fucking shouting about it fairly loudly.

I take a breath. I seek perspective. I check in with a friend. It’s helpful to have a reality check on such things. I’ve learned to be explicit about my needs. “I’m feeling a bit disrespected, and under appreciated, today…” isn’t that hard to say out loud, as it turns out, and often generates replies that meet that need for visibility, appreciation, and regard. It helps.

I think about “running away from home”. I’m a grown up. I’ve got my own place. A vehicle. I manage my own time. I could make a plan to go somewhere, to do something, but it isn’t about that – it’s about walking on from what is uncomfortable. Sometimes we can (and I often do), and sometimes that is not the ideal choice, or the timing for such things is poor. It’s like that today.

Today, the job feels like a job….

…I grimace quietly, take another breath, and remind myself I am being paid. I exchanged, by agreement, a measure of my life force for a pay check. So… okay.

It’s time to begin again. 😉

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Categories Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, Frustration, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Uncategorized, women, Words

No FOMO

September 22, 2018 //
0

You’re going to miss out on some things. Trust me. It’s unavoidable. You’ll miss cool shit happening you just didn’t know about, and things that you thought you could do some other time, but never did. You’ll find yourself exhausted, over-committed, distracted, or overcome by circumstances and miss out on some amazing experience. It’s going to happen. There is no preventing it, or planning it away. No amount of scrolling through feeds, or staring blankly into the gaping maw of the internet will prevent you missing out on things. The human experience is just that fucking vast, and even if, somehow, our lifetimes were long enough to do everything, go everywhere, meet everyone; we could never spend that lifetime experiencing what has gone past and is no more. So… get over it. No fear of missing out; you’re going to miss out.

I watched this yesterday. I hope you watch it today.

Reflect on it, if you can hold your own attention long enough to do so.

The way we use the internet is changing who we are. Maybe that’s unavoidable, too. I know I scroll through my feed too many times, too often, too much of the time, and many more times than is required to read what matters to me.

I need to be outside more, out in the trees. I need to be in my garden, and out on the trail. I need to turn the tv off more often, for longer, and silence the background noise for more hours of my day. I have books to read and miles to walk. My “inner voice” has been raising hell about this with me for a while now.

No matter how many times I check for messages, scroll through a feed, read the news, or use the internet to explore or plan life, it’s not time spent living life. I’m not missing out on less by being so “connected” – I’m missing out on more.

Have we had this conversation before? (Probably. It seems likely… this has been on my mind, off and on, since I first noticed a specific change in my cognition and preferences; I now find it hard to choose to watch a movie, and favor much shorter content instead, day-to-day. The linked video really resonated with me, because of this particular change.)

Not one of my most precious memories, or noteworthy experiences, of the past years have been things that “happened” online. Not one. I’m just saying… what is most memorable for me, personally, are moments in life, not online.

Am I who I most want to be, making use of the amazing technology that connects us all, in quite the way I do? Can I do better? What does that look like? What practices would that involve? Is it something to change – or would I be fighting evolution and progress… a curmudgeon… a dinosaur?

First thing this morning, I looked at my Facebook feed before I did anything else. That’s some shit that’s going to stop right now. lol I know. I’ve said as much before, have I not? (I have.) That’s how I know it will need practice, and that there will be verbs involved. It’s time to change – because there are changes I want to make. It’s time to sort out what those need to be.

It’s time to begin again. 🙂

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Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, inspiration, Logic & Reason, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, Uncategorized
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