It’s the first morning of 2025. Unimpressive in most respects thus far, but that isn’t the point of a new beginning, nor is it the goal of this very human journey. There’s really no one to “impress”, and nothing much with which to impress them, not really. Thoughts to the contrary tend to be illusions we create in our own heads or adopt from others and subsequently use to torment ourselves with further illusions of disappointment and perceived failure. We could do better by ourselves than all that nonsense. It’s at least worth the attempt.
We’re each human beings, having our own very human experience, each walking our chosen path alone, all of us in this together in spite of that. I look down the trail. It is a chilly misty morning that threatens rain. The world is damp and quiet. I sit with my thoughts a moment after lacing up my boots. Another mile ahead of me. Another moment of this precious mortal life, in which to consider, to choose, and to act. Where does this path lead?
In practical terms, last year I walked 788 trail miles (according to my tracker), and lost about 50 lbs. They may or may not be related. I’m not doing the walking to lose the weight in any specific direct way. It’s probably helpful to keep walking. Certainly it’s helpful to eat in a healthier way and manage my calories more closely. I’m very certain the semaglutide is a huge part of the weight loss, but even that is more about my health overall, and managing tricky details like my blood sugar, and oddly, my cognitive and emotional approach to food. It was always more complicated than “willpower”. It took a long time to be okay with that and to give myself a fucking break and be as kind and compassionate with the woman in the mirror as she seeks to be with the world. Humans being human.
I don’t really do “resolutions” at the New Year. I do take some quiet time to reflect quite seriously about who I am, who I most want to be, and what it might take to close the distance between the two. It’s a journey. The journey is the destination. There are so many steps in a mile, so many miles in a journey… and so many choices. I’ll definitely keep walking, both practically and metaphorically. In practical terms, I hope to reach one thousand trail miles this year. (Sounds like a lot but it averages to less than 3 miles a day over a year, which sounds pretty doable.)
I’ve got a list of books to read, and some quality of life goals that require changing some behavior. Nothing fancy or drastic, and incremental change over time can have really big results. We become what we practice. It’s enough.
I had a modest plan for today, and I don’t know if I am realistically up to it. I spent yesterday pretty ill, and I’m not yet back to 100%. I’ll take it easy in my walk, keep it short and unambitious, and be gentle with myself. Later I’ll take down the holiday decor – I’m pretty sure I’ve got enough in reserve to get that done. My other thought was to do the floors, all the floors, all the ways. Sweep, mop, dust baseboards, spot clean here and there were needed, and vacuum thoroughly – it’d be nice to begin the year bringing order out of chaos in this humble way, and I always enjoy how the house looks after some serious “detailing” of some kind… but… I’m fairly certain that project might be too much for me, today. Pushing it off to the weekend feels like “giving up”, but it also feels like self-care.
New year, new beginning – there are choices ahead, some simple, some complicated, and there’s a life to be lived. It’s definitely time to begin again. What will you be practicing? Where does your path lead? See you on the trail (metaphorically speaking).
I’m not any more skilled at basic parenting than I am at caregiving. This shit? Also hard.
Evening Light 