I’m having my coffee, and it’s a routine enough weekday morning. Cold one. Winter. I woke too early, an hour ahead of my usual time. I woke to the sound of my wakeful Traveling Partner coughing in another room. Not a big deal; I’d planned to work in the city, and an early departure would mean less traffic. So, I got up, dressed, and headed to the office.
I enjoyed an uneventful drive into the city. Since that point, I’ve been just… here. More awake than not. Less interested in being awake than is ideal for a work day. Still hopeful that the rising sun and daylight beyond these windows will, at some point, rouse me from my stupor. There’s work to be done. I’ll get to that momentarily. For now, I’m just trying to properly wake up and shake off this feeling that I could definitely have gone back to bed and slept a few more hours. LOL
…Eventually, the office lights brighten signaling another arrival into the office. Only 08:00? Another early bird… lol
I yawn. Stare out the windows for a moment longer. Breathe. Exhale. Recognize that yes, even this moment will pass. Another sip of my coffee… I wonder what the day will hold? I try to recall whether I have any errands to run on the way home after a medical appointment this afternoon… I think I may actually get to just head on home. I’m still not certain, and I remind myself to ask my Traveling Partner sometime later. Now? Now is just “now”.
I am sipping my morning coffee. It’s already mostly gone cold before I ever thought to put a sentence together, this morning. I started the morning thinking about far away friends, and the vagaries of the job market, and the likelihood of further lay-offs, and the nature of greed. That was pretty grim shit, and I shifted gears as a responsible adult, and did my payday budget and sent that to my Traveling Partner for his review and contribution to our planning and “household wellness”; his suggestions and planning are an important part of us getting where we are together. It’s a team effort. A partnership. Once that was done, I found myself still feeling restless and distracted, with elevated background anxiety lurking in the general “quality of the day”.
…It was as I typed those words that I noticed; I’m not “here and now”, just now – I’m “then”. Some of it is old baggage, and I’m snagged on some past moment. Other details are the pitfalls of worrying over a future that is not now. Doesn’t even matter whether it ever will be; I’m all over the worrying about it, already, well ahead of any need to do so. lol Fucking hell.
I take a breath. Then another. I let my shoulders relax. I drink some water. Another breath. I exhale, relax. I get up and stretch for a moment, breathing. I walk over to the windows and look out, down “main street”, taking in the sparkle of the lights that festoon the trees, and the way they are reflected off the wet pavement. The morning is relatively mild, for February. The snow is gone. I step outside, breathe the fresh cold morning air, and feel the hint of a chill that immediately begins to soak into me. I breathe. Exhale. See the fog of my breath expand and dissipate. I relax, again. I repeat the experience, before I return to my desk. Better.
I sip my coffee and breathe. It’s morning. I’m awake. The workday has not yet started. I sit quietly, not exactly doing anything, not exactly waiting, just… being. It’s a pleasant moment.
I make a point to enjoy this quiet moment while it lasts. I reflect on the lovely long weekend spent in the company of my Traveling Partner, and in my studio painting. It was pretty splendid. I can’t recall a single harsh word between us, or moment of vexing miscommunication – it was pretty excellent, and I’m enjoying thinking back on time well-spent.
Individual moments, whole days, and even weekends, often don’t live up to expectations, that’s just real. Very human, too. I make a point of lingering on the recollections of the excellent weekend behind me, and “filling up my heart” on the delightful days painting, and on the shared moments with my partner. We are mortal creatures, and there is no knowing how long our joys (or sorrows) may last.
I breathe in deeply, and sigh as I exhale. I haven’t yet looked at the news. It’s probably the usual mish-mash of chaos and horror, with a hearty helping of human greed on the side. I grimly think, for a moment, that humanity is a pretty serious disappointment, generally, and perhaps a “do over” is warranted…? No way to begin a new day, and I shake it off with another sip of coffee and a lingering glance at the dawn unfolding beyond the window.
Over the weekend, I sent emails to several dear (and far away) friends. I was feeling a bit “out of touch” and distant, so reaching out seemed the thing to do. It was lovely to hear from old friends. I made a mental note to stay in touch more skillfully. Friends are a treasure beyond price; the handful of deep lasting friendships I have are for sure worth preserving. We’ve all been through a lot. Some of it together.
Today seems like a good day to catch up on things. A good day to reach out to an old friend. A good day to finish a project. A good day to follow up on loose ends. A good day to make plans. A good day to begin again. 🙂
I’m sipping coffee and thinking things over. I’m considering ideas other than my own. I’m exploring perspectives outside my day-to-day. Asking questions, considering answers… It’s a worthwhile way to spend some time. Learning.
It’s President’s Day… If that’s your jam, here’s an excellent source of information about presidents, generally. 😀
Maybe you’re feeling more introspective today? Turning inward a bit more? Thinking about how to be the best version of yourself you’re able to be? This is a good one for that kind of day. 😀
I’m just saying, sometimes it’s a good idea to get someone else’s thoughts on a subject, some useful perspective, instead of just ruminating over your own endlessly spiraling unproductive internal drama. I mean, if that’s a thing you do. 😉
…Or… You could just begin again. Seems like a nice day for it. 😀
My Traveling Partner and I made dinner together last night. It was fun. I generally do the dinner cooking these days (and my cooking has gotten pretty good), and my partner wanted to share a particular approach to browning ground meat for Bolognese with me that I’ve been eager to learn. So we shared the dinner cooking with that in mind. In general, it all turned out quite excellent, and we enjoyed the meal greatly. There was a point at which he noticed I’d overlooked a detail in my mise en place for the meal – the process of laying out all the ingredients and tools in advance, as “next level” preparation before beginning the cooking. It was a small detail, and easily handled, but it got me thinking about mise en place generally…
Mise en place for a recent stir fry
…Now I’m sipping my morning coffee and contemplating how very much “mise en place” can translate as “having my shit together”. lol I mean… for real.
This leads to me contemplating the value in having a plan. Of laying out work before getting started. Of coordinating with others before starting a big project. Things like that – the many ways in which making a point to prepare to do a thing before doing it can make a difference in the outcome.
Yesterday I stopped in the middle of painting a small piece about a big nightmare, and I left my set up all… set up. This will certainly ease me into restarting the work, later this morning. Of course, the flip side of mise en place is … clean up your mess. LOL
The weekend feels so much longer spending time in the studio. It’s lovely. I guess the lesson there is that when I feel short on time, I’ve got to change what I’m doing with the time I’ve got! This is such a relaxed weekend – worthwhile, and creatively nurturing. My Traveling Partner has spent much of it working. Today is Sunday, he may take this one “off” to relax, but maybe not. Starting a business of his own sometimes means odd hours or working weekend days to get a job done for a customer. I watch as projects get completed, a little bit in awe of how he’s able to do and make so many things with seemingly such ease. Pretty impressive.
…I just paint and write…
I sip my coffee and think for a moment about the ease I find in painting and writing, compared to say… making things in a woodshop, or operating a CNC machine (neither of which I have any skills for, as it happens). I’m most impressed by people doing things I am not myself able to do. The things I can do, and do routinely, are less impressive to me. Funny how easily that tempts me into thinking they are “easy” or that “anyone could…”, simply because I find them easy and can do them, myself. It’s worth sorting that out and gaining a better understanding of relative difficulty.
My Traveling Partner and I do have something in common, though, in our creative endeavors; we both set up the work before we begin. Mise en place. Makes sense. I also plan my camping trips and check my gear before I go. I make a shopping list and double check that I’ve got useful “every day carry” items with me before I depart. When I do many housekeeping chores, I “set things up” before I begin. The more skillfully I prepare for what I am to do, the “easier” the doing of it feels. Days when I am distracted, or struggling with “brain fog”, or generally careening through life haphazardly, everything I do is affected by my lack of preparation. Small things vex me on such days, like sitting down to write but forgetting to grab a pen. Or dashing out to the store and forgetting my phone or my purse. lol I’ve learned to “slow down” in the sense that I make a point – more often (even “most of the time”) – to prepare for what I’m intending to do. It just works out a bit better when I make that part of my routine.
“Mise en place.” Getting my shit together. It’s nice to have language for it. 🙂
No idea what today holds… more time in the studio. Some laundry. A trip to the drugstore for some items we’ve run low on. Love and loving, and a great evening meal. So much to plan and prepare for…
…It’s time to begin again. I’ll begin with a plan, and start there. 🙂
Evening Light 