Archives for posts with tag: emotional labor

Breathe in the Moment

December 12, 2025 //
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I sip my morning pod coffee in this hotel room. It’s been a strange break from some things that have been vexing me and wearing me down. I say “strange” because it hasn’t been at all (physically) restful. Not in the slightest. The pace has been fast and could have felt stressful. It didn’t feel stressful because I got a real break from being worn down, exhausting my resilience, day after day. There’s something to learn there.

Still a luxury.

I reflect on that awhile, sipping my coffee. How do I more carefully protect my peace? Preserve my energy? Care for this fragile vessel? How do I more skillfully set boundaries without creating conflict? These are important questions worth answering with some measure of experience-informed wisdom… I hope I find some.

I haven’t taken many pictures. I haven’t done any sightseeing. I haven’t even taken any walks through beautiful places, although I’ve been on my feet and walking from here to there, often. I don’t feel any heartbreak over that. It’s just a detail. I’m grateful for the rest I’ve gotten, in spite of the pace. Here, in this “strange place”, I have slept well and deeply, and even slept in, once. I feel rested.

I’ve gotten to meet and get acquainted with some amazing people on this trip. It’s been worth it.

I’m eager to return home to my Traveling Partner. I check for messages after I turn my notifications on for the day. I am not so eager to return home to drama, emotional bullshit, or the interpersonal friction of cohabitation. Humans being human. It’s often (mostly) nothing to do with me. I sigh to myself and reflect. I have enjoyed the solitude. I’ll soon be home to love… and also laundry, housekeeping, cooking, running errands, helping with whatever, and trying my best to find any time for myself to enjoy some quiet time when I can sit with my own thoughts, or read, or paint. I miss my Traveling Partner so very much. I don’t miss caregiving or housekeeping, drama, or emotional labor.

I remind myself that having the Anxious Adventurer move in was always temporary, and as with all things temporary, it will end. We’ve all agreed that he’ll move after the holiday season, nearer to Spring, when the weather is predictably safe to drive through distant mountains and isolated highways, to wherever his chosen destination turns out to be. I’d love for him to be able to stay in the area, he seems to like it, and it’s clear my Traveling Partner enjoys having him nearby and seeing him often. The cohabitation doesn’t work comfortably. I don’t think I’m even surprised,  when I consider things more deeply. It hasn’t significantly improved over the 16 months he’s been here, even with coaching and encouragement (and sometimes raised voices and frustration). I sigh to myself. Communication can be difficult. Accommodating each other’s needs, limitations, and boundaries can be hard. I already know I don’t prefer cohabitation – it’s a lot of fucking work. I can’t force either man to change his approach to the other, to listen more deeply, to make changes in behavior, to be more considerate, kinder, quieter, or be anyone other than they are. (It’s not my place to do so; they’re both grown-ass men, who ideally already know who they are and where they need to improve themselves.) I can set boundaries, myself, and do my own best to be the woman I most want to be, and to be accountable for my decisions and my actions, that’s it. We’re each having our own experience. I’m not inclined to allow these father-son difficulties so far outside my own experience dominate my thoughts, time, or to-do list.

… I’m also not inclined to sit around seething over it, if I can simply stay out of the way and let them figure it out. That’s not always possible; sometimes I’m invited to help, or reframe or rephrase in some heated moment. I breathe, exhale, and relax. That time is not now. I’m alone in a quiet hotel room, and it’s almost breakfast time. I miss my beloved Traveling Partner – and I know what matters most (to me). So… I let it go, at least for now. I’ve got this moment here to live.

I look around the room… everything is packed. Breakfast next, then the office for a couple hours and a noontime departure to the airport. On the other end of hours of airports and flights, I’ve still got the drive home…more solitude. I’ll fill up on it while I can. Soon enough it’s back to the familiar routine, and time to begin again.

I settle into a comfortable position. I have time for meditation before breakfast…

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Categories Allegories, anger, Anxiety, autumn, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, The Art of Being, The Big 5, women, Words

Between Rain Storms

November 24, 2024 //
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I got home yesterday afternoon, a day early. My Traveling Partner needed me; the careful plans intended to support his care for a couple days unraveled, so of course I hastened home. I was definitely annoyed at the necessity, and actually angry about the cause, but I didn’t (and don’t) hold any of that against my partner. He still needs considerable care, although he’s making quite a lot of progress. It wasn’t any fault of his that the backup caregiving fell through.

As soon as I got home, I started completing tasks that should have been handled in my absence: bringing the trash cans back from the curb, picking up the mail, opening packages that had been delivered,  and preparing a hot meal. Simple stuff. Routine and necessary, basic adulting and household upkeep. I’m still aggravated that none of this was handled. On top of that, and an indication of the basic lack of consideration and manners involved more broadly, I haven’t heard a single word of apology (from my partner’s son) regarding the necessity of my early return home. I’m annoyed by that on a whole other level. I feel like I don’t personally ask much of my partner’s (adult) son, and the disrespect and lack of consideration is seriously bothering me.

I sigh to myself. I have better things to do with my time than be aggravated by his bullshit, as annoying as it is. The Anxious Adventurer will find his way in the world eventually. I’m definitely feeling pretty aggravated with him presently. I let it go, again; it’s not personal, he’s just got a lot to learn.

I started down the trail this morning happy to be home, in spite of the early return. I’d stay home for my solo time if that were presently feasible, but my Traveling Partner can’t easily go elsewhere, for now. If I need solitary time, I’ve got to go somewhere besides home. Oh, well, I’ve got my walks and a few hours on weekend mornings that I can call my own. It’s tempting to waste time wishing I weren’t in so much pain, but it’s not helpful to bother with wishes. lol I walk on, grateful to be walking. Grateful for a good life and a loving partner.

I’m stuck under the limited cover of some evergreen trees, and it’s raining again. I’ll wait it out and finish my walk. Daybreak is almost here, and I’ll enjoy finishing the walk as dawn becomes a new day. I’ve got a bit of shopping to do, getting things together for Thanksgiving, and an errand to run for my beloved, then home to catch up all the housekeeping before it’s time to begin a new work week. Too much of the burden of the day-to-day maintenance of the household falls to me these days, and I tire easily, but I have the experience to recognize the need, the will to get shit done, and the considerate nature to want to. So, I do. I don’t resent the effort, I just have limitations and also needs of my own. It’s frustrating when I just don’t have it in me to get it all done, and I reliably choose partner, hearth, and home, over my own needs when I begin to run out of energy. That has consequences, and I know it.

My beloved encourages me to care for myself, but there truly are non-negotiable tasks that must come first. When my partner has fully recovered, I know he’ll do his part and also “make it right” with me; he loves me, and that’s who he is. I know how frustrating it is that he can’t do more himself right now; some of what he’d be doing if he could, I’m simply less skilled at, though I do my best.

The one detail that does cause me some resentment, is having to do more work for a third person in the household, instead of enjoying less work because there’s a third person in the household. I breathe, exhale, and relax; no point holding on to that negativity. It’s a temporary situation, and the less help I get, the more temporary it’s likely to be. That’s just real. I think for a moment how often I ask myself “how can I be helpful right now?”, and wonder if it’s strange that I do?

I shake off my irritation again. I have other experiences to spend my time on. I don’t care to be mired in bullshit and drama. There’s too much to do, and a holiday ahead. There’s a break in the rain, and I get to my feet and stretch. It’s already time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, anger, autumn, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, The Big 5, women

Taking a Moment

September 4, 2024 //
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It’s a quiet start to the day. The morning air feels subtly autumnal. I find myself regretting that I didn’t wear my fleece hoodie. The walking warms me up though.

One perspective on the morning.

There’s a low mist clinging to the ground along the river when I begin my walk. It drifts over the meadow adjacent to the trail, becoming a thin fog. It’s very quiet this morning. I don’t hear any birds, or traffic, only my footsteps and my breathing.

It is a routine work day, possibly a busy one. There is a project to be done, later, and later still an evening meal to prepare. I sigh quietly as I walk. The to-do list is long. Having the Anxious Adventurer in the household lifts a measure of the everyday housekeeping burden, but greatly increases the “mental workload” and emotional labor landing on me day after day, on top of the increases associated with caregiving for my Traveling Partner. I’m less physically exhausted than I had been…but… I often find myself very much “over” dealing with people at all, far sooner than I typically might. It’s a struggle to get enough time alone, unbothered by what everyone else needs moment to moment, and undistracted by pings, questions, or requests for my thoughts on the various topics. I often end up feeling like a bitch just trying to get a moment alone with my thoughts.

… I’m grateful for this solitary time in the mornings (and I am pretty certain it’s keeping me sane).

I turn the last bend on the trail and sit down for a moment to think and to write. “This too will pass,” I remind myself. I breathe, exhale, and relax. It’s time to begin again… I head down the trail towards the car, and the beginning of the work day.

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Categories Allegories, Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being, War and News of War, Words