end the violence | Evening Light

When I left the house for my walk this morning, it was a mild, almost warm, morning. Everything was soggy after a night of rain, but it wasn’t raining. I got to the trailhead and got going down the paved local trail I favor, in the pre-dawn darkness. I stepped along contentedly, well rested, and not in much pain at all. Nice start to a merry Giftmas eve day.

Now I’m sitting in the seat of a convenient piece of construction equipment, waiting for a surprise downpour to pass before I continue. It’s raining quite hard. The sun is not yet up, and I listen to the rain in the darkness, pounding the top of the cab of this… bucket loader? I think that’s what it’s called. I don’t remember with certainty, but sitting here I am reminded of a very different time in my life, in a different place. I’m grateful that the cab wasn’t locked. I’m warm and dry. Waiting.

On my way to the trailhead I saw Santa’s reindeer prancing down the road. Not really, but it sure gave that impression to see a group of men running together, decked in holiday lights over their reflective vests, and some wearing fun headgear that looked like antlers. The guy in front was wearing a light-up red nose – very Rudolph. I grinned with delight as I passed. They were singing carols. I sang along as I drove on by. I fucking love this holiday!

… I wish I had a cup of coffee…

Merry Giftmas, y’all! Don’t kill anyone today, please, nor tomorrow. Actually, while we’re talking about it, maybe just don’t kill anyone, ever? Just don’t let your anger or despair get out of hand in that unacceptable fashion, please. Enjoy the holiday. Sit back with a hot cup of something and be merry, sharing comfort, and yes, joy. Phone a far away old friend. Send holiday greetings to people you remember and miss. Share tales of Giftmases past. Give a gift. Give a moment of kindness. Be the change you wish to see in the world. It’s too easy to do better to pass up that chance. ‘Tis the season, after all.

The rain stops. I smile in the darkness and wonder where I might go for a quiet holiday coffee, or whether to simply return home to enjoy the morning in the festive glow of the merrily lit Yule tree? …Or maybe even crawl back into the warm tangle of cozy blankets as my Traveling Partner sleeps, and nap a little myself…? It’s Giftmas eve (day), and I have options. Time to begin again! I finish my writing, and adjust my headlamp and get back on the trail.

I am no stranger to violence. It saddens me deeply every time I learn there has been yet another horrible attack on human life. It sickens me to acknowledge that each and every one represents a pinpoint of darkness, a flaw in a gem of great beauty; we are so very human, and these unrelenting repeated acts of terror and violence are willful – they are choices. Human beings choosing to inflict violence upon other human beings. Being hurt enough, angry enough, to want to choose violence isn’t foreign to me; I am so very human. To enact violence on another person as an actual action, an act of will following an intention, isn’t something that seems so easy, or so obvious. I sometimes feel quite certain humanity is entirely doomed if we do not find a way to soothe the souls of the injured, the enraged, the powerless – and learn to treat each other, one and all, truly well and with great kindness and compassion. I wonder why the verbs involved are not embraced more freely, and with greater enthusiasm?

I look out into the darkness for signs of light.

These are just words. There are verbs involved and I will surely do my part; I will not kill anyone today, or lash out violently in anger, or frustration. I will not impose my will on anyone else by force or coercion. I can do at least this much myself to end global violence; it’s no small thing, and if we each make the same choice and commitment, well – you see how that works out, right?

Interconnected, we are all in this together, and each having our own experience.

I am relaxing over my morning coffee, grateful that this small peaceful space feels safe and secure. Brunch with a friend, some small bit of shopping later. I reflect with gratitude on how unlikely it is that I will meet with violence, and remind myself that allowing the violence in the world to win begins with the smallest thing – allowing it to change my experience of this moment, here, now, slowly letting it become my experience, coloring all things. I won’t be doing that.

Today is a good day to treat each other well. It is a good day to begin again, and to walk on from what not worked out well before. Today is a good day to choose love, to be love. Today is a good day to change the world.

Merry Little Giftmas (Eve)

I’ll Keep Practicing

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Merry Little Giftmas (Eve)

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I’ll Keep Practicing

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