Archives for posts with tag: mindful living

This Human Life

February 1, 2017 //

I woke this morning feeling calm and sure of myself. I often wake well ahead of the alarm, and wasn’t surprised I had this morning… then I actually looked at the clock, to turn off the alarm that wasn’t what woke me. Huh. It was half an hour later than the alarm would have gone off… I had “slept in”, on a work day, and lucked out by waking up in plenty of time not to rush to work. Fortuitous. I begin the day feeling less complacent, and well-prepared to check my assumptions before they teach me hard life lessons. 🙂

I woke in pain, but it is manageable and an anticipated byproduct of the change to colder temperatures. I do my yoga and more or less mostly manage to disregard my pain. I go to make my coffee, but my preferred coffee is… out. I forgot to get more last night. Damn it. No matter – I make a cup of the coffee my Traveling Partner favors, instead. It’s quite good, but my senses easily recognize that it is different. It colors the morning with that hint of difference… so many of this morning’s details do.

The wind blows without regard to my preference, or my assumptions.

The wind chime on the patio is clanging away rather rudely. I know from this that it is a windy morning. The wind in the tree tops beyond the meadow makes a distance roaring sound that blends with the morning traffic, and the sound of the train even farther beyond the trees. I enjoy the moment precisely as it is, without reservations, and without diminishing it with all the many human dramas playing out across social media, news media, and my Facebook feed. I have not yet looked at any of that. I find the morning starts more pleasantly choosing to save that for later.

I write a bit more. Delete it. I repeat that experience two or three more times, then realize – at least for this morning – I really don’t have more to say, just now. The day starts well in spite of over-sleeping. I am letting it start well. The morning is pleasant in spite of being rather noisy, quite cold, and my coffee tasting not at all like I expect, sip after sip. I am choosing to allow the morning to be pleasant, because the differences in routine and expectation are not the sort that matter (to me)(this morning). It’s still a choice. I could make different ones. I am sufficiently pleased with these choices, here, now, this morning.

So much of my experience is choice. So often the difference between terrible and lovely is only that – the decision I make about the experience I will have. A choice. That’s not even about “positive thinking”, but I find it difficult to communicate how simply and authentically we can transform so many moments through our choices, and through a letting go of assumptions, and being in this moment, right here, now, uncluttered by if/then/maybe, and the narrative in our own heads.

I sip my coffee. I enjoy this moment. Right now, that’s enough. 🙂

Tags be here now, be love, be the change, begin again, being and becoming, breathe, emotional self sufficiency, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, meditation, mindful living, mindfulness, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, there are verbs involved, what matters most?

Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, The Art of Being, The Big 5, Words

The Day After The Marches

January 22, 2017 //

Frankly, the inauguration didn’t get my attention. I don’t give spoilt children, narcissists, or petulant adolescents my precious limited time on their terms. Call me a “whining liberal” if you need to do some name-calling, that’s on you, reflective of who you are and what your values are, not me or mine. 😉

I spent yesterday awed by the power and beauty of millions of women nationally and worldwide marching in protest of a president whose values do not represent them, and are actually a threat to women’s well-being and civil rights. It was… amazing. Yeah. Powerful. Peaceful. Wise. I was awestruck at the clarity of our shared voices. I was and am moved, empowered, and encouraged. Before I let it carry me away, I am also quite mindful that the tear-down begins today, in the many voices that oppose women every moment of every day, for no other reason than that we are women. Yes, well, we’re each having our own experience. There are always voices in opposition to change, regardless what good the change itself serves. At least for the moment, I am content and empowered and feeling strong in the face of future attempts to diminish me. It’s a nice feeling.

We share this world, this life, with so many other creatures…

This morning, I’ve spent much of the morning bird-watching. I’ve had many visitors to the feeders today. Ducks. Canada geese. Squirrels. Jays. Even crows have stepped right up to the patio to enjoy the generous brunch laid out for their enjoyment. There are seed bells, and sunflower seeds, and assorted whole nutmeats strewn about, and peanuts in the shell aplenty, and a couple different suet blocks hanging here and there, one full of bugs and mealworms and such. A lavish brunch buffet on a Sunday morning. I share it with them over wilted greens, homemade applesauce, and hard-boiled eggs still warm from cooking, and a good cup of coffee.

It took awhile for them to trust me enough…

I particularly enjoy watching the squirrels this morning. They have figured out the peanuts are on top of the bistro table, in the well of the soon-to-be-disassembled holiday wreath. The jays have known for a while, and regularly stop by to grab a peanut along their way. Today the squirrels also make their way to the table top, sorting through the peanuts quickly; peanuts with intact shells are carried off and buried. When they select a peanut with a shell that is broken, they finish the job, tearing it open and eating the peanuts within, while watching me curiously through the window. The jays are particular about the peanuts, too, although I don’t know what they are selecting for. They pick up several, before choosing and flying away with their chosen morsel.

A rare visitor returns this morning, but I didn’t get a picture as good as this one from yesterday.

Today, littler birds favor the sunflower seeds strewn on the lawn with the bits and pieces of nut meats, and the fallen bits from the seed bells and suet feeders, rather than competing with the larger birds for a place at the feeders. The Northern Flickers zoom up to the suet feeder closest to the patio, striking it with enough force to send it spinning wildly. This seems their favored method, and since I’ve seen them do it quite differently now and then, and also repeat this interesting behavior seemingly willfully, I’ve come to accept that perhaps they just enjoy a good merry-go-round? lol They are fun to watch, and rather larger than my suet feeder was specifically intended to support. They don’t seem to mind that. 🙂

It’s taken most of a year to get the crows to come close.

Not one of these creatures has any idea what millions of human beings are doing with their time or why, aside from their daily observations of our coming and going… or so I have been taught to believe over a lifetime. I can’t say that I really know that for sure. I know that they come to my patio, accepting my generosity, and comfortable enough to linger and return regularly. I am content to be kind to my fellow creatures, whether they “understand” me or not; it’s part of who I am. When I began to understand that my fellow human beings are among “my fellow creatures” and began also extending my kindness and good nature to them, I was changed as a human being, in a wonderful way. I enjoy kindness extended to me. I appreciate it when people are compassionate. I am learning to deliver those experiences to others, by default, as a common byproduct of who I am, every day. I am transformed from the woman I was in my 20s – a fairly narrow-minded, right-leaning, callous-without-awareness, self-centered creature who was more cruel to herself even than to the world around her (and therefore thought she was treating others well, by comparison). It’s been a long, and fairly peculiar journey. I sometimes wonder if anyone who knows me – who knew me then – really knows me now at all?

A gentle phone call from my Traveling Partner reaches me as I finish my coffee. I finish the call feeling so very loved. The disturbing fun-house mirror of American politics seems very far away right now. I’m okay with that. I’m okay right now.

It’s a lovely morning. That’s enough.

Tags are you going my way?, be love, be the change you wish to see in the world, be the good guy, begin again, being and becoming, choose wisely, do not stand silent amidst wrongdoing, emotional self sufficiency, exactly what do you mean "liberal agenda"?, I am my own cartographer, listening deeply, MBSR, meditation, mindful living, mindfulness, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, protest inequality, protest injustice everywhere, ptsd, raise your voice, sufficiency, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, we march, what matters most?, you do you

Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, Free Will, gardening, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Parables, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5, War and News of War, women, Words

Each Day Like a Gift

January 17, 2017 //

I am sipping my coffee with an eye on the weather, this morning. The forecast calls for freezing rain, or maybe snow, or some sort of define-ably inclement weather, just about at the time I am planning to be commuting to work. I am watchful, to ensure I am appropriately prepared. No particular anxiety about it; there is still snow on the ground and a lot of ice here and there, and I am already prepared for that.

The weekend was pleasant and restful. I miss my Traveling Partner. Weather has kept us apart; neither of us favors traveling in these conditions unless utterly necessary, and our emotional need to be assured of the other’s safety outweighed our need to be in the same physical place at the same time. Still, I miss him greatly, and I am eager to see him. It probably won’t be tonight. Maybe tomorrow, or Thursday? The weather won’t stay like this indefinitely. Change is.

I face the morning like a holiday gift. I knew it was coming, but I don’t know much more about it than that, so far. I commit to letting the day unfold as it will, and refrain from borrowing anxiety over events that are not yet. My morning doesn’t need that, not even at all. I make room in my morning to enjoy simple pleasures: the warm water in the shower, the ease in my morning yoga routine, my general lack of pain this morning, the feeling of the warm coffee mug in my hands, how pretty the fish are in the aquarium, and the general sense that this feels like a “good day”. I smile and wonder whether other creatures waste their time defining things, or if that is peculiarly human.

I move on with the morning, and take a moment or two for gratitude; it complements pleasure nicely, I find. I feel grateful for the luxury of plumbing, and potable water, electricity and internet access, and the accessibility of well-made, ready-to-wear clothing in so many colors and styles, particularly (this morning at least) fuzzy warm spa socks. I am grateful for less practical things, too: good friends who live nearby, and also dear friends whose affection is not diminished by distance or time spent apart. I am grateful for the opportunity to love, and to learn to love well. I am grateful to have a Traveling Partner on this strange journey that is life. I am grateful to have so much cherished solitude in which to develop deeper self-knowledge, and to grow and become the woman I most want to be. I am grateful for a job I enjoy, am valued for, and have become proficient at, over time. I am grateful for chances – and second chances. I am grateful for perspective, awareness, and education. I am grateful to have the willingness to overturn my opinions in the face of new knowledge.

It’s a lovely quiet morning, preceding a day filled with unknowns. I will approach it with enthusiasm and joy, in anticipation of another day on this journey to… me. Like any gift, the contents are a mystery until I unwrap it, open it up, and see what’s inside. Whether it disappoints me or pleases me greatly probably has more to do with my expectations, and how I face life generally, than the contents themselves. I’m grateful to have the day, regardless.

Today is a good day to begin again. Every journey needs a beginning. 🙂

Tags be here now, be love, be the change, begin again, being and becoming, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, I am my own cartographer, meditation, mindful living, mindfulness, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, sufficiency, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, there are verbs involved, walking my own path

Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, The Art of Being, The Big 5, winter, Words

A Day for Me

January 15, 2017 //

When did you last spend an entire day caring for yourself, body, mind, and soul? The works. Like… a spa day for your whole being? Healthy, while also indulgent. Uninterrupted. Focused, and also relaxed. Purposeful, but not hurried. No pressure – your undivided attention on supporting the person in the mirror. I took a day for me, yesterday. It was strangely not at all as I planned it, but… wow. I needed that time. A day of relaxed self-care that was not also pock-marked with fretting about work in the background. A day of small favorite luxuries without any self-consciousness or doubt. A day of meditation, quiet, calm… and wow was it lovely, and soul-soothing, and magical. Well… not actually “magical”. There were verbs involved, and I did those, for me. 🙂

I had intended to enjoy the day at leisure, and this much I most definitely did do. I made a wee cherry clafoutis for my brunch, a delightful treat. I happily enjoyed more coffee than I generally allow myself, content that a late night could be followed by sleeping in. I queued up a good playlist (that I mostly didn’t listen to), and had my sketching supplies, a book I am reading, and a journal at hand. I ended up spending most of the afternoon and evening quietly meditating – not at all the plan, but as it turned out, precisely what I needed to care for me best.

It was late into the evening when the last coals of the fire in the fireplace dwindled away to nothing, and the room began to take on the night chill from a draft somewhere. That was when I realized I had passed something like 10 hours just chilling. No TV. Music only rarely. Not bothering to pick up my book. Writing a note about this or that now and then. Just relaxing with the woman in the mirror, feeling the feelings, letting the cognitive landscape shift and change, accepting the emotional weather – which changed often, and more rapidly than the icy landscape on the other side of the windows. I watched the birds. They watched me back. I sat warming my feet by the fire, and smiling, feeling content that for the moment, all is well (for me, here, right now). It was lovely. I soaked in it. Bathed in it. Wrapped myself in these all-to-brief sweet moments of calm. Savoring them for later recollections, on more difficult days.

Evening from my meditation cushion.

I don’t remember going to bed. I know I did; I woke in my bed from a deep sound sleep, feeling well-rested, and well-cared-for. That’s a thing I didn’t understand years ago; our very human feelings of neglect, inattention, shabby treatment, and even having been dealt with cruelly or abusively, can be soothed greatly by how we treat ourselves. It doesn’t stop some other person who treats us badly from being who they are, or make circumstances different than they have been, but it has tended to allow me to heal more, faster, and more completely, and to bounce back from challenges more efficiently. Totally worth taking the time to invest in skilled self-care. I’m no expert (clearly). I’ll keep practicing. 🙂

Tags a day for me, be here now, being and becoming, breathe, emotional self sufficiency, luxury self-care, meditation, mindful living, mindfulness, mindfulness for beginners, mindfulness matters, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, savor the calm when you've got it, sufficiency, TBI, The Art of Being, The Big 5, there are verbs involved, walking my own mile, what matters most?

Categories Anxiety, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, The Big 5, winter, women, Words

This May Help…

January 10, 2017 //

This may be a tough week for a fair few humans. (Realistically, that may be a generically true statement…) I have a wee personal practice that I use to “lighten the load” on very busy or emotionally challenging weeks. It’s not something I thought up. You can read about it here, too. Rick Hanson, PhD, knows a thing or two about practicing practices. 🙂 Simply this, in as few words as I can manage, savor the good moments. Wait, don’t blow me off on this, don’t shrug and say you already do… pause a moment, and really think this over.

Do you spend as much time immersing yourself in the joyful, sweet, moments and simple pleasures that life affords you, as you do moments of stress, frustration, or outrage? Is every moment of irritation over some article in the news balanced by really sinking into the good feelings in other moments? You can give your soul a chance at wearing a merry grin all day, just because the weather is nice, or because someone held a door for you when your hands were full, or because you really enjoy the way the light strikes that one spot just so right after lunch. It has mattered so much for me, personally, to have made this particular practice a way of living my life. No promises, your results may vary (my often do), and a practice does imply with frankness that there are verbs involved… but this one is so… rewarding. So enriching. So quietly powerful. This one builds over time, though, so it’s helpful if you don’t go into it thinking that 10 minutes from now you’ll radiate pure love and compassion. It is, after all, a practice. So… um… practice it. lol

I keep practicing.

I thought about this one as I sank into sleep last night. It felt so incredibly good to lay down, to feel my entire body relax and settle into comfort. To feel wrapped in warm blankets. To take those deep relaxing end of day breaths. To feel utterly at ease for some moments before sleep caught up with me. It felt “better than it should” I thought at the time, and realized in that instant how much I have invested in being able to really feel that moment in such a visceral way that I can recall it easily later. Progress. I woke still smiling, figured I’d share. I’ve probably shared this one before. It’s that big of a deal, honestly. One of the two or three “major changes” I’ve made over the past 4 years, that have had the most lasting positive impact in my everyday experience. 🙂 Definitely share-worthy.

Some practices have clear names that tell what they are about. Meditation. Exercise. Self-care. This one is called “Taking in the Good” by Rick Hanson. Simply that. Today is a good day to try it out if you haven’t already. It’s a good day to begin again, if you’ve taken it up before and let it go. This one? It’s a practice that could change the world – or at least, your world. ❤

Tags be the change, begin again, being and becoming, breathe, can I share a practice with you?, emotional self sufficiency, enjoy the moment, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, it takes practice, meditation, mindful living, mindfulness, mindfulness matters, perspective, practice, practicing the practices, ptsd, savor the experience, taking care of me, taking in the good, The Art of Being, there are verbs involved, walking my own path

Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, The Art of Being

This Human Life

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The Day After The Marches

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Each Day Like a Gift

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A Day for Me

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This May Help…

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