Archives for posts with tag: restless night

I woke up in pain, after a restless and interrupted night’s sleep. Unsatisfying. I definitely didn’t get the rest I need. No obvious cause. I woke around 2 am, my Traveling Partner sleeping beside me. I was uncomfortable, and unable to return to sleep. I felt “over-heated”, even though the room was comfortably cool. I’m well-past menopause, so the obvious “hormones!” battle-cry seems a less than ideal “fit” for the experience. Still… I know what to do about that. I get up, and go out onto the deck for a few minutes, in the cool fresh air. I can almost taste the hint of approaching autumn in the scent of the breeze.

I come back inside to reluctantly face the likely restlessness of the remaining portion of the night. I want to avoid disturbing my partner’s sleep, and crash on the couch, wrapped in a super soft, super fuzzy throw. Comfy. Cozy. I expected to drop off to sleep pretty much immediately.

…I was still expecting that, some time later, quite awake. LOL I didn’t fuss over it. No point. Just adds stress to the experience, which amplifies the feelings of fatigue, later on. I roll over one more time, finding just that utterly comfortable position, and feel my whole body relax, and my mind gently drift off… The alarm goes off almost immediately, once I am really settled into falling asleep once more. I get up with a sigh, as I turn off the alarm clock by feel, in a single motion as I rise from the couch.

Okay, okay; the moments aren’t all easy. The nights aren’t all restful. lol. I do what I can, with the ingredients I’ve got. It’s enough. I can begin again from here, no problem. 🙂

…Lovely weekend, though. 🙂

I keep smiling at my coffee, each time I take a sip. Nothing really wrong with this moment. 🙂 I’m grateful for the day ahead, without interrupting the earliest hour of my morning with work details. Beginning again is enough. Certainly, there is time to finish my coffee. 😉

Morning came sooner than I’d like. I slept poorly. I dozed off again and again, and the sleep I did get was of good quality. I was not able to sleep through the night, and woke regularly. It wasn’t a bad night in any distinct way, it was simply that my sleep was interrupted, incomplete, and insufficient to result in feeling rested this morning. The experience is not relevant to whether I have a good day today. So far, aside from being somewhat groggy, and writing with far more spelling errors than you will ever see, it manages to be a lovely morning in spite of the poor quality sleep.

Cloudy skies that threaten rain without delivering on their promise.

Cloudy skies that threaten rain without delivering on their promise.

I make my coffee with great care, more because I am too groggy not to follow the process quite carefully, than any wonder of mindfulness. I notice, once completed, that the fragrant brew is quite dark. I think to myself “huh, that really is the color of an ‘espresso finish’ “, without noticing in the moment that I am not drinking espresso – just coffee. The coffee is very good this morning; I made a point to get more of that Brazilian roast I enjoyed so much. I am enjoying it every bit as much as I did the first time.

No raccoons on the lawn this morning, no cats stopping by, no possums, no bunnies, and the birds are quiet. It is a quiet morning. It’s probably best that it be such a lovely quiet morning; I am not awake enough to provide any sort of crisis management, or quick decision-making. I’m okay with that. I’ve got my coffee, and plenty of time to wake up.

Sometimes changing my perspective doesn't change my understanding of things...sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't.

Sometimes changing my perspective doesn’t change my understanding of things…sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t.

I sip my coffee, listening to sounds of morning and thinking ahead to the evening, to the weekend… my traveling partner will be away for the weekend, which is not relevant to anything in this moment but the recollection reminds me of our plans tonight. I smile, anticipating the moment he arrives. I am awake enough to value the deep connection we share. For a brief moment I allow my consciousness to brush past the previously terrifying what-if scenario of ‘what if he didn’t come back from…’. It’s not a pleasant thought to linger on, so I don’t, but as I turn my thoughts to other things, I realize…once I got past the shock of it, the sorrow… I’d be okay. I’d go on with my life, treating myself well, investing in me. I don’t doubt there would be a huge hole in my heart, in my experience, perhaps for always, perhaps not…and there is no loss of affection in the knowledge that I’d be okay – only the loss of the crippling attachment that had built over time. It feels good to let that go. Strong. Safe. Emotionally secure.

It's a metaphor. :-)

It’s a metaphor. 🙂

This morning I have the sense of taking life one slippery rock at a time, crossing a fast-moving creek; there’s a sense of progress, recognition of the distance covered and the journey ahead, and a realization that a missed step, or a fall, needn’t be assumed to be doom. I’d simply begin again. That’s enough.