Archives for posts with tag: sufficiency
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The Meme is not the Experience

April 25, 2015 //
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Life in the Information Age is pretty amazing. There are so many sources of information, so many formats, so may ways to share, to process, to filter, to understand…and so much to know. Realistically, ‘being a student of life’ is a journey that concludes only at the point at which life itself ends. There is so much knowledge available that repetition isn’t really necessary, and following hyperlinks wherever they may lead is the drug of choice for many an intellectual dilettante. The wellspring of knowledge never seems to run dry.  There are still choices to be made, verbs to apply…your results, and mine, may vary. Keeping up with it all is pretty challenging…We’re not only drowning in information, and in facts, we are provided misinformation, lies, and advertising slogans in similar quantity, forcing us to sort out bullshit from information pretty much continuously if we expect to hold on to some understanding of the world that is at least somewhat consistent with reality as a shared experience… But… We’re each having our own experience. Hell, even ‘placebo effect’ is a real thing that has real effects on actual people, in spite of ‘it doesn’t work that way’.

So…yeah… ‘reality’ and ‘truth’ and ‘facts’… how’s that working out for you?

Some of the rules are outside our power to change them.

Some of the rules are outside our power to change them.

 

What about when someone disagrees with your position, your emotions, or your experience? What then? Is ‘being right’ more important than being content? Is ‘winning’ more valuable than enjoying your experience?

What matters most?

What matters most?

What about when your experience of events, and your sense of self, find you feeling invisible, misunderstood, or a stranger to your loved ones, because you are not recognized as the being you experience yourself to be? Is correcting the erroneous assumptions and misunderstandings worthwhile in the moment? We are each having our own experience – which means that even our assumptions, expectations, and understanding of others, in the moment, is also truly our own; like so many things, our understanding of others is mostly made up, and not based entirely on our direct experience. Is contentment found in a quiet smile, and self-acceptance – or in ‘righting the wrong’?

Just be.

Just be.

 

Is it enough to be, and to understand being, from the vantage point of this self, that I am – or is there some need to assert some moment of self more explicitly to feel the powerful connection that comes with recognition, acceptance, and understanding by others? Is the connection worth enough to compromise authenticity – knowing that such a choice results in a poor quality connection, indeed?

Self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-compassion... there is value in knowing who I am.

Self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-compassion… there is value in knowing who I am.

Are there ‘right answers’…or simply my answers, or your answers?  These are only questions; I have no answers for you, only answers for me. I do think the questions have value… I keep considering them.

What else matters this much?

What else matters this much?

One last question… It’s a tough one, but the test is an open book sort; the world-wide web is vast, I’m sure you can Google it. What do you actually know about people who are most dear to you…and how much are you simply assuming?

Change is. Choose wisely.

Change is. Choose wisely.

Today is a good day to test assumptions, to ask clarifying questions, and to recognize one another in the moment. Today is a good day to embrace love, because it has more value than ‘being right’. Today is a good day to check facts, cite sources, and know myself. Today is a good day to trust that no one else knows me like I do. 🙂

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Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, The Art of Being

Options, Features, Upgrades

April 24, 2015 //
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When I shop for a car, I consider the features that interest me most, and offer me the greatest value. When I shop for kitchen appliances, I check product reviews and closely examine how well the product has performed for other consumers, and consider available options that make one a greater value over another. When I shop for just about anything, actually, I put thought into which specific product, by which manufacturer, with which features, options, or possible later upgrades may be available. I find it remarkable that over a lifetime I have put so much less regard or consideration into how I treat myself, and what my thinking and actions bring to the world…honestly, my value to myself, and to my culture and my planet, has to be vastly more worthy of consideration and great care than a toaster, a home, or a car. Just saying.

It's a big world.

It’s a big world.

Today, in the same small bit of my day that I hold dear, and keep well-tended as ‘me time’, I am considering what I do each day to treat the world well. My thinking isn’t limited to the people, but also to this big ball of metallic rock hurtling through space to which we all cling; what simple things can I do in ways that treat my world just a little more gently, with a bit more awareness for the limited resources we all share, and with an eye on living more sustainably? I am taking time to take a step back from the mirror, to look out the windows of my soul to the horizon of infinite possibilities… Can I do more, better, in my existing experience? Is that also part of taking care of me? I am thinking about something grander in scale than recycling product waste, or composting, or using environmentally safe cleaning products, or purchasing goods with environmentally safe packaging. I am thinking beyond electric cars and solar homes. I am thinking beyond going paperless. I am considering the wellspring of those ideas, the source of the shift in consumer focus that put those things in the marketplace; I am considering my heart, my will, and my commitment. I am considering the content of my thinking, and how to make my intention more real, more clearly manifested in my experience by way of my choices – and my awareness.

It is difficult to experience what is outside my awareness.

It is difficult to experience what is outside my awareness.

This morning, I consider what it takes to hold something in my awareness, mindfully, and to use that awareness to reinforce good choices; ideally, my thinking is that being more aware may result in good decision-making as a consumer, decision-making less driven by advertising, and more chosen by experience, careful evaluation, and well-chosen values. Yes, I think even being a consumer in the world marketplace can potentially benefit greatly from being more mindful. That’s probably more obvious than it felt to me when I first began to consider it this morning. 🙂

Reflecting on life, and the world; what is 'enough'?

Reflecting on life, and the world; what is ‘enough’?

I am looking ahead to living in my studio, and considering what I really need to feel content, satisfied, comfortable and safe? What is ‘enough’? Do I need a 10 ft solid mahogany Queen Anne dining table with a lovely glossy finish, and 8 well-crafted matching chairs? That seems more than a little excessive for a woman who doesn’t prefer big dinner parties, or crowds…but it was something I yearned for when I was younger, and I considered it pinnacle of dining style, myself. That isn’t where I am in life, now. Feeling the distance between self-then and self-now so clearly is sometimes a little strange, but it can be measured in goods, and changes in aesthetic. I recently saw a dining table I found myself liking very much, that suits me now: small, a merry honest birch and a natural finish, ample for two, adequate for four, and…simply enough.  I found it a healthy reminder to maintain a beginner’s mind, even about who I am and what I enjoy; I am not the woman I was 30 years ago. Hell, I’m not the woman I was last year…or yesterday. 🙂

Today is a good day to consider who I am, and how my journey may have changed me. Today is a good day to consider my impact on the world, and how my choices can be of greater value. Today is a good day to deliver on my promises to myself, and to take my future in hand, and craft it more carefully with my will. Today is a good day to participate fully in my experience, and to enjoy the place I choose to hold in the world.

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Categories art and the artist, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Spring, The Art of Being, women

More or Less

April 17, 2015 //
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I am enjoying a lovely quiet evening. It is very different from what I may have expected – a good lesson in letting go of attachment to expectations. It is also very different from I might have planned; having not made specific other plans, those thoughts are irrelevant – the very essence of thought: lacking substance or reality of its own, but seeming unarguably valid. Certainly, the evening is different from what I may have said I wanted, had I been asked, and again the thought lacks relevance, circumstances being what they are; pleasantly calm, quiet, and solitary. Funny that such a quiet evening of contentment and study wasn’t higher on my list of possible desirable evenings… I consider wondering why it wasn’t, but quickly realize that what matters is to enjoy it as it is, without criticism or judgment, and to trust that practicing being accepting of, and kind to, myself on a quiet evening requires no excuses, justification, or defense.

I have my challenges. I find myself struggling to let go of attachment. I have a loyal, kind, and generous nature that leaves me open to exploitation, too tolerant of poor treatment, and with a brain injury that limits my ability to set firm boundaries, or reliably communicate clearly in the moment. It seems strange to admit it so simply; I have refused to acknowledge these traits for so long, out of shame for being weak and broken. I have been hesitant to be vulnerable out of fear of leaving myself open to ridicule. I could be kinder to myself, and benefit greatly from it. I still have a lot to learn, and much to practice.  Hard, too, is the inevitable discovery that things I enjoy in myself, and qualities I choose to nurture because I value them, may not be similarly valued by others; it requires strength and persistence to choose me, and to show myself the loyalty, kindness, and generosity that is so much who I am.

Where does this path lead? I am in unfamiliar territory.

Where does this path lead? I am in unfamiliar territory.

The path to emotional self-sufficiency seems also to be the path to The Art of Being, and a path that speeds to creative freedom, satisfaction, and a less chaotic day-to-day experience. More choices, fewer reactions. More day-to-day calm. More likelihood that I will be able to meet my needs over time.

…Here’s the thing, though, at least for me; my choices really matter, and it is critical that they be made again, and again, and again, even when I am uncertain of the outcome, or experiencing insecurity or doubt. It’s how practice works, and there’s no short cut; I still have to do the verbs. I don’t always get the outcome I’m after…sometimes that seems to matter, at least long enough to blow my heart off course, sometimes it doesn’t matter at all. So…it’s not without effort, or failure; I fall, I get up, I go again…I learn, I grow. I gain perspective, and try again. It’s enough.

Tonight, I make good choices; I complete a project I committed to, and spend the rest of the evening in gentle solitude, enjoying my own company, my own moment…also, very much enough.

A lovely sunny spring day becomes a quiet somewhat chilly spring night. That, too, is enough.

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Categories art and the artist, Brain Injury, Free Will, Love, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Enough To Get By On

March 23, 2015 //
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What is ‘enough’, anyway? Is it ‘everything’? I think we all know ‘enough’ has never been expected to be ‘everything’. Is ‘enough’ some measure more than I’ve got?

Half empty? Half full? Why does the size of the glass matter if the contents meet my needs?

Half empty? Half full? Why does the size of the glass matter if the contents meet my needs?

There’s the thing, isn’t it; ‘enough’ varies depending on the intensity of the need being fulfilled, the difficulty fulfilling it, and our own wisdom and perspective, too – we can’t recognize ‘enough’ unless we’ve gone without, perhaps, or somehow directly experienced the contrast between ‘feast’ and ‘famine’, in some way. ‘Enough’, in my own experience, tends to require just that amount of whatever thing (or experience, or emotion, or resource) is required to meet the need adequately, nothing more. ‘More’ would go beyond ‘enough’, and thus the expression ‘more than enough’.

This morning is enough. I’ve not asked the dawn of this new day to be perfect. I’ve nothing specific in mind for the coming week. ‘Enough’ will do, nicely. The weekend? Realistically, it was ‘enough’ in many respects. Could it have been improved? Well…damn…it’s a bit late to be thinking that over, right? The weekend is behind me now. I think I’ll just put that question off to the side, over here, with this dusty list of questions that didn’t seem worthy of the time to answer them, because answering them would change nothing. I’m all about questions, but I do strongly prefer the questions that provide their greatest value in the asking. 🙂

It's about where the question leads, not about the answer.

It’s about where the question leads, not about the answer.

My weekend camping trip was completely and entirely perfect, inasmuch as I did learn what I needed to know about my readiness for longer – or wilder – solo hiking/camping trips; I’m not ready. No, not really, not yet – just not quite ready. Simple things went sideways early on that resulted in the decision to shorten my trip a bit, primarily challenges with building a good fire in the damp conditions (I need practice on that specific skill, and on fire building in general), on top of forgetting to bring coffee (or tea), and over-looking my bee sting kit (which I didn’t forget, but chose not to bring – the swarm of bees I encountered was a very serious wake-up call). Aside from a bit of general embarrassment over my lack of readiness, making the wiser self-care decision to come in from the woods early was as easy as a phone call. My traveling partner took time out of his day to come get me, and I spent the remainder of the weekend in a fairly ordinary way – and it was enough. I like ‘enough’.

It isn't about rare wildflowers previously unseen by human eyes for me; it is about simple sufficiency, and the simple beauty of any flower.

It isn’t about rare wildflowers previously unseen by human eyes for me. It is about sufficiency, and the simple beauty of any flower, simple questions, too, and ideally simple answers.

What will ‘enough’ be today, I wonder? What questions will light my path most beautifully? What experiences will I enjoy, cherish, and invest my heart in? What experiences will teach me a profound lesson about life, or love? What will frustrate me as I deal with cravings and attachment? What will uplift me as I succeed in beating back my demons? On which small choices will I build my future? Will prior other choices appear as hurdles today? What can I learn from now? Which moments will become moments of long-standing joyous recollection?

This guy is probably not concerned with so many questions.

This guy is probably not concerned with so many questions.

Today is a good day for ‘here’ ‘now’ and ‘enough’. Today is a good day to savor each moment, and each experience, to either learn the lesson presented, or enjoy the journey simply because it is enjoyable. Today is a good day for love, loving, and investing will and wholesome intention into mindful love; what could serve love more skillfully than being awake, aware, and engaged in the moment? Today is a good day to enjoy the journey; change is, and it isn’t necessary to force it along.

The journey is not without challenges; the challenges do not detract from it's beauty.

The journey is not without challenges; the challenges do not detract from the beauty of the journey.

 

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Categories Brain Injury, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, solo hiking, Spring, women

A Little Matter of Sufficiency

February 14, 2015 //
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It’s the end of the day, and the household is still and quiet. The click of the keys, the distant hums, and hushed background noises are hardly interrupted by the trickle of the aquarium filter. Even in the stillness, I am reminded that some aquatic gardening is a tad overdue. It’s a long weekend, and there will be time to take care of it before the new work week begins. I feel…content.

Contentment has become just about my favorite emotion. Oh, sure, there’s Love…love…passion…romance, and yes those are all high on my list of favorite emotions. Happiness, too, sure. Joy. Delight. Those are all excellent emotions to savor in any moment. Memories of those emotions are wonderful to recall, and re-imagine in great detail. Contentment, though, has this saturating, drenching, wholly fulfilling sense of completeness and comfort that just can’t be beat. Contentment doesn’t ask for more. Contentment doesn’t feel short-changed, disadvantaged, or cheated. Contentment doesn’t know resentment, jealousy, or envy. The best part? Contentment is easy.

Here it is, night. The house is quiet, possibly sleeping, but no matter; I am content in the stillness of this lovely moment, after a delightful day of love…contented love, good-natured love, committed love, soulful love… and it’s not anything to do with Valentine’s Day. Love isn’t a holiday on a calendar to be celebrated as a token moment…It’s more of a lifestyle.

Love was once challenging for me to recognize, to find, or to hold on to…I needed to make quite a few love-related lifestyle changes, some of them even the same basic fundamentals of good health and self-care as diet and exercise; how do we love well, if we don’t begin with ourselves? At least, it has seemed to work out that way for me…your results may vary. I still work at love. I expect that even a committed lifetime of the study of love and loving doesn’t halt the need to practice good practices: kindness, compassion, listening with awareness, laughing together, being present, being considerate, sharing experiences, tenderness…all of it matters. Every compliment, every criticism, every moment to connect or to disconnect is relevant to the state of love. How we treat ourselves, how we treat each other, are what love is built on.

If practice makes perfect…what are you perfecting?

Love was good to me today. It’s definitely enough, and I am content.

One quiet moment, thinking about love.

One quiet moment, thinking about love.

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Categories Healthy Living, Love, Mindfulness, Perspective, Relationships, The Big 5
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