Archives for posts with tag: what matters most?

My Traveling Partner made me more cute 3D printed earrings. These delight me, not only because earrings are the only jewelry I wear regularly, and I get a kick out of fun kitschy ones that aren’t too serious as much as I like sparkly gemstones (more, perhaps). These are wee axolotl and shark earrings that appear to be chomping on my earlobes. I giggle when I see them in a reflection. It’s the sort of moment of joy that is difficult to adequately communicate in words, but lingers and even deepens over time. I smile thinking about them now, the little axolotl’s hanging from my ear wiggling about as I laugh, seeing them in my reflection in the window.

Sometimes love takes a whimsical form.

Simple moments of joy and delight can be savored, and their value is bigger than the moments; taking the time to really appreciate and enjoy such moments helps build our emotional resilience. Don’t hold yourself back – enjoy the joy!

When I got into the office, I sat down with my coffee to do “the payday stuff”, update the budget, look over the numbers, put together a draft of the plan for this pay period, and send it to my partner for a second look and any recommendations to change the plan. We’re individuals – and partners. We have things we’re doing together, and goals, and plans, and things we are most involved in individually, but which also need to be accounted for in the household budget. It’s a shared endeavor, and that feels settled and comfortable. I finish that up and hit “send”, feeling a moment of grown-up satisfaction and preparedness. It’s a very different feeling than “joy” – but no less positive.

“Rainbow Happy Trails” blooming

I breathe, exhale, and relax, looking out the window at the gray morning. Spring in the PNW. lol Gray. Rainy. Green. Cloudy. Mists and fogs here and there on the way in to the office didn’t surprise me. Passing through rain showers was not unexpected. The garden loves these days of soft rains. The roses are beginning to bloom – more roses blooming, more blossoms on each rose. Spring feels so positive and hopeful, and for a little while I forget what a shit-show the world is right now. I mean, are you fucking kidding me with this genocide and warfare bullshit? Have we not outgrown all that as a species? What is our fucking problem? We have the capacity to reason, to plan, to remember, to comprehend, and to love, and yet… we still commit heinous acts against one another. It isn’t something that makes any fucking sense at all. I feel the look of distaste and disappointment on my face. Do better, Humanity.

“Nozomi” blooming

I sigh to myself and let that shit go. I’m here, now, and it is a pleasant morning, and a pleasant moment. It’s enough. I focus on these things within my direct experience, and think ahead to work tasks, and errands later. I sip my coffee, and grin again when I feel my earrings sway, tugging at my earlobes gently. My Traveling Partner’s love in earring form.

I notice the time, and realize that I’ve got a meeting coming up, and it’s already time to begin again.

Well, that’s Mother’s Day behind me, already – “the year is nearly half over”, I think to myself, sipping my coffee and looking out the office window on a dreary gray morning. “At least it isn’t cold, too”, I add as an afterthought.

It was a lovely weekend spent in the good company of my Traveling Partner. I ended up letting most of the housekeeping and whatnot just fall by the wayside, to be handled another day. I kept the kitchen tidy, did a couple chores and errands that really couldn’t wait, and enjoyed time with my beloved. Time well-spent, no regrets – we don’t live for housework, we do the housework in order to live well. Sometimes there are better choices. 😀

In memory of a Dear Friend, a quiet corner of the garden.

I did manage to get into the garden a bit, which was lovely, and I planted a couple tomato plants to replace the ones the deer ate to ground a few days ago. A rose in my “memory garden” is blooming, and I found some cute beaded decorations to add there (I think my Dear Friend would have enjoyed the whimsy of these, and their colorful sparkle). More than any of that, as delightful as it was (and is), I am enjoying the recollection of time spent at my Traveling Partner’s side. Video games, 3D print projects, just hanging out, enjoying meals together, and getting some useful coaching from my beloved on the new solar hydro mini-garden (which will be planted very soon, so I needed to know how to mix the nutrients for that, and he has so much more experience); it was a delightful weekend.

An old favorite is blooming early. “Nozomi”

I love seeing the roses begin to bloom. It’s a lovely time in the garden. The curry plant is covered in buds, too, and some of the lavender is as well. The strawberries have actual berries beginning to ripen, and still more blossoms. The romaine is thriving, and I had radishes enough to serve with a meal this weekend. I even boldly planted a couple of hardy smallish varieties of fig in large pots this weekend, hoping they do sufficiently well to be planted into the garden somewhere, in a year or two (they’re pretty wee, at this point, and likely to be inadvertantly mowed or stepped on). I love “edible landscape”, particularly in hard times. Such things give me a feeling of security and stability, and “good living”, and I definitely benefit from feeling that these days. I can’t do much (or, really, anything) about the crazy terrible bullshit going on in Washington DC, beside simply not succumb to terrible behavior, myself, and I find having “hope” available to see and feel in my day-to-day life makes enduring the bullshit going on elsewhere just a little less fraught with despair. It’s a small thing, this small garden, but the return on my time and effort is huge.

A wee fig sapling, getting a start in a pot.

I sip my coffee grateful for my good fortune, and grateful for my good partnership, my pleasant home, my good job – I know things could be much worse (and that for many many people they very much are). I breathe, exhale, and relax. There are verbs involved, and I have to do my part, but there’s also a large measure of “luck”, “good fortune”, and circumstance that I get value from, and should not take for granted. Circumstances can change. So, I make a point of holding space for gratitude, and this morning’s gray and dreary backdrop to the day is a handy reminder that things could be worse. I sigh quietly to myself. I look fondly at the desk organizer and wee desktop waste recepticle my Traveling Partner made for me, and grin happily to myself. I feel very loved.

…Suddenly I am missing my beloved most ferociously, as if he were very far away, or it had been some long time since we last embraced. lol Strange to love to fiercely, and so enduringly. We are, afterall, just humans being human. My reflection smiles back at me in the window. I am fortunate to be so well-loved.

I’ve got a nice moment on which to begin a new day, right here, now. I look over my email, my task list, my day plan, and remind myself of phone calls I need to make, an appointment I’ve got later in the afternoon, and think briefly about what to do about dinner, although it is too soon to give it much thought. Another sigh. Another smile. Another moment. The clock is ticking, and it’s time to begin again.

I’m feeling sort of tender-hearted and starry-eyed this morning. It’s another pleasant day off and I’ll likely spend quite a lot of it in the garden, which is delightful. The weather is mild and the air smells of Spring flowers and mown lawns. My Traveling Partner made me a really cute 3D printed hydroponic strawberry tower (well, or for any sort of plant that will do well in that planter), and today I’ll wash some hydroponic “rocks” for the medium, check to see if I have “grow plugs” for planting seeds, maybe make a trip to storage with my Traveling Partner for this-or-that that we have, but not immediately on-hand. Fun. I love Spring. I love the way my partner loves me.

I got home from my walk this morning and sat down to do the payday stuff without stress. Nice. Finished that pretty quickly ready to move on to other things. I overlooked a really cool 3D printed image my beloved made for me “for our anniversary” (shit! I didn’t get or give him anything but my love. LOL) He made certain I saw it, and my eye keeps coming back to it, sitting on my desk now. I feel very loved.

Ooh – pretty!

I am delighted with the work he does creatively. He’s a different sort of artist than I am, myself, and I enjoy that so very much! He makes many things for my enjoyment, and to enhance the ease in my life, and the quality of my experience day-to-day. I sometimes feel inadequate doing “little more than” domestic tasks, caregiving, and bringing home a paycheck while he’s still partially disabled. I know that I’m not inadequate at all; and he tells me every day (in words and in actions) how very much he values me – both my efforts and my presence in his life. It’s nice. Good partnership.

I breathe, exhale, and relax, add a few things to my “to-do list” for today. Garden stuff. I’m glad I took the day off for a long weekend. Sure, I certainly “earned it”, but also I need it and I am enjoying it. Good choice. Time well-spent, on love, loving, and gardening. 😀

Speaking of gardening… on my way back into the house yesterday evening from a bit of wandering in the garden with an eye out for weeds and rosebuds, I spotted “a new neighbor”. A wee fancy sort of spider clinging to the siding, munching some other sort of less-than-ideal-to-have-around spider and watching me approach. I delighted in his fancy coloring, and snapped a picture to share with my partner before this wee neighbor hid from view or moved on.

A welcome sort of wee spider.

The clock is ticking. There is an entire day ahead! Flowers to smell, seeds to plant, weeds to pull, moments to enjoy with a partner I adore – an entire life to live – and it’s my own. Wow. I think it’s a good time to begin again.

I’m sipping my coffee and eagerly looking forward to a long weekend. I’m taking a couple days off to enjoy my Traveling Partner’s companionship and love without having anything else to do (like work) to take my attention away from the joy that is this good partnership. 14 years married. 15 years together. Hell, I didn’t live with any previous partner, nor even my parents for 15 years! LOL This is worth celebrating. No plans, just presence. (And maybe some sleeping in?)

I breathe, exhale, and relax, and feel the simmering excitement that is, for me, a characteristic of celebrating just about anything, however small. Spring feels like a time of “renewal”, too, so there’s that. I love that we got married in springtime. Each year, as the flowers bloom all around, it feels like we renew even our love for each other. I like that. I’m grateful for this partnership; it has brought me a long way on this path I’ve chosen, and my Traveling Partner is a man I can count on for wise counsel, deep enduring affection, and honesty. I smile to myself and think “I chose wisely”. I hope he feels the same.

A rather random thought crosses my mind and fills me with a sense of my partner’s love, “he may not care at all about the flowers, but he cares deeply about how much I love my garden”. Perspective on love. I sit with that awhile, feeling both grateful and fortunate. There’s nothing about this that is “deserved” – we both work, every day, at making our love deep and strong and enduring. We earn each other’s respect and affection over and over again. We give each other reason to be grateful to share the journey for as long as we can. Some days I earnestly wish we might have the chance, truly, to live forever – just to enjoy each other longer.

I smile to myself and look out the window onto a beautiful Spring morning. The deer stopped by my garden yesterday and ate my newly planted peppers right to the ground, sampled the beans (they weren’t to her liking, apparently) and moved on. I laughed, frustrated but still merry. There is childlike delight in seeing the deer pass through, and it’s hard to be mad that they also enjoy the taste of my garden. lol I’m glad I made space for a bit more garden on the other side of the house, in a spot the deer can’t really get to at all. My “blue jay friend” who follows me around the garden while I work each year (for the last couple years) has returned to keep me company, too. He takes a position nearby when I’m in the garden, and follows me as I work, from bed to bed, from branch to branch, curious about what I’m up to, and occasionally finding a tasty bug to enjoy as I weed and water. The robins visit the lawn daily, picking bugs from the soft ground after the Anxious Adventurer waters. I love this season for so many reasons. The roses have buds now, and it is a quiet race between “Baby Love” and “Rainbow Happy Trails” to flower first. Something ate the Dahlia tubers, but the primroses are thriving. My garden is a happy sanctuary filled with lessons on resilience, patience, will, effort, love, and making good choices, and it is also a living metaphor I spend considerable time reflecting upon. I feel enriched and fortunate to have even this small garden. I laugh when I think about how many roses I’ve managed to wedge into this small space, each (all but one) thriving. More than anything else, having this small suburban home and wee garden space has contributed to a profound feeling of security in my life, much in the way that my partnership with my Traveling Partner has made me feel secure in my heart. It’s a nice place to be – and I am so grateful.

The clock ticks. The day begins. There are things to do before the long weekend comes. Choices, verbs, and my results may vary. There is no time to waste – each moment is so fleeting – but it is important not to rush them; they only come once. Each moment unique like the butterlies in my garden, and the flowers. Still… it is time to begin again. I should get started. 😀

I left myself a note a short time ago. I had it on my mind, and didn’t want to forget. I had intended to write a blog post on the topic, at some point.

Write about censorship, libraries, intellectual and cognitive liberty, freedom to pursue knowledge, the nature of truth and how “obscenity” is used to control information.

Simple enough. Scary shit, too. I’m not sure what else there really is to say, though. Buy real books. Read “banned” books. (Who gets to tell you what you can or can not read, seriously?) Practice critical thinking – and use that powerful brain you’ve got there. Make a point of buying those real books from independent book sellers, (ideally from some funky-cool local brick and mortar bookstore) while they still exist. Help to keep the printed word alive. See an article about books being removed from shelves, libraries, curricula, for some buzzword-targeted non-reason? (Looking your way “DEI” “critical race theory” and “woke ideology”…) Maybe consider making a point of seeing what the fuss is about for yourself by actually reading some of those challenged books? It’s a thought. Frankly, aren’t you just a little concerned about your access to knowledge being restricted based on someone else’s agenda? (I sure am.)

However many books, however much experience; there is more to learn.

Don’t allow yourself to be told what you can and can not know, or what is “safe” for you – as an adult – to dare to read. Preserve your freedoms and your rights by insisting on them – and making use of them. Visit your local library and make a point of requesting books that you want to read, if you don’t find them there. Encourage your libraries to stock books that are challenged elsewhere. Why the hell not? Your mind is your own – maybe work to keep it that way? Count on librarians to be superheroes in times like these.

I could easily make a case for reading being an essential tool (and skill) for independent thought, critical reasoning skills, and basic success in life. Other’s have already made that argument more skillfully than I could, and based on real expertise. We may not be able to learn everything we need to know from reading, but reading sharpens our ability to process information, and allows us the exposure to knowledge to be able to learn more faster, over time. Reading creates disciplined focus and depth of knowledge. Reading exposes us to other minds, other philosophies and world views, and other voices on the human experience. Don’t let anyone take these things away from you!

I sip my coffee as I write; you’re here reading, now. Take it another step. Google “banned books” – there are lists out there. Google “controversial books in the 21st century” or something as click-bait-y as “the books they don’t want you to read” – there is a world of books and knowledge out there, and truly some of what is available is remarkable and worthwhile. (Some isn’t; another opportunity to exercise those rational faculties, eh?) Books can be costly – find a used book store, or visit the book section of the local thrift store. Do you want to know “what’s really going on” with Ukraine or Palestine? There are so many books on those topics. So many phenomenal authors with notable credibility and depth of knowledge. Do you want to have a better understanding of what is going on with the technologies that seem to be taking over the world? There are books on those topics too. Don’t rely on TikToks and sound bites from talking heads on line. Read actual books. Go deeper.

Your access to knowledge is actually under threat. Don’t give in. Resist. Read books.

A few more finished… a couple new books added to the stack 🙂