Archives for posts with tag: what matters most?
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Waking Up to Love

May 2, 2025 //
0

I’m feeling sort of tender-hearted and starry-eyed this morning. It’s another pleasant day off and I’ll likely spend quite a lot of it in the garden, which is delightful. The weather is mild and the air smells of Spring flowers and mown lawns. My Traveling Partner made me a really cute 3D printed hydroponic strawberry tower (well, or for any sort of plant that will do well in that planter), and today I’ll wash some hydroponic “rocks” for the medium, check to see if I have “grow plugs” for planting seeds, maybe make a trip to storage with my Traveling Partner for this-or-that that we have, but not immediately on-hand. Fun. I love Spring. I love the way my partner loves me.

I got home from my walk this morning and sat down to do the payday stuff without stress. Nice. Finished that pretty quickly ready to move on to other things. I overlooked a really cool 3D printed image my beloved made for me “for our anniversary” (shit! I didn’t get or give him anything but my love. LOL) He made certain I saw it, and my eye keeps coming back to it, sitting on my desk now. I feel very loved.

Ooh – pretty!

I am delighted with the work he does creatively. He’s a different sort of artist than I am, myself, and I enjoy that so very much! He makes many things for my enjoyment, and to enhance the ease in my life, and the quality of my experience day-to-day. I sometimes feel inadequate doing “little more than” domestic tasks, caregiving, and bringing home a paycheck while he’s still partially disabled. I know that I’m not inadequate at all; and he tells me every day (in words and in actions) how very much he values me – both my efforts and my presence in his life. It’s nice. Good partnership.

I breathe, exhale, and relax, add a few things to my “to-do list” for today. Garden stuff. I’m glad I took the day off for a long weekend. Sure, I certainly “earned it”, but also I need it and I am enjoying it. Good choice. Time well-spent, on love, loving, and gardening. 😀

Speaking of gardening… on my way back into the house yesterday evening from a bit of wandering in the garden with an eye out for weeds and rosebuds, I spotted “a new neighbor”. A wee fancy sort of spider clinging to the siding, munching some other sort of less-than-ideal-to-have-around spider and watching me approach. I delighted in his fancy coloring, and snapped a picture to share with my partner before this wee neighbor hid from view or moved on.

A welcome sort of wee spider.

The clock is ticking. There is an entire day ahead! Flowers to smell, seeds to plant, weeds to pull, moments to enjoy with a partner I adore – an entire life to live – and it’s my own. Wow. I think it’s a good time to begin again.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, joy, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Roses, Spring, The Art of Being

Renewal, Spring, Gratitude

April 30, 2025 //
0

I’m sipping my coffee and eagerly looking forward to a long weekend. I’m taking a couple days off to enjoy my Traveling Partner’s companionship and love without having anything else to do (like work) to take my attention away from the joy that is this good partnership. 14 years married. 15 years together. Hell, I didn’t live with any previous partner, nor even my parents for 15 years! LOL This is worth celebrating. No plans, just presence. (And maybe some sleeping in?)

I breathe, exhale, and relax, and feel the simmering excitement that is, for me, a characteristic of celebrating just about anything, however small. Spring feels like a time of “renewal”, too, so there’s that. I love that we got married in springtime. Each year, as the flowers bloom all around, it feels like we renew even our love for each other. I like that. I’m grateful for this partnership; it has brought me a long way on this path I’ve chosen, and my Traveling Partner is a man I can count on for wise counsel, deep enduring affection, and honesty. I smile to myself and think “I chose wisely”. I hope he feels the same.

A rather random thought crosses my mind and fills me with a sense of my partner’s love, “he may not care at all about the flowers, but he cares deeply about how much I love my garden”. Perspective on love. I sit with that awhile, feeling both grateful and fortunate. There’s nothing about this that is “deserved” – we both work, every day, at making our love deep and strong and enduring. We earn each other’s respect and affection over and over again. We give each other reason to be grateful to share the journey for as long as we can. Some days I earnestly wish we might have the chance, truly, to live forever – just to enjoy each other longer.

I smile to myself and look out the window onto a beautiful Spring morning. The deer stopped by my garden yesterday and ate my newly planted peppers right to the ground, sampled the beans (they weren’t to her liking, apparently) and moved on. I laughed, frustrated but still merry. There is childlike delight in seeing the deer pass through, and it’s hard to be mad that they also enjoy the taste of my garden. lol I’m glad I made space for a bit more garden on the other side of the house, in a spot the deer can’t really get to at all. My “blue jay friend” who follows me around the garden while I work each year (for the last couple years) has returned to keep me company, too. He takes a position nearby when I’m in the garden, and follows me as I work, from bed to bed, from branch to branch, curious about what I’m up to, and occasionally finding a tasty bug to enjoy as I weed and water. The robins visit the lawn daily, picking bugs from the soft ground after the Anxious Adventurer waters. I love this season for so many reasons. The roses have buds now, and it is a quiet race between “Baby Love” and “Rainbow Happy Trails” to flower first. Something ate the Dahlia tubers, but the primroses are thriving. My garden is a happy sanctuary filled with lessons on resilience, patience, will, effort, love, and making good choices, and it is also a living metaphor I spend considerable time reflecting upon. I feel enriched and fortunate to have even this small garden. I laugh when I think about how many roses I’ve managed to wedge into this small space, each (all but one) thriving. More than anything else, having this small suburban home and wee garden space has contributed to a profound feeling of security in my life, much in the way that my partnership with my Traveling Partner has made me feel secure in my heart. It’s a nice place to be – and I am so grateful.

The clock ticks. The day begins. There are things to do before the long weekend comes. Choices, verbs, and my results may vary. There is no time to waste – each moment is so fleeting – but it is important not to rush them; they only come once. Each moment unique like the butterlies in my garden, and the flowers. Still… it is time to begin again. I should get started. 😀

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, breathe, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, joy, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, Roses, Spring, The Art of Being

Buy the Book – while you can

April 28, 2025 //
0

I left myself a note a short time ago. I had it on my mind, and didn’t want to forget. I had intended to write a blog post on the topic, at some point.

Write about censorship, libraries, intellectual and cognitive liberty, freedom to pursue knowledge, the nature of truth and how “obscenity” is used to control information.

Simple enough. Scary shit, too. I’m not sure what else there really is to say, though. Buy real books. Read “banned” books. (Who gets to tell you what you can or can not read, seriously?) Practice critical thinking – and use that powerful brain you’ve got there. Make a point of buying those real books from independent book sellers, (ideally from some funky-cool local brick and mortar bookstore) while they still exist. Help to keep the printed word alive. See an article about books being removed from shelves, libraries, curricula, for some buzzword-targeted non-reason? (Looking your way “DEI” “critical race theory” and “woke ideology”…) Maybe consider making a point of seeing what the fuss is about for yourself by actually reading some of those challenged books? It’s a thought. Frankly, aren’t you just a little concerned about your access to knowledge being restricted based on someone else’s agenda? (I sure am.)

However many books, however much experience; there is more to learn.

Don’t allow yourself to be told what you can and can not know, or what is “safe” for you – as an adult – to dare to read. Preserve your freedoms and your rights by insisting on them – and making use of them. Visit your local library and make a point of requesting books that you want to read, if you don’t find them there. Encourage your libraries to stock books that are challenged elsewhere. Why the hell not? Your mind is your own – maybe work to keep it that way? Count on librarians to be superheroes in times like these.

I could easily make a case for reading being an essential tool (and skill) for independent thought, critical reasoning skills, and basic success in life. Other’s have already made that argument more skillfully than I could, and based on real expertise. We may not be able to learn everything we need to know from reading, but reading sharpens our ability to process information, and allows us the exposure to knowledge to be able to learn more faster, over time. Reading creates disciplined focus and depth of knowledge. Reading exposes us to other minds, other philosophies and world views, and other voices on the human experience. Don’t let anyone take these things away from you!

I sip my coffee as I write; you’re here reading, now. Take it another step. Google “banned books” – there are lists out there. Google “controversial books in the 21st century” or something as click-bait-y as “the books they don’t want you to read” – there is a world of books and knowledge out there, and truly some of what is available is remarkable and worthwhile. (Some isn’t; another opportunity to exercise those rational faculties, eh?) Books can be costly – find a used book store, or visit the book section of the local thrift store. Do you want to know “what’s really going on” with Ukraine or Palestine? There are so many books on those topics. So many phenomenal authors with notable credibility and depth of knowledge. Do you want to have a better understanding of what is going on with the technologies that seem to be taking over the world? There are books on those topics too. Don’t rely on TikToks and sound bites from talking heads on line. Read actual books. Go deeper.

Your access to knowledge is actually under threat. Don’t give in. Resist. Read books.

A few more finished… a couple new books added to the stack 🙂
Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories 2024 Election, anger, Anxiety, breathe, Free Will, inspiration, Logic & Reason, meditation, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Practices, The Art of Being, War and News of War

It Builds and Then

April 26, 2025 //
0

I overlooked writing at all yesterday. I mean, to be clear, I “wrote” quite a lot, as a function of the work I do for a paycheck. A lot. What I failed to do was any other sort of writing: introspective, meditative, creative, nothing of that sort. I arrived home from work wholly exhausted, brain fatigued, dragging myself along on pure willpower alone, and the awareness that if I didn’t do this or that task, no one else would either.

… I managed to hold enough in reserve to make dinner…

I’m still tired this morning. My last several nights have been restless and my sleep interrupted and full of nightmares and stressful dreams of failure, futility, and pointlessly chasing unachievable goals. Hell, Elon-fucking-Musk even made an appearance in one of my unpleasant dreams and he was just as big a clueless out-of-touch douchebag in my dream as he is reported to be in life. Bleh. G’damn I hope I sleep better tonight.

I’m in a ferocious amount of pain and filled with resentment at insurers who don’t want to cover long-term services that maintain better quality of life and reduce pain, but without “fixing” anything. My occipital neuralgia flared up some days ago after quite a long time of only dealing with it occasionally; it’s clear that the additional care I had been receiving was actually reducing my pain. “Fuckers,” I snarl quietly, but I don’t know who I am most angry with – my insurance company or the rich assholes who built this stupid entirely profit-focused system. This is a fucking dumb way to approach medicine.

I sigh quietly. Let it go. I’m paying out of pocket for the care I need, today. It’s not a sustainable choice. I can’t do it often, but I definitely need some help managing the pain right now, after three exhausting work weeks that I am happy to put behind me.

Dawn on the marsh

It’s a new day. Boots on, cane in hand, this trail isn’t going to walk itself. For now I’ve got the place all to myself, a treat for my fatigued consciousness. Solitude. No people. No need to speak or hear words. I breathe, exhale, and relax. Today, self-care first. Then, I’ll begin again.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being

Float

April 23, 2025 //
0

Some 15 months ago or so, I drained the hot tub, planning to clean and refill it, which I didn’t do before winter had come. It stood empty quite a long while. Shortly after the Anxious Adventurer moved in back in July, he refilled it and adjusted the chemistry – very promising – only to discover a notable leak. Well, shit. I’ve been without the joy of being immersed in hot water for all this time, and last night after repair work, and tinkering, and cleaning, and filling, and adjusting chemistry, the hot tub was back to fulfill its purpose; being full of hot water. Oh damn that was so nice, just to soak in hot water, floating gently, watching the sky overhead. See, the thing about a bath tub is that the water inevitably begins to cool, a less than ideal outcome. lol

I still woke up crazy stiff and hurting, this morning, lovely moment soaking in the hot tub being a profound pleasure but not a cure for anything. I’m not even annoyed. It’s just part of the experience.

I drove in to the office feeling merry, without regard to the pain I’m in. I stopped at the top of a hill to see a beautiful sight before driving on (I rarely allow myself that luxury).

Mt. Hood, Venus, a crescent moon.

Nice morning for it. I’ll get a walk later. My head aches and I could do with a cup of coffee. It’s a busy day ahead. I work on taking things as they come, this morning, and refrain from reading things into the moment, or anticipating challenges that don’t yet exist. I’m just floating. Present. Observing. Mindful. Enjoying this moment as it is, without demanding that it do or be more than whatever it happens to be, now. Allowing sufficiency to be enough.

strawberry blossoms

I think about dinner, later. I think about my garden, now. Neither of these things are part of my experience of this moment, here. That’s very much part of the challenge, isn’t it? Living “now” doesn’t have to be about hedonistic excess (probably shouldn’t be about that, really), but neither is it “about” the moments and experiences that are presently out of reach. Yearning is not productive. Planning is. How best to find the balance between those things is work in progress, at least for me. I remind myself to make room for other experiences, other lives, other ways, other journeys, while I walk my own path. I breathe, exhale, and relax. (How am I so tired this morning?)

I sip my coffee, finding some amusement in how much I miss my Traveling Partner this morning, and my garden, and the cup of coffee I’d make for myself… simple experiences of profound joy, readily available when I work from home. Things are fine in the office, and there is nothing to complain about. I even have a pleasant view of a lovely Spring morning out this window in front of me. I’m neither content with where I am, nor am I wishing to be elsewhere. I’m just here, living this moment, and it’s fine. I feel fairly positive, and mostly merry, I just hurt and my attempts to avoid that sensation are fatiguing and have the potential to make me cross as the day wears on. I’m restless. Thinking about my garden is preferrable. Thinking about my beloved is uplifting. I end up spending rather a lot of time “in my own head”. No complaints; it has become a pretty pleasant place, generally.

…I’m stalling. There’s an entire day ahead and I have a list of things to get done in these handful of mortal hours. The clock is ticking and it is time to begin, again.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, joy, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »