Archives for the month of: November, 2024

Yesterday was… difficult. My Traveling Partner was in pain after PT the previous day and feeling really uncomfortable and cross with the world. Understandable, and honestly, I generally wouldn’t mention it in any specific way, but the results affected me quite directly. The peace of my morning was quickly wrecked, and before midday I was seriously wondering if I’m even cut out for being in a relationship or enduring cohabitation at all. It was that kind of day.

… Caregiving is hard…

I love (adore) my Traveling Partner with an abiding passion that can be described pretty accurately as “ridiculous”. It makes no damned sense that I love him so. Hard days are hard. Bad moods feel…bad. Hurt feelings hurt. Love isn’t some magical effortless fairytale condition that leaps from eye contact to happily ever after. There are verbs involved. Effort. Real work. Personal growth over time. Compromises and changes. Fucking hell, it’s an unreasonable bit of work involved in deepening and maintaining intimacy, especially under trying circumstances. G’damn it’s worth it though, and most of the time that’s obvious.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. The day ended pretty well, though my beloved was still cross and miserable. We talked over the things that mattered. We sorted some stuff out. We called it a night in a good place with each other, in spite of his continued pain and discomfort. It’s a new day, today. A new chance to begin again. Love is worth the effort we make.

I stare into the foggy autumn darkness. It’s awhile yet until daybreak, but the work day begins pretty soon. I lace up my boots and add gloves and a scarf. It’s chilly this morning. I’ve got my cane and my headlamp. I finish my coffee. It’s time to begin again. Again.

I left the house before dawn, and it was raining pretty steadily. It had been raining through the night. I rarely sleep in, but it’s a day I’ve planned to work from home, so waking up early wasn’t really necessary. I “slept in” 15 minutes, still waking quite early. It’s a habit more than a practice.

It’s raining…skip the walk? No; I value the routine, and it’s time well-spent thinking, meditating, or writing, anyway. “Me time”.  I dress and slip away quietly (I hope).

The life hack? Having a comfortable routine that meets my needs. By the time I reached the trailhead the rain had stopped (at least for now). Hardly seems like much of a “life hack”, but in our high distraction, “everybody wants a piece of me” world, having a healthy routine that meets our own needs is uncommon, and requires a bit of work to refine, establish, and maintain. Worth it, though. I sigh contentedly as I lace up my boots. The pale gray clouds against the night sky separate as they drift onward, revealing the stars. Beautiful. Peaceful.

The practice? Non-attachment! I could have arrived to this place in a drenching downpour, unsuited to an easy morning walk. I’d have had to make choices, what to do with the circumstances and my moment could require a thoughtful change. That’s only frustrating and annoying if I cling to expectations of a specific outcome. Choosing to practice non-attachment and commit only to healthy self-care more generally is so much less stressful than having to cope with disappointment first thing in the morning, almost before I’m completely awake.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Lovely morning for a walk, although the sun hasn’t yet risen, and daybreak is not yet here. I’m okay with that. I pull my headlamp and rain poncho out of my backpack, grateful to be prepared. I’m ready.

Time to begin again.

Sometimes we get lucky. It’s that simple. This morning I was tremendously fortunate. Lucky. Circumstances were in my favor. I’m sitting with my gratitude, because it could have gone quite differently.

The unseen pickup truck that pulled out from a side street, speeding to cross the busy state highway during a rainy morning rush hour was close – so close. I had only seconds of reaction time, not enough for actual decision making, and barely enough to respond. I took my foot off the gas pedal, swerved right, around and behind the truck, into the street he turned out from, his lights off in the darkness, and then I turned back onto the highway on the other side as he pulled away. It was one smooth motion, no harm done, although I was startled and briefly angry with the other driver’s poor decision making on a rainy morning. No commute is worth dying for.

I drove on to the trailhead as the rain beat down on the car, and the traffic churned up the water on the road into a fine dense mist. I could have been terribly injured or worse this morning. I wasn’t. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I’m grateful for my good fortune. I reflect on my good fortune as I lace up my boots. The rain has slowed to a drizzle and although it’s wet and dark, I’ll manage to get a walk before work. Truly, I am fortunate.

I breathe the rain-fresh autumn air and smile, as I step onto the trail. I am grateful for the new day, and the chance to begin again.

I got to the trailhead still seething with irritation. I didn’t sleep well. It’s raining, too, hard enough to discourage walking the marsh trail. I sit with my thoughts and my discontent awhile.

…Short work week and already off to a bad start. Shit…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I work on letting small shit stay small. I remind myself that taking someone else’s emotional bullshit personally is counter productive – and also not necessary. I practice non-attachment, and letting all that go. I pull myself into this quiet calm moment, present with (and for) myself.

I remind myself that the “hard start” to the morning doesn’t have to become the whole day.

Another breath. A moment of perspective. An opportunity to reflect in a still, solitary moment. A chance to begin again. It’s enough.

… Let’s see where this path leads…

It’s a blustery unexpectedly mild morning after a night of steady rain, autumn in the Pacific Northwest. It’s Veteran’s Day, too, and although it is a Monday, I’m off work. The silhouetted trees sway against the gray sky in the pre-dawn darkness. It’ll be a little while longer until daybreak comes, and I’m in no hurry.

It’s been a good weekend thus far, and it’s a good moment now. Later, I’ll get some housework done, and maybe watch some anime with my Traveling Partner, if he’s not out in the shop with the new lathe. I smile in the darkness; good choice of birthday gift, and it’s good to see my partner on his feet and in the shop doing things. He’s still got quite a way to go recovery-wise, after his injury, and his surgery, but he’s getting there. I can’t walk that path for him, I can only walk my own alongside him.

The cars woosh by on the wet highway, beyond the trailhead parking. I sit quietly with my thoughts, enjoying the moment. It’s not fancy or particularly special, but it’s mine. I’m grateful for the mild morning, although I’m in tremendous pain in spite of the somewhat warmer temperature. I’ve spent autumn and winter in pain since about 1986 I guess? Something like that. This past couple of years it’s been all year, off and on, and this year so far more painful days than not. While that does generally suck, there’s not that much more I can do about it, without profoundly increasing my risk of addiction or substance abuse, or related bad outcomes, so I endure and do what I can.

One of the most important practices for enduring the pain I live with, without losing myself to it completely, is being present. Sounds simple, but takes a lot of practice. It’s easy to end up focusing on the pain itself instead of acknowledging it, doing what I can, and moving on to other elements of my experience in the moment. My results vary, but it’s definitely better than being mired in the pain of my arthritis and my headaches. So I sit in the stillness and quiet of a morning, listening to the traffic, and observing the lights of businesses and houses beyond the fields on the other side of the highway. I breathe, exhale, and relax, watching the sky slowly lighten as daybreak approaches on the eastern horizon. I write, meditate, and reflect. I enjoy the moment as it is, without giving much thought to the pain; it’s just one detail of many. Is it a perfect solution? Nope. Is it a cure? Not even a little bit. It’s just better than letting the pain become my world.

Daybreak at last. I hear the geese waking up on the marsh. I lace up my boots and grab my cane. One step at a time, I walk my path, and it’s time to begin (again).