Archives for category: gratitude
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Try Not to Be An Asshole

September 12, 2024 //
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I get it. Stress. Pain. Feeling mistreated. Angry with circumstances or people. Overwhelmed by too much to do and too few hours to get shit done. Life can be damned difficult and emotions can be complicated and hard to manage. Still though, do your best to be the person you most want to be, and just fucking try not to be an asshole. I’m saying it to you, sure, and I am also saying it to me.

Everyone has their challenges. Some people struggle with pain while they struggle with everything else going on. Some people struggle to make ends meet or to provide for their family. Some people struggle with existential angst or trauma. There’s a long list of human struggles. Do your day-to-day best to be kind, agreeable, pleasant, considerate, respectful, encouraging and open with people. Yes, you. Yes, in spite of whatever you are going through.

There are people who care about you and want to help. Treat them with gratitude and appreciation, and avoid being a complete shithead even though you are in pain or frustrated or angry. Do your best to avoid destroying the good relationships you have. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m definitely not accusing you of “doing it on purpose” – hell, I don’t know you, and maybe you are doing your best. Apologize when you hurt someone. It won’t repair the damage you’ve done, but it will at least signal your good intentions.

Remember to assume positive intent. You may be dealing with a ton of complicated shit, a lot of pain, or chaos, and it may be completely understandable that you’re having a tough time. The people around you have their own challenges and pain, themselves. Try to be mindful that they are also doing their very human best. Given a chance, they might even understand what you’re going through. Their results will vary – so will yours. Avoid burning bridges you don’t have the time or ability to repair.

… Try to remember that someone else’s experience may not be anything at all about you (quite a lot of stuff just isn’t about you at all)…

Practice being the person you most want to be. Do your best to live your values with stoic discipline and dedication – because these define you – and when you fail (and you will), begin again. Don’t take other people’s bullshit personally, and do your best not to inflict your worst on the world. Your words and actions have real consequences, even when you “didn’t mean to…”.

… You already know all this. So do I. Do your best. Keep practicing. When you fail, begin again.

… And, oh, yeah…if you think none of this applies to you…? (Maybe you think your words, actions, and behavior are entirely reasonable and justified?) You’re probably exactly who needs to hear this the most. Don’t be an asshole – you can be someone better than that. You’re making choices. Choose wisely.

The journey is the destination.
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Categories Allegories, anger, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, grief, health, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Practicing

September 11, 2024 //
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There was a misty rain falling when I got to the trailhead before daybreak. I don’t mind that. It had rained rather heavily at several points during the night, too, and I didn’t mind that either. My sleep was restless and unsatisfying, and I didn’t get enough of it. The household seemed noisy until almost midnight. I struggled to return to sleep each time I woke. I feel fine this morning. Eager to get a walk in along the damp marsh-side trail. It’s a short drive to the office from this nature park, and that’s where I’ll be working today. In general, the day is off to a good start, though seeing it through that lens is largely a matter of practice over time. (It wasn’t all that long ago that a restless night followed by a drizzly morning would likely have found me exceedingly irritated with life and wholly unpleasant to be around.)

…I keep practicing…

A rainy dawn, a new day.

Daybreak comes and I swap my shoes for boots, and grab my cane. I finish off my iced coffee and double check that I have my water bottle ready. I breathe the rain-fresh air and sigh contentedly, stretching before I head down the trail.

Practices come in all sizes. Changing the things I practice in life has done a lot to change my quality of life, my thinking, and my perspective. I’m more resilient. I am calmer. I bounce back from stress more easily and more quickly. I still have challenges. I still have to deal with my own bullshit and baggage. I’m very human. Trauma has changed me over the course of a lifetime and there’s no knowing who I might have been without it. There’s no “going back” – but it hardly matters when I remember that all my choices are ahead of me when I am present in this moment, awake, aware, and ready to begin again any time I fail myself or fall short of living my values. Failures are part of life.

I smile at the cloudy gray sky thinking about how best to capture those hues in pastel. This is a worthy moment to be here, now, and I embrace it. I breathe, exhale, relax, and begin again.

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Categories Allegories, anger, Anxiety, art and the artist, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Sleepless Nights, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being

Cosmic Joke

September 10, 2024 //
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I may be losing my hearing. I’m also still very “sound sensitive”. This seems like an incredibly cruel prank, and it’s hard to find the humor in it…but…I’m betting it’s there, somewhere, because this shit is too stupid, annoying, and also all too fucking real to be tragic, and I’m sick of it already. Irrelevant to the present moment, aside from the high-pitched whine and “static” in my ears all the time. (It seems much louder than it once was.) My Traveling Partner reminded me recently that it could be a byproduct of one or more of the medications I take. That’s it’s own annoying thing.

This morning is fine, though. I sigh and let go of my annoyance over the tinnitus and breathe. I woke on time, thought about resetting my alarm and sleeping longer, but wakefulness overtook me as quickly as the thought formed. The mild fever (probably caused by one of the vaccines I got on Sunday) that sent me to bed so early yesterday seemed to have broken during the second half of the night, sometime. I woke damp with sweat but feeling generally okay. It’s a new day.

Waiting for the sun.

New morning. New day. New opportunity to begin again. I breathe, exhale, and relax. The hint of chill in the air suggests a warm fleece and I am grateful to have left mine in the car. I put it on and feel more comfortable. I sit with my thoughts, waiting on the sunrise. Short walk today, maybe. I consider my energy level and the likely demands of the workday ahead. It was a good choice to take yesterday off. I definitely needed the rest.

I sit for a moment, quietly, wondering what I need today?

I take my morning meds, and sip my coffee. Cosmic jokes aside, it’s an ordinary day, likely to be filled with ordinary moments. I think about dinner, later… Can I reserve enough energy to cook a proper meal? I’d very much like to. There are so many careful choices to make between now and then, if that’s to be a thing. (When did it become so complicated?)

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Daybreak comes and I can see the trail sufficiently well to walk it (at least along the edge of the meadow and the vineyard), by the time I get to the denser trees along the creek bank, it’ll be past sunrise. I chuckle to myself; none of this requires planning or additional thought, this is a familiar trail, and a familiar experience. I only need to do the verbs. I change from my soft shoes to my boots and prepare to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Practices, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being

Enjoying the W

September 9, 2024 //
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I try to make a point of taking the wins where they come. Was my Traveling Partner sometimes cross with me, or with circumstances today? Sure. That’s even reasonable, considering the circumstances, and after all – he is having his own experience. But, the day was lovely, the appointment went well (for most values of going well) and it was a pleasant day for a drive together.

Later, after we got home, I settled down to paint, which was wholly satisfying and joyful. My Traveling Partner and the Anxious Adventurer sat down together with a project that lasted the day. It looked like they were having a great time. I smile as I think about it.

A short while after I cleaned up my work area at the dining table, I started feeling pretty seriously “under the weather”. What the hell? Oh. Right. Sunday I got my flu, COVID, and shingles vaccinations. I’m paying for it now, but grateful for the medical technology that will likely keep me well. Certainly reduces my risk a lot. I soothed my aching body with OTC remedies, drank plenty of water, and crashed. I slept deeply until…well, until I woke.

The house is quiet and dark. The world seems to sleep. I sit up for a few lovely quiet moments of gratitude. Worth taking the time. Soon I’ll go back to sleep. Tomorrow, I can begin again.

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Categories Allegories, art and the artist, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being

Adventures in Caregiving

September 9, 2024 //
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I’m sitting quietly, waiting for the sun.. short walk today and then hurrying home. It’s an important appointment day for my Traveling Partner and I took the day off. No time pressure beyond leaving on time.

I’m sitting comfortably in my partner’s pick-up truck, instead of cozily in my Mazda. I feel safe and it’s an interesting shift in perspective. I took the truck to more efficiently prepare for the hour long drive a little later; I filled the gas tank and cleaned the windows. The Mazda’s stiff sporty suspension makes for an uncomfortable ride for someone with an injury. I won’t make that mistake again!

Breathe, exhale, relax.

Today is 100% about getting my Traveling Partner where he needs to go and taking care of his needs. Once we’ve returned home, I can take care of mine. I took the entire day off in part because yesterday afternoon was so much intense manual labor (moving all the furniture around in the bedroom for more efficient use of the space, at my Traveling Partner’s request), I was just too exhausted to face starting the work week after also hustling to get to and from the appointment in the morning. I’m just not up to it, and I need more time to take care of myself, too.

Today though…an opportunity to demonstrate love and provide care. This is sometimes difficult shit. Injured (or sick) people are often not their best selves. The demands can be substantial and difficult to meet satisfactorily. It’s complicated. Am I up to the challenge? Today I am hoping to avoid taking small moments of discord personally. I’m committed to being pleasant, agreeable and available to support my partner. I’m hoping to avoid being a bitch about… anything, really, but most particularly the basic care my partner truly needs and which I committed to providing. It’s hard sometimes. It’s a lot. It’s okay; this too will pass.

So, a new day begins with a new sunrise. I’ll walk a familiar trail – and follow my path with care and love and willing to begin again, as often as I must. Probably won’t be a perfect effort; I’m not a perfect person. My results vary. I have choices. I hope to make wise ones.

…I remind myself to breathe…

It’s time to begin again.

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Categories Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Summer, The Art of Being, The Big 5
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