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The What and The Where

June 14, 2025 //
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I spent my walk this morning mostly thinking about my upcoming camping trip, packing the car in my head. Take this? Take that? What about this piece of gear instead of that one? Can I carry all of this down the trail to my campsite? How many trips will it take to make that work?

… My reserved site is 1/2 mile from the parking. lol I’m 62, not as fit as I’d like to be, and I’ve got some mobility limitations that will require me to walk the trail with my cane in one hand, reducing the amount of gear I can realistically carry in any single trip down that trail reliably…

It’s like an elaborate puzzle every time I camp. New location, new site, new scenario. I noticed my face hurting as I walked with my thoughts. It hurt from smiling so hard. I look forward to the planning puzzle almost as much as I look forward to the actual camping. 😂

The cloudy cool morning reminds me to pack a cold weather layer in case of cooler than forecasted weather.

I go over my list in my head again, testing my memory for the details and trying to catch myself overlooking an important piece of gear. I laugh off items I have reliably packed in the past, and reliably never needed. As the years wear on, I am more mindful of my physical limitations and inclined to pack with greater care, and also to avoid over-packing; I don’t need to bring what I know I can’t carry.

… Knowledge is having a detailed awareness of the gear available to me. Wisdom is not taking a heavy solar powered refrigerator on a trip that requires a long walk to the campsite. 😆 …

I’m not sharing these thoughts because you need them for a camping trip. It’s more that the basic “lessons” apply to other situations that are similar in some way. There’s a metaphor buried in this casual sharing. Real life can get really real, and being prepared is helpful. Being over prepared potentially not so much, it could just be more to carry, and a waste of resources or intention. How we visualize upcoming events can be a helpful means of preparing, or an impediment that sets us up for failure by inflating our sense of capacity and ability, or by blowing our anxiety and our concerns out of proportion to the anticipated events. I try to be realistic, but also very positive and encouraging. I think of favorite anime characters overcoming great obstacles and growing stronger and seek to do so myself on a somewhat smaller (less fantastical) scale in my own life.

I grin to myself as I change my boots for soft shoes after my walk. Comfort matters, too. Reality is not what we remember, nor what we imagine; it is what it is. I laugh at myself; however skillful my planning and preparation for a camping trip is, I nearly always forget something. All this planning ideally results in whatever I end up forgetting having very little importance. 😂 That’s a great outcome! I went out once having forgotten my bee sting kit (and there were bees) and my coffee (and omg are you fucking kidding me??) and ended my trip early over it. No coffee?! No camping. Non-negotiable, I know my limits. LOL

I look out across the meadow. Nice morning. I look over my shopping list, inhale, exhale, and relax, sighing deeply. Contentment feels good. Still, the clock is ticking, and it’s time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, inspiration, joy, Logic & Reason, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Practices, solo hiking, Summer, The Art of Being

Resilience and Preparedness

April 6, 2025 //
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I’m sitting at the halfway point on my walk around the marsh on a Spring morning, early. The air is deliciously fragrant with Spring flowers after a gentle rain during the wee hours. The trail is damp, but not muddy. The sky is gray, but there’s a hint of sunrise on the eastern horizon. There are geese overhead calling to each other as they fly by.

An early start on a new day.

I woke feeling rested and clear-headed this morning, if a bit earlier than planned. It doesn’t matter, really. It’s a lovely morning out on the marsh. Flowers blooming everywhere, trees and shrubs mostly, other flowers will bloom later.

I notice I’m suddenly feeling “froggy” and congested. My nose is simultaneously stuffed up and beginning to run like crazy. I scramble for the travel pack of tissues I had shoved into my pocket “just in case”. The sneezing hits me next. Damn it. An allergy attack? Probably. It’s Spring, and while I am quite fortunate that I don’t have the serious problem with allergies that my mother had, nor those of any of my partners, I do have one or two. Bee stings. Cotton wood trees. And whatever the fuck is blooming right now, apparently, that wasn’t blooming yesterday! I would laugh, but I’m pretty busy trying to breathe for several minutes while I blow my nose, clear my throat, and take a Benadryl. I remind myself to start taking Claritin each morning; it’s that time of year. I remind myself to begin making a point to keep my bee sting kit close by, always, too.

Being prepared matters quite a lot. My symptoms quickly ease, and I’m comfortably enjoying the morning again. Indications of Spring are all around. I especially enjoy the green haze creeping over every branch, as tender young leaves begin to unfold. It’s a beautiful time and it hints at renewal and new beginnings. For the moment I forget about pain (and allergies), and all the housekeeping stuff on my to do list, and instead I simply enjoy the moment, and the Spring. I think about my garden, and about maybe baking some cookies later. Simple pleasures. Nice morning for it.

I’m grateful that I began the day prepared. I’m grateful that I’ve become more skilled at self-care over time. I’m grateful for the awareness that brings Spring into focus, and that allows me to recognize needs that must be addressed promptly without panic. I’m grateful for this beautiful dawn, and this lovely moment, and this chance to begin again.

Even in springtime, the clock is ticking.

I get to my feet, and brush bits of leaves and moss from my jeans, before continuing down the trail. My journey is my destination, this morning, and it is enough.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, health, joy, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Practices, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being

Pain, Vertigo, Errands to Run

December 21, 2024 //
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It’s the day of Winter Solstice. Happy Solstice.

I woke during the night, and it was the strangest thing. I turned over, and the vertigo that washed over me woke me abruptly. I thought it was near time to wake up anyway, so I laid still and quiet, and quite straight and flat on my back, waiting for the vertigo to pass. Once it did, which seemed rather a long while later, awake in the darkness, I checked the time. 02:55. Definitely not time to get up. I made myself more comfortable and went back to sleep. There was a Billy Joel song stuck in my head, which seemed peculiar enough to wonder why, as I drifted off to sleep.

I woke again later, properly time to get up and head for the trail. My vertigo spun my senses as I tried to orient myself. Damn it, why now? It passes and I sit up, aware of the intensity of the pain in my neck and back. Rough. I’m feeling pretty fucking mortal this morning and find myself worrying about making things as easy as possible on my Traveling Partner should my mortality catch up with me unexpectedly… Time to focus on paying off debts and fattening up savings and having things properly in order… But… For fucks sake isn’t it always time for those things? I sigh quietly and get up. I’ve got shit to do, and the morning begins here, now.

My day begins in earnest with the kitchen sink backing up first thing. What the absolute fuck?! Are you kidding me with this shit?! I snarl quietly to myself, aggravated with someone’s carelessness. Eggshells jammed into the drain, but not down into the disposal, and the strainer cup placed over those, so it wasn’t evident that they were there. Of course they didn’t go through the disposal that way. G’damn it. I try so hard to be quiet in the morning but I definitely can’t walk away with the fucking sink backed up. I roll up my sleeves and clear the clog. So gross. First fucking thing in the morning, too; I’m barely fucking awake and I’m not ready for this bullshit. Fixed. I wash my hands and head out, still annoyed.

The drive to the trailhead is quiet and pleasant. By the time I get parked I’m over being mad about the sink, but I definitely wish the Anxious Adventurer would take a little more basic care moment to moment, particularly in the fucking kitchen and in the shop. That kind of careless bullshit gets shit broken, or gets people hurt, or creates risk of injury or food-born illness. It’s too easy to get it right. It irritates me that he makes extra work for me so often. (I know he doesn’t mean to.) I sigh quietly. It begins to rain. My tinnitus is loud in my ears. My neck and back ache ferociously, a column of pain rising from my waist to the base of my skull. Fuck pain. I don’t feel much like walking in a drizzle in the pre-dawn darkness, uncertain whether my vertigo may flare up again, so I meditate, and write a bit, and wait for a break in the rain.

I’ve a couple errands to run for my Traveling Partner this morning, and think about stopping in town for a quiet coffee and a visit to the art supply store… No reason, really, it just sounds fun and satisfying. It’s a nice day to do something for myself, too.

The rain continues to fall. I listen to the raindrops on the car roof and sit quietly with my thoughts until it’s time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, art and the artist, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, winter

A Life Hack and A Practice

November 14, 2024 //
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I left the house before dawn, and it was raining pretty steadily. It had been raining through the night. I rarely sleep in, but it’s a day I’ve planned to work from home, so waking up early wasn’t really necessary. I “slept in” 15 minutes, still waking quite early. It’s a habit more than a practice.

It’s raining…skip the walk? No; I value the routine, and it’s time well-spent thinking, meditating, or writing, anyway. “Me time”.  I dress and slip away quietly (I hope).

The life hack? Having a comfortable routine that meets my needs. By the time I reached the trailhead the rain had stopped (at least for now). Hardly seems like much of a “life hack”, but in our high distraction, “everybody wants a piece of me” world, having a healthy routine that meets our own needs is uncommon, and requires a bit of work to refine, establish, and maintain. Worth it, though. I sigh contentedly as I lace up my boots. The pale gray clouds against the night sky separate as they drift onward, revealing the stars. Beautiful. Peaceful.

The practice? Non-attachment! I could have arrived to this place in a drenching downpour, unsuited to an easy morning walk. I’d have had to make choices, what to do with the circumstances and my moment could require a thoughtful change. That’s only frustrating and annoying if I cling to expectations of a specific outcome. Choosing to practice non-attachment and commit only to healthy self-care more generally is so much less stressful than having to cope with disappointment first thing in the morning, almost before I’m completely awake.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Lovely morning for a walk, although the sun hasn’t yet risen, and daybreak is not yet here. I’m okay with that. I pull my headlamp and rain poncho out of my backpack, grateful to be prepared. I’m ready.

Time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, The Art of Being, weight loss secrets

Other Lessons

May 22, 2024 //
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I’m sipping my coffee wrapped in the warmth of my car, parked at my campsite. Cheating? Sure, if you think so. I consider it more… resourceful? A stopgap measure after a night of chilly rain.

I lost a warm layer to a midnight walk to the restroom during the rain; my heavy favorite baggy sweater got damp, and putting it back on before it dries would be foolish (and not at all helpful for being warm). That one less warm layer is the difference between being comfortable by the FireCan at 50°F (about 10° C, so only chilly not “cold”), and.. not being comfortable. lol

Coffee goes cold fast on a chilly morning outside.

…So, I got into the car, started it up, and now I’m drinking my coffee and warming up a bit. At least right now, everything is still quite soggy and chilly, after the night of rain, but I stayed dry in my tent (a waterproof tent really matters) and wisely put anything that needed to be kept dry into the car when it first began sprinkling. Smart. Well… maybe. I have help; my Traveling Partner has stayed in touch and reminded me that the solar panels are not waterproof, which put my attention generally on such things when the time came. lol Is that cheating? Nope. Resourceful. (imo)

…This is a damned good cup of coffee. I smile and think fondly of my Traveling Partner. He’s the one who nagged me to live better when I camp, and to cook real food, and brew freshly ground coffee. Without his influence, I’d be drinking instant coffee and eating hot meals out of a bag that moments before looked like kibble. lol He’s right, this is better, even when the “cooking” is a salad and a grilled cheese, or a hot dog cooked over a campfire.

A great many of life’s most worthy lessons come packaged in some hardship, big or small. Logistical resources and the help (or advice, or encouragement) of friends really matter – and really count among our assets in trying times. Don’t be too proud to “get in the car and warm up”, when the situation calls for it! Taking care of yourself is not a “cheat”. It’s self-care.

In the quiet of the car, my tinnitus seems really loud. Perspective. I look up at the cloudy sky through the sunroof of the car. I pause to appreciate that it isn’t raining. In this cool cloudy weather, my little camp likely won’t dry out without my help. I grin, feeling thankful for my Traveling Partner’s thoughtful gift; a towel (printed as the character Towelie). I laugh. Good advice, “don’t forget to bring a towel!”

…My sweater, spread out over the passenger side headrest while I warm up in the car, is almost dry. Smart use of resources. I’m glad I had a way to dry it quickly.  😀

…After I finish my coffee, I’ll dry things off in my camp, too, and begin again…

Spring flowers weighed down by the rain during the night.
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Categories Allegories, breathe, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Practices, Spring, The Art of Being
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