Archives for posts with tag: choose wisely
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

From Another Perspective

March 16, 2026 //
0

Relationships matter [to human primates], and because they do matter, we become attached. Attached to individuals. Attached to our own expectations and assumptions. Attached to outcomes. Attached to ideas about people and about feelings about people.

Our attachments become entanglements, sticky snares of emotion, and sometimes heartbreak. Human is (emotionally) messy. We become what we practice, as individuals. We have no control over what others practice, nor over who they choose to become.

Relationships are complicated.

I’ve experienced a few things in life (and love), too many to list off the top of my head, and somehow there’s still more to learn. I ended my evening last night thinking about experience and life and love, and how fucking complicated all that is by itself…then layer on the additional complications of the other person’s experience, and what they mean to us, and whatever challenges circumstances may contribute (mental health, chronic pain, medications needed to treat this or that condition, still other relationships, it’s a long and varied list)… it’s almost miraculous anyone ever maintains a relationship with another individual longer than it takes to go “oh, hell no”. It’s a lot to take sometimes. We do it because we are social creatures, and we do it because it feels so good to “get it right”.

It’s tricky. People struggle and suffer, and sometimes the solutions that are available to ease some particular bit of suffering (for example, medication to manage ADHD, or depression, or pain) can really complicate a relationship. People often “don’t seem themselves” until they get their medication just right. Sometimes the person they become, and may be happy to be, isn’t who we want to be with. It’s not a “right or wrong” discussion, it is more complicated than that.

I’m fortunate that my Traveling Partner is very open with me when he has the hard work of new meds in front of him. I do my best to support him through such things as he has reliably done for me, more than once (and is doing presently). I know it’s not easy.

Inconveniently, this time around we’re going through it together, while we each have our own experience of “the new meds journey”. We’ve been through it before. It is perhaps my least favorite experience in a relationship, and I am deeply grateful and appreciative that we communicate openly with each other; every change, every adjustment, and the details of our subjective lived experience get shared. No surprises, aside from the very real effects of the medications themselves, initially. Could be worse. Not my favorite bit of any relationship, but I’m not also having to deal with mysterious bullshit stemming from poor communication.

I get to the trail with my head full of thoughts. I’m okay. I’m pretty well settled on the new medication that is managing so much of my pain, so much better. A larger portion of my chronic pain is neuropathic than I had previously understood. It was a good choice to change my medication.

I take a deep breath and blow it out as a heavy sigh. I write a few words before I start down the trail, hoping to let it all go and take my walk, present in this moment, awake and aware, comfortable in my own skin and unbothered. It’s time to walk on. It’s time to reflect on impermanence. It’s time to practice non-attachment. It’s time for meditation and self-reflection. It’s time to begin again.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, Anxiety, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being, The Big 5, Uncategorized, Words

Change Is, and It’s Always Just Ahead

March 15, 2026 //
0

I finally get to my halfway point. Daybreak has come. It’s a gray wintry looking (but quite mild) morning. The marsh is marshy. The recent heavy rain (for days) makes the trails soggy. Even on the well maintained all season trail, my steps squish as I walk. Low spots are flooded.

There’s some potentially tedious bitching ahead, I warn you now. If that’s not amusing or interesting or potentially useful, skip down to the picture. 😂

My trek this morning takes longer than usual. I stop frequently to exchange messages with my Traveling Partner who is aggravated by the Anxious Adventurer’s behavior and general approach to life, again. They share blood as father and son, but not values. It makes comfortable cohabitation difficult and creates a lot of unnecessary drama. I’ll be glad to see the Anxious Adventurer move out, although I’m legitimately sorry he didn’t find a suitable living arrangement somewhere locally. He seems to like the area, but he does not have the will to put in the effort to find something around here, and the “easy options” are too costly. He doesn’t communicate sufficiently well to make use of available resources to open the door to other options, either.

…It is emotionally exhausting to help him with anything…

In two years, this situation has not improved much and the living arrangement is coming to an end for that reason. It could have worked. It didn’t. There were choices involved, and consequences are what they are. I’m very much looking forward to having my own bathroom again, and enough space to paint comfortably, to read quietly, and enjoy a home life that does not include conversations with someone who is walking away mumbling or shouting from another room. I probably sound like I’m being a bit bitchy, but just keeping things real, it’s my fucking house. I’ve set clear expectations and provided a lot of gentle feedback and reinforcement, without success, and have zero interest in parenting a grown man.

Choices have consequences.

Change is. Choose wisely.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Other People’s Drama can so easily pull us in, especially when it’s people dear to us. Relationships are a huge part of the human experience, maybe the most important part. Building healthy relationships is easier with shared values. Open communication is helpful, and I personally think it is quite necessary.

I swing my feet from this fence rail, watching robins digging in the soggy rotting leaf litter for tasty bugs. I’m grateful for the exceptional relationship I have with my Traveling Partner. I’m grateful we’ve both been willing to put ourselves into making it work when circumstances could have pulled us apart. I’m grateful that we’ve each had the reservoir of resilience and abiding love to weather the storms of being so very human. We listen to each other and work together. We clarify misunderstandings and share who we are as we change and grow over time. Our love is deep and our conversations are meaningful. We’re friends first, and lovers, and partners. I sit with my gratitude. 16 years ago, this friendship began to change my life. I’m grateful we’ve shared the journey for so long and I hope we continue to do so for some lengthy indefinite measure of time…call it a lifetime. Whatever we’ve got left. It’s enough. 😄❤️

I sigh to myself. The chaos of moving things around again is a minor aggravation and that moment is not now. I let it go and pull my attention back to this moment. It is a gray Spring morning in the Pacific Northwest. The squirrels have decided I’m no threat and they play among the meadow grass and in the trees. I’m having brunch with the Chaotic Comic this morning. I’ll enjoy this moment awhile longer, and then I’ll begin again. It’s time for change. I’m okay with that, I could see it coming. 😁

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being, The Big 5, Words

The Sand in My Oyster

March 10, 2026 //
0

How’s that for an image? It is a useful metaphor for some of life’s irritating experiences, though. A small detail (like a grain of sand) might be nothing in the greater cosmic whole, but for an oyster it’s an irritant so profound it may feel injurious. What to do? Well…an oyster transforms that small persistent irritation into something profoundly beautiful – a pearl.

I sit at my halfway point reflecting on that idea.

I’m enjoying my Traveling Partner greatly of late, even more so than usual. Feels like we’re “on to something”. I’m looking forward to the Anxious Adventurer moving on to his own next adventure, elsewhere. Just saying, he’s a generally well-intentioned guy with a good heart, but a poor fit for cohabitation (with us). He has a lot of self-work yet to do, and needs time and space to do it (if he embraces that work at all), and no one can do it for him. I get it. I also don’t choose to create a soft landing for him if he chooses not to grow and mature. As my Traveling Partner himself has said, “I want my life back”.

I remind myself to get his move out plan. I need to make plans myself, most especially if he’s going to need any help (at all). It’s time.

G’damn, I’m so glad my beloved Traveling Partner has made so much good use of his recovery time.

I watch the dawn lighten the sky. I think about sand and pearls. I think about beginnings. I think about how easily people waste their time and opportunities, minutes and hours trickling away on some app when they could be living their lives. That’s a choice.

… Choose wisely…

I sometimes find myself frustrated by “fellow travelers” unwilling to do the needful. There are verbs involved. There is no instant win. No shortcuts. Just verbs, practices, and moments. We are each having our own experience. Personally, I think I like pearls enough to do that work of transformation.

Where does this path lead?

I watch the dawn becoming day. Soon, I’ll begin again.

Tags , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being, The Big 5, Words

Nuance and Subtlety

March 9, 2026 //
0

Chilly morning. It’s not seriously cold, but at 4.4C (40F), I definitely feel the air as chilly this morning. The morning feels darker than it has been at this time of morning. (Time for America’s idiotic attempt to force daylight to follow a new schedule. Ridiculous.)  None of this matters much. I’m rested, more or less over my cold, and feeling merry.

It’s Monday.

I started down the trail in the darkness, the light from my headlamp bobbing along with the steady beat of my footsteps. The feeling of merriment percolates within me. A new day is ahead of me and I feel loved and encouraged, which is a great way to begin a day (and a week).

There’s a new (muddy) temporary detour on this trail due to construction (and agriculture). I step carefully, avoiding slipping or falling. I’m grateful I knew the detour would be where it is. Unexpected muddy detours in the darkness are a more serious hazard than those detours I know to expect. This is true in life as well.

As I walk I think ahead to coffee. I pull myself back to this moment here, and immediately find myself reflecting on the weekend. I pull my focus back to this moment, again, and walk on. Eventually I reach my halfway point and write a few words with stiff fingers. Chilly morning. I’m okay with it.

… and if I weren’t okay with it? What then? 😆

I reflect awhile on the challenge of finding balance between simply being and self-awareness. I watched an interesting (and deeply considered) video about self-awareness yesterday. It provided food for thought and a lot of nuance to something I hadn’t considered so deeply before, myself.  I’ll probably watch it again.

Daybreak finally touches the sky. I can make out the trail now, without my headlamp. A useful metaphor for life and experience, I suppose. I smile to myself and prepare to begin again.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, Anxiety, art and the artist, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, inspiration, Logic & Reason, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being, Words

A Peaceful Indulgence

March 8, 2026 //
0

This morning I slept in, even accounting for the change to Daylight Savings Time, and in spite of this head cold, which is much better today.

Spring comes to the marsh and meadow, and the oaks on the hillside.

I get to the trailhead equipped with new boots and a smile that feels too big for this moment. I’m enjoying the glow of being so deeply loved, and the recollection of a leisurely coffee with my Traveling Partner this morning. It was quite delightful. Right now, nothing matters more.

Where do you find your peace? How do you restore your resilience when it’s tested? How do you recharge your batteries? Are you doing enough of those things to feel well and whole and reliably content? Just questions I asked myself on the way down the path – many times over the years, actually – and they reverberate through my consciousness as my steps took me down the trail this morning. Lovely morning for it.

… Right now, feeling wrapped in love and filled with contentment and gratitude, I am as happy as I have ever been. This is a happy moment. I marveled at it as my steps crunched down the trail, cane in hand, smiling. This is a truly wonderful feeling. I savor this feeling and the moments that lead me here this morning. I chuckle to myself happily; I feel safe from self-sabotage, because I’m also comfortably aware that “this too will pass”. Moments are fleeting, and it’s best to enjoy them without getting attached. 😁

I breathe, exhale, and relax. No coughing. I think I’m getting past the worst of this cold and beginning to recover.

I am fortunate to be so loved. I’m grateful that the most profound love of my lifetime is also my friend. I’m grateful for the depth of our connection and these years of joy and growth that we’ve shared. I’m deeply appreciative for the opportunities we’ve taken to lift each other up and offer encouragement and wisdom won through facing life’s challenges individually (and together).

I sit swinging my feet and looking out over the marsh. It is less solitary at this time of the morning, and I see hikers and photographers out on the trail, on the other side of the marsh. Ahead of me or behind me, I can’t tell. We’re fellow travelers on a path we hope will take us where we want to go. It’s figuring out the destination that is the tricky bit, isn’t it? That, and not being distracted by some other traveler’s journey. We’re each having our own experience. Sometimes it takes awhile to figure out that the journey is the destination.

I smile happily, enjoying the moment. It’s enough. Later, I’ll begin again.

Tags , , , , , , , ,
Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, joy, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being, women, Words
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »