Archives for posts with tag: do your best

Self-Reflections; Asking More Useful Questions

March 30, 2025 //

I looked into the mirror with such a serious expression, which seems unnecessarily stress inducing. I was looking at the mark left behind by my CPAP mask, perhaps a bit vainly. It doesn’t really bother me much, and each morning after I wake it fades. Unimportant in the bigger picture of life, lived. My reflection looks back at me and I wonder again why is it that it’s so hard to catch myself with certain particular expressions when I look into a mirror?

The day moved on from the moment; it is the way of moments to pass.

Again and again I find myself contemplating questions, and wondering at their usefulness (or lack). Perhaps the questions I ask myself are not suited to the moment of asking?

The dawn comes, a new day. Pretty sunrise at a familiar trailhead, waiting for the gate to open. I sit with my thoughts awhile, before I head down the trail. I contemplate familiar human struggles; vanity, greed, laziness, temper. I guess most of us probably share these challenges to one degree or another. So often, just when I think I’ve mastered one or another, I find myself facing it again. I’m not complaining, some of this shit just takes practice. A lot of practice, over a lifetime. The need to practice doesn’t end (because “mastery” isn’t something we achieve over some of these very human challenges, ever). We practice. We fail. We begin again.

I sit with my thoughts and my choices, and contemplate my challenges (and my failures). Sometimes I find myself thinking that the question of whether something is “right” or “what I really want” is (should be) enough to guide my path, but those questions often fail me. I find myself wondering if perhaps a more useful, practical question might be “will this choice contribute reliably to my longevity and wellness in a meaningful way?” Practical. Succinct. Putting my attention on a multitude of long-term goals in a single question in a very direct way… Seems worth considering.

I lace up my boots. There’s a small farmhouse adjacent to this nature park. A year ago there was nearly always light on inside and signs of activity at all hours. There was a large garden that spread down the sloping front yard. Now the house is empty, dark, and quiet. Vacant. There is no garden, only grass, tall and unmown. I wonder what dreams died there, as I grab my cane to begin my walk. I wonder what questions were left unanswered.

A gate, a house, a question. It’s a metaphor.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I have this path ahead of me, the clock is ticking, and it’s time to begin again.

Tags a growth mindset, an empty house, be here now, begin again, being and becoming, change is, choose wisely, do your best, doing the right thing, it's okay to fail, keep walking, learn by doing, not too late to change, practicing the practices, results may vary, struggle, sufficiency, the clock is ticking, weight-loss secrets, what was the question?, where does this path lead?

Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being, weight loss secrets

An Apple A Day

March 13, 2025 //

I’m sipping my coffee and doing specific work that requires an occasional “proper break” to step away and give my mind a rest. It exposes me to some poor behavior human beings are sometimes prone to: dishonesty, entitlement, poor character, scams, frauds, and general terrible behavior. I sigh quietly and stare out into the sky, mostly blue, hints of the gray clouds that covered the sky earlier as they shred and drift away. Good and bad, this is a very human experience.

I remind myself that “one bad apple” may “spoil the barrel”, but it doesn’t ruin the entire harvest. Just saying – don’t let a single bad apple discourage you from enjoying the fruits of the tree. There’s more to humanity than any one bad actor. There’s more to people than the terrible behavior of some few. The bad character of one individual is not the measure of a population, or a culture. Shitty human beings doing terrible things are by far the rarity, and like “one bad apple” in a barrel, closely connected to other apples by proximity or association, rot may spread – but out in the open, among many, in the light of day? That rot doesn’t spread so far or so fast. One bad apple from a single tree in a vast orchard hardly counts for much. Move on and taste sweeter fruit!

I smile to myself. I’m enjoying the metaphor. It’s nearly Spring. There is blue sky overhead and gardening to do (metaphorically, and in practical terms). I enjoy my coffee, and my break, before I begin again. Terrible human beings and those merely “of poor character” are not worth taking personally, but it’s ideal to avoid them, whenever possible. I think about the world, about my place in it, and about “being the change” – and being the best version of myself I know how to be. I can do better than yesterday, today, and better still tomorrow. I’ll just keep beginning again.

Each step along this path has been worthy in it’s own distinct way, although I don’t always see it at the time I take the step.

The journey is the destination. I’ll stay on my path.

Tags bad character, be the change, begin again, do better, do your best, ethical behavior, fraudsters, humans being human, meditation, metaphors, mindfulness, one bad apple, perspective, practicing the practices, rotten fruit, scammers, stay on the path, The Art of Being, the four agreements, there are verbs involved, we become what we practice, what are you practicing?, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gardening, Logic & Reason, meditation, Metaphors, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Spring, The Art of Being

The Path Ahead

March 2, 2025 //

It is a gray morning on the edge of winter’s end. Spring soon, and this morning hints at that, mild and wet and so very gray.

I sit quietly for a moment before I head down the trail. I listen to the flocks of geese overhead and the sound of traffic on the highway beyond the nature park. Everything is muddy. Marshy. So gray. My head aches ferociously. My arthritis pain is a serious distraction. Still, I’ve got my boots on, and I’m here. This trail won’t walk itself. I sigh quietly and try not to anticipate the pain of every step ahead.

… I’ve just got to actually begin…

Yesterday afternoon I spent time in the garden. It was lovely. Time well spent. I’m paying for it now, I suspect, the bending and reaching is not ideal for my spine. It’s okay, though; the garden needed attention. If we don’t tend our garden, we surely can’t complain that all we have are weeds! The roses are pruned and ready for spring. I put down some fertilizer for the hungriest ones. I got started on cleaning up the veggie bed, too. Weather permitting, I’ll finish that today. After my walk, I remind myself, I can stop at the garden supply store and pick up soil amendments , or at least look around and put myself in the mood.

Another sigh. Another moment. It isn’t always easy to get started down the path, even when I have an idea where I’m going. Sometimes it’s more a matter of will than enthusiasm. It’s still a beginning. It’s still time. I push myself off from the side of the car, where I’ve been leaning, ready but not yet going. I look down the trail a little unenthusiastically, and get started. It’s time to begin again.

Tags 7 out of 10, arthritis pain, be here now, begin again, do the verbs, do your best, doing my best, headaches, it's a metaphor, living with purpose, pain and pain management, personal best, results may vary, sufficiency, tend the garden, there are verbs involved, try harder, walk on, we become what we practice, what are you planting?, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, pain, Perspective, Practices, Roses, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being, winter

Start Where You Are

February 25, 2025 //

A friend asked me a question, and asked for “some steps, you know, some basic practices” because they were “freaking out with all this chaos and scary shit going on” (I know, me too, right?). I said I’d do my best. I hope it helps. ❤

Sometimes it’s a difficult journey, this “life” thing, eh? It doesn’t have to be has difficult as it sometimes seems. It is an unfortunate truth that we often complicate our situation needlessly, sometimes through poor decision-making, sometimes through lack of clarity in our thinking, sometimes just because we have feelings and don’t reliably deal with those skillfully. But, the good news is that we do actually have choices, and tools at our disposal (like critical thinking, perspective, and non-attachment). We can take things a step at a time…

Start where you are. Any journey is more difficult if you are trying to begin from somewhere other than where you actually stand. Honest self-reflection, acceptance, and making a point to test your assumptions and reality check your expectations is really useful.
Breathe, exhale, relax. Maybe you don’t have “a meditation practice”. Maybe you don’t need one? It’s reliably helpful to “take a minute” to calm yourself when you are stressed out. Change your perspective or your environment, however briefly, and break out of your rumination or your stress spiral. Let small shit stay small. Let things go that you’re getting hung up on, if only for a little while. Take a break. Walk away from it.
Take care of your “fragile vessel”. Such a simple thing – self-care really matters, particularly when life feels hardest. Are you getting enough rest? Are you eating healthy meals? Drinking enough water? How about a shower and some clean clothes? Have you taken prescription medications that may affect your feeling of wellness (or failed to take them)? Are you in pain – and are you doing something to ease that, if you can?
No media, no doomscrolling. This one is a small thing, but a big deal; if you’re already stressed to the breaking point, feeling overwhelmed, or struggling to manage the details in your life, I promise you that reading the news, or doomscrolling endlessly through various feeds on your device(s) is not helpful. Put it down. Silence your notifications. Put the device on Do Not Disturb. Walk away from the tether that ties you to constant demands for your attention. Go outside. Take a walk. Read a book. Sit down over a cup of tea or coffee with an actual human being out in the world and have a conversation. (See point 2.)
Put things into perspective. This one is both difficult and easy. Easy to say, sometimes more difficult to put into practice, just being real with you. Your perspective on a difficult moment may be filtered through the lens of the stress you feel, or prior experiences that weren’t really quite the same. You may be struggling with your chaos and damage, and past traumas may be coloring your understanding. Take a step back. (Don’t take dumb shit personally.) Consider the moment from more than one angle. This one moment, right here, is unique and unrepeatable – and it will pass (good or bad). Let it.
Practice non-attachment. This is a practice that sometimes has some poignance (at least for me); let it go. Just that. Whatever it is, don’t cling to it. Let it go. If you lost the thing you cling to so tightly (whether it is an object, relationship, or sense of identity), things might change, sure, but – wouldn’t you (most likely) be okay if you allow yourself to be? We sometimes cling so tightly to something that isn’t even quite real. Some of what hurts us most we’ve completely made up – it’s safe to let that shit go.
Practice gratitude. I’m not even kidding. I’m also not suggesting that being grateful for the struggle itself, or the pain you’re in, or this complicated moment is the goal. Not at all. I’m suggesting that being grateful for other things, the small wins, the pleasant moments, the little joys, the handful of things that are reliably part of your individual good fortune has real value. It’s difficult for anger, anxiety, or sorrow to compete for one’s attention with heartfelt gratitude. Authenticity matters, and gratitude can’t be “forced”, but there are likely to be quite a few little things for which you are truly grateful. Make room for those. Reflect on, and cherish those. It may give you a firm foundation to stand on before you…
Take the next step. Life is a journey. Most of our path we walk alone. Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to share the journey, but it is still our journey. We’re each having our own experience. Walk on. Sure, have an eye on where you think you’d like to get to, but understand an important detail; the journey is the destination. Do your best to be the person you’d most like to be, moment to moment. Make those choices – the ones that allow you to walk your path, authentically.
Be here, now. Spend less time on regret (the past is behind you) and worry (the future has not yet happened and may not be whatever you fear it might). Be present, in this moment. Now. This takes us back to point 1, you may have noticed… “start where you are”.

As with so many journeys, it isn’t always clear where the path leads.

Breathe. Exhale. Relax. You can begin again. Each time you stumble, pick yourself up, and begin again. Each time you fail, learn from that experience. You’ve got this. It’s your path, your journey, no one can handle this one better than you can.

Staying on the path is a choice, and there are verbs involved.

Tags begin again, being and becoming, do good, do your best, Don't be evil, emotional self sufficiency, fighting stress, gratitude, meditation, mental-health, mindfulness, no mud no lotus, non attachment, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, self-care, start where you are, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, the journey is the destination, the world is on fire, there are verbs involved, we become what we practice, what are you practicing?, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, breathe, Despair, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, grief, Healthy Living, loneliness, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, War and News of War, Words

Pain & Winter Weather

February 19, 2025 //

I’m sipping my coffee on a rainy winter morning, feeling cross and irritated and in considerable pain. It’s the pain making me so cranky, but it’s “only” my osteoarthritis (and my perpetual headache), and there’s not much to do about it, really. I live with this. A lot of people live with pain, that’s a real thing. I sigh to myself, as I pull my posture more upright. It helps a tiny bit, though barely noticeable in the moment. The moments add up. I’m grateful to have gotten a good night’s sleep. I’m grateful to have what limited Rx pain relief available to me that I do (and am willing to use).

My reflection stares back at me from the window; it’s not yet daybreak, and I see a middle-aged woman with slightly tousled carelessly-kept long hair, glasses, wrapped in a warm (if a bit frumpy) sweater, looking back at me. She looks pleasant and approachable, relaxed, with a soft smile hinting at a life well-lived, and maybe some interesting stories to tell. She looks just a bit… amused. I don’t see the pain, just the smile, which reaches her eyes. At the corners of her eyes and her smile, laugh lines, no frown lines. She looks… capable. She looks ready for the day and unbothered. I find myself liking what I see reflected there in the window. I sigh again and think “you’ll do”, and take another sip of my coffee. I’m not at all sure how I got “here” – it’s been a difficult journey in spots, and I’ve often wandered off my path – but I’m okay with where I am, and that feels like a win.

I sip my coffee thinking about friends. Thinking about love. Thinking about errands I need to run. I think about hearth and home and all the things that add up to this life I live. It’s not perfect; there’s the pain, obviously. That’s its own difficult experience. I try not to take it personally. Things could be so much worse. Instead of living with this pain, I could have rejected having the surgery to repair my shattered spine, and taken a chance on things “just healing up” more or less, and most likely ended up in a wheel-chair, unable to walk at all. It can be hard to trust the opinion of an expert; we live in cynical times. I’m glad I did – I walk every day, and often see the sunrise from some favorite trail. The pain seems like a price worth paying for that privilege, most of the time. My irritation slips away. I chose this with my eyes open. I may not have understood the full measure of the price I’d be paying when I lay there sedated in the ICU so many years ago, but I knew there’d be a price. TANSTAAFL.

One cold winter night 40 years ago, I ran from a knife wielding man to save my own life. I took the only route available to me, that I could see in the moment, which led me to dangling from a balcony rail, dangerously high above a beautiful tiled patio, slick with ice. That man was my then-husband, who rushed to the balcony to plead with me not to let go. I looked back at him in a moment of unexpected clarity and calm, aware of my agency in a new way. The choice was mine. “I have to,” I said, and I did. The explosion of light in my head and the sudden pain that shot through me and my breath knocked out of my body overcame me only for seconds before adrenaline and terror drove me to my feet to seek help. It was a moment of profound change. One choice. One moment.

I sit with my thoughts a while. “I had no other choice” is reliably a lie. We have choices (many) – I know I’ve made a lot of them. Probably the worst choice(s) I’ve ever made? Telling myself I’ve no other choice, and and following the path that took me down. The menu in The Strange Diner is immense. We choose, on our own, to keep it folded, and to narrow our options willfully. Refusing to consider all the options is also a choice.

We’re born “a blank page”, and although we have little to say about our introduction to life, we have so many choices as we grow, and more once we are adult and free to do as we will. What will you do with it? The menu in The Strange Diner is impressively vast. What will you choose? Will you make your world (and your life) a better place in which to thrive? Will you walk a path that leads you somewhere beautiful? Will you take the steps that carry you to becoming the person you most want to be? Who is that? What will your legacy be? You have choices. Choose wisely. Pay the price. Don’t take the pain personally.

It’s time to begin again.

Tags 40 years of pain, adulting is hard, be here now, begin again, being and becoming, choices, choose wisely, choose your adventure, choose your path, chronic pain, compassion, do your best, domestic violence, emotional self sufficiency, forgiveness, health, mental-health, osteoarthritis, pain, pain and pain management, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, self-reflection, still walking, surviving, TANSTAAFL, TBI, The Art of Being, the journey is the destination, the map is not the world, the Strange Diner, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, what matters most?, who are you?

Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, winter

Self-Reflections; Asking More Useful Questions

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An Apple A Day

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The Path Ahead

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Start Where You Are

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Pain & Winter Weather

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