Archives for posts with tag: flu season

Plan All You Want

December 19, 2025 //
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Change is. We live our lives in the moments between the changes. The plan is not the experience itself.

Yesterday was a strange one. I felt sort of mostly okay, for a little while, but it caught up with me quickly, and I made it a short day work-wise and reset my expectations of what I was really up to (not that much).

This morning I woke the usual way, at the usual time, but soon found myself struggling with congestion, coughing, and all the unpleasantness of a bad head cold or mild and case of flu. It will pass. I’m grateful to have stocked up on tissues. I’m undecided about working today, which is telling. I sip my hot coffee, letting it soothe my throat between coughing, and blowing my nose. Sometimes being a human primate is pretty gross.

I dressed and left the house as though to walk, then work, but I’m too weak for much walking on a cold morning, and I’ve got persistent doubts about work. I sigh to myself. It’s all very human, and I find myself seriously annoyed with that passing traveler with the nasty cough, and no mask, who was on my flight back to Portland when I returned home from San Francisco last week. It seems likely that is the when (and the how) I picked up this fucking sickness, forcing me to miss some work, and also to socially distance myself from others at home and elsewhere (considerate, responsible, practical, effective)… because that fucking guy wasn’t doing any of those things to limit contagion.

Fucking hell, being human is messy and inconvenient sometimes.

I lean more and more toward not working as I listen to my breathing, and feel the effort required.

There’s a clear, starry sky overhead. I sit with my coffee in the predawn darkness feeling like a bit of a simpleton. What am I even doing out here? I laugh to myself, which causes me to start coughing again. Yeah… I’m not really ready to go back to work. Not in the mornings, anyway. Maybe if I’m feeling up to it I’ll put in a couple hours later?

… Self-care is hardest when being sick impairs my thinking and decision-making…

Rather peculiarly, I see someone walking this trail before dawn. I honestly thought I am the only one who walks this trail in the dark. How many times has this other person been ahead of me or behind me, unnoticed? I watch them pass by briskly, headlamp bobbing along as they grow more distant. Huh. We don’t know what we don’t know, eh? New knowledge changes my understanding of the world. I make room for it, and let my thinking change to account for the new information.

Time passes. The clock is ticking. The holiday is approaching. I’m still sick. It’s a very human experience. I guess I’ll give myself a minute before I begin again… maybe I’ll just go back to bed…

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Categories Allegories, autumn, breathe, health, meditation, Metaphors, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Practices, The Art of Being, winter, Words

On Being Adaptable

December 31, 2024 //
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Well, shit. It’s the last day of 2024. Hell of a year. A lot of things changed in 2024 – it was a very eventful year. I’m not going to bother listing all the details, plenty of other people will.

…This morning I woke up ill. lol Just fucking great – not what I planned, obviously – this would have been a routine work day, instead I’m calling out sick, and going back to bed after having some hot tea and quickly looking over my work email for anything urgent (there isn’t anything). I’m having some oatmeal (soothing, sort of, I guess). Annoyingly enough, I’d left my laptop in the office all set up for work this morning – a convenient little luxury now and then (since I usually haul it back and forth between shifts). So… yeah, I had to drive to the office to pick it up. I’m laughing at myself. I’m okay for many values of okay, I’m only ill with whatever local ick is going around right now, and the symptoms prevent me from working comfortably, but it’s not like I’m fucking dying or anything. I’ll be okay, it’s just aggravating.

I sigh to myself, sipping my hot tea between flavorless bites of oatmeal. It could be worse. It’s not Norovirus. It’s not Covid. It’s barely a headcold of some sort or another; I can breathe pretty comfortably. I’ve got a massive (new) headache, and all my joints ache like crazy, and I’m mired in this overall “cellular level” feeling of “don’t give a fuck about any of that” fatigue that will send me back to bed as soon as I have returned home. Still… it could most definitely be ever so much worse.

It’s the end of 2024. Instead of going out with the pop of a champagne cork, I guess it’ll go out with a sneeze and a sniffle, and the sound of me ripping open a new box of tissues. lol

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I sip my tea. I eat my oatmeal. I focus on good self-care, and being careful as I make my way through the moments of the day (my mind is foggy and I’m a bit sluggish, and it’s wise to account for that). Being sick for New Year’s wasn’t part of my plan…but reality doesn’t care about my plans, at all. lol Just gotta roll with the circumstances and do my best. I make room for gratitude, while I also recognize the chills that wash over me. Time to head home, and go back to bed.

…Here’s hoping 2025 is a better year, generally, for everyone, than 2024 has been or so many people…

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, health, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Practices, The Art of Being

Real Enough?

October 8, 2024 //
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Wow. Yesterday.

The morning began well, but by the time I finished a quick trip to the grocery store after my walk, I began feeling…off. What started as a tickle in the back of my throat ended up being an entire day sick, mostly sleeping, hoping to get over it sufficiently quickly to get my Traveling Partner to appointments. I ended up calling out for today’s work shift, throat still raw, still feeling less than ideally well.

I got up at my usual time and dragged myself through my routine. There’s comfort and a feeling of normalcy in that. I go with it, in spite of the sore throat. I plan to take it pretty easy today. I feel some better than yesterday. I reach for a throat lozenge and a sip of hot coffee.

…A short walk at a relaxed pace will probably do me good…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. These fragile meat suits in which we spend our lifetime need quite a bit of maintenance and care, don’t they? So inconvenient. I’m grateful it’s not worse – there are for sure worse things going around!

I sip my coffee, waiting for the sun. Once daybreak comes, I’ll begin again… and again… and again…

… The journey is the destination.

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Categories Allegories, autumn, breathe, gratitude, health, meditation, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Practices

Taking Care

November 16, 2018 //
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Well, I got through the work week, more or less, which is to say, it’s over now. So…okay. I’m still sick. Sicker than makes for a comfortable experience out in the world – and I don’t actually want to share this crud with some innocent bystander, child, parent, or not-further-identified human being. I just don’t; it’s shitty. I may still need to venture out into the world, just to restore depleted soup, broth, or symptom relief supplies. I don’t really want to. I showered. I got dressed. I’m sitting trying to recall what, if anything, I actually need outside these walls. I’m sure there’s something…

…I’m actually too sick for going out. That’s the wholesome truth of it. I have other options. I could order what I need to be delivered, at a modest additional cost. I can’t recall that I actually need anything, right now, even though the list was growing ever longer in my head as I was working. Instead, I took time to do what was really on my mind, and handled all the payday things that were also on my mind, and tidied up the budget, looked over what I can and can’t sustain with current resources and expenses. Funny… the upcoming holidays would generally be on my mind by now. That’s not the case this year. I shrug it off, unconcerned. I’m sick, and this amount of malaise and ennui are pretty typical for me. No appetite. Not for food, or for fun.

I sit here glaring into the insulting cold dregs of my morning coffee with a combination of disinterest and frustration; I’d like more hot liquid things to pour down my raw throat. I don’t have it in me to make the effort. I should go back to bed, and it’s about the only thing I really want to do, only… I also really don’t want to. I want to be well, but that’s not exactly an “on demand” sort of situation. I’ve got to get finished with being sick, first.

I try to organize my thoughts more skillfully. I fail. Being sick affects even my ability to reason clearly. It sucks. I don’t even feel like reading a book, or writing, or … anything. Hell, I don’t even feel like mustering the energy it will take to move from this spot, undress, and wrap myself in blankets to slumber awhile. I ache all over. I’m both fatigued and bored – and I’m rarely bored, ever. I’m a little stir crazy from being “cooped up” since Tuesday, perhaps. My head aches. Why am I even arguing the point with myself, like a child? It’s clearly nap time. lol

I contemplate the matter further, sorting out my thoughts, before I amble off in the direction of my bed. I haven’t got it in my to rush, but I am reluctant to walk away from this seat by a window; the sun has come out. It doesn’t warm me; it’s a chilly autumn morning. Still nice to see. I sit quietly for a few moments, until I catch myself dozing off in my office chair. Yeah… it’s nap time.

I can begin again a bit later… 😉

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Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, health, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, The Big 5

A Turning Point

November 1, 2017 //
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It’s been an unpleasant few days being sick with the flu. Leaving early from work Friday was a turning point; I’d gotten much sicker than I realized was likely, and it was time to recognize that and just go home, go to bed, and take care of myself. Last night, although I woke up to pee a couple times during the night, it was well past 2 am before I was up having a hot cup of tea to ease my sore throat, and congestion. I turned things over in my head carefully; I’d actually “slept through midnight” for the first time in 11 days. I considered my current symptoms with care. Would I go in to the office today?

My thoughts were interrupted by a breath-stealing, chest-wracking, gut-wrenching coughing fit – but I was finally actually coughing up the garbage that had settled in my lungs. There was real relief when the fit of coughing was finally over. A feeling of actual improvement. Another turning point. Clearly, I also wasn’t quite ready to return to the office, because a single fit of coughing so violent it takes a grown women to her knees with the force of it, and can’t easily be “kept quiet” in an office environment in which everyone is quietly on the phone, is not a good fit. So, one more work from home day, but… as this stand from my perspective this morning… I’m ready to get back to work tomorrow. 😀 That’s even a pleasant thought.

I was up for a little while sipping tea in the wee hours. It definitely does ease some of the discomfort of my flu symptoms, so why wouldn’t I? Sleep? lol As if. It was the discomfort of my symptoms that woke me. Tea for the win! I went back to bed after some little while, and whether I slept deeply, dreaming that I was awake, until I woke (one possibility) or lay quietly, wakefully, as time passed (another definite possibility), I woke still feeling that clear sense of “getting better” in a more obvious way. I’m soooooo happy to be finally feeling like I am actually recovering. Being sick sucks.

I did work yesterday – from home. It was an okay day, I think I’ve “let it go” largely because I don’t want to deal with it. I did have to make the drive to work early in the morning to retrieve my laptop (I was too sick Friday to think to bring it, even though I knew there was a chance I’d want to work from home on Monday.) and on the return trip I got rear-ended – again – while stopped at a signal light. I was pretty fucking aggravated by that.

This one makes 3 times I’ve been rear-ended at a stop since I started driving the car to and from work. Wtf?? I keep checking my tail lights and break lights as if it just must be that my lights are out… or… something? Nope. Distracted drivers. This one didn’t hit me hard, and immediately through their car into reverse, abruptly pulled a u-turn, and tore off in the opposite direction. I didn’t even have time to do more than watch in my rear view mirror as they did. (So pissed. Seriously? Put down that fucking phone.) Aside from that bit of adventure, though, the day seemed fairly routine aside from being Halloween, which didn’t affect me much working from home. I was unusually moody, overly emotional, prone to negative thinking and self-criticism verging on self-loathing, which was also an unpleasant context for my work experience. When it ended, I puttered around taking care of myself, and crashed out fairly early, but at an almost normal time of evening, and managed to avoid taking my own moody bullshit personally; I’ve been sick, that’s all.  🙂

So here it is… time to begin again. 😀

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Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, health, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Sleepless Nights, The Art of Being, The Big 5