Archives for posts with tag: meditation

Breathe, Watch, Listen

September 17, 2020 //

My coffee was some time ago. I’ll have a second, “soon”. I took a few minutes to run an early errand, before returning to work. Something like a “lunch break” I suppose, since the rest of my day is locked up with back to back meetings. I’m not bitching, I’m just observing that it is the state of things, today.

Hints of autumn begin to appear.

I had noticed, a day or two ago, that it seemed some leaves were beginning to yellow in the trees here and there. I wondered if it was the dry weather? This morning, hints of amber, orange, russet, and red are turning up, too. Fall? Already? It feels as if there was barely a summer, although the few days of summer were quite hot… but pandemic life being what it is, the days (and yes, seasons) blend together a bit.

I pulled the car over, while I was out, adjacent to a nearby farm property that presents a lovely view, itself, the barn and house a bit distant, with the more distant foothills fading into the morning fog. Pretty picture. I sat a moment looking out across the landscape, before continuing on my way. Time well-spent, frankly.

…When was the last time you just “took a minute” for some small thing, a view, a flower, a bit of music that brings back memories…? I found I was overdue for it, and enjoyed it immensely to take that time for me. 🙂

I thought of a lovely compliment paid to me last night by a friend who reads my work (thank you!), “I like your writing, and the everyday-ness of what you share…”. I’m still smiling. I mean, I’ve said before that I write for me, as much as for anyone, but it moves me to be appreciated for the very thing that sometimes causes me doubt; I write about what is so ordinary. 🙂 Thanks for reading. ❤

…So…fall creeping up on us already? Well, then. Seasons still change. 🙂

I take a moment to make a second coffee for myself, and for my Traveling Partner. We exchange gentle teasing words, enjoy some merriment. I make raisin toast – apparently a childhood favorite for both of us, and oddly, that’s new information for me (at least where he is concerned)! We’ve been together a decade, and we still learn new things about each other. It’s lovely. 🙂 We share coffee, enjoy our toast, and resume the forward momentum of the day. Chances are good that this gentle loving moment will be the one we remember… not the work we did later on. I’m just pointing that out – invest your precious limited lifetime wisely (it’s definitely not “about” the money).

Huh. Look at the time – already time to begin again. 🙂

Tags be love, be the change, begin again, breathe, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, falling for you, good self-care, I am my own cartographer, love, love and lovers, love me do, MBSR, meditation, mindfulness matters, p.s. I love you, pandemic life, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, seasons change, sufficiency, taking care of me, The Art of Being, The Big 5, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Managing the Pain

September 15, 2020 //

I’m in pain this morning. Routine morning in most respects, in spite of the pain. Maybe the pain itself has become fairly routine after all this time? I’ve lived with the arthritis pain in my spine for a pretty long time… about… 30 years. 30 years? Wow. It has been a long time. This morning I manage it as well as I know how to do with the tools available. Yoga and stretching, first. Meditation (it does help). An OTC pain reliever (it doesn’t help much, but it’s a “next step” that sits somewhere between the yoga and the Rx relief on the path of escalating steps).

My first cup of coffee is long gone. I drink water for some while before I move to make the second cup. My Traveling Partner joined me for coffee a little while ago. That moment is behind us, already, and the work day begins to unfold. The sky is a bit less horrifically altered by smoke, and the air a bit less foul. Progress. Still… the day manages to feel entirely routine, in general.

I drag my mind away from the physical pain I am in, and back to the work in front of me. I do that two or three times before I finally just take a break to deal with it properly. Probably a day of it ahead of me. I sigh out loud in the quiet room, reminding myself to be patient with people, and kind; we can’t see what that other person is going through, and often make fairly poor assumptions from a casual glance. I resolve to be “the nicest person in the room”, if I can…

…Sounds like a lot of new beginnings ahead of me today.

Tags be kind, be patient, begin again, breathe, emotional self sufficiency, fire season, good pain management, good self-care, in spite of pain, MBSR, meditation, osteo arthritis pain, pandemic life, perspective, practicing the practices, taking care of me, The Art of Being, there are verbs involved, we become what we practice, we're each having our own experience, what matters most?

Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, health, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being

It Certainly Is Foggy

September 14, 2020 //

Fog is weird stuff. We pass through it easily, still, it blinds us and alters what we see of the world around us. Try to shine a bright light directly into fog, and it becomes more difficult to see, rather than easier. So weird. So… metaphorical.

Sure is foggy… am I really so certain I know what’s hidden out there?

How many times have I driven a familiar road, blinded by fog? Or walked some foggy trail listening to muffled steps through the mist, with only my thoughts for company? Or just sat quietly, in the dense damp of morning fog, imagining whimsically that the fog held more meaning than mere droplets of water densely dispersed in the air?

Fog is a pretty good metaphor for the various thinking errors I find myself prone to, and even the “obscuring mist” of misleading assumptions that can so easily crowd out any perception of my reality in the moment. I think about that, on and off, from that first moment standing outside, early this morning, wondering if the mist were properly fog, or more likely the smoke of distant wildfires. Both, maybe. The stench of it suggested at least a considerable portion was – is – smoke. Blech.

…Maybe rain tomorrow? The weather hints at the potential. So does my arthritic back. Fingers crossed! We could use some rain. We could use a way out of the fog.

Yes, of course, it’s a metaphor. 😉

Begin again.

Tags are you going my way?, be here now, be the change, begin again, breathe, emotional self sufficiency, I am my own cartographer, MBSR, meditation, mindfulness matters, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, sufficiency, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, anger, Anxiety, Brain Injury, Despair, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, grief, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Summer, Uncategorized

You, Too

September 6, 2020 //

I’m drinking water. It’s a healthy smart idea on a hot summer afternoon. The weekend, thus far, has been quite lovely. I’ve run a couple needful errands. Managed to relax and enjoy my Traveling Partner’s good company. My sleep has been… poor. Noises wake me. Variations in household temperature wake me. Turning over in my sleep then becoming disoriented (still pretty new in this space), which causes me to wake feeling as if I am “in a strange place”. Small stuff.

I’ve been racing around running errands and handling household needs most of this long weekend. That’s the subjective experience, anyway. I’m not even bitching about it – just making note of the feeling, and reminding myself to also take care of me, too. I remind myself to do some small thing that is for and about me, and, if not “only me”, then at least very much something that matters greatly to me, specifically, that meets needs of my own. I know me; it might seem fine in this moment to just take care of other needs (even my Traveling Partner, who I adore), but when the weekend is behind me, if I haven’t also done some things for the woman in the mirror, there’s a better than average chance that resentment will develop later on. That’s not really fair to anyone who ends up on the receiving end of whatever tantrum might tend to follow; it’s about the self-care. I’m the only person who can handle the important business of self-care for me. You, too, right? You’ve got to take care of you – because literally no one else can meet your self-care needs. 😉

…So… What do I need? That’s an important question. I keep sipping on this refreshing bottle of fizzy water, into which I added a tablespoon or so of dill pickle juice. I know, I know, that doesn’t sound super tasty to most folks, but it’s actually not unpleasant, doesn’t require sweetening to “taste good”, and definitely tends to ensure I’m getting some minerals along with my fizzy water. Sometimes I also add some lemon or lime, and a bit of sea salt. If I’m dehydrated on a hot summer afternoon, this concoction may as well be a delicious fruity Italian soda, because it tastes so good I just want to chug it. lol If I’m well-hydrated on a pleasantly cool day, it’s a bit like trying to drink Pedialyte (meaning to say, not that tasty at all). Today? I’m definitely needing to drink more water. Nice bit of self-care, here, and easily done.

Self-care is about way more than drinking water, though. It’s also about emotional wellness. Fulfillment. Life satisfaction. There are lots of kinds of needs to meet in life. I think about my partner, happily setting about doing a project. That’s a way of meeting needs, too. I sat down here, to write. Another need being met. I’m looking forward to having a soak in the hot tub, once the water temperate drops another degree or two (hot day – a cool soak will feel refreshing). More needs being met. The house is quiet while I write, and I let the quiet be what it is, instead of putting on music or a video in the background; it’s a choice that meets my need to reduce the amount (and “density”) of cognitive stimulus reaching me, which meets still another need. I think about the garden I am planning for out front (next year’s big home project, for me) – putting time into that planning meets needs, too. Everything I do to care for hearth and home meets needs – but other needs are not so easily met through mindful service of that sort. I think about art, and writing. I think about thinking, and meditation. I think about the books I want to read, and the trails I’d like to hike. I think about “giving myself a break” – and what I think I mean when I think that thought.

…Even this solitary moment spent doing nothing more than considering what I need from myself this weekend meets some needs. 🙂 It is time I am spending on myself, and my needs. 🙂

I take a sip of my water. I take a deep breath. I relax, and feel the quiet smile on my face as it reaches the ends of my fingertips and the tips of my toes. I need this moment, here, now.

Later I’ll begin again. 🙂

Tags be here now, be the change, begin again, being helpful at home, drink water, emotional self sufficiency, good self-care, MBSR, meditation, meeting needs, mindfulness for beginners, my results vary, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, resentment is also an emotion, sufficiency, taking care of me, TBI, there are verbs involved, we become what we practice, what do you need?, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, art and the artist, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being

Note to Self

September 1, 2020 //

This morning is a good one for reminders to the woman in the mirror.

Still, and again. The very best practices work that way.

I’m inclined to do some re-reading and additional study this week. There are a handful of “maps” in my reading list that seem to lead me along my path very skillfully, and “The Four Agreements” is definitely one of those. The basics are so… basic. Seriously. This morning, I’m resting my practices on #2 “Don’t take anything personally” and numbers 3 & 4 seem wise, as well. Handy. I mean seriously, life, love, and even moments of apparent conflict are not “about me”, probably mostly at all. This morning has felt very much like the sort of morning on which I could so easily take shit personally that isn’t personal, follow that up with a few incorrect assumptions, and end up having a shit day, end-to-end. Not interested.

My sleep was interrupted by restlessness and physical pain. I woke once and stood out on the deck looking at the moon for a few minutes before returning to bed, and to sleep. The nearly full moon shined down on the forest beyond the deck so brightly, I thought there was a flood light on somewhere. lol

Moonlight and solitude in the wee hours.

I spent some moments in the darkness, looking at the stars, and reflecting on my life. Nothing much came of it, other than eventual sleepiness, which was sort of the point in the first place.

I finish my now-cold coffee, and look over the work day ahead of me. I consider how I can be my best self, right now, and also steadily become that woman I want most to be… sometimes it feels like a tall ask. I remind myself to narrow my focus, and be mindful that what others want, need, or expect of me isn’t a firm foundation on which to build my best self. I take a breath, and exhale slowly, and again after that. I rather like (and appreciate) the woman I am, right now, in this moment, on this day. Could I “do more/better”? Quite likely, yes, sure. That’s part of the point, too. I remind myself to be kind in difficult moments – not because it is expected or demanded of me, but rather because it is a quality I value, myself. I remind myself to listen deeply, because I very much want people speaking with me to feel heard – as I want from others, when I am myself speaking. I remind myself to be compassionate, because I value compassion. I remind myself to live up to my word, and to speak gently; there are too many harsh words out there in the world, already. Who I am, myself, is one thing that really is “about me” – and belongs to me, entirely. There are a lot of choices, and verbs, and opportunities to embrace qualities I value, personally, myself – because that is how I see myself. I know my results will vary, and even that isn’t something to take personally. It’s a journey. There are steps, and forward momentum, and incremental change over time. I become what I practice – so clearly, practicing those qualities that matter most to me, is the way forward to becoming the woman (and human being) I most want to be. 🙂

…And, yeah, it’s time to begin again.

Tags am I who you think I am?, be the change, be who you are, begin again, being and becoming, being who I am, breathe, emotional self sufficiency, I am enough, I am having my own experience, I am my own cartographer, listening deeply, MBSR, meditation, mindfulness for beginners, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, sufficiency, taking care of me, The Art of Being, The Big 5, the four agreements, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, forgiveness, Free Will, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being, The Big 5, Words

Breathe, Watch, Listen

Share this:

Managing the Pain

Share this:

It Certainly Is Foggy

Share this:

You, Too

Share this:

Note to Self

Share this:

Archives