Archives for posts with tag: pettiness

It’s time to survive a grim sort of count down. 1460 days to the inauguration of the next president, on January 20, 2029. It seems a long time, I know. It could happen sooner, after a fashion, mortality being what it is, and circumstances being unpredictable; the future is not written. Make no mistake, we’re all in for a rough ride…unless, of course, you’re part of the billionaire class, and also a favorite of the current occupant of the office of President of the United States of America. I’m very much hoping – and clinging to that hope – that this administration does not bring the fall of our democractic republic. That would be…horrifying. Not that we’re aren’t already well on our way to face a few horrors. The wheels are in motion.

(It’ll be easier to get through the next four years if you refrain from doomscrolling news media or social media feeds.)

Have you read On Tyranny? It’s a good read, and you may find either comfort or useful tools therein. I definitely recommend it. Amazon has it, of course. So does Powell’s, and AbeBooks. Stand up for yourself and your family, your community, and people who are clearly at a disadvantage under this administration. Be the best version of the human being you most want to be that you are able to be. Speak truth to power, and don’t allow yourself to be talked out of what you know you’ve seen yourself. Hard times are ahead for that actual truth. Seek ethical fact-checking, and don’t believe the hype. These things do matter. It is unfortunate that so much of our world has become a race to generate revenue by a handful of already sickeningly wealthy hoarders of cash and corrupt seekers of power. It’s pretty grotesque. My personal vote for the two most toxic characteristics of human beings are greed and pettiness.

…1460 days…

I breathe, exhale, and relax. The here and now does not have to be eternally infused with all of that toxic bullshit. I’m home sick, which sucks, after a lovely visit with a dear friend, which was quite wonderful. My Traveling Partner and I have a good thing together, which is something I value, enjoy, and cherish with my whole heart. I sit with my gratitude, and let that fortify me for troubled times ahead. The Anxious Adventurer is a good guy, doing his best, learning and growing and working on being the best version of himself he knows how to be – while also figuring out who exactly that actually is. That’s a lot to do. He’s doing pretty well.

(We’re all in this together – and we’re each having our own experience. Each of us sees the world and these trying times through a slightly different lens.)

As a woman, I don’t feel at all “valued” or “defended” by this administration’s immediate attack on people who are not so simply defined as either man or woman, in fact, I’m insulted by the narrow stupidity of it. If “defending women” were any sort of sincere goal, we would have equality (in opportunities, in pay, in healthcare), and consent would be the common language of the land – expected, understood, and honored – and our government would not be filled with rapists (which it most probably is, based on the choices for incoming cabinet members, and the behaviors of many who have held office). The concerns of my Traveling Partner and his son may be somewhat different, focused on the things that seem most important and relevant to their own experiences and perspective. That makes sense.

(I plan to listen with care when people tell me what frightens them most, what fills them with outrage, and what they need to thrive. I can at least make the attempt. I hope we all make that attempt.)

I sip my coffee and let my mind move on. I will hope for the best, and be open to “things being okay” for some values of okay. It doesn’t seem likely that this administration has good intentions (at all), or any will to create a better world for every citizen, resident, and human being (it’s already pretty clearly not the goal) – but I won’t try to undermine the potential for success. Maybe they’ll stumble upon it through failure to understand the consequences of their decision making? Maybe they’ll simply fail at their “evil plan”? (Yes, I do see it that way.) Incompetence and gridlock are as much likely outcomes as any measure of actual success for this administration.

I sigh to myself. Still thinking about this garbage. I let it go again, and think about other things. Mostly art. Also books I’d like to have and to read. I’d thought it might be nice to obtain Andrew Lang’s fairy books, maybe as first editions… now I’m thinking it makes much more sense to have non-fiction volumes that instruct and guide and preserve knowledge of various crafts one might need to survive harder times. The Foxfire books have been on my list a long while… I smile to myself. I like books. I’ve grown much less fond of the internet. Books and conversations with real people – more of those things might save the world. I think about that while I sip my coffee. I think about making a trip down south to visit old friends and have real conversations.

…I’ll get over this sickness, then I’ll begin again…

G’damn there’s bad news everywhere. Genocide. War. Femicide. Domestic Violence. Actual targeted hitman-style murders out in the open on city streets. Corruption. Fraud. Misinformation. Civil unrest. Cabinet appointees to government posts who appear to be actual fucking fraudsters and even rapists. What the hell is going on with the world we live in? Seriously – the rich and powerful are going about their usual business of making each other richer and more powerful, while the average person wonders how they’ll pay their bills, feed their families, or afford medical care… and the government agencies that should be protecting people from corruption are being attacked by the (very rich, very powerful) very people that are the most corrupt. Scary. It’s all very scary, isn’t it? Where are we safe? What can we hold onto for a feeling of security and comfort? The news doesn’t look good – and since the media definitely does profit from keeping us all watching, there’s definitely a tendency to enhance and emphasize the worst of it, to alarm and outrage us all, and to keep us arguing with each other over all of it. Disturbing.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I take a moment – this moment right here – for me. Self-care gets more important, not less so, when times are tough. I enjoy a few moments of conversation and quiet commiseration with my Traveling Partner, too; these connections we share matter even more in hard times. More, better, clearer communication with less emotional escalation and fewer buzzwords and dog whistles makes a lot of difference in “turning down the heat” when we’re feeling anxious, worried, or insecure about the state of the world.

Make no mistake, things are bad – and worse still in other parts of the world (no bombs dropping in this neighborhood, so from a personal perspective it definitely could be worse)…but… Things are often bad, somewhere, and the rich and powerful have been after an unjustly large piece of the pie since money and power existed at all. Resist. Vote. Speak up – with real people, in actual conversations. Keep your eye on the things that matter most, and try not to be deceived by “the man behind the curtain”. Look out for yourself, your family, your neighbor, your community, people generally – and avoid “othering” people needlessly. Regular folks are not our enemies – they’re doing their best too. Pay attention to where the money is actually going, if you can. Be mindful that there are many corrupt people, fraudsters and scammers out there, and keep your hand on your wallet (metaphorically speaking). Stop arguing about religion and identity. People are people. Be alert for greed or pettiness to rear their heads within your own heart – and stamp them out aggressively. “Enough” is truly enough. I mean, it can be. That’s my opinion – but this path has lead me to this place, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been before, more consistently, as a result.

I sigh quietly to myself and sip my coffee. I hurt too much to go walking in sub-freezing temperatures before sunrise this morning. I go directly to the office, and try to avoid obsessively ruminating over bullshit that hasn’t happened yet (the future is not yet written) or shit that is already behind me (the past is over and done with if we allow it to be), or things that honestly don’t directly affect my everyday life in any practical way moment-to-moment (like a presidential pardon for a son, or the friends, family, and cronies of a politician being given plum jobs for which they are in no way at all qualified). I breathe, exhale, and relax – and pull myself back to this here, this now. Perspective matters. For most values of “okay”, I’m okay. For most values of “fine”, I’m fine. I’ve got physical pain to deal with, and the usual humdrum insecurities of modern life – with all the comforts and privilege that come along with those. I don’t have to worry that my partner will kill me (that’s a nice relief, honestly). I don’t currently have to worry about genocide in this country (and I hope I never do). People are people. I commit myself to “being the change I want to see in the world”, myself, and doing my best to be kind, to be considerate, to be generally decent, to refrain from greed and pettiness, to manage my anger with skill, and tolerate others with compassion. What greater good can I personally do the world, from where I sit right now, than simply being the best person I can be? If we all did that, how much more wonderful would the world be for us all?

I think about my Traveling Partner, and the joy of celebrating his birthday, yesterday, and the way he inspires me to be my best self today – and every day. There’s more to life than the terrifying ugliness we see in the news. There’s life, there’s love – there’s now. Finding the joy in each moment is a worthy endeavor.

I think about that and sip my coffee. It’s time to begin again.