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Real

February 11, 2026 //
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I’m sitting at the halfway point on this local trail, enjoying the moment of rest, and the quiet of the predawn darkness. It’s not cold, only chilly. The pavement is damp from recent rain. I breathe the rain-freshened air contentedly, and sit in this moment. I don’t need more, not right now, anyway. This is enough.

I am briefly distracted from this real life moment by a notable urge to uninstall apps from my phone. 😆 Like a lot of people, I’m over so much of this deceitful invasive bullshit seeking to scrape another dollar from my bank account. It’s gross. Sell me a product or service and let me enjoy it – or at least use it without interference or hindrance, and definitely without a fucking subscription, or mining my personal data.

When did you last read a bound book? When did you most recently meet up with a friend in the real world, and spend the time talking with each other without ever touching your smartphone? Take notes on real paper? How about board games with friends? Drinks and conversations by a fire outside? Window shopping in town, on foot, for the fun of it? Real places and real experiences with actual human beings have so much more depth and nuance than text-based interactions online, or anything at all to do with LLMs and chatbots. Real world experiences may feel a bit less “safe”, (mostly due to the potential for contagion or gun violence) but the nuance and authenticity are worth risking a head cold, and with some care and situational awareness gun violence is relatively rare and generally avoidable. The virtual spaces we frequent have risks of their own. We’re making choices. Choose wisely. Choose human.

No AI here. No subscription (for you – I do pay for the hosting and services on this platform). Just one human being sharing thoughts, experiences, and practices with other human beings. (Thanks for taking the time!) … But seriously? You could be having a real conversation with another person on this very same topic, right now.

… I’m even suggesting it…

How many hours a day are your eyes on a screen, instead of the horizon? How many interactions with others are through some user interface on some digital platform, instead of looking into the eyes of that other person and hearing their words? Many hours probably, and dozens or even hundreds of people. Isn’t that a little sad? Go outside! Talk to your neighbors! Make actual friends of other real human beings… while you have the option, and the social skills. I’m just saying the digital world is a dim substitute.

Our mortal lives are too short as it is, please don’t waste yours as a consumer cog in a billionaire’s infinite money machine. Life has so much more to offer you. Books, movies, flowers, clouds, flavors, trails, shops, cafes… An entire world exists for our enjoyment. Don’t waste your moment.

I sigh to myself. These are not new thoughts. I often turn my ringer off to allow myself to focus on my lived experience in the moment. I’m not inclined to be bullied by a device. Two years of caregiving meant leaving my notifications on almost 24/7, and it has been hard dealing with the constant other pings on my consciousness while staying alert for my Traveling Partner to reach out if he needs me when I’m away from the house. Necessary for the time, less so now. It is a difficult habit to break, but it is important not to allow these devices to determine what I put my attention on. It takes practice.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. The sky lightens to a gray-seeming dawn, although the sky is clear. There’s a smudge of dirty orange on the eastern horizon. I hear footsteps and tense up momentarily, as I turn to see the night watchman from the nearby construction site approach on his end of shift walk. “Good morning, young lady!” he calls to me, “Almost didn’t see you there.” I wave and wish him a cheery good morning as he passes, and watch as he disappears around the next bend.  I continue to sit contentedly awhile longer. It is a work day, but I’m in no hurry. This moment is mine.

Real.

The clock ticks on. Winter is already slowly becoming Spring. I gaze into the tangled treetops, no specific purpose or thought on my mind, just enjoying the moment as it is. It’s enough. I breathe, exhale, and relax, and get comfortable for meditation, before I begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being, thoughts on AI, winter, women, Words

Book Learning

January 19, 2026 //
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I can remember my father mocking people who lacked “real skills” but who were also educated people with college degrees. He had no fondness for abstract intellectualism that could not get anything done in the world in a practical sense. It’s a fairly commonplace perspective, frequently held by practical minded working people, perhaps to secure a sense of achievement in spite of the lack of a degree. Memorized facts without comprehension aren’t particularly useful, generally. Applying knowledge in the real world can create change.

Books make great gifts!

Why do I mention it? I mean, it’s probably pretty obvious that “book learning” alone doesn’t amount to understanding a topic deeply or being able to make suitable use of the knowledge. I watched a video yesterday talking about the increasing lack of ability to read that seems to be developing in young cohorts of students (in the US). Book learning isn’t all there is to education, but g’damn reading is a pretty critical life skill, and if our youngsters receiving their education aren’t learning to read, we’ve got a real problem ahead. Traffic signs, price tags, menus, clocks, rental agreements, job offers…we need to read a lot of things, and recognizing shapes and colors is not an adequate substitute for reading comprehension.

Books can be filled with practical information.

Why learn to read when an LLM can read a summary aloud and save us the bother? (Why learn math when there’s a calculator always at hand?) I struggle with why these would be questions, but I remember teachers answering my own youthful “why learn math?” question by trying to give examples of the raw power and utility of having a basic understanding of math. One truth that is more important than any one example and might have been more persuasive; we need to learn math (and reading) to develop problem solving skills, and for depth and nuance in our understanding of the world. We need these skills to support our ability to think critically and recognize misinformation. If we lose our ability to read we become dependent on spoken opinion, and susceptible to marketing hype and outrageous lies by politicians and pundits.

Other books take us on an adventure.

I am fortunate to enjoy reading, myself. (It took me awhile to come around to the legitimate value in math, but eventually I got there, too.) I am happily reading The Stand, a gift from my Traveling Partner. I prefer to read the news rather than watch it. I can’t actually imagine not being able to read. If nothing else, the amount of paperwork required in life would be far less manageable if I couldn’t read the forms!

Thanks for being here, by the way. If you’re reading these words, now, I’m grateful that you are literate. (Not only because you’re reading what I wrote, but also because you can.) One day you may be considered to be among the elite intellectuals of the world, simply because you can read, at all.

Books are the software upgrades for our minds.

I sit at my halfway point on this trail, watching Venus setting slowly on the western horizon. I spotted it one morning some time ago and looked up what this very bright “star” might be. I read about it. Now I gaze upon Venus with even greater wonder and appreciation. I smile to myself, eagerly considering spending the day reading. Maybe I’ll pull a cookbook from my shelf and peruse the recipes and bake something? Seems a good day for it. I could spend more time writing, later – I hear snail mail is making a comeback as a hobby or lifestyle choice. Promising.

… I’m not pointing fingers or being critical of the shortcomings of other people. I’m quite human myself, and some of life’s critical skills fade with disuse. My handwriting (pen and ink on paper) has gotten pretty dreadful because I don’t often pick up a pen these days. Practice would be helpful. Letter writing has potential, with that in mind. I think fondly back to my great-grandmother, who lived well past 100 years. She wrote letters to friends every day. I used to write a lot of letters… until email and the Internet and the convenience of a keyboard intervened. Creeping incompetence – and I don’t have to succumb to it. I have choices and the freedom to choose change.

Anyway. Read a book. Don’t let that skill erode away completely! You definitely really need to be able to read. Reality can be unforgiving, and doesn’t accommodate ignorance in any gentle way.

Some books we fill with our own story.

I sigh to myself as Venus dips below the treetops. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I contemplate all the many books I’ve read, and the many more I have yet to read. The books on my reading list have guided me along my path. I doubt I could have come so far so quickly without them, and AI summaries would not have been enough to teach me what I needed to learn.

The first hint of daybreak touches the sky. Is it already time to begin again?

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Categories art and the artist, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, The Art of Being, War and News of War, weight loss secrets, Words

Tinnitus, Still

October 29, 2025 //
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I had high hopes that my hearing aids might somehow improve my tinnitus. That hasn’t been the case, although it is sometimes less distracting, since I can more easily focus on real sounds in my environment, being able to hear them more clearly. It’s something, but it’s not a solution to the tinnitus, which is vexing me a bit this morning. In the predawn darkness on the trail, I hear my footsteps, my breathing, and my tinnitus.

I sigh to myself and keep on walking.

The news is grim and stupid to the point of seeming surreal. It’s as if The Onion is in charge of the news… only, this crap is entirely real. I mean, for most values of real. (Sometimes it is hard to be certain what “real” even is, with AI slop becoming heavily featured.) What did we think would happen as businesses (including media companies) lay off human beings in favor of (apparently) cheaper AI bots and “agents” taking the place of human beings with actual creativity, discernment, judgement, and comprehension? The demand for news and information is still there, and it looks like a notable portion of the news consuming public will settle for sponsored content and clickbait slideshows as an adequate substitute. So grotesque.

I keep walking.

Grocery prices are way up, while the president says explicitly that they are down. This entire administration seems to be one long tedious string of actual fact-checkable blatant shameless falsehoods. Lies. Like, “look straight into the camera, smile, and lie” levels of disregard for truth or factual accuracy. I’m not sure which bothers me most, the childishly obvious lying, or the personal attacks in lieu of reasoned discussion. Sarcasm, mockery, and name-calling used to seem beneath the dignity and character of our leaders… but someone let schoolyard bullies take seats of power. Stupid. Stressful. I keep finding myself wondering if we truly are living the decline and fall of America. That would be such a shame.

I keep walking.

The pavement is wet. It rained during the night. I wonder how many people in my own community spent the rainy night outdoors, who will wake up hungry this morning and instead of a fresh cup of coffee and a job to get to, spend a cold morning trying to find resources. Shelter. A hot meal. A means of being clean, warm, dry, and safe. Where will they go? What would I do if it were me?

I keep walking.

I notice, this morning, that my readership is way up. Like, almost ridiculously so. If you’re a new reader, welcome. I laugh to myself. The things I write are not the sort likely to drive a ton of new views, generally. I’m not naive enough to imagine I’ve suddenly become wildly popular with a broad audience. It’s more likely to be bots and non-human traffic. (I once saw readership spike when a particular post was used as an example of something in someone’s curriculum. Things like that happen now and then.) Still, if you are a human primate who happened upon my blog, you are very welcome. Enjoy.

I get to my halfway point and stop to write. The morning is dark and quiet, chilly and damp, but not actually raining. It’s a workday, and I expect a busy one. I sigh and let that go. I don’t need to be thinking about work right now, this moment is mine. I don’t have to think about “the world”, either, not right now, and I let that go, too. I breathe, exhale, and relax, and let concerns about money, civil rights, personal freedoms, genocide, aging, AI, and the future of humankind, fall away, and I pull my focus to this quiet moment right here. Here, now, generally speaking, things (for me) are mostly fine. I’m okay for most values of okay. The bills are paid. The pantry is stocked. There’s a payday coming. The gas tank is half full. I’m wearing warm, dry, clean clothing appropriate for the weather. Hell, I’m even in a pretty good mood, if a bit world-weary and disappointed in humanity.

I sit with my gratitude awhile, wishing very much I could share this moment with my Granny, my Dear Friend, or even my Dad – all people who spent some considerable time in their lives worrying over me. I’m okay. Took a long g’damned time to get here, but I’m here, now, and I’m okay. I fill my lungs with the chilly autumn morning air and exhale slowly, emptying my mind of stressful things as the vapor of my breath mingles with the autumn mist.

G’damn, my tinnitus is loud this morning.

Daybreak comes later each morning, this time of year. “No point waiting,” I think to myself. I sit a little while longer, watching the stars and looking for even a hint of the dawn to come. It’s not yet time. For a moment I wonder whimsically (if a bit grimly) whether the sun will rise at all. How would I behave if one morning it just… didn’t? That would certainly change the relative importance of some of the bullshit going on in the world, wouldn’t it?

I sit with my thoughts, and my breath, trying to make sense of things. It is a favorite endeavor of human primates to try and “figure things out”. I hear an old familiar voice in my memory, “you can’t figure out crazy”. Still true. I sigh and get to my feet. It’s time to walk on. It is time to begin again.

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Categories 2024 Election, Allegories, Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, The Art of Being, War and News of War, Words

How About Those Freedoms, Eh?

September 20, 2025 //
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I managed to sleep a little later this morning. I arrived at the trailhead at daybreak, a smudgy dirty looking faint orange streak along the horizon hints at sunrise coming soon. No point waiting. I trade shoes for boots, and grab my cane and my headlamp and step onto the trail.

The shallow bowl of the marshy meadow lowlands is filled with a dense mist. When I reach it, the mist envelopes me. Peculiarly, the mist is only about 4 feet deep, and I can’t see the ground I am walking in any detail. My headlamp is worse than useless, and I turn it off, letting it hang from my neck like some sort of awkward ornament. I keep walking, watching the sky lighten, listening to the quiet sounds of the meadow and marsh around me. I hear traffic on the nearby highway. The Tualatin river flows through here, forming one boundary of the park. I don’t hear it flowing by, deep and murky. The air is still and a bit chilly. I’m grateful to be wearing my fleece this morning.

I eventually reach my halfway point and stop for a bit, to meditate and write and reflect on life and the world.

Halfway on a misty morning.

I sit thinking about freedom. I’m not sure why it’s on my mind. Perhaps because, for the first time in my own lifetime, the United States is being lead by someone who appears to think freedom of speech is somehow defined by what he wants to hear, personally. So much to find distasteful and disturbing by the very idea. It’s a good time to buy books on subjects this administration finds objectionable – and to read them – we are realistically at risk of seeing them pulled from bookstores and libraries “for our own good”, “for the children”, or because they have been deemed unacceptable for some reason, by some narrow special interest group. I’m not kidding. No exaggeration, I am deeply concerned about our intellectual freedom.

…When the cold war ended, I felt so hopeful about the world…

I’d love to see truth become more popular. I dislike the media hype machine, and the pursuit of likes, clicks, and views produces some awful results, not the least of which is poor quality writing and reporting that may lack any factual basis. Maybe the move to undermine free speech will result in legislation that requires truth in reporting? That would be hilarious – and might serve us well, in the long run.

I sigh quietly by myself watching the mist spread slowly, obscuring the view. I reflect on the mist as a metaphor, dense, obscuring my view, hiding obstacles on my path, clammy and chilly and clinging to me as I move through it, but lacking real substance, and incapable of impeding my movement. It has no power that I don’t give it. That’s important to understand.

I’m just saying, read the books you see being restricted, withheld from libraries and institutions, or hear those in power seeking to dismiss or “cancel”. Those books wouldn’t be a big deal, if they didn’t say something worth hearing.

“Woke” isn’t an insult. It’s a term used to indicate that a person recognizes institutional and systemic injustices, most commonly those with a racial basis, but also gender (misogyny is still a real problem), and disability. Commandeering the term to use as an insult dilutes and undermines its value – but only if we allow that.

“DEI”… When did we decide that being a melting pot of cultures and ideas is a bad thing? That’s diversity. Can you explain how “equity” is a problem? Don’t you, yourself, want equitable treatment in the workplace, and in the world? “Inclusion” seems an unlikely villain – do you not want your children to be included by their peers, in games, in events, in life? Where is the problem?

“Woke” people, seeing the injustices and inequity in our institutions and systems of power and governance, moved to make changes – and DEI as a movement was born. The greatest impact was likely felt in the workplace, initially. Codes of conduct changed to be more fair, more focused on consistent and equitable treatment in hiring. People who had been prevented from advancing, in spite of their qualifications, began to get ahead in life. These changes for the better began to spread. Life began to get better for so many people!

… We’ve lost momentum because a handful of vocal shitheads are mad that they can no longer rest on their privilege (whether that’s to do with being male, white, Christian, affluent, or connected is irrelevant), and now have to put in a bit more work to get ahead. Now, here we are…

How are those “guaranteed” freedoms working out for you?

I sigh to myself. Human primates can be so g’damned stupid – and greedy. That’s likely what most of this is actually about. Greed – and power. So gross. The worst.

A rose blooming in my garden.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. I let all of the bitterness and disappointment go. I can only do so much. I speak my mind fearlessly. I vote. I served my country ethically and with honor (at least as I understood it at that time).

…I remind myself to reach out to former comrades at arms, some of them are no doubt struggling with this bullshit much as I am, and there is solace in sharing and a feeling of safe haven in community…

The sunrise has come and it is a new day filled with promise. I’m hoping to spend it enjoying my Traveling Partner’s good company. It was a very busy week at work, and he has missed me. I’m planning to try a new recipe, later, and maybe fit in some “me time” later this weekend. Long weekend – I’ve taken Monday off for the equinox. Maybe I’ll take my camera or my pastels up the Nestucca River Byway and enjoy some solitary creative time?

The meadow is still covered in mist, as though someone rolled out cotton batting over the whole thing. I smile to myself, grateful for the lovely moment of solitude and rest from the busy week behind me. Sunlight illuminates the tops of the oaks. It’s already time to begin again.

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Categories 2024 Election, Allegories, anger, Anxiety, art and the artist, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, War and News of War, Words

Buy the Book – while you can

April 28, 2025 //
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I left myself a note a short time ago. I had it on my mind, and didn’t want to forget. I had intended to write a blog post on the topic, at some point.

Write about censorship, libraries, intellectual and cognitive liberty, freedom to pursue knowledge, the nature of truth and how “obscenity” is used to control information.

Simple enough. Scary shit, too. I’m not sure what else there really is to say, though. Buy real books. Read “banned” books. (Who gets to tell you what you can or can not read, seriously?) Practice critical thinking – and use that powerful brain you’ve got there. Make a point of buying those real books from independent book sellers, (ideally from some funky-cool local brick and mortar bookstore) while they still exist. Help to keep the printed word alive. See an article about books being removed from shelves, libraries, curricula, for some buzzword-targeted non-reason? (Looking your way “DEI” “critical race theory” and “woke ideology”…) Maybe consider making a point of seeing what the fuss is about for yourself by actually reading some of those challenged books? It’s a thought. Frankly, aren’t you just a little concerned about your access to knowledge being restricted based on someone else’s agenda? (I sure am.)

However many books, however much experience; there is more to learn.

Don’t allow yourself to be told what you can and can not know, or what is “safe” for you – as an adult – to dare to read. Preserve your freedoms and your rights by insisting on them – and making use of them. Visit your local library and make a point of requesting books that you want to read, if you don’t find them there. Encourage your libraries to stock books that are challenged elsewhere. Why the hell not? Your mind is your own – maybe work to keep it that way? Count on librarians to be superheroes in times like these.

I could easily make a case for reading being an essential tool (and skill) for independent thought, critical reasoning skills, and basic success in life. Other’s have already made that argument more skillfully than I could, and based on real expertise. We may not be able to learn everything we need to know from reading, but reading sharpens our ability to process information, and allows us the exposure to knowledge to be able to learn more faster, over time. Reading creates disciplined focus and depth of knowledge. Reading exposes us to other minds, other philosophies and world views, and other voices on the human experience. Don’t let anyone take these things away from you!

I sip my coffee as I write; you’re here reading, now. Take it another step. Google “banned books” – there are lists out there. Google “controversial books in the 21st century” or something as click-bait-y as “the books they don’t want you to read” – there is a world of books and knowledge out there, and truly some of what is available is remarkable and worthwhile. (Some isn’t; another opportunity to exercise those rational faculties, eh?) Books can be costly – find a used book store, or visit the book section of the local thrift store. Do you want to know “what’s really going on” with Ukraine or Palestine? There are so many books on those topics. So many phenomenal authors with notable credibility and depth of knowledge. Do you want to have a better understanding of what is going on with the technologies that seem to be taking over the world? There are books on those topics too. Don’t rely on TikToks and sound bites from talking heads on line. Read actual books. Go deeper.

Your access to knowledge is actually under threat. Don’t give in. Resist. Read books.

A few more finished… a couple new books added to the stack 🙂
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Categories 2024 Election, anger, Anxiety, breathe, Free Will, inspiration, Logic & Reason, meditation, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Practices, The Art of Being, War and News of War
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