Archives for posts with tag: summertime

Hey there – it’s summertime. What are you doing with that? I mean… yeah. Pandemic. That’s a thing. But, in spite of all of that, and it’s a lot to take, what are you doing to enjoy the season? Breathe it in, at least, these sunny days, and yeah, even the heat, and the sweat, and the struggle – all of it makes up “now”. Be right here in it, fearlessly you. How good could that feel?

…It’s not a perfect world…we’re not perfect beings…and omg, aging is a real thing, too. I’m just saying, embrace your moment. Make that hard choice. Ask that hard question. Do that thing you always thought you’d maybe like to do. If not now, then when will you? Don’t let your moment slip away – don’t you already have a pile of regrets stacking up? Why add one more? I’m just saying… we’ve all got “now”, and not much else besides our memories, and our yearning for something more. πŸ™‚

I’m sipping my coffee and smiling, enjoying a slow morning in the middle of the work week – I took the day off to have coffee with a friend, and run an errand in the afternoon that didn’t fit nicely into the work day. It’s a pleasant departure from the routine. My Traveling Partner is working on this and that, and I feel his love infused in the morning; he makes me 3D printed fidget toys that satisfy my restless motion.

It’s just a button to press, but so satisfying!

I sometimes find it hard to remember to really take it easy and chill and enjoy the moment. I don’t mean that I don’t know to do that, just that, sometimes, when I think I am doing that… I’m not. I’m fretting over some other moment. I’m reviewing some past stressor and wondering if I handled that well, or I’m projecting into a future moment of anticipated anxiety, wondering how to best handle that when it eventually arrives. Being here, now, is sometimes a bit of a challenge. You too?

I breathe, exhale, relax. I pause for moment, just to listen to the music in the background. I sip my coffee, really attending to the taste of it, the feel of the warm cup in my hand, the vague hint of something I never can quite identify (it’s not unpleasant, and I suspect is the “missing” taste of “bitter” that I am not very sensitive to). After all these years, I still enjoy a good cup of coffee (and still tolerate a bad one! LOL).

So yeah… there’s “now”, and there’s everything else that is not “now”. Grab a moment and get started – it’s already time to begin again. πŸ™‚

Hey! There’s a world out there. No kidding, it’s been kept a closely held secret for many months, but… yeah. There’s an entire world out there! Other people. Other places. Vaccinated yet? Mask up and get out there into the world! See something new. Meet another human doing other human things. Listen to a new tune. It’s a new day.

…Are you ready to begin again?

My Traveling Partner interrupts my Saturday morning reverie; I’d gotten lost in summertime tunes and reflections inward on external things. lol Coffee half gone, completely cold… there’s a summer day out there! Things to do! A life to live! (He misses me when I am “so far away” with my thoughts, as peculiar as that seems to me.)

There’s a summer garden to tend!

I think of far away friends and future travels. I think of trails I could be walking, right now. Errands that need to be run. Summertime music plays in my ears. I feel the smile on my face and the ease in my shoulders and my posture; it’s rare to feel this relaxed, just… “summery”. πŸ™‚ It’s enough. More than enough. Blue skies. Birdsong. Good coffee. A bright summer day stretching out ahead of me just begging me to do something… maybe anything. πŸ™‚

I think of childhood summers. I recall how hard it was understand adults wanting to just kick it on the porch or in the back yard on a summer day when they could be anywhere… now? Now I’m delighted to have a vast-seeming expanse of deck to kick it on, on a summer day. lol Perspective changes over time, as we gain experience and understand other views of life. I guess that is pretty fucking obvious.

…It may be less obvious why I’m not writing, when I’m not writing, though, and I have this to say about that… it’s summertime. πŸ™‚

Begin again. Go, and do, and be. The practice will be worthwhile. πŸ™‚ ❀

I’m sipping my coffee slowly. It’s still quite hot, and I’m not quite awake, yet. The alarm jerked me from a deep sleep with its incessant beeping, and I’m very groggy, and the tiniest bit annoyed. I definitely could have slept longer. My Traveling Partner is already awake, himself. I assume he is excited about the arrival of a package he’s been waiting on, but I didn’t actually ask. (Those first minutes, before either of us is fully awake, are generally a poor choice for conversation.) I make him coffee, and return to my studio. I catch myself smiling as I sit down to my desk. Love matters. πŸ™‚

Yesterday was a pleasant productive work day that finished with a headache. Self-care really matters. I’d fallen short of how much water I needed to be drinking on a hot day, and I think I only had 1 cup of coffee, instead of my reliable 2 cups. That’d do it. Pollen count was also super high yesterday, and apparently “allergies” are a thing I may have, after all. lol “Get out of the city, they said…” πŸ˜‰

Trees and sky… and pollen?

It’s definitely summer now, in this time of pandemic. People move around the community more. There are small very selective gatherings of people who feel safe with each other occurring here and there in the community, and in my neighborhood. Stores are open, but not crowded, and mask-wearing is not stigmatized (or avoided) in this community (which I appreciate). Small changes are evident everywhere – and not just the masks. The historic downtown area is closed to cars, to allow restaurants to extend their dining space onto the sidewalks and into the street. Social distancing. The entrance to many retailers has a prominent mask and hand sanitizer station (“If you forgot yours – take one of ours!”). Some businesses mark the floor with a “shopping flow” pattern and ask that customers follow that (Ikea-style) from entrance through check-out. Take-out, delivery, and curbside pick-up are super popular options these days. The way I plan errands has changed; I count on those curbside pick-up options, often, and that means planning the time those can take. We still avoid going out, generally. It’s too easy not to go out. Super easy to stay home. πŸ™‚

Small details here at home change, too, as we move in, and get settled. It’s less a disruption than it is a refinement of lifestyle, over time. Yesterday, my Traveling Partner put a shade over the hot tub to keep me from getting sun burned. Small details. I was prepared to find myself much less resilient than I’ve been. It’s a pleasant observation to be able to make. Growth over time. We become what we practice. πŸ™‚ I think about that for a few minutes, in the context of less-than-ideal practices (and characteristics), and sip my coffee while I reflect on becoming the woman I most want to be.

…I remember the new sprinkler my Traveling Partner got for me (I ran over the last one, quite by mistake, backing out of the garage), and I recall the day is expected to be quite hot. It seems a good time to water the lawn… and begin again. πŸ™‚

I am inclined to think of my recent move as “over” – a past event in my life. Recorded history. Completed.Β It isn’t. It’s more a process, than a task, and it is ongoing.

So many boxes yet to be unpacked! Is this a metaphor?

I spent my lunch break, yesterday, taking a carload of packing boxes to the local recycling center. That seems fairly “moving” related, to me. lol In the afternoon, my Traveling Partner and I met with a roofing contractor, to get an estimate on some roof repairs. Moving related. After my shift, I unpacked 21 boxes of books and “whatnot” (objects, tchotchkes, sentimental fragments from past lives, & assorted things that had been perched on or near a bookshelf that had no other obvious box into which they could be packed). I filled bookshelves with books. Definitely moving related. I broke down the boxes, and took those to the garage. More moving-related activity. lol

I still managed to leave a couple tasks on my list of things to do very much not yet done. Fatigue and the end of the day got to me, before I got to those. lol This feels like a move that is still in progress, for sure. I look out my studio window this morning, aware of the handful of boxes yet to be unpacked that are stacked behind me. I sip my coffee lacking any noteworthy fucks to give about that in this moment right here. It’s enough to wake rested, from pleasant dreams, in this quiet haven. It’s enough to make coffee, and slowly get myself together for a new day.

New day – new list of things to do. LOL

I continue to sip my coffee as the pre-dawn darkness shifts to morning light. My “to do list” slowly sheds moving tasks, in favor of everyday household chores and errands, day by day. I frown at my list – have I forgotten something? I have. I add it.

The delicious cool morning air fills the house. After yesterday’s heat (no A/C), my Traveling Partner left the windows open through the night. I woke to a comfortably cool home. Lovely. I wiggle my bare toes contentedly, thinking about the heat of the day ahead. It’s summer, here. The pandemic’s various stay-at-home/social distancing restrictions of the past 4 months create a surreal sort of “missing Spring” in my recollection. The move itself contributes; my attention was focused elsewhere, and I missed out on blooming flowers, morning walks, and lengthening days, somehow. The move again, if I include the house-hunt. That process began in mid-April, and wrapped up (by some measures) just a bit less than 3 months later (when the move out finished). I definitely spent more of that time thinking about paperwork, than spring flowers. lol

New day – new perspective. πŸ™‚

I sit contentedly at my desk, drinking coffee. Dawn has become day. Pretty routine stuff. This new beginning is about shifting gears from getting moved, and embracing change, to living life, and enjoying the experience. Sure, I expect change will still be a thing. I feel myself shrug. I silently count waiting boxes. I look at the time. It’s definitely time to begin again. πŸ™‚

There’s a certain level of skill required even for feeling good, I’ve found. This could be part of the whole PTSD/TBI package of lingering chaos and damage, I don’t really know; it is part of my own experience, though, and it’s something I have learned to account for. Feeling good haphazardly, willy-nilly, without regard to those many good practices that support my day-to-day well-being is a poor choice. With (self) care, I can relax and enjoy feeling good along with anyone else… without it, feeling good becomes the foreshadowing of some later “unexpected” (utterly predictable) tantrum-to-come, once I’ve exhausted myself with good feelings and likely accompanied that with being over-stimulated, and failing to get the rest or nutrition I also need for lasting good health and well-being. It’s just not as easy (for me) as passively feeling good. There are still verbs involved.

This morning I have choices. A great day ahead that begins with brunch with old friends promises considerable excitement, joy, and feelings of the good variety. So, this morning my day also begins with firmly adhering to those practices I know serve me well: limiting my caffeine intake, doing some yoga, getting a walk in, drinking plenty of water, taking my medication on time, getting enough rest, meditation, and spending some time on tidying up. I’ve been up since 5 am (I slept in), and “brunch” is scheduled comfortably for 9 am. Plenty of time to take care of this fragile vessel. πŸ™‚

The details matter. The practices matter. There are verbs involved. New beginnings. Repeating what works. Being present. Choices. (So many choices!)

I’m feeling pretty good today. It’s still time to begin again. πŸ˜‰