Archives for posts with tag: taking in the good

I’m sipping my morning coffee contentedly. It’s instant. I don’t care much about that – it’s fine. It’s even fairly good. There’s a sea breeze blowing through the open patio door. The breeze carries the scent of the sea from beyond the bay, and the sounds of sea birds beginning their day. It’s quite early, but past daybreak. A sunrise that I won’t see is imminent, and the skies are cloudy and hinting at more rain. From the desk in my hotel room, I can see gulls walking over the sand of the beach. The tide is out, and Siletz Bay has emptied and become a vast muddy flat, speckled with various seabirds: gulls, herons, and other birds I can’t name.

Morning on Siletz Bay at low tide.

I woke gently after a long-seeming night of decently good quality rest. I woke several times for no obvious reason, but it is a hotel, and it is rather noisy here even during the wee hours. Still, I got ample rest and woke feeling merry and definitely ready for coffee. Without hesitation, I dressed and made my way out and down to the beach for a walk in the cool morning breeze along the edge of the beach before returning to the room and making this very satisfying cup of coffee.

I opened the balcony door wide, to let in the sea breeze and the sound of the ocean. I can’t see it from this “ocean view” room on the first floor, but I can hear it. I’m not complaining, and I’m not dissatisfied, just saying – there’s no actual view of the ocean from this room. The bay is plenty entertaining and visually beautiful (the changing tides see to that). I gaze out through the open balcony door across the bay. Am I hearing thunder? I start feeling a bit chilled, in spite of this cup of hot coffee, so I put on my favorite baggy sweater for warmth, rather than close the door. I sip my coffee.

It’s been a good trip for creative work. I’m very satisfied so far with my progress, as I’ve switched to pastels and now need to learn this new medium. I’m enjoying the studious work of learning something new. I’m focused on landscapes for the most part, and it’s these that drew me to pastels – specifically sunrises and sunsets. There’s no further “why” to any of that, it’s simply the source of my current inspiration. I see a lot of sunrises.

New medium, new work.

It’s been a wholly satisfying break, and I definitely needed the downtime. Today, too, is mine. Mine for reflection, mine for walking, mine for reading, napping, wondering, and wandering. Mine for artistic study and for painting, or even for simply “playing with the colors”. Today begins with more rest, less stress, and hopefully ends with still more rest, and more resilience. The goal is to return home tomorrow ready to see my Traveling Partner through his recovery from his upcoming surgery without feeling exhausted, burdened, or so stressed that I just … can’t. It’s an endurance race, not a sprint – and this much needed pause along the way is intended to keep me in the race, all the way to the finish line, probably some time close to the winter holidays. (Realistically, although his initial recovery from the surgery itself may be pretty quick, I expect it may take some weeks or months for my Traveling Partner to get back to 100%, and I’d like to be quite useful and helpful and available for anything he may need to get there, over that time.)

I breathe, exhale, and relax. The sea breeze fills my lungs, and freshens the room. As the unseen sunrise progresses, I see the palette of the morning beach scene beyond the window change. There are now more shades of sandy beiges, and hints of bright green where strands of seaweed have been left behind by the receding tide. The darker browns of large pieces of driftwood, and the dark grays of the rocks that dot the beach along the bay stand out against the sand. The water is a chilly pale gray, with a hint of blue, and the sky above is quite the same, with a fluffier quality. To the west, a heavy foggy mist clings to the mountainside, obscuring the view. What sort of day will it be, I wonder?

…Where does this path lead?..

It’s too early yet to paint. The natural light coming in through the patio door isn’t yet enough. The interior lights of the room “aren’t the right color”. I laugh at my preferences regarding such things. I know me; if I were truly moved to paint something, with a specific idea in mind, the lighting as it is would not be sufficient to stop me. It’s just not my moment, artistically. I’m happy to sit, write, and drink coffee awhile longer. I think about making breakfast. I think about… beginning again. It’s a lovely day for it.

I breathe. Exhale. Relax. This moment, just as it is, is quite enough. I smile to myself and sip my coffee.

I’m parked where I can see the ocean, smell the scents of the seashore, and hear the sound of the waves rolling in. I arrived shortly before sunrise, but well past daybreak. Dense gray clouds cover the sky and obscure the horizon. There will be no dramatic hues of orange nor charming delicate shades of pearly pink or luminous lavender today. It’s all gray skies as far as I can see into the distance in all directions. I’m okay with that, it’s still beautiful.

What’s holding you back? Is it externally imposed, or something of your own doing?

I sit with my thoughts awhile before tackling the steep trail down to the beach. I listen to the gulls and the waves. I breathe the fresh sea air and enjoy the soft breeze and the morning mist. I breathe, exhale, and relax, letting go of the accumulated tension and stress of caregiving, waiting, and worrying. I’m in no hurry to do anything at all. I’m just being here, now, in this pleasant moment, in this lovely place.

The temperature is quite a bit cooler here than in the valley to the east. I dressed with that in mind and I am comfortable in spite of the chill of the seaside at dawn. The air is mild and not actually cold, but definitely suited to the baggy shapeless sweater wrapping me in warmth. I sit contentedly sipping an iced coffee. It’s a couple hours yet before I will check in to my hotel room. I don’t care about that at all, sitting here watching the waves roll in. Sooner or later I suppose I’ll do something about breakfast, but for now I have everything I want; this quiet moment is enough.

I remove my shoes when I reach the beach, and walk a damp mile along the wet edge, where the sand is firm with only a little risk of wetting my feet. The damp sand is cold and it feels at first refreshing, and later, chilly. I don’t mind. I enjoy the way the sand yields to my footsteps. I sigh and smile as I walk. I have this stretch of beach to myself, at least for now. This,too, is enough. More than enough. I drink in the satisfying feeling of contentment and fulfillment. I walk the beach grateful for the moment, and the opportunity to rest and “recharge my batteries”.  I give silent thanks to my Traveling Partner, who is so steadfast in the support of my mental health and self-care, and to the Anxious Adventurer, whose presence in our life and home makes it so much easier to “step away” for a few days to get the downtime I need without continuing to carry the full measure of stress and concern for my injured partner while I am away. I am fortunate, and I am grateful.

… Gratitude feels really good…

Distracted by my thoughts, I stray too close to the incoming tide and soak my feet. I laugh out loud, but turn back the way I came and head back to the car. Dry socks feel luxurious and the warmth of socks and shoes is disproportionately pleasant after the cold walk back up the beach. I sit awhile with my thoughts, and write a bit. The lack of time pressure feels… amazing. I feel my shoulders relax. I feel a steady joyful calm creep over me.

Breathe. Exhale. Relax. It’s enough to be here, now. I sit with my thoughts awhile longer. There’s no hurry. I’m enjoying this. It’s enough. Later, I’ll begin again.

Breathe.

I slept well and deeply through the night. I woke some time past when I’d usually be planning to be out the door, and more than an hour later than usual. It is unusual for me to “sleep in”, and having planned to be up and out for a walk early, I rushed through waking up and getting dressed, as if trying to reestablish a sense of expected timing, though it’s Saturday and that just isn’t necessary for any reason, today.

I left the house quickly, quietly, and forgetting that I had committed to taking my Traveling Partner’s truck instead of my car, and made myself pause, double back, and grab the other keys and start the journey over again. I wasn’t at all inconvenienced by that; I’m just going up the road to get a walk in.

The drive was pleasant. No traffic. Beautiful sunrise. The sky was a luminous hazy cotton-candy pink and the mountains on the distant horizon faded into the background as the sun rose, a vibrant orange. I drove wonder-struck and carefree, happy to have this moment.

We’ve been working hard at home to get the Anxious Adventurer moved in, and things sorted out for maximum comfort and shared convenience. Yesterday’s arrival of beds (which wasn’t without mishaps) signaled the end of the most intensive work and the multitude of changes that needed a “sooner than later” approach, and the most shared focus and coordination. My Traveling Partner suggested over dinner that we all take it easy and rest and recover, this weekend. Seems wise, and I am approaching the day with that in mind.

A beautiful summer morning.

I’ve had the trail to myself this morning. Another unexpected delight. What a splendid morning! I found a pleasing spot to sit for a moment with my thoughts and write a few words. Later I’ll stop by the store on my way home. There’s no hurry. I’m relaxing and taking it easy. 😁

Sometimes life is complicated, unpleasant, difficult, and a lot to manage. Sometimes life is easy. It’s important to enjoy – and savor – those easy moments, and to “fill up” on them. Doing so makes the difficult bits a bit less difficult and less likely to be overwhelming, or feel like they are “everything”.

I smile and sigh. I’m barely aware of my tinnitus or my pain in the background. It’s a beautiful morning, and a beautiful moment. I brush the dirt off my jeans as I stand up. Time to hit “publish” on this, and walk on. It’s time to begin again.

Enjoying the moment is so worthwhile. Beginning again is so necessary.

Another lovely morning. I got through yesterday’s stressors and chaos with a bit of grace, and a lot of practice. There are no shortcuts, no magical cures “experts don’t want you to know about”, no means to an end that don’t require real effort… It’s all work and effort, and will, and practice. A lot of practice. My results vary. I make a point to appreciate the wins and celebrate moments of joy.

I’m grateful to see another sunrise.

I enjoyed my morning walk, and having the trail entirely to myself was a pleasant luxury. I slept well, and I feel good (aside from the usual amount of pain in the background, which I am mostly able to ignore so far). The fresh air fills my lungs and each breath feels truly life-giving in an interesting way. I think about love, as I walk, and when I stop for a moment to rest or take a picture.

“Hang in there,” my Traveling Partner’s doctor said yesterday, reassuring him that the healing process was going well, although uncomfortable (and yeah, painful sometimes). It felt like a long damned day to get to that moment. I felt pretty helpless and ineffective a lot of the time, but I did a good day’s work, and managed to “be there” for my partner when he needed me, even if only to provide comfort and love. I guess those things matter, too.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Another day, another opportunity to begin again, to do better, to be my best self, to be a good friend, lover, and partner. To be. Awake and aware and filled with wonder. I take a moment to appreciate how far my journey has taken me. How far I have gone down this path. Content, mostly. Joyful, often. Even happy sometimes – more often than I ever understood could be possible. I’m fortunate. I’ve got a lot to be thankful for. I sit with that thought awhile, just enjoying the mild summer morning for a few minutes before the work day begins.

It’s a good moment.

… Time to begin again…

I’m sipping coffee and taking a moment after my morning walk. I’ll head to work, next, but this quiet interlude is mine. I’m sitting quietly, looking out into the view beyond and contemplating how I might capture this view in acrylic, in watercolor, in oil, or in a wholly new medium for me – in pastels.

Light and shadow, and an ordinary view.

I am content to sit here with my thoughts, even for hours. This is a pleasant moment.

I’ve tidied up my studio such that I can actually make use of it. Along the way I found an old cigar box with an unexpected treasure within – two small sets of pastels, an assortment of neon colors and an assortment of iridescent colors, looking very much unused since whenever they were purchased. I don’t recall buying them. The shoebox itself is one that one of my parents had used to send me something… sometime around 1995? Older? Old, for sure.

A fun surprise.

I continue to feel inspired by the thought of exploring a new medium, artistically. I picked up a selection of good quality pastels at the local art store, and some appropriate paper, and ordered some woodless colored pencils and pastel pencils. A small price to pay for the joy and growth yet to come.

Colors. Joy in a box.

For a moment, I feel impatient to begin, then chuckle at my human foolishness, because I have already begun! This moment, right here, now, is part of the experience. I smile and breathe it in. Inspiration. Joy. Enthusiasm. Eagerness. Delight. Wonder. It’s quite delicious and I am grateful to enjoy this moment.

I take time to really savor this pleasant moment, and to really “fill my cup” with this quiet joy.

The sun continues to rise. The clock continues to tick. It’s already time to begin again. I’m ready.